Ramen and Cherry Lambrini
by DoubleMMia
Summary: Shepard learns the way of art, friendship, heartbreak, revenge and love through three simple things. Kasumi, ramen and cherry lambrini. FemShep/Kasumi, FemShep/Miranda FEMSLASH
1. Good For The Soul

Shepard was getting sick of this.

"Would you like me to tear another hole through your uniform cheerleader?" Jack sneered at Miranda from one side of Shepard. The chaotic biotic was referring to the gaping hole that a charging krogan had managed to rip from Miranda's uniform; Shepard was still quite surprised Miranda had managed to get out of the way in time.

Miranda, aggravated at how Jack kept baiting her with insults, finally turned the side of her head to glare at the tattooed biotic. "If you hadn't been too busy showing off around the battlefield then maybe my armour wouldn't be in tatters."

Yup, she was truly getting sick of having Miranda and Jack bitch every time she tried to take them on a mission together - especially such an important one like Korlus and finding Okeer.

"Armour? You stupid Cerberus bitch?" Jack taunted once more at the Cerberus operative, grinning sadistically when Miranda's jaw locked tight. "Even the whores at Afterlife have more protection than you do!"

Miranda blinked hard and her eyes seemed to flash in anger. "That's more than hypocritical coming from you! Or do you think that your skin is hard enough for bullets as well as people?"

Shepard could sense a fight coming on when she saw Jack's curled-up fingers start to build-up a blue hue as her anger got tighter and sharper until Shepard could feel the heat radiate through her armour.

"Alright you two break it up!" Shepard commanded to them both with her hands cupping her companions shoulders, keeping them apart as she spoke. "Jack, Miranda's injured and while I do agree with you I'd like you to go ahead and get into the Hammerhead for pick-up. I'll help Lawson get back."

In return Jack shrugged her shoulder to push Shepard's hand off her, mumbling angrily about how far Shepard's tongue was up Miranda's cunt and such - it was enough to make Shepard growl after the biotic with a shake of her head.

When she turned to help Miranda limp her way faster to the Hammerhead on Korlus, she received another glare that she was sure could freeze the sun itself if it got any colder than it was now.

There was just no winning when it came to Jack and Miranda; she'd say one thing to upset the biotic and then when she turned back to Miranda she'd find her fuming as well.

She continued walking with a sigh, only stopping when she realized that Miranda would need her help to get back in case they came across anymore mercenaries or krogan that wanted to make themselves known.

"Alright Lawson what's the problem?" Shepard asked when Miranda hobbled past her, taking the chance to throw the operative's arm around her shoulder and slide her arm around Miranda's waist. "You're acting like I've kicked your puppy. What did I say?"

Miranda continued to stare coldly at her, grounding her teeth whenever Shepard had to help her down stairs or over compounds of metal and steel - trying hard not to grunt at the pain that shot through her each time her footing got a bit careless.

Miranda scowled and moved her face away when she caught Shepard looking at her, remaining cold, calm and composed under her Commander's gaze even when Shepard's hold on her got considerably tighter when she looked away.

"Get the stick from up your ass Lawson," Shepard murmured quietly a few moments after leading Miranda down another flight of stairs and up a large, narrow tunnel that would soon lead them to where the Hammerhead was waiting. "I needed to get Jack off your back long enough so you wouldn't tear each other apart, quit acting like I've mortally wounded you."

Shepard smirked when she caught Miranda's eye, hiding her surprise at seeing the operative looking taken aback; something that obviously didn't happen to Miranda a lot considering how wide her eyes were.

And then Miranda was stiff against her, nodding rather lamely. "Of course Commander. I should have known you were just trying to keep the peace but still…Jack is…" Miranda trailed off, her voice laced with disdain for the chaotic biotic.

"Not one to mess with." Shepard finished for her second-in-command with an amused shake of her head, wondering if there was ever going to be a time when she'd just be able to sit down for a few hours in her cabin without having EDI alert her that Jack was hovering towards Miranda's office and that she should go and check on them before things got out of control. It was an absolutely ridiculous thing to check on, but she knew there had to be someone who could stop both of them from tearing a hole in the hub. "Now come on, stop walking like a bloated elcor and lets get back to the Normandy."

Miranda scowled scornfully at her. "It's not really my fault you forgot the medi-gel back on the Normandy, Commander."

Shepard quirked a brow at the operative, grinning when Miranda continued to scowl at her despite looking like she was desperately trying not to look away. "Alright Lawson you win, now shut up whining before I leave you here."

* * *

><p>"I'm fine Commander, it's just a flesh wound." Miranda said through gritted teeth, nursing the side where a slab of medi-gel was slapped onto her wound. Dr Chakwas had advised Miranda to rest for a day or so, saying things about how a being gripped by a krogan was enough to shake anyone up with any sense.<p>

Shepard knew that Miranda wasn't shook up, instead looking seriously pissed off at the aspect of having to rest when she could be doing something productive - even if it did hurt like hell.

"I still think you should listen to Chakwas," Shepard tried to reason with the limping operative; following Miranda to her office. "Take it easy Lawson or at least try not to tackle anything while you rest up. I've already told Jack to keep a floor apart from you, just in case."

Shepard could just about see the way Miranda's eyes darkened in the dim light they were walking under to get to Miranda's office - a smirk gracing her face at the frustrated look that had crossed her operative's features; most likely feeling like a complete idiot at how Shepard was treating her like a baby who was first learning to walk.

Shepard found the glower Miranda was shooting at her quite alluring, somewhat exciting and yet so cold that the shiver up her spine quickly felt like a stab to her back rather than a cold caress of fingers.

Miranda's glower hesitantly broke down into a small frown once they had made their way to the front door of Miranda's office; the operate turning to face Shepard with her arms folded. "While I appreciate your concern for me Commander, I really don't think I'll be about of action because of a simple brush with a raging krogan."

Shepard chuckled pitifully, shaking her head when Miranda tried to meet her blue eyes. "Only you would call a grappling match with a krogan a 'brush'! God damn it Lawson, it almost crushed you! If it hadn't been for Jack then you would have been…"

Miranda turned her back on her at the mention of the chaotic biotic's name, storming her way into her office with low curses sprouting from her mouth - only turning to regard EDI with an arched brow before the AI locked Miranda's office almost immediately afterwards.

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the locked door for a moment before throwing her arms up in the air with a groan, turning her back on the locked door and storming her way down through the mess hall; bristling slightly at the attention she was receiving from Cerberus operatives all around her.

She was just about to turn a corner to head towards the elevator - off to ask Jacob if he could show her a place where she could blow up things without the Alliance OR Cerberus being on her back - when she collided with someone; stumbling backwards and only managing to balance herself by gripping onto the corner of one of the mess hall's walls.

Shepard managed to wrestle herself back up to her former position, looking around to see who she had managed to bump into and wondering if they knew how to say sorry or not considering how she had almost landed on her damn arse.

Nobody. Shepard ran a hand through her blonde locks in confusion, glancing around another corner to see who in god's name had managed to sneak past her without saying a simple sorry! But no, nobody was there at all. It was almost as if she had bumped into something invisible.

She stopped to re-think that, hands uncurling from fists and eyes narrowing as Shepard once more let herself look around more intently; this time desperately letting her eyes focus more and more on the things around her instead of overlooking things like she had done before.

At the flicker of movement near her right shoulder Shepard spun and let her fingers curl around a lithe, slightly muscular arm that she tugged back into her view; fingers tightening as her smirk grew. "Now's not the time to be playing hide-and-seek Kasumi."

A lilt of soothing laughter filled Shepard's ears and soon she found herself actually being able to see the master thief she had recruited some weeks back, shocked at seeing Kasumi staring at her with the eyes of a feline - soft and playful.

"Hey Shep! Just touring the ship again!" Kasumi gestured to the mess hall and to where the med-bay was station. Kasumi had only been with them for a few weeks and still hadn't settled in properly, choosing to stay away from the Cerberus crew apart from Miranda and Jacob; prowling the corridors with her invisibility shielding her away from prying eyes.

Although her encounter with Miranda had left her feeling annoyed and frustrated, Shepard found herself smirking at the master thief. "You know Kasumi if you really wanted everyone to stop staring at you then you need to make more appearances around the ship. So people can get used to you."

Kasumi waved Shepard's comment away with a mock sigh, choosing to lean against one of the emergency control panels with her arms crossed against her chest.

"You know me Shep…" Kasumi started with a teasing tone, gesturing to Shepard with a tilt of her head. "Shy when it comes to strangers!"

If anything, Shepard's smirk got wider. "Bullshit Kasumi, you're one of the most confident people I know."

Kasumi chuckled briefly at that, pushing off from the control panel to nod towards Miranda's locked office. "Upset Miranda have you? Looked like you wounded her pride a little."

"Lawson deserves to get it wounded now and then," Shepard snapped back all of a sudden, feeling her annoyance with Miranda start to rise again. "Besides, it was either wound her pride or get Jack up here to wound it for me."

"Now that's mean even for you Shep," Kasumi said with a quiet laugh escaping her lips. "We don't know each other that well but even I can see you don't mean that."

Shepard shrugged and without realizing she was doing so, turned to walk towards the Port Observation where Kasumi's room was.

She stopped near the sleek leather couch and without waiting for Kasumi to follow her flopped down on it with a sigh, letting herself get more comfortable around the soft leather.

After a few moments of silence with her eyes tightly closed, Shepard opened them again to see that Kasumi was at the bar at the far end of her room; opening and closing different compartments with two small glasses trapped in between her index finger and thumb.

"No scathing remarks?" Shepard asked with a faint smile, not sure on Kasumi's intent or even her own at how she had casually walked into Kasumi's personal space without permission.

Kasumi gave her a smile over her shoulder. "Like I care! It'll be nice to have some company on here that isn't Kelly. Not that I'm saying she isn't nice but y'know…"

"Kelly's been bothering you?" Shepard asked with an arched brow, not sure if she should be amused at Kelly's intrusion on Kasumi or concerned. "Something I should be worried about?"

"Worried? No I don't think so," Kasumi answered with a small smile whilst she poured the contents of a red bottle in their two glasses. "Just being friendly to the new girl I guess."

"Too friendly?" Shepard pried knowingly; remembering how Kelly had been with her the first time she had stepped on the Normandy and while it had been pleasant - Shepard just wasn't interested.

Kasumi gave her a knowing look (which in truth was hard to tell behind that hood) and placed the red bottle back into its compartment with a small laugh. "She was very friendly Shep. I can see why she stops to talk to you all the time."

Shepard pouted at the master thief's turned back, rearranging herself on Kasumi's leather couch so that she was able to kick off her working boots and shrug off her jacket - flinging it over the couch's arm with a sigh.

Kasumi doesn't spare her a glance but chuckles quietly to herself, and Shepard would be a fool not to think that the master thief is silently thinking obscenities like: what an absolute child, what a reckless leader, what a show-off, what a stuck-up…

And the list went on until Shepard felt like her head was spinning because she truly does not have time to think about such things. Being jerked back into the land of the living really does put a dampening on things, especially things like manners. It's no excuse of course, but Shepard was already sick of excuses anyhow; so she ignored them - others and her own.

And then a glass of wine that smells like cherry is placed into her hand and the weight of another on the couch's cushion is enough to make Shepard look to her right to see that Kasumi is sipping her own glass with such delicate grace that it made Shepard flush in embarrassment.

She recognized the scent just before she placed the glass to her lips and stopped to examine the contents with a small smile. "I used to drink this stuff back when I was running the streets. Cheap stuff Kasumi. Didn't think you was into this sort of alcohol?"

Before Shepard could raise the beverage to her lips again, said drink was picked out of her hand by Kasumi's cunning fingers; leaving Shepard speechless at how fast the thief had managed to snatch it off her.

"If you don't want it Shep," Kasumi teased with a prod at her shoulder, bringing the glass near her lips. "Then all you had to do was say so. I am feeling a bit thirsty, being invisible does that I'm afraid."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the thief, snatching the glass away from the laughing Kasumi with a grunt.

Once Shepard had managed to gulp down her wine she turned her head to see that Kasumi had also kicked her boots off and was lounging leisurely against the couch's cushions; the sight amusing Shepard more than it should have, though with Kasumi's bright green socks it was hard to keep her laughter from bubbling up from her chest.

"You know Kasumi…" Shepard said with a smirk, taking a swig of wine from her glass to build up her confidence. "I didn't think that you of all people would be the person sharing drinks with me."

Kasumi's lips twisted upwards and her bright green socks rubbed together; the only signal that the master thief had acknowledged her.

"You looked angry so I thought sharing a drink with you might calm you down a bit," Kasumi explained after a few moments of silence minus the sounds of glass clinking and quiet slurping on Shepard's part. "Didn't know Miranda could get you so angry Shep."

Shepard snorted into her drink. "You have no idea what Lawson does to my blood pressure. It's like wrestling with a turian and a krogan between the sheets."

"Ouch." Kasumi hissed in sympathy, eyeing Shepard with another mischievous look in her eyes and expressed by the curve of her smile. "Sounds painful."

"Exactly my point!" Shepard grumbled once she had finished her wine off; placing the delicate glass down to fold her arms across her chest and jut her lip out like a spoilt child. "It's like I've stomped on her foot on purpose!"

"Wouldn't put it past you Shep…" Kasumi responded with a murmur, meeting Shepard's glare with a defiant wink. "You and Miranda do seem to butt heads quite a lot. I'm surprised actually considering the amount of time you spend staring at a certain person's assets."

"I do not stare at Miranda's ass!" Shepard insisted almost as if it was the most simplest thing to say in the world, looking at the master thief with wide eyes. "Hell! I try my best not to stare at Lawson as it is and you…!"

Kasumi interrupted Shepard's vent with a hand, rearranging herself on the leather couch so that Shepard was staring directly into what she could see of Kasumi's dark eyes.

"You thought I was talking about Miranda?" Kasumi asked with that stupid innocent voice that Shepard groaned pathetically at; head sinking into the palms of her hands at how obviously she had managed to land herself into a hole that Kasumi had dug.

"Okay, fine! You win! Laugh it up Ms Goto, laugh it up!" Shepard growled in defeat, refusing to look at up at the master thief in case she incinerated herself into ashes. "My god I feel like a teenager…"

Kasumi just shook her head and patted the spiked, blonde hair on top of Shepard's head. "It's alright Shep, a bit of a crush is good for the soul. And it keeps the gossip here fairly interesting."

"I'm sure the Reapers wouldn't mind hearing about Commander Shepard's love-life before they wipe the galaxy…" Shepard said bitterly, though the humour wasn't far behind either.

"Aren't you ambitious? You haven't got a love-life yet Shep! Otherwise I'd hear about it!"

Shepard finally brought her head up, not to stare at Kasumi, not to stare at her feet, not to stare at the ceiling but to stare at her empty glass that looked so vacant it made her throat feel oddly parched.

She didn't even have to stare at Kasumi before she got her answer: "In the compartment on the right. The lambrini should be in there somewhere."

"Thanks. Gonna need it."

_It was the start of a friendship, of sorts._

* * *

><p>First Mass Effect fanfic, so go easy on me please. Still getting used to the whole game lore. Constructive criticism is welcome as I don't have a beta. Enjoy.<p> 


	2. The Art of Fornax

**Ramen and Cherry Lambrini  
><strong>_Shepard learns the way of art, friendship, heartbreak, revenge and love through three simple things. Kasumi, ramen and cherry lambrini. FemShep/Kasumi, FemShep/Miranda_

**The Art of Fornax **

Shepard stirred from the deep realms of sleep with a loud yawn, opening her eyes to stare blearily around the room until her eyes slowly started to focus on a familiar bright light - her fish tank. Her _empty_ fish tank.

She attempted to sit up to try and make sense of her surroundings but soon found out that an arm that was wrapped firmly across her stomach stopped her from moving; setting off several panic alarms that sounded very much like _'what the hell did I do last night?'_

What _had_ she done last night? She could only just vaguely remember coming back from Korlus with both Miranda and Jack in a foul mood with her for the simple, horrible condition of her _caring_ for both of them! Shepard couldn't remember that being a crime, had such things changed in her recent death? Things must have considering the fact that they could give Jack a gun and get away with it.

Oh! And Kasumi! She had a drink with Kasumi! Cherry lambrini! That cheap stuff she had once drunk back on Earth when she had run with the Reds, the stuff that could knock her out if she drunk too much of it. Like eight bottles.

As if to remind her of the terrible time of her being drunker than a skunk, a sharp throbbing hit her straight through her already sore head; causing her to groan and rest her forehead in the palm of her hand that wasn't trapped underneath whoever's arm that was lying on her.

Wait a second…She had a _drink_. With _Kasumi_. And now she was in her _own_ room. What the hell?

Shepard glared down at the arm across her stomach, examining it closely with growing fear as the familiar black velvet arm started to twitch on top of her stomach and a groan that sent shivers down her back was growled out.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck! _

The dread that was already filling her stomach expanded when the arm unravelled from her stomach and was stretched high up in the air, followed by a loud yawn and the crack of muscles unyielding the tautness away from them.

"Kasumi?" Shepard whispered before she could stop herself, wishing she hadn't when she caught herself in the reflection of her empty fish tank because hell, her already short and spiky blonde hair was a _mess_.

Another yawn and the master thief lifted up a hand to wave at her - leading Shepard to be grateful that Kasumi sat at the end of the bed facing away from her so she couldn't see her blushing cheeks - with such lazy movements that Shepard wasn't quite sure if this was how Kasumi should be behaving. She was a damn ninja! Weren't they supposed to have monster reflexives?

"Morning Shep," Kasumi said with another yawn, scratching the top of her head that was covered by her dark hood. "What a night. My head is pounding! You're such a gossiper when you're drunk y'know?"

Shepard blinked hard and raked her hands down her face, curious to see if she could manage to destroy her eyeballs without looking suspicious.

"Am I?" She found herself saying with her own yawn escaping her; then realizing how stupid that was bearing in mind that Kasumi Goto was in her bedroom she restarted. "I mean, what are you doing in my quarters?"

Kasumi finally turned to face her, the look of amusement shocking Shepard into silence. "We didn't do anything Shep, you got drunk and told me you wanted to show me your last edition of Fornax for the and I quote: the hot women from that vid Sex With Elcor Pirates."

Shepard covered her mouth with a groan, willing down the vomit that had started to crawl up her throat. "Oh god, I just threw up a little in my mouth."

Kasumi arched an amused brow. "It was on your favourites Shep. And the Fornax was all in that cabinet by your tank. Quite the collection you got there! 568, impressive."

In a desperate attempt to move away from the subject of her horde of Fornax in her cabinet, Shepard scowled at the master thief. "That doesn't explain why you were sleeping on me!"

"I was? Sorry Shep! Next time I'll sleep on the bed." Kasumi said with a quirk of her lips, getting off from the edge of the bed and dusting herself down with a clicking of her tongue. "You really need to stop persisting people to sleep with you; Miranda will get the wrong idea."

"I wanted you…to sleep with me?" Shepard said with confusion, eyes sidelining once more when Kasumi nodded in confirmation at her question. "B-but…Why? Why did you listen?"

"You're my Commander obviously, wouldn't want you pulling rank on me!" Kasumi shrugged after, examining her uniform with too much scrutiny for Shepard to class her behaviour as normal. "Besides, I was tired too I guess."

"Too tired…" Shepard repeated Kasumi in disbelief, feeling a bit like a parrot and looking like one when she caught her reflection in the tank; mouth wide open and eyes like saucepans. "You never cease to amaze me Kasumi."

Kasumi turned around to face her again, eyes alit with mischief. "I think that's why I get away with everything, even on a job." The master thief then turned to regard Shepard's clock on the far side of the wall, eyes widening behind her hood in shock. "Wow, we're late! I'm surprised Miranda hasn't stormed up here!"

Shepard put a finger on her lips to signal for Kasumi to shush, looking around nervously at her quiet cabin. "I've heard that if you say you-know-who it calls her here."

"What? Miranda?"

"Shhhh!" Shepard shushed the master thief again, getting up from her bed to push a finger against Kasumi's lips. "She'll be here any second now if you keep saying her name!"

"Shep," Kasumi started with a shake of her head, bringing her hand up to catch Shepard's wrist and pull it down from her lips. "I think you need to lie down some more."

"Don't want to." Shepard mumbled with a yawn, allowing herself to be pulled down until her head hit the pillows with a _flump!_ "I think I've got a headache."

"There's no think about it," Kasumi answered with a laugh, fluffing the pillows up behind Shepard's head. "You look like you've been dosed with turian alcohol. Though in that case you'd be dead…"

EDI's voice suddenly blared through Shepard's quarters, making Kasumi jump and Shepard groan at the loud, unexpected noise. "Shepard, Miss Lawson is heading to your quarters and will arrive in equivalently twenty-five seconds. Do you wish to shower?"

Shepard grabbed a pillow from beside her and brought it over her face. "Kill me now." She mumbled into it.

Kasumi rubbed at her sore head with a wince, waltzing over towards the exit of Shepard's cabin with her lower lip pinched between her teeth.

She turned back to regard the unmoving Shepard with an impish grin. "What are the odds I'll manage to escape out of here before Miranda appears to raze your ass to the ground?"

"I'm guessing that maybe you'll manage to get out of here in a matter of moments." Shepard replied with a cough and another groan, snuggling further into her pillows with her blonde hair sticking out at odd angles. "That leaves you about five seconds I'm guessing."

Kasumi clicked her tongue and grinned in response, pressing a familiar tab to sheathe her in what she called her own little invisibility cloak; side-stepping out of the way when Shepard's elevator doors hissed open to reveal Miranda Lawson in all her glory.

Shepard watched Kasumi go through her fair lashes, sighing heavily when Miranda stepped into her cabin with a look that clearly said she wasn't going to live this down with Miss Lawson for a very, _very_ long time.

"Commander what in gods name are you…" Shepard heard Miranda trail off with that commanding tone of hers and held in a sigh, rolling over so that she was on her back and facing her XO with an arched brow. "Is that lambrini I smell?"

"You can smell lambrini? I didn't read that in your dossier," Shepard chuckled lamely, shrinking further into her bed sheets when Miranda's ice cold eyes stared down at her. "But I guess not everything's included right? Right…"

"You've been drinking haven't you?" Miranda said with such severity it made Shepard shudder at the image of Miranda's cold fingers brushing her calloused cheek in a near death grip. "Damn it Shepard! We didn't bring you back just to waste yourself away on drink!"

Shepard smiled and ruffled her blonde locks, suddenly regretting that she didn't have the bottle of lambrini on her so she could see if she had enough reach and if Miranda had enough flexibility to dodge the oncoming bottle.

"A little R and R doesn't hurt anyone Lawson," she gestured for the operative to sit in a chair next to her fish tank. "How about you sit down, crack open a drink and we get down to business?"

Miranda didn't answer her straight away instead taking the time to walk slowly towards the chair Shepard had offered her to examine the cabin carefully, blue eyes taking in the surroundings and her careful nose crinkling at the strong smell of alcohol.

Shepard met Miranda's gaze with a cocky grin, folding her hands on top of her lap to try and keep her hands preoccupied enough to that the biotic wouldn't see her nerves.

Miranda finally opened her mouth to speak, looking more like the cold bitch Shepard had met when she had been running for her life through a Cerberus facility that had managed to bring her ass back. "Who's been giving you alcohol? I made it specifically clear to the crew that anyone giving you alcohol beverages would have to make it clear with me first."

Shepard gave Miranda her best 'funny' look that she could muster up. "So you're telling me that I'm allowed alcohol only if the crew tells you? _Why?_"

"It could have emotional impact on you that would heighten your stress levels," Miranda replied matter of factly, looking around Shepard's cabin once more before her eyes focused on the cabinet at the far-off wall. "Is that where you've kept it?"

Shepard instantly panicked as Miranda turned to face the cabinet containing her horde of Fornax, jumping out of her bed (ignoring the striking pain that flittered through her forehead at doing so) and planting herself between the Cerberus operative and her cabinet.

"Lawson you really do not want to know what's in here!" Shepard stressed out her words with a nod accompanying her sentence, hoping it'd be enough to stop Miranda from her search.

Instead it just made Miranda more eager to know what was in there and with another step it made the operative mere breaths away from Shepard, who was already feeling the pressure start to build on her shoulders.

"Commander I'm sorry but I need to confiscate the beverages before you become too attached to them." Miranda said in a way that didn't sound too sorry at all in Shepard's opinion. "Please, move aside."

"I'm not attached to them!" Shepard insisted in what she hoped to be a convincing tone, wondering if she could manage to outrun Miranda to Kasumi's hovel without looking suspicious. "You know what? I'll throw it all away! All of it! Just let me do it in my own time…"

Miranda scoffed and grabbed Shepard by the wrist, surprising the blonde woman at how gentle the operative's grip was even though the force of the pull itself was anything BUT gentle.

Shepard wished Kasumi hadn't abandoned her, or at least had given her some sort of teleporting device so that she could teleport out of awkward situations like the one that was more than likely going to happen right at this moment.

Shepard bit her lower lip and forced herself to look straightforward; fighting back a cringe when she heard the cabinet door opening and the rustling sound of magazine paper being flicked through at an unhealthy pace.

When Miranda turned back around with an old edition of Fornax in her hand (_Salivating Salarians Issue Three_) and a look that clearly said she wasn't impressed, Shepard strained a smile and a look of shock - both at the same time.

"What? That isn't mine!" Shepard said loudly, trying her best to look outraged at Miranda's accusing look without bursting into giggles. "I don't even know what Fornax is! What on earth is Fornax?"

"I didn't say it was Fornax, Commander." Miranda said with a dangerous glint to her eyes, placing the magazine back down on the chair Shepard had previously offered her.

Shepard knew a losing battle when she saw it and scratched her cheek anxiously. "You didn't? Well…I…It's still not mine!"

Miranda's features have changed from a scowl to a subtle smirk, something Shepard isn't quite sure she trusts. "Then whose is it?"

She says the first name that pops into her head. "Kelly's!" And rushes out of her cabin, grabbing her Cerberus gear and lugging it over her head as she desperately tries to get the elevator working fast enough that Miranda won't be on her heels in a matter of seconds.

Shepard really hoped she didn't see Kelly afterwards. Awk_ward_.

* * *

><p><em>I thank all for the reviews and I apologize I haven't been able to answer them properly but for some strange reason my Review Reply isn't working. Strange...<br>I appreciate every review I get and am for one really hoping Miranda is a S/S for Femshep in ME3. If not, then maybe Kasumi...:3 _


	3. Ramen Delicacies

**Ramen Delicacies **

Shepard was just about to enter Miranda's office when she heard two familiar voices coming through the office wall, halting her to a stand-still as the two voices started to get louder.

"While I appreciate you getting on Shepard's good side and keeping her out of trouble," she heard Miranda say in such a cold, calculating tone that in Shepard's opinion Miranda couldn't be furtherer from the truth than she was. "I do not appreciate giving her alcohol without my permission."

And to Shepard's absolute horror, she heard none other than Kasumi Goto laugh in reply. "You're the second in command here Miranda so I honestly don't want a fight with you because you could probably kick my ass, but come on. Shep needs to live a little! She was pretty worked up with you and Jack anyway."

_Oh Kasumi_, Shepard thought tenderly with a shake of her head, _why must you tell Miranda everything? Why?_

Miranda made a choking noise at the back of her throat and Shepard could just imagine the cold expression on her XO's face. "Me and Shepard can handle our own business Kasumi, if she's got a problem I'll make sure she takes it up with me and not go straight for the alcohol."

"I already said I didn't want a fight Miranda," Kasumi replied in a strange polite tone that was so different from her usual perky voice that it left Shepard feeling somewhat hollow. "If you want me to stop giving Shep alcohol then I will! But she's not a child, she can look after herself."

"Like yesterday morning? Or should I say afternoon? Shepard was wasted! You may not believe it but the way Shepard acts _is _childish."

Shepard rubbed her cheek with a pout, she wasn't childish! She just knew that if this was going to a mission that was so suicidal that she might not make it back then who was Miranda to tell her she couldn't have SOME fun along the way? Idiot.

"She just wants some fun Miranda! Being cooped up here with Cerberus can't exactly be good for her." Kasumi responded once again in that respectful tone that to Shepard didn't have much life to it than Kasumi's mischievous one. "I mean no disrespect, just…Let her live a little?"

Shepard allowed herself to pause in breathing because she was pretty sure that soon enough there would be a fist fight, probably ending up with Kasumi being knocked down flat or Miranda ended up with another injury. Until then she'd-

She heard Miranda sigh in defeat and she didn't really have to imagine Miranda sitting back down in her office chair because after a few moments she heard the sound of Miranda's heels clicking on the Normandy's polished floor halt until all that was left was silence.

"While I hate to admit it, you're probably right Kasumi." Shepard heard Miranda say softly, surprising her at how gentle Miranda sounded compared to the other times Shepard had spoken to her. "But next time, please don't let her get so drunk. Everyone on the ship is still wondering if she's sober or not half the time they talk to her anyway."

Shepard repressed her growl. That wasn't true! Was it? Surely Jack knew that she was drunk most of the time when talking to her because she truly could not stand Jack when she was sober, hence why she got drunk when talking to the convict.

Kasumi laughed in response and Shepard could just imagine that sickly-sweet smile overtaking the master thief's face. "Well in that case maybe I should get her drunk more often, imagine the videos we could send off! Shepard's Crazy Antics: Fornax Fighting with Kelly."

_What?_ Shepard inwardly cringed at the thought of throwing Fornax magazines around the Normandy with _Kelly_, of all people! The Kelly who had stolen her damn stash of Fornax once she had realized the truth of her owning some!

And it got even worse when Miranda laughed at Kasumi's jokey quip, shocking Shepard enough that her mind seemed to fall silent at the procedure of the two women who had been arguing about her a few moments ago was actually _joking_ about her!

"Shepard's stash has been confiscated by Chambers, if anything Shepard would be throwing tissues rather than magazines." Miranda said in that matter-of-fact voice that made her sound oh-so-superior and caused Shepard's anger to rise almost immediately.

Kasumi snorted. "You threw away her stash? Miss Lawson, how very cruel of you. And devious."

_Fuck you both, I'll get some more!_

"I'm glad you admire my skills, now as pleasant as this conversation has been I've got an appointment with our Commander and I don't want her to get the wrong idea." Miranda's voice had once more taken on a drone that sounded so cold it sent a shiver down Shepard's spine.

"Whoa okay then, nice chatting with you Miranda." Shepard heard the master thief reply before the door to Miranda's office slid open, revealing Shepard's presence to both the unfazed Miranda and the slightly-shocked-but-grinning Kasumi.

"Hey Shep!" Kasumi said in greeting, her lips quirked into a mischievous grin that was far too impish to be genuine. "Fancy seeing you here, I haven't seen you since yesterday."

"I hate you _so_ much." Shepard replied dryly, shaking her head at the master thief and bobbing her tongue out at Kasumi when she laughed in reply. "I truly do. You are so going out of the air-lock next time we're near it."

"Hey Shep…" Kasumi waltzed up to her until she was sure that the master thief was about to kiss her cheek; instead she patted it with a playful smirk. "Relax! Being a master of seduction comes with the job! I don't mean to do it!"

"Still hate you." Shepard murmured teasingly at the realization that not only was Miranda staring at them but with such a predatory look that it actually excited her. "I thought we were going to be friends as well, fat chance of that happening now Ms Goto."

"Shep, it's what they all say." Kasumi said with a grin before moving past her, slinking her way back into the shadows.

Shepard turned her head at the spot where Kasumi had just been in, shaking her head fondly. "What a woman."

A cough broke her away from her thoughts and Shepard immediately bustled into Miranda's office, scratching at the back of her head with half her shirt ridden up to reveal a fair bit of her body.

It hadn't been her fault, she had been to busy trying to avoid Kelly who always seemed to find her like an itch always seemed to find Jack; in the most inappropriate places.

"You wanted to see me?" Shepard yawned with another scratch this time however to the nape of her neck. "Or so EDI said…"

"I do actually want to talk to you about something but it depends on whether you're going to take it seriously or not…" Miranda said cautiously, rearranging the dossiers on her desk and placing them next her terminal with a sigh. "Knowing you, it probably won't be taken seriously."

Shepard folded her arms across her chest, giving Miranda her best 'serious' look. "What are you talking about Lawson? I am the picture of being serious. Look at this face, does it not look serious enough for you?"

Miranda bit her lower lip and to Shepard looked like she was seriously thinking that God was testing her faith here. "Shepard I wanted to talk to you about fraternization."

"If you're telling me all about the birds and the bees then I'm seriously walking out of here Lawson." Shepard responded immediately, dread filling her at the thought of having that _talk_ with Miranda.

Miranda got up from her seat at her desk, glaring at Shepard before pointing a finger to the chair opposite her desk with such fire in her cold blue eyes that Shepard had to blink multiple times to try and get rid of the image of it.

"Sit down Commander and do me the honour of shutting up." Miranda ordered her and before Shepard could think of doing anything different she found herself sitting down in the chair Miranda had indicated with her hands wrung together on her lap.

"Fine," Shepard pouted soon afterwards, rearranging herself in the chair until she was comfortable. "What about fraternization do you want to talk about?"

"I notice you and Kasumi are close," Miranda started straight away and it always shocked Shepard how she could place herself face first into people's lives without even the blink of an eye. It was sort of incredible, if not a bit annoying. "Not surprising really, considering how childish you both are but Shepard if this affects the way the mission goes then…"

"I'm not shagging Kasumi, _Lawson_." Shepard said simply, looking down at her top and forcing it back down once she realized it had ridden up more than she would have liked. "Hell I really only just talked to her about two days ago and as charming as I am…"

Miranda snorted at her and cut her sentence off with a wave of her hand. "Truly irritating more like."

Shepard clicked her tongue and rubbed the back of her neck. "Same thing these days Lawson. Don't you read the mags?"

Miranda's lips curled downwards into a scowl, her brow furrowed in obvious frustration. "Considering the sort of material you read I'll count myself lucky that I don't read the _mags_ as you so put it. Now as I was saying…"

Shepard held up a hand to silence her XO, rearranging herself more comfortably in her chair and stretching with a big yawn escaping her, grinning up at the Normandy's ceiling to try and avoid Miranda's scathing look.

"Shepard! This is serious and I'd truly appreciate it if you actually acted like you were listening to me!" Miranda was clearly becoming more and more irritated at Shepard, and of course that did nothing but excite her to the extreme.

"Lawson I am listening to you, you were talking about fraternization and such but then you started talking about…"

"We will be docking in the Citadel in less than ten minutes." EDI's voice interrupted her, said interruption causing Shepard to glare angrily up to see where the AI was speaking from this time. "The trip was requested by Operative Taylor as he is looking for parts that are only obtained in the Citadel."

Miranda shot Shepard a glare over her desk, pushing away from where she was sitting and placing a hand on her hip. "We'll continue this conversation later Shepard, until then I think it's best you stay in your cabin."

Shepard straightened up instinctively after that, getting up from her chair and crossing her arms at the cold Cerberus operative. "You seem to be forgetting something Lawson, no matter how hard you try you are not the one in charge here. I _am_. And I run this ship military, so I expect you to be ready when we hit the Citadel."

Miranda cocked a brow at her, making Shepard even more unsure at her XO's expression but she chose to ignore it and turned her back on the Cerberus operative to head to her cabin to grab her gear before they could land on the Citadel.

"You expect me to be ready?" Miranda's question caused her to pause, turning back to face her XO with a scowl because if there was one thing Shepard did not take orders off anyone from Cerberus without a damn good reason.

"You're coming with me Lawson, why else would I be telling you to get ready?" Shepard said with a cough to accentuate her tone, glad that her spiky blonde locks were long enough to pull down slightly so that her one eye was covered. Luckily it was just as easy to pull back up otherwise Shepard would have had it cut a long time ago. "I'm not allowing you onto this mission just because I want you to stand around and look pretty! You need to get your priorities straight on this mission or I'll leave you behind."

"My priorities?" Miranda snapped, feeling fully insulted at Shepard's words. "Commander I'll have you know that I…"

"See you off the ship Lawson," Shepard smirked at her before exiting with a wave, chuckling as she left Miranda to spit and spew at her cold words.

She stopped at the mess hall, calling up to EDI with another smirk. "EDI, tell Ms Goto to zip up. We're off to the Citadel."

* * *

><p>"To eat ramen?" Miranda asked slowly with that tone Shepard had learned to associate Miranda with every time the Operative opened her mouth to question her every move.<p>

Shepard shrugged at her XO and picked at her noodles with her chopsticks, placing the piece of meat (which she honestly had no idea what it was) and chewing it slow enough that when she was done Miranda's glare had softened into a frown.

"We needed a break and besides there's nothing wrong with some ramen! It's lovely!" She turned to the master thief beside her with a grin. "Thanks for telling me about this place otherwise I wouldn't have come!"

Kasumi mock saluted in response, slurping at her noodles delicately. "It was nothing, it just reminded me of the ramen my grandmother used to make. Ohhh Shep, it was the best ramen around! Too bad I didn't steal it."

Shepard couldn't help but smirk, allowing her eyes to avert past Kasumi for a mere moment to stare at the curve of Miranda's face before allowing them to focus once more back on Kasumi.

"Don't you own anything that you didn't steal?" She teased fondly which was strange considering the fact that she and Kasumi had really only started talking a few days ago. "I mean, did you steal that outfit off someone too?"

Kasumi didn't answer her and instead gave her a shifty look under her hood, her smile formed into an amused twitch of her lips and the way Kasumi's fingers wrapped around her chopsticks made Shepard chuckle under her breath at the intended action.

"Hey!" She said suddenly after realizing that not only was there an uncomfortable silence hanging around but most of her crew had managed to wander off without telling her. "Where's Garrus and Jack? Damn it! I told them to make sure they didn't get into any trouble."

Kasumi waved her concern away and offered her a drink that the waiter had left for them all. "Want some Shep? And before you say anything Miranda, it's completely non-alcoholic."

Miranda opened her mouth to say something but obviously thought differently afterwards, closing her mouth with a grunt that sounded nothing like the XO's normal tone.

Shepard pouted at the master thief before pouring herself a drink and taking a sip of it. "Thanks, now this just makes it taste bitter and ashen."

Kasumi leaned in closer to her and for a moment Shepard thought the thief was about to kiss her (again) and was unpleasantly shocked to discover that Kasumi's breathing was tickling her ears. "Maybe you should go spend a little bit of R and R with Miss Lawson? She looks like I've stolen her cat suit."

Shepard leashed in the urgency to check on Miranda by staring Kasumi's suit up and down, cocking a eyebrow at the thief when Kasumi grinned at her. "What? You mean you _haven't_ stolen Miranda's cat suit?"

Kasumi gave her a serious look before departing her seat at the ramen bar with a snort, tossing up something that was too small for Shepard to see. "You're so funny! Anyway, I'll be off now. I'm supposed to be looking in for some upgrades for my suit anyway. See ya around Shep."

Shepard watched her go with narrowed eyes, shouting out the first thought in her head towards Kasumi's back. "And for the love of everything holy, don't steal anything!"

Kasumi spared a glance behind her to wink at Shepard before continuing on her way, disappearing as soon as she turned a corner.

That left her alone with Miranda and that of course meant that it was either going to be more awkward or Miranda would just ignore her.

With a sigh Shepard got up from her original position and sat down next to the Operative with another sigh escaping her, placing her cheek in the palm of her hand and staring down at Miranda's hands (noticing the way she held her chopsticks in a sluggish manner which seemed alien to Miranda's description) until Miranda growled angrily under her breath; the sound causing Shepard to look up at it curiously.

"What is it Commander?" Miranda breathed out with a dangerous tone tingeing her words. "You've been grating me all day and it's truly getting annoying and childish that it's unbelievable!"

Shepard nodded once before pointing at her XO's hands. "You're holding the chopsticks wrong Lawson."

"I'm what?" Miranda just seemed to be getting angrier with her but still it was annoying Shepard to no end seeing how stupid Miranda was holding the damn sticks.

"You're holding the damn chopsticks wrong! That's what!" Shepard growled out angrily, reaching over to grasp the chopsticks away from Miranda's hand and placing them in her own, bringing said chopsticks up to Miranda's face so the Operative could see how her digits were wrapped around the wood. "You see? That's how you hold them."

Miranda gave her a look that clearly said she was wondering if anything serious ran through Shepard's mind, making a move for her chopsticks and glowering when Shepard moved them away. "Commander, they're _my_ chopsticks."

Shepard rolled her eyes and felt the side of Miranda's ramen pot, snorting at the temperature. "Lawson, this is almost cold. If you were struggling you could have just asked for a fork."

When Miranda turned her face away from her (obviously thinking up a callous one-liner that would throw Shepard off) Shepard used Miranda's used chopsticks and dug into the ramen, spinning it round the noodles until there was enough on the chopstick that it'd be worthy of being called a '_bite_'.

"Alright Lawson, open up." She nudged Miranda's side with her elbow, giving Miranda's scowl a winning smile in response. "Aw, come on. Aren't you going to try it?"

Miranda gave her the best unimpressed look Shepard had ever seen and that was something! She remembered Ashley giving her that look before and boy, what a look that was!

"Commander you can't be serious in thinking that I'd…" Opportunity was granted to Shepard when Miranda opened her mouth and so she used said opportunity to place the chopsticks in Miranda's mouth; withdrawing when she was sure Miranda had managed to get the noodles off the wood.

Miranda's eyes widened at the intrusion and to Shepard it looked like she was about to choke until Miranda settled back down in her seat and started chewing in slow, subtle movements that make Shepard ridiculously hot under her armour and when Miranda gulped she had to remind herself to breathe.

Shepard actually sees something in Miranda's eyes that doesn't contain displeasure, discomfort, anger or frustration at her and weirdly enough resembled something that looked like curiosity with just a hint of embarrassment.

"Like it?" Shepard asked in a way that she hoped was subtle enough that Miranda wouldn't be able to catch the anxiety in her voice.

Miranda in turn bowed her head, shaking it slightly as if to try and regain her thoughts and before Shepard can even think of saying something there's a snorting sound behind them.

Both herself and Miranda spin around ever-so-dramatically at that point - feeling caught for no apparent reason - to find Jack, Jacob and Garrus awaiting them both, all of them looking surprised apart from Jack who looked pleasantly smug.

"Well ain't that precious…" Jack murmured with a mischievous glint in her eye, scratching at the skin just below her ribs. "What? You two bosom-buddies now? Cause that's just sickening for you Shepard, thought you were fucking the thief?"

Shepard scowled at the convict, getting up from her stool so that she was now staring down at the biotic convict. "Jack, question for ya. How long do you think you'll be able to run before I shove my gun and foot up your arse?"

Miranda broke in between them both with a cold, calculating look that was of course enough to make Shepard lose some more oxygen from her lungs.

"I'm going to find Kasumi," she informed them all frostily, giving Jack a glare that was so deadly that Shepard was surprised the convict didn't drop down dead. "Everyone should get back on the ship Commander, we've all got what we wanted."

Shepard nodded hastily at Miranda's retreating back, looking at Jack when the biotic winked at her. "Answer to your previous question, as long as it takes for you to shove your fingers up that Cerberus bitch's cunt."

Shepard went for her gun.

Jack placed her hands up in mocking self-defence. "Christ Shep! I'm just kidding around!"

Shepard decided that maybe it was best she next talked to Miranda drunk, just to spare her the pain.


	4. We Need More Lambrini!

**We Need More Lambrini!**

Shepard let out a yawn as she padded her way through the mess hall towards the little kitchen to look through the small containers Rupert had left for the crew if they got hungry through the night, scratching the back of her head to get rid of an irritating itch that had suddenly occurred.

Tomorrow they would be hitting Horizon, their destination, bright and early and despite how much her bones ached in excitement at maybe seeing Ash again Shepard just couldn't shake the feeling that tomorrow would be a disaster waiting to happen.

It was why she was up in the first place with her bunny slippers and her panda hat on to cover most of her hair apart from the few rebellious strands at the back of her neck, tickling her nape until Shepard growled and tugged at them to try and keep the spiky strands away.

She was so tired too. So tired of not being able to sleep well at night because of the reoccurring nightmares of Ash's body being ripped away from her fingertips and impaled on a spike; the image was too disturbing and Shepard half-thought that maybe the Reapers had a severe connection her and that they were taunting her for amusement.

Maybe they were, maybe they weren't and maybe she was thinking too hard on it, but it still didn't change the fact that she hadn't slept soundly for a good while now and it was _affecting_ her performance in battle.

Garrus didn't mention it, neither did Kasumi but the others? They were always quick to remind her, damn typical of Cerberus (minus Jack of course) to rebuild her as good as new and then spit verbal abuse at her a moment later at her flaws. Damn typical.

Kasumi. She had been a good friend the past couple of weeks and the relief Shepard felt when she was with the master thief was calming, she'd never felt so free in all her life apart from when she was back on Earth with the Reds and even then had she ever truly been free?

Shepard couldn't complain though, whilst being the first human Spectre hadn't been on her list of to-do's she was certainly grateful at becoming one even now that she was stuck in a partnership with Cerberus - even if the Alliance had turned their back on her, she still wasn't entirely pleased to be grouped together with terrorists and whatnot.

With a sigh Shepard reached for the container that held her small pudding in and brought it to her nose, popping the container open before sniffing the pudding with a delightful sigh escaping her at the heavenly smell of caramel.

She got up from her position and made her way over to the cabinet to fetch a spoon, cradling it in her free hand whilst placing the pudding into the microwave with her other; sighing at the splitting headache that had managed to worm its way into her brain.

All she could think about was shooting something in the training rooms down below near the Normandy's engines (she was pretty sure that was a health and safety hazard but this was Cerberus right? They were allowed to break the rules) but of course that'd be a damn disaster considering how silent the Normandy ran - the silence even making it hard for people like Kasumi to remain notorious for long.

Grunt (the new baby Krogan that Shepard had released from his pod a week back) was awed at her need for battle and relinquished in the adrenaline she wished to feel every second she was away from the battlefield but deep inside Shepard was ashamed of such desire coming from her most primal nerves; how could she be like this? She wasn't some sort of animal for crying out loud! She was a living, breathing human!

And Christ, she needed a drink right now.

Instead of waiting for her pudding to heat up Shepard turned her attention onto the cupboard at the far-side wall of the kitchen, waltzing over towards the cupboard to open it with a fading smile at the realisation that not only was the cupboard (which had been full to the brim with alcohol last Friday, not that she had touched it thank you very much) was empty but there was also a little sticky note plastered to the cupboard door.

'_Don't bother Commander, I've hidden them to a place where you can't find them. - Miranda'. _

Shepard buried her face in the palms of her hands and groaned, allowing her fingers to drag her skin down until she looked like she was about to rip her own face off.

"Damn it Lawson!" She cursed loudly instead, slamming the cupboard door shut and pouting angrily at the loud impact it made due to her aggression.

A chuckle coming from behind her made Shepard glare over her shoulder to see that none other than Miss Lawson was laughing at her, arms crossed over her chest and her hair that was normally down was tied up into a tight ponytail.

"Ah so you've seen my little note?" Miranda said in that smug, superior tone that Shepard turned her nose up at with a snort. "I was wondering when you'd see that, it's been up there for days."

Shepard turned to face her XO with a frown, chin resting in her two hands with her brow pulled together in irritation. "All I wanted was a drink to calm my nerves Lawson, it ain't like I'm asking you for some damn red sand!"

Miranda's face suddenly turned serious and Shepard found herself immediately missing her unusually happy XO.

"This mission is too important for you to have a hangover tomorrow morning Commander, no alcohol full stop for this mission. It's been affecting your performance, you've become slow and sluggish and that is lowering the crew's morale."

Shepard's eyes bugged and the slow, coiling anger she had felt growing at Miranda's presence snapped and all at once she felt her fist collide with the sharp metal of the kitchen cabinet; a hiss of pain escaping her lips for a brief moment until she pushed such useless pain away to scowl angrily at Miranda - not really surprised to see her XO's expression to remain as vacant as it always was.

"Slow? Sluggish? I'll have you know I feel as fit as I've ever been!" Shepard snapped with unbelievable restraint at not taking Miranda down to the training room to spar in hand-to-hand combat to show Miss Lawson who the true slow and sluggish one.

Miranda merely tapped her cheek in response, looking as confident and brazen as ever. "Perhaps you should act like that in battle then? We're worried about your state of mind and your physical capabilities at the moment Commander."

"Fuck you Lawson!" Shepard retorted with a growl, turning her back on the Cerberus operative to glare heatedly down at the now finished caramel pudding inside the microwave. "Why don't you say it how it really is? We're worried about your state of mind and physical capabilities because holy shit it means your precious project - me! - has failed!"

That had seemed to affect Miranda more than Shepard had thought possible, or so it looked when Shepard turned (with her caramel pudding) to see that Miranda was staring at her open-mouthed; obviously in shock at the venom that had spurted out of Shepard's mouth in quick quips of poison.

That quickly changed however because all Shepard had to do was blink and Miranda had transformed back into the same old ice queen.

"While you may think that Commander, that is not the case," Shepard revelled in the way Miranda's nose flared at her intended bitter laughter that she had thrown her XO's way. "If there's something bothering you then please tell me so I can make a note of it."

Shepard thought about this for a moment and held a hand up to signal this to her XO, spooning a piece of caramel pudding into her mouth for a moment before chewing on it thoroughly and then gulping it down so loudly that she saw Miranda twitch slightly at the loud gulping noise.

"There is one thing I'd like more than anything right now…" Shepard started with a sly wink in Miranda's direction, walking over to her XO with a cocky grin on her features and only stopping when she felt Miranda's breath on her cheek.

Either Miranda refused to back down or she was too immobilized to move back anyway (to be honest Shepard was secretly hoping it was the later) because the Cerberus operative's eyes absolutely rejected moving any place else but at Shepard.

Shepard cleared her throat. "We need more pudding. And some lambrini. We need it terribly Miss Lawson or I'll eat Grunt. But of course, don't want to disturb your night."

She pushed past her XO with a larger grin (resisting the urge to turn back round to see Miranda's expression) and made her way to the elevator, slipping inside and laughing immediately at seeing who already was there.

"Are you following me Kasumi?" God, what had she done in life to deserve such an awesome ninja of a friend?

Kasumi smirked and tossed a small bottle of lambrini at her before exiting the elevator with a laugh and a mock salute. "You know me Shep, always know your every need."

"Miranda's going to kill you…" Shepard murmured with a shake of her head, rubbing at the nape of her neck to try and loosen the muscle.

Kasumi's last quip of '_not if you don't tell her_' made Shepard smile before the elevator doors closed, sending Shepard back up to her own cabin for another night of restlessness.

* * *

><p>"What you're genuinely shocked that I'm with Cerberus now?" Shepard scoffed at the betrayal in Ash's eyes, feeling as though she was about to collapse any second now. <em>Ash<em>, her best friend Ash…

"They rebuilt me Ash but I'm not part of them!" She continued with growing distress, her panic rising as the betrayal in Ash's eyes got more noticeable. "Hell if I had any other option I'd be piggybacking onto the Alliance right now but they've got the intel I need to stop the Reapers, do you understand?"

Ash's eyes narrowed and the Alliance soldier took a step back with a shake of her head. "No Shepard this just isn't right. It doesn't add up, the reports about you and Cerberus and now this?"

Miranda clicked her tongue behind Shepard and shook her head. "Typical Alliance attitude, never willing to see the full picture."

Ash glared over at the Cerberus operative over Shepard's shoulder before returning her gaze to Shepard's stunned blue eyes. "You turned your back on everything we stood for! The Alliance! The Council! Just to be with Cerberus!"

"I'm not WITH Cerberus Ash!" Shepard growled out despite her better judgement, taking a step forward to try and grab her friend's wrist so she could at least try and get Ash to listen to her. "Does it actually matter who I'm with as long as I'm trying to stop the Collectors? You know me Ash! I wouldn't do this if I had a choice."

"You had a choice Shepard! Everyone has a choice!" Ashley retorted back with her forefinger jabbed into Shepard's chest, pushing the Commander back until she was in the middle of both Kasumi and Miranda. "You left the Alliance behind, you left Anderson behind and…You left me behind! Damn it Shepard, you were more than just my Commander!"

Shepard just about caught the edgy look in Kasumi's dark eyes before Ash's voice one more drew her attention back onto the soldier. "You were my friend Commander and now? What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Shepard shrugged and waved her hand flippantly over her shoulder. "Well I was going to ask you to join my crew to stop the Reapers but hell, guess I should of known you'd react like this."

"React like what Shepard?" Ashley said with a bitter laugh, turning her back fully on the Commander. "Like you've betrayed the Alliance? Heck, you'll have to forgive me Commander because that's what it sure looks like."

Shepard could feel her anger start to cloud most of any reasonable thoughts she had kept stored in her mind and despite how hard she tried, she released it into pure snark. "Go report that to the Council then why don't you? See if they believe your cock-and-bull story. But why wouldn't they? They were obviously the ones who made such shit up!"

"Hey Shep, calm down hey?" Kasumi's voice seemed to be the only thing that was neutralising her lately because as soon as Shepard heard the exotic lilt of the master thief's voice she felt herself breathe in deeply, calmly…

Ashley didn't look behind her shoulder once and of course that was another reason for her anger to thrash against her chest like a wild beast but Shepard coiled such anger into her being and breathed in deeply once more, attempting to stop herself from losing control and punching someone flat out.

Instead she forced her shaking hand to press down onto her com with her voice gruffer than it had ever been before. "Joker bring the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this damn colony to last a lifetime."

"Or two, in your case." Kasumi quipped and without fully realizing it until a few moments later, Shepard found herself feeling charmed.

"Or two." She repeated with a brief smile, eyes rooted to the ground where Ash had stood before Shepard turned her back on the patch of ground; head held high in the air.

Miranda's eyes was on her but Shepard chose to ignore them, only fully comprehending her XO when the shuttle arrived to take them back to the Normandy and even then it was hard to try and unblock her throat enough to speak properly.

"Once we get to the Normandy I'd like to be alone for a few hours."

"The Illusive Man…" Miranda started but Shepard cut her off with fierce, angry and not to mention, betrayed eyes.

"_Fuck_ the Illusive Man."

And that was that.

* * *

><p>Kasumi tapped her fingers together casually, finding herself staring down at none other than Miss Miranda Lawson who had been sighing at the image the cameras were showing her for about fifteen minutes now.<p>

"She hasn't moved from engineering has she?" Kasumi asked again before throwing up a spare chit in the air and catching it in her palm.

Miranda shook her head in response, sighing once more. "No she hasn't. She's just sitting near Jack's hidey hole playing Snap with herself. Good god, that woman has a bizarre way of handling things."

Kasumi snorted and patted the pocket near her hip with a grin. "Shep's a good person and all but she doesn't mean half the stuff that comes out of her mouth. She wants someone to talk to."

Miranda arched a brow and typed something into her terminal, brow creased in what Kasumi recognized to be obvious concentration - it almost looked like Miranda was trying to push away the subject of Shepard completely because she was uncomfortable and maybe she was? It would certainly amuse Kasumi to no end.

"And what would you have me do? You're the one who she talks to the most." Miranda said with a wave of her hand towards her terminal where she was still keeping a close eye on her Commander.

Kasumi shrugged and gave Miranda her the best serious look she could muster without cracking up. "It wouldn't hurt for you two to have a talk considering what happened last night."

Miranda's eyes flashed in recognition. "So you _were_ listening into what was happening last night."

"Now now," Kasumi said with a nervous chuckle, departing from Miranda's office with her hands held up high. "It was sort of hard not to listen in with all the noise you two were making!"

"Kasumi, leave." Miranda pointed in the direction of the elevator with an arched brow, lower lip trapped in between her teeth.

"Think about what I said!" Kasumi said with a grin before cloaking herself completely, away from Miranda's sight.

She waited a few minutes before the XO got up with a sigh. Kasumi smirked. Garrus owed her 50 credits.

* * *

><p>Shepard stared silently through engineering's windows, deep in thought at the whole thing that had happened hours ago at Horizon.<p>

The cards she had been playing with was a gift off Ash as well, but instead of bringing the strange warmth they had before. Shepard felt bitterness swell inside her stomach.

She collected them all up in the palm of her hand, stared down at them for a moment before rolling them up until they were twisted into a roll that resembled a cigar; with that thought Shepard reached into her pocket and brought out a lighter she had kept with her when she was with the Reds and flicked the switch.

Fire sprouted from the piece of plastic and before Shepard could let her emotions corrupt her any longer, she placed the roll over the flames and watched it light up with fascination making her reddish blue hues shine.

Shepard flicked it away from her a moment later, stamping on it to put the flame out and staring up at the metallic ceiling of the Normandy with a growl of frustration; stupid Alliance, stupid Ash, stupid Ceberus, stupid Illusive Man, stupid Lawson…

Footsteps clicked against the metal surface of the engineering floor and still Shepard didn't move, she couldn't find it in herself to care who saw her like this even though she could already hear rumours of her health flickering through the Normandy like scale-itch. She just didn't care.

The footsteps stopped in front of her and when Shepard opened her eyes she was greeted with Miranda Lawson staring down at her, one hand on her hip and the other hand wrapped around a red bottle of Cherry Lambrini.

Shepard felt her eyes widen in shock. "I was expecting Kasumi, what a surprise to see you here Ms Lawson and with alcohol! My, my!"

Miranda snorted and sat herself down next to Shepard with a roll of her eyes. "I must look preposterous right now and god help me if Jack hears me down here…"

Shepard looked at Miranda with an almost inscrutable, if somewhat amused expression. "So you're not here just to taunt me with a drink? You're actually here to talk to me Lawson? Miracles never cease."

Miranda smirked and of course that triggered off several warning bells that the Cerberus operative was up to something that Shepard would most likely not approve of.

"I just thought that maybe you deserved a break," Miranda said whilst casually sliding the red labrini bottle into Shepard's lap, turning her face away so that she was staring down at the Port Cargo area of the ship. "Don't think too much of it Commander."

Shepard unscrewed the top of the bottle with a light-hearted grin, her usual cheeriness throttling her anger out of her system the moment Miranda's cold eyes locked onto hers. "Eh, so you've managed to get that stick out of your arse? Good for you Lawson!"

Miranda glared at her from beneath her dark lashes and flicked her raven-coloured hair over her shoulder with another snort. "I think sometimes that you talk to me like this to try and get a rise out of me."

Shepard let her mouth explore the rim of the bottle with a dirty grin, mumbling her words into the glass. "Is it working?"

Miranda sniffed and didn't bother looking at Shepard this time. "No, it most certainly isn't."

Shepard tipped the bottle back and let the liquid cascade down her throat, laughter bubbling out of her mouth once her taste buds adjusted to the unfamiliar liquid that had made her tongue tingle.

She shook her head fondly at her XO, not caring that Miranda was refusing to look at her. "Coffee, nice one Ms Lawson. You fooled me!"

Shepard couldn't see Miranda's face but she knew that the Ceberus operative was smiling smugly.

"It truly isn't that hard." And Shepard felt in over her head because five words like that aren't supposed to make her feel all better, especially coming from Miranda Lawson. "And its not your fault Ashley Williams reacted like that on Horizon."

Shepard sighed and put the lambrini bottle down with dark, narrowed eyes. "I know that! Do you really think what Ash said meant I believed it? This is no where near my fault!"

Miranda nodded slowly, taking in what Shepard said with a small smile. "Exactly, it's not your fault that some people are too ignorant and close-minded to understand the real threat. It's why you need to stop wallowing in this god-forsaken hole and report to the Illusive Man."

Shepard scoffed at that and brought her lambrini bottle up to her lips once more. "He'll get that report when I'm damn well ready, his already let off a few rumours that's backfired in my face. If anything he'll get a gun jammed up his arse."

Miranda sighed and shook her head. "Well I can't expect anything else off you I suppose, it's good enough that I actually got you speaking."

Shepard smirked and nudged her operative slightly with her elbow. "I was speaking anyway, just wanted some time alone."

Miranda cleared her throat and got up from where she was sitting next to Shepard, facing away from her Commander with her lower lip puffed out.

"Let me just make this very clear," Miranda started callously, turning round to look Shepard in the eye. "I am not your personal councillor Shepard, this won't be happening again and it only happened today because frankly watching you play Snap by yourself is ridiculously boring."

Shepard could feel herself bristle angrily at the intent in Miranda's icy eyes but managed to swallow it down, instead tilting her head up higher so that the Ceberus operative could see her face fully. "And you're not down here solely because you were just a _tiny_ bit worried about me?"

Miranda stiffened visibly and that alone was enough to make Shepard smirk despite herself. "Commander I expect you to be ready for the Illusive Man in an hour, clean yourself up and meet me in the briefing room or so help me…"

Shepard brought up the bottle of lambrini to her lips with a grin. "We need more lambrini first Lawson! Get to it! More lambrini! Less coffee!"

Miranda gave Shepard one last glance (of complete scorn) before heading back towards the elevator with her hips swaying and sashaying until they left Shepard's sight and all Shepard could see was Miranda's eyes glaring into her own. And maybe that was enough. It sure felt like it was.

Shepard brought the bottle up to her lips again, smirking once more around the rim before allowing the coffee to wash down her throat.

Just another day as Commander Shepard.

* * *

><p><em>Clearing things up if anyone else is wondering: <em>_I don't hate Jack :)_


	5. The Power Of Fish

**The Power of Fish**

"I hate fish," Kasumi said with a wrinkled nose, choking back a cough as another smell of the fish hit both Shepard, herself and Miranda straight in the face. "They smell and they remind me of my mother."

Shepard smirked and poked her nose at the glass panel separating them from the fishes. "I'm sure your mother was a very nice fish Kasumi."

"You say that now, you've just got to meet her for you to change your mind." Kasumi snorted and placed a hand on Shepard's elbow, pulling the commander back a little so she too could have a closer look. "This black one here has her nose I think."

Shepard's eyes widened. "Fishes have noses?" She peered over Kasumi's shoulder to get a closer look. "Where? Where?"

Behind them both Miranda heaved a heavy sigh, "Shepard for the love of god will you hurry up? Joker needs to get to the next mass relay so we can jump to Illium to pick up both Thane Krios and Samara."

Shepard gave her an unimpressed look from behind her shoulder, shaking her head with a fond smile. "Lawson, this was your idea in the first place! What did you say? That I need to fill up my fish tank otherwise my cabin will look all lonely!"

"I didn't say that!" Miranda growled with a hand coming up to connect with her forehead. "I said that maybe you need a pet to cheer you up! The crew was sick of you moping around the corridors one minute and then cloaking around with Kasumi the next! You almost gave Hawthorne a heart attack jumping out at him like that!"

Shepard shared a guilty look with her master thief of a friend, arching a questioning brow when Kasumi merely shrugged.

"Well I have to admit that was a bit harsh…" Shepard started with a growing smile, turning to face her XO with her arms crossed across her armoured chest. "It was just a little bit funny, besides it was Kasumi's idea!"

Kasumi didn't bother to turn round to face the ongoing conversation and instead rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue at Shepard's accusation. "Yeah that's right, blame the master thief because she can't fight back."

Miranda shook her head at her Commander and sat down in a free chair with a cold glare that made Shepard's insides turn to ice, legs crossed and her lower lip pouted outwards. "I was trying to give you some stability Shepard, I believe it's one of the things that you don't truly understand."

"I do!" Shepard insisted with her thumb pointing to Kasumi over her shoulder. "I have Kasumi! And Garrus! And hell, even you! I've got quite a lot of stability if you think about it Lawson."

Kasumi waved over her shoulder at the mention of her name, smirking to herself at the whole conversation going on between both Miranda and Shepard; cringing slightly when an orange-finned fish started head butting the glass to get to her.

"Shepard while I have confided in you in some things please don't think…" Kasumi heard Miranda start before Shepard sighed and interrupted the XO.

"Hey Lawson, quit acting as though you don't care." Shepard grinned and sat down in the spare seat next to Miranda, placing her hand on the arm of the chair Miranda was sat at. "Otherwise you wouldn't have insisted I get myself a pet fish. Seriously, it's appreciated."

Kasumi muffled her laughter at the way Miranda stiffened visibly with Shepard being so close to her, it was actually sort of pathetic at how obvious the whole thing was. Or so Kasumi thought, she was still surprised at the rumours Jack had been saying about her, Shepard and Miranda.

Of course Shepard was very alluring, she wouldn't lie about it but Shepard was no Keiji and besides this wasn't about her; Shepard wasn't even interested and that was fine because if Shepard wanted Miranda then Kasumi would try her hardest to fulfil Shepard's wish.

"Shepard." Kasumi looked over her shoulder to see that the Cerberus operative was glaring down at Shepard's hand (that had somehow managed to get onto Miranda's shoulder) as though it would either be the one thing that could save her or doom her right from the beginning.

"Hmm?" Shepard answered with a tilt of her head and a cocky grin, leaning back in her seat with her own legs crossed.

"That is the first sentence that you've said that didn't make me want to strangle you to death in your sleep." Miranda said matter-of-factly and that alone made Kasumi guffaw and Shepard grin with obvious pleasure.

"Well done Shep, you've actually made Miranda not want to kill you for a second. I think that counts as a success!" Kasumi shot over her shoulder with another laugh, smiling when Shepard gave her the thumbs up.

"I think it does! And you know what we need to do to celebrate?" Shepard jumped up from her chair with a smirk, running over to where Kasumi was to grab the master thief by the shoulder.

"What?" Kasumi said with a grin, playing along. Shepard was far too adorable to break down like that, it was one of the other reasons that Kasumi liked her so much.

"We need to name this day something special like…The Power of, hmm. I don't know actually. What do you think made Miranda feel this way today?"

"Fish?" Kasumi suggested with another shrug of her shoulders, however this time at Miranda who was giving them both the most iciest glare to ever exist.

Shepard's eyes lit up and with a laugh she declared the one thing that was most likely going to bug Miranda for the rest of the Cerberus operative's life.

"The power of fish day!"

Kasumi threw her head back and laughed, joining Shepard in holding onto the fish's glass tank for dear life so they both wouldn't collapse.

Miranda groaned into her hands and slumped back into her chair, looking uncharacteristically (and somewhat ironically) like a dying fish.

* * *

><p>"I was thinking about giving my fish a name."<p>

Miranda rolled her eyes at the complete idiotic conversation that had once more broke out between both Kasumi and Shepard, what irritated her the most was how they didn't have the decency to have this conversation somewhere where they _weren't_ getting shot at.

"Yeah? And what's that?" Miranda heard Kasumi shoot back a few moments later, reappearing from cloaking herself to get to a mech.

Miranda growled under her breath, ducking behind a crate next to Kasumi and firing at the nearing Blue Sun merc that was supporting a heavy weapon wrapped in their arms.

She shot at the merc's arm before pulling back into the comfort zone that the crate offered her, panting heavily before returning back to her original position and firing once more at the merc's other arm; making the Blue Sun drop his weapon in shock and pain.

"I don't know yet, I was thinking of one but I just can't think of the right name."

Miranda wondered if suggesting that the fish to be called Shepard because it was lazy and ate everything fed to it was going too far, mostly cause it wasn't true as Shepard was FAR from lazy but still…It felt so right on her tongue that Miranda had to bite the organ to keep herself from saying so.

"It could be called Billy, that's a nice name. I once had a neighbour called Billy! He was very sweet, but he always seemed so intent at staring at my arse, god bless his soul."

"Kasumi I'm not naming my fish after a perverted stalker called Billy." Miranda just about caught Shepard shooting back at an oncoming merc, taking out his legs with a little _whoop_ accompanying her take-down.

Miranda looked over shoulder and over the crate to pinpoint a sniper that was targeting the back of Shepard's head (sometimes the stupid idiot really didn't realize how much panic she was sending straight into Miranda's heart) and without thinking, rushed at the Commander; grabbing Shepard's blonde locks and tackling the woman to the ground.

"Would you shut up about damn fish and watch your own arse?" Miranda snapped, her usual iciness melted into red-hot frustration, getting up from Shepard's lap and grabbing heavy pistol and firing off shots left and right to give her time to rearrange herself back behind the crate.

She looked to her right to see if Shepard was actually ready this time but of course, what else could she have expected but Shepard still staring up at her with flushed cheeks and a bruise on her right cheek that surely hadn't been there before.

_Moron_ was the first thing that popped into Miranda's head the second she laid eyes on the paralyzed Shepard, shaking her head with another sigh and picking off the remaining mercs that were scattered around the room.

And then Kasumi returned from cloaking once more and Shepard was suddenly back in the building.

"Hey Shep, what's wrong with you? Cat got your tongue? And that bruise wasn't there when I left…"

"Nothing's wrong! Honest! I was thinking up names!"

Miranda half-wondered if Ashley Williams had this problem back when Shepard was with Alliance and if she did, she hoped to god she'd see the woman again to offer her a sympathetic apology.

"I was thinking about Panda, that's a cute name!" And again with the damn fish! And it wasn't even Shepard starting the conversation! She was going to seriously consider therapy after this mission.

"How about move it or lose it?" Miranda finally suggested with a scowl, dusting herself down and standing up fully to observe the area. "We've got ground to cover and if we're going to get rid of these generators soon then I think it'd be best if we do it now."

Shepard nodded in agreement, looking strangely like she was about to be sick which not only worried Miranda at the prospect that maybe her experiment had managed to screw up Shepard's immune system but also at the prospect that she had somehow managed to unsettle the Commander.

Which was bullshit, it really wasn't her problem if Shepard got a bit unsettled. She needed it now and then, it was good for her or so Miranda believed.

Kasumi went on ahead with a skip in her step and her pistol in the other hand, it was a rather remarkable sight in Miranda's opinion at how the other woman could look so dangerous and yet act like there was nothing bothering her in the world; no wonder Shepard liked her.

"I'm going to regret asking this but," she caught Shepard's wrist in her fingers, pulling at the Commander hard until Shepard was stood right next to her with nowhere else to go. "Are you alright Shepard? You don't look well. Damn it don't tell me you've been eating Grunt's food again!"

Shepard groaned and moved her spiky locks out of her face in anger. "It happened once! Just once and you still refuse to let it go!"

"Shepard you were sick on my floor."

"I said sorry."

"That's right you did and then you were sick on me." Miranda reminded Shepard with an arched brow, remembering how long she had to spend in her shower after that little incident.

Shepard smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her neck. "Ah yes, still not quite forgiven me for that have you?"

"I don't remember you saying sorry for that one," Miranda countered with a small smile, releasing Shepard's wrist and following the sound of Kasumi's footsteps up ahead. "I hold grudges fairly easily."

Miranda heard Shepard grunt moodily behind her. "I figured that one out by myself Lawson, nice bruise you gave me there."

"Well you weren't moving!" Miranda shot back over her shoulder, irritated at Shepard's own frustration. "Maybe next time I'll just let you get shot?"

"I didn't say I didn't appreciate it! Thanks for the help, just maybe stop trying to find reasons to sock me one?" Shepard suggested and from the tone of her voice Miranda could tell that the earth-born was trying hard not to smile.

"I don't need any reasons to." Miranda reasoned with the Commander despite knowing that was far from the truth. Shepard was her leader and even if Miranda didn't always agree with her, she definitely wouldn't want to be following anyone else into the Collector homeworld.

"You know I'm your Commander…" Miranda turned to face Shepard once more however was surprised to see that the blonde woman was instead right next to her with a smirk on her tanned features. "You'd have to do everything I wanted you to do you know?"

Miranda arched a disbelieving brow at the blonde, making her chuckle slightly when the Commander shrunk back behind her with a frown.

"It sounded much more intimidating in my head," Shepard mumbled with another grumpy sound escaping from her lips, rubbing at the bruise once more with a pout. "You really do have a good hook on you Lawson, might be useful if we run straight into a horde of husks."

"I'll just throw you in and hope for the best," Miranda said sourly despite the rush of laughter that was threatening to spill from her lips at the image of Shepard rushing through a horde of husks with her arms up in the air and screaming like a complete lunatic. "I'm sure Kasumi wouldn't mind that much."

"But the Illusive Man would!" And Shepard is so deliciously smug that Miranda really can't help but smile at the other woman because yes, she'd been caught out and it was oddly exhilarating. "And you would, just a little itty bit…"

Miranda opened her mouth to reply however something that flashed red caught her eye, the familiarity of it setting off warning bells in her head as once more her mind rushed through the different situations all at once.

"Shepard duck!" She commanded with a snarl, rushing behind one of the power generators with a hiss at the feel of a lone bullet grazing her uniform.

Shepard barely made it in time to hide behind one of the spare crates, growling angrily when a stray bullet managed to lodge its way inside her leg; making Shepard buckle and stumble against the crate with a groan.

"Fucking bastards…" Miranda heard Shepard grouse angrily, watching the Commander turn on her front and peering over the side of the crate to shoot at the lone merc that was also hidden by one of the metal crates. "Where the hell is Kasumi?"

It was almost as if Kasumi had some sort of radio device inside her that binged whenever Shepard needed her because as soon as those words had left Shepard's lips, Miranda saw the master thief reappear next to Shepard with a grin on her face that made Shepard smirk even through the pain in her leg.

Miranda should have known really that Kasumi would be there to cover Shepard's arse, she didn't really understand why she was annoyed at that but she decided that it really wasn't the time to ponder on such things and allowed her biotics throw the metal crate out of the way; revealing the merc to all three of them so they could finish him off.

Miranda wiped the sweat off her forehead, panting as she made her way over to the two remaining companions with her pistol holstered in the studded belt around her hips. "Shepard can you walk?"

Shepard scoffed and gave her an unsteady smile, gripping onto Kasumi's arm and pushing herself up. "Course I can, come on or we'll never blow up these generators to hell!"

Miranda was not convinced and voiced it clearly. "You must be mad if you think I'm letting you blow up these generators, I'll take you back to the shuttle."

Shepard's brow furrowed in frustration and soon Miranda found herself glaring back at Shepard's own scowling face. "I'll be fine Lawson, stop worrying so much! Now let's go!"

Miranda sighed when Shepard pushed past her to start setting up the device to blow the generators up, giving the master thief a wide-eyed look which Kasumi only answered to with a tiny smile that again Miranda didn't quite understand.

"She's just being stubborn." Kasumi said quietly to her as she walked past to help Shepard with the technical stuff.

In return Miranda merely rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p>"Robert."<p>

"Robert the fish? _No Kasumi_."

Miranda didn't really know why she found herself with those two, maybe someone was punishing her for something she did in a past life? Because come on, all she had wanted was some coffee!

"Felix? I had a cat called Felix but he kept meowing all the time when I was sneaking around."

"Why? Where did you keep him?"

Miranda allowed her eyes to dart to where Kasumi and Shepard was sitting in the mess hall, examining closely how close the two were sitting together and wondering if maybe that insane Jack actually held some truth to her words.

Not that she cared, as long as Shepard did her job Miranda really didn't have any complaints against Kasumi's and Shepard's _friendship_.

"In my hood, he liked it there but he always kept sliding off my head. He was _so cute _Shep, I was so sad when he died."

"He died? Aw, that's horrible! Though you know Kasumi I really hope you aren't suggesting I put a fish on my head to feel companionship with it."

"What? No! Shep, what are you talking about you complete goof? Shut up and eat your cereal before you give yourself concussion!"

Miranda felt some sort of urge to join their conversation but held herself back, instead bringing a hand to her throbbing forehead to soothe and stroke away the pain that clung there. God damn it, this always seemed to happen when Shepard was around.

And why was this coffee taking so long? Did it actually want her to stay here? And what was it with her suddenly having mental conversations with plastic objects? Shepard was obviously driving her slowly insane.

"Hey Kasumi, I think I know the perfect name for my fish!" Miranda heard Shepard call out after the sound of steel clanging against wood. "Will you tell me what you think of it?"

A slurping sound and then the smacking of lips. "Sure why not? It's not like I've got anything better to do than listen to you list off fish names."

"Okay get ready for the drum roll Ms Goto!" Shepard announced and then the sound of fingers drumming against the wood of the table filled Miranda's already strained ears.

Idiot. Shepard should be training or preparing, there wasn't any time to be messing around with such insipid things like thinking of names for fish. It was just a _fish_ for crying out loud.

The drumming continued just as Miranda's coffee finished and she picked it up with a sigh, heading back towards her office to once more examine the untouched dossiers Shepard hadn't looked at so that maybe she could convince Shepard to at least try and look at them.

It felt as if her Commander was putting something off, the whole mission maybe? It was entirely possible but Miranda would never allow it, Shepard was here to complete a mission and if she failed at it…

Miranda shook her head at the thought, stepping towards her office once more before stopping as a particular sentence caught her attention.

"I think I'll call the fish Miranda," she heard Shepard say in that slow, cunning tone that meant the Commander knew she was still there. "It reminds me of someone but I just can't remember who…"

Miranda felt the grip on her cup of coffee tighten, her face scrunching up into a obvious scowl that she was more than pleased with at the fact that nobody could actually see her expression.

"I can't imagine who." Kasumi answered with a chuckle which of course Miranda wasn't surprised with. Those two were the worst squad mates she had ever had to deal with outside of battle! And Miranda had had her fair share of awful squad mates!

But this anger? Was it truly needed? Shepard was nothing but an irritating brat (a brat who was probably older than her) and that alone made Miranda feel more composed at the whole prospect of a fish being named after her.

"They have the same scowl, it's very endearing!"

Or maybe not. She was going to find Jacob, maybe he'd listen to her.

* * *

><p>Fat chance of that happening.<p>

Jacob grinned slyly at her explanation of Shepard as a whole, wiping the holster of his shotgun. "Heh, so you're this pissed because Shepard named her fish after you?"

Miranda honestly didn't understand what the hell was wrong with the people on the Normandy, maybe they'd been injected with something that made them immune to Shepard and her stupid taunts.

"I don't think you understand Jacob, she's referring to my name to a fish!" Miranda said back with as much coldness she could express without her whole body exploding in anger. "I mean, she doesn't even call me by my name and yet a bloody fish gets to be called Miranda?"

Jacob was still terribly amused by the whole thing, only fuelling Miranda's annoyance even more. "Don't tell me you're jealous of a fish Miranda, I thought you had more self-esteem than that."

"I'm not jealous of a fish I'd just like to be known as Miranda rather than a fish _stealing_ my name." She wasn't jealous at all, it was absurd to even think of such a thing. "Me being jealous of a _fish? _Be serious Jacob."

"I am being serious!" Jacob protested with another light-hearted smirk, finishing with his shotgun and pressing himself against the desk; body trembling with laughter. "Well shit, don't you think Shepard's just a little bit funny?"

"Not at all." Miranda lied because yes Shepard was a _little_ funny but it wasn't anything to be proud of considering most of the time Shepard directed her dry humour at Miranda and that was definitely something Miranda did not appreciate at all.

Jacob just looked even more humoured at her answer, crossing his arms and arching a suspicious brow at the operative. "Shepard really gets under your skin then? Never seen you this worked up since last year."

Frustration gnawed at her and Miranda groaned into her hands once more, breaking away from her cold, callous image to stare Jacob straight in the eye.

"Am I truly the only one who she annoys? Isn't there anyone she latches onto?" She asked with genuine curiosity, wondering why Shepard was so attached to her in the first place. "Apart from Kasumi that is."

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, lounging backwards with the palms of his hands resting on his station's desk. "Not that I've heard of, she's fairly friendly and helpful to the rest of the crew. Guess she just likes to torment you instead of the others."

Miranda resisted the urge to try and strangle Jacob Taylor with her bare hands and instead sighed and moved towards the exit of the armoury, only stopping when Jacob called out to her.

"Hey why don't you try and talk to her? It'd do you some good! Maybe you'll find out that you're more like each other than you think!"

Miranda shook her head with another snort escaping her. She very much doubted that.

* * *

><p><em>Lawson, y u hatin' on Miranda?<em>

_Because we need more Shepard/Miranda and Shepard/Kasumi moments. Though next chapter will probably contain more of the latter than the former. Seriously though guys, you're making it hard for me to pick between the two couples now. Some of you like Shepard/Miranda and some of you like Shepard/Kasumi…_

_So hard to DECIDE. D:_


	6. The Box Of Insecurities

**The Box of Insecurities**

"Shepard, what are you doing?"

Shepard turned to look behind her with fixed, narrowed eyes; her smile worn out at the worry that was starting to cause her face to feel stiff and lifeless.

"Getting ready for Kasumi," she replied with an even stiffer smile, rummaging through her things and lying both her guns and armour down on her bed. "I just need to get someone to put these things where Kasumi wanted them to be put and I'll be done."

Miranda Lawson noticed the change in Shepard immediately and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning on Shepard's fish tank as gently as she could. "And this mission is causing you to be so quiet then?"

The Cerberus operative frowned slightly when Shepard instead gave her a smirk over her shoulder. "Feeling concerned for me again Lawson? This really isn't like you."

"Hardly, it's just strange coming from you." Miranda snorted and pushed herself away from the fish tank, turning when Shepard started to strip off her Cerberus uniform. "Especially when this mission has something to do with Kasumi."

"It's personal to her," came the muffled reply and when Miranda allowed herself a sneaky glimpse over her shoulder (purely out of curiosity) she was able to see the scarring on Shepard's back and the way Shepard's arms flexed made Miranda cough to clear her throat. "And me I guess…I don't want her to get upset by the whole thing, but I don't wanna screw it up, this means a lot to her."

Miranda allowed a deep breath to escape from her slowly, gripping onto her elbows with both hands to try to give herself something to focus on because at the moment her mind was everywhere and that was not how it should be.

"Then don't screw it up, just be yourself." Yeah that was absolutely not pathetic wasn't it? Ugh, Miranda cringed at her own advice; feeling something unsettle inside her stomach. "Surely this mission can't be too hard for you to figure out? Just push away your emotional attachment, act like it's just any old mission and you'll be fine."

"I got shot in the leg last time," Shepard reminded her and Miranda didn't need to look behind her to know that Shepard was smiling. "Don't think I should let that happen again, what about you?"

A knot of anger tightened in Miranda's jaw and she felt herself start to grow dizzy, Shepard seemed to have that affect on her no matter how hard Miranda tried to push Shepard out of her mind.

"If you're that worried about the mission," Miranda choked out with gritted teeth, forcing her eyes forward even when inquisitiveness alone tried to pry them back over her shoulder. "Then why don't I come with you?"

When Shepard snorted in obvious arrogance at her suggestion Miranda inwardly bristled, covering her edginess up by merely rolling her eyes and shifting her feet slightly.

"What for? I don't need you to hold my hand Lawson," Shepard replied and Miranda couldn't help but meet the reddish blue hues in the glass of the fish's tank. "I can handle this on my own without your help. I could handle my own shit by myself in the Alliance and I'll do so now."

Miranda allowed a stream of biotic power to wash over her, the soothing waves caressing and smoothing at her skin until Miranda felt more relaxed than before. It was almost as if she had been put on a huge sponge bed, comfortable and it melded with her body almost by instinct.

"Shepard." Miranda shaped her Commander's name with tight lips, turning to face the blonde woman with every intent on showing Shepard how it wouldn't kill her to act a bit grateful now and then until her eyes landed on her superior.

"Lawson." Shepard answered back with her blonde, spiked hair sticking up at even odder angles than before and that smile is back on her face that Miranda loathed and respected at the same time.

Miranda cleared her throat again and massaged the skin of her neck, examining the dark leather that adorned Shepard's body before focusing with complete determination onto Shepard's light orbs.

"Nice dress." She commented with a quirky tug of her lips, unable to believe she was making such a bloody mess of talking to Shepard all of a sudden because for gods sake, she needed to get a grip if she wanted to actually have a conversation with the Commander.

Shepard smirked and shrugged her shoulders, gesturing at herself and firm blue eyes teasing the Cerberus operative under fine, long lashes. "Thanks Lawson, now if you don't mind I need to go meet Kasumi with my gear."

When Shepard pushed past her with gear in her arms Miranda felt like she had just been _snubbed_, right in the face. It was a very unpleasant feeling she had to admit.

"Do you want some help?" Miranda managed to ask Shepard with an exasperated groan soon after, following her Commander to the elevator and ignoring the little jibes in her head that was taunting her for her own awkwardness. "You're going to hurt yourself Shepard if you carry on."

"No I won't, you'd be much too pleased."

* * *

><p>Shepard got into the shuttle besides Kasumi, the designated driver for the evening, with her forefinger tracing the scars across her cheek and with a look of thought sketched over her features.<p>

Kasumi glanced over at her with a soft smile. "What's up Shep? Don't like the dress?"

Shepard shook her head with a faint smile, slumping further into her seat with her fingers drumming a rhythm against her knees. "Just a little nervous, don't want to screw this up for you."

Kasumi snorted and started the engine of the shuttle, pressing buttons and pulling at the gears of the vehicle with a grin. "Don't you worry Shep, we'll be alright besides if things go to shit then you'll have Miranda on your com to help you out."

Shepard stopped drumming, looking up at the master thief with wide eyes. "Miranda's helping us? _What?_ How come I wasn't informed of this?"

Kasumi turned her face to the side to place her pistol in the cabinet with another little chuckle escaping her. "She said she knew you'd react like this so I kept it quiet for her."

"Thanks Kasumi, you're a real pal." Shepard muttered with a scowl, groaning as she readjusted the com link wrapped around the lobe of her ear; contemplating whether she should switch it on or not as if Miranda was really helping then that would mean they'd have to _talk_.

Kasumi laughed at that, starting up the shuttle and driving out of the Normandy's hatch with her fingers padding and tracing their way through the holographic images that showed off Bekenstein in all of its glory. "As if you didn't want to her not to come with us, she's hardly ever away from us because of your teasing."

"I don't tease her!" Shepard protested with a pout, hesitating on turning the earpiece on now that they were on the particular subject of Miranda. "She just asks for it Kasumi, it's like she walks straight into it."

"You don't really give her much warning Shep," Kasumi reasoned with another flick of her wrist, looking intrigued at Bekenstein's scenery despite it being the home of the man-man who had murdered her partner. "I feel sorry for her sometimes, she's trying to be patient with you."

Shepard slumped further and further into her chair until the back of her head was almost touching the very seat of the leather chair, her arms crossed across her leathered chest. "I don't know how to express myself to her though, so I just act like a jerk because I don't…I don't get how to woo someone."

Despite trying hard not to, Kasumi giggled and affectionately patted Shepard's blonde spiky locks down. "Oh Shep, you're failing at the wooing are you? Don't worry, just be yourself."

"You just told me not to!" Shepard spluttered with wide eyes, sitting herself up properly on her seat so she could lean forward to try and catch Kasumi's eye.

"Did I?" Kasumi placed a finger on her chin, feigning thoughtfulness before she shrugged and put her attention back onto the hologram. "Oh well, just do whatever you think is right Shep."

"You're no help at all," Shepard muttered dryly before touching the closest button to her wrist, making the shuttle shake and for it to take wild dives and twirls until Kasumi slammed her hand over another button.

"Shep! For your own safety, don't touch a thing!" Kasumi scowled but honestly? It wasn't even a scowl because Kasumi had an infectious smile that made Shepard grin and shake her head, leaning back more comfortably in her seat.

That relaxation between them both didn't last long because as soon as they hit Bekestein's surface a hologram appeared right in front of the shuttle's window screen, shielding them in orange light.

Miranda Lawson stared down at them both, eyes flickering to Kasumi's for a mere moment before settling on Shepard with a look that could either be described as predatory or a look one gave to a person they were going to strangle using their own intestines.

Hesitantly Shepard reached up to switch on her com link, giving the hologram a bright smile. "Hey Lawson, heard that you're here to help us! Great stuff! What's up?"

Kasumi whistled and suspiciously looked like she was trying hard not to laugh and instead attempting to make it look as if she was messing around with the shuttle's controls.

"I've been trying to contact you for a while now, what was the hold up about?" Miranda asked with narrowed, sceptical blue eyes that made Shepard feel prickly and mushy all at the same time.

"Kasumi switched on the radio and we was lost in crap for a good twenty minutes, what did we have on?" Shepard asked with both her eyebrows arched before nodding briefly and returning back to Miranda's holographic image - completely ignoring the confused look Kasumi was sending her. "Oh yeah, Top of the Pops the album - what a load of shit Kasumi."

Kasumi arched her own delicate brows at Shepard, shaking her head in amusement before she too glanced back at Miranda.

"Anyway!" Shepard said with a bright smile, moving the subject on as fast as she could before Miranda decided that maybe it would be a better time for her to come along anyway - not that Shepard actually expected Miranda to do that because as bad as Miranda was Shepard didn't expect her XO to interfere, with anything to do with Kasumi anyhow. "What'd you need Lawson? We're nearly hitting Hock's place."

"I'm just here to advise you both that you need to be careful, this could all go to hell if you mess up." Miranda said with furrowed brow, looking concerned and sounding somewhat fearful. "I'll be with you on the com Shepard whilst Kasumi should be with you anyway, if you need my help you know where I am."

Shepard nodded her head wearily before letting out a massive yawn, falling back against her seat sleepily. "Alright Lawson, you made your point. Thanks for stopping by, would you like me to bring you anything back by the way while you're here? Flowers? Chocolates? A decapitated head?"

Miranda rolled her eyes a moment before cutting the connection from the shuttle, leaving both Kasumi and Shepard smirking at one another.

"Gee Shep, you're such a sweet-talker!" Kasumi joked with a fond laugh, patting Shepard's head again. "Consider Miranda seduced!"

"I try, I try." Shepard replied with another laugh, not truly understanding why she and Kasumi were laughing considering what they had both planned to do to get Keiji's gray box back - something that Kasumi considered priceless - but still she laughed anyway, holding onto her hurting sides.

"Shepard, I'm still the on the line." Miranda's voice thundered in her ear and immediately Shepard grabbed the com and breathed against it, making sounds that sounded like a dying monkey.

"What Lawson? You're breaking up here, bad connection around Bekestein! Churrr, churr, churr!" She flicked the com off for a moment, breathing in a sigh of relief even though she knew that she'd have to talk to Miranda sooner or later.

"Shep we need Miranda on the line so we can tell her what's happening," Kasumi informed her with a grin, flicking the switch back on despite Shepard's huffing. "You with us again Ms Lawson?"

"Fortunately or are you going to cut me off again?" Miranda's voice sounded through the com link, sounding even more colder than before though despite that Shepard was sure she could just about catch a hint of amusement in her XO's tone of voice.

Shepard thought for a moment, giving Kasumi a pleading look whilst her finger hovered over the com link - sighing when the master thief gave her a smile and shook her head.

"Commander!" Miranda's voice barked into Shepard's ear, making the blonde commander bristle.

"What is it Lawson?" Shepard replied angrily, pulling at her spiked locks in contempt.

"Don't think about shutting that com off or you'll sorely regret it."

"Fine…."

* * *

><p>"Ms Gunn," he held out his hand for her and Shepard inwardly prickled at such a man offering her a handshake. "I hope the situation at the door hasn't soured your evening?"<p>

_Just a little bit Mr Hock_, Shepard thought bitterly as she shook Hock's hand with a smile, _considering how you screwed my plan to hell so now I have to have both Kasumi AND Miranda whispering in my ear. Seriously, thanks a lot._

"Hardly Hock, we're both important people and I understand the…cautiousness you've taken upon yourself." Shepard smiled politely as she could, only realizing that she had said sounded patronising when both Miranda and Kasumi whispered into her ear to shut the hell up.

Hock's demeanour changed almost by instinct and the grip he had on her hand suddenly tightened, the strain making Shepard wince slightly under the pressure and that in itself was _not_ a good sign.

"It seems as if you would know a lot about such cautiousness Ms Gunn," Hock sneered before letting go of her hand, turning his back on her with his fingers tapping wildly against his thigh. "We both know what the world does to people like us if they ever slipped themselves into our business, such cautiousness is not a weakness but stability."

'_Shepard get the hell out of that conversation,' _Miranda ordered into her however her XO was cut short by Kasumi's voice overlapping the brunette.

'_No Shep! Stay in that conversation! I haven't got enough audio off him yet!'_ Kasumi said with obvious panic, overlapping Miranda even when the XO tried to speak again. _'I can't let you lose this opportunity Shep! You have to do this!'_

Shepard nodded grimly, choosing to side step Hock and moving forward until she could turn to meet his eyes again; noticing the fire in those orbs and revelling in them.

"Nothing's ever stable Hock, you know how it is…" Shepard started with a confident nod, picking at her black leather dress to try and keep her mind steady and focused. "There's always someone willing to come track us people down and silence us with a bullet in our head."

Hock smiled in response, opening his arms wide as if he was about to hug her. "Ms Gunn it sounds as though we have a lot in common, you know as well as I that the universe needs people like us to get our hands dirty for their sake. People these days want love, companionship and many other seemingly worthless things…"

Hock pushed past her to address the group of people by the fountain in the middle of his estate, taking a wine glass off a waiter's tray and sipping it before continuing.

"We're the keepers of this universe! We hold the world in balance and without us, why there wouldn't be a universe left to live in!" Hock raised his glass at his guests, smiling broadly. "To you my friends! The peace keepers and the destroyers!"

The hall broke out in applause then, almost drowning out both Kasumi's snort and Miranda's clicking tongue.

"_Well, he sounded confident." _Miranda's voice filled Shepard's ears, making the Commander grin and turn away from Hock and his audience to make her way down to the precincts where she could have more privacy.

"_Confident for a dead man," _Kasumi replied with uncharacteristic bitterness, making her usual perky tone sound twisted and dull. _"If it comes to that anyway."_

"Don't worry 'Sumi, we'll get that gray box right from under his nose!" Shepard responded with a little chuckle, hoping it'd be enough to get Kasumi back to her usual self. "We've got Lawson for cryin' out loud! We'll be fine!"

Silence followed for a moment before Kasumi laughed through the com-link, making Shepard feel that little bit calmer now that she knew Kasumi was slightly more relaxed than she had been before.

Miranda too seemed to have noticed the tension and coughed through her own com-link. _"And I say hurry it up or you will get found out; Kasumi have you got enough of Hock's voice to make it work?"_

"_I told Shep to get him talking, and she got him talking! I'll be with you in a minute Shep! Meet you by the elevators!" _Kasumi responded with another laugh accompanying her speech before the com-link in Shepard's left ear cracked and fizzled, signalling that the master thief had cut off all communications.

That left her alone with Miranda. Great. Awkwardness was sure to happen now, Shepard hated that more than anything. Damn awkward silence!

"Thanks Lawson," she muttered instead to try and get a sort-of-not-so-awkward-but-fairly-awkward conversation going. "For helping I mean, this means a lot to Kasumi and well, you know…_Thanks_."

There was hesitance once more on Miranda's side that Shepard ignored by walking back up the garden to try and get to the elevator where Kasumi was waiting for her with the DNA samples and the voice lock; however it was still another hesitance that put Shepard on edge.

"_I didn't do this for Kasumi, Shepard." _Came the reply that made Shepard pause in her step, eyes narrowed and brow creased in ignorant confusion. _"I know this mission meant a lot to her and I know how much Kasumi means to you…I'll let you figure out the rest."_

Shepard didn't need to and so she swallowed, shaking her head in somewhat amusement yet also a hint of uncertainty at Miranda's words - why would her XO go through so much just to help her?

She couldn't think too hard on it right now, she had things to do that were more important than thinking on Miranda's words; like meeting Kasumi like she had told her to.

When she did manage to arrive Kasumi was already shutting off many of the cameras around the elevator and was running her gloved hands across the DNA touch pad with precision and accuracy that made Shepard become transfixed with how her friend's hand seemed to move as though they were stroking water; it was extremely beautiful.

Shepard didn't take one step forward before Kasumi threw herself around to smirk at her with her SMG fully loaded in her right hand. "Shep! Good of you to join me! Now come on, let's get you all equipped and we'll be off!"

Shepard wasn't convinced at the master thief's act, she knew her too well. "You alright Kasumi? If you want to wait behind while I get the gray box then that's fine too you know?"

Kasumi frowned and folded her arms over her chest, looking more exasperated than Shepard had ever seen the notorious master thief. "I'm fine Shep because unlike most people, I wear my emotions on my sleeves! Seriously, they change colour and everything!" Kasumi smiled at that, turning away from Shepard to walk towards the Saren statue that held all their gear.

Shepard stared at her friend with her mind racing with every little thought that tormented and taunted her, could she allow Kasumi to go through with this? Would this mean that Kasumi could end the chapter of both herself and Keiji? What did _any _of this mean?

"What does the gray box contain?" Shepard found herself asking in a rugged whisper, kneeling down next to the master thief with a hand on Kasumi's shoulder; turning the master thief around to face her. "I know you said something about starting a war but…"

"Memories." Kasumi said dully, turning her face away from Shepard to strap her pistol to her thigh. "Mine and Keiji's."

Shepard ignored the thousand knives that sprung into her heart by grabbing her armour and guns from the placeholder in the statue and turning away from the thief.

"Good ones?" She offered to her friend, stepping inside her black and gold N7 armour with a hiss as part of it scraped against a new scar.

"The best." Kasumi responded flatly and when the sound of a gun clicking filled Shepard's ears, she turned to grin at Kasumi with wide eyes.

"We'll get it back and then we'll blow Hock's ass up like a ripe balloon until even Lawson is jealous."

Kasumi smirked with her eyes twisted upwards in humour.

"_Just wait until you get back to the Normandy, Shepard."_

* * *

><p>The aftermath of the battle with Hock was devastating at the <em>least<em>. Mech's, security drones and Hock's own personal army lay scattered around both Shepard and Kasumi as though they were meant to be there; as if they were meant to dead and buried at Shepard's feet, as if they deserved it.

And to Shepard, they did. They all deserved it. For making Kasumi's partner Keiji go through so much, so much torture, so much pain that it struck something deep within Kasumi; the one thing that for once Kasumi _didn't_ wear on her sleeves.

Shepard wiped the sweat from her brow before glancing over at her friend, surprise marring her features at the trickle of blood that was caressing its way down Kasumi's cheek.

"Kasumi you're bleeding," Shepard murmured with a nudge to her friend, taking hold of Kasumi's shoulders so that she could turn the master thief to face her. "God damn it, I told you to be bloody careful when you're fighting!"

Kasumi let Shepard's fingers press at the bleeding spot just above her eyes, revelling in the touch that she hadn't felt for what felt like years and wondering if it would always be there even after the whole mission ended.

The master thief winced a moment later at the pressure that was put onto her cheek, glancing up at Shepard's eyes in spite of her mind telling her not to because it just _wasn't_ right. She had Keiji's gray box in her pocket, but why didn't it make her feel lighter? She just felt so heavy.

"His dead Shep," Kasumi whispered softly and then she was enveloped by Shepard's one arm cradling her shoulder, helping her stand. "Hock's dead. We killed him. _I_ killed him."

"Yeah you did Kasumi," Shepard said with a little nod of her head, pushing hard on her shoulders to get Kasumi moving towards the shuttle that Miranda had sent to pick them both up. "You got Keiji's gray box and you killed Hock, you got what you came for."

"I feel a bit drunk," Kasumi admitted to herself after she and Shepard had managed to limp their way up the metal staircase towards the Normandy's shuttle, realizing after a lightning strike of pain that she had managed to twist her ankle when she had been ducking from wildfire of bullets. "None of it feels real Shep, I've got Keiji's gray box in my hands and it just…Doesn't feel real."

Shepard helped her inside the shuttle and towards a seat, letting her down gently and staring at her with eyes that showed so much concern Kasumi felt something wriggle inside her stomach - it felt much like butterflies. Illicit butterflies.

And then Shepard held out a hand. "Kasumi, the gray box…You know what we have to do."

Kasumi shook her head forcefully and clung onto the gray box (that was now in the palm of her hands), getting up from where she was sat to limp over to where a terminal had been set up. "I can't Shep, not without…" She turned to face the blonde commander, blinking away tears. "One more goodbye. One more."

Shepard nodded once and headed over to the terminal, taking Kasumi's hand and locking the gray box into the holder; turning away once the holographic glasses popped up over the master thief's eyes.

It didn't take long before she heard the sounds of quiet sobbing (so quiet that Shepard thought she must be hallucinating it) and a whisper of '_Keiji_' and then Kasumi was speaking random garbled sentences that crashed into one another again and again.

"No you can't ask me to do this! Keiji!" Kasumi practically yelled the next sentence, causing Shepard to turn round to stare pityingly at her friend; wishing she could offer Kasumi some comfort. "These are the only things I have left of you. I-I can't…"

Kasumi's head snapped up, holographic glasses gone to leave the dark battle-scarred eyes out in the open so Shepard could stare into them deeply; recognizing the indecision and pain far more clearly than ever.

"Isn't there a way we can just save the memories?" Shepard asked with a rough tone to her voice, reaching for Kasumi's arm and squeezing it gently. "So you could still keep him or…"

"No." Kasumi shook her head with a sniff, looking away towards the terminal where Keiji's face burned brightly in blue holographic light. "Keiji's a master at encrypting files, he laced the information with his memories. Destroy the information, you destroy the files."

Shepard felt her heart lurch, she knew that the files had to be destroyed in case someone went after Kasumi to try and get such files themselves but seeing Kasumi like this was disheartening. Could she truly destroy her friend's heart to ensure her safety instead?

"You need to destroy the gray box Kasumi," Shepard said with a wince, squeezing Kasumi's arm once more. "It's only a matter of time before someone finds you Kasumi, before they hunt you down and if you think I'm going to ever let that happen to you then you're damn wrong."

Kasumi turned to face her once again, blinking hard and her breathing warm and tingly against Shepard's face; looking forever haunted and her hands shaking anxiously. "I know Shep, I know you wouldn't want me hurt. I just." Kasumi's hands splayed across the terminal, thumb hovering over the button that would destroy the encryption completely. "It feels like I'm losing him. Again."

Guilt coursed through Shepard's veins and ears and with a shake of her head she took away Kasumi's hand from the terminal screen. "If it makes it any easier I can do it for you. Just so you don't have to…"

Kasumi backed away from the terminal, her velveteen hood a stark contrast against the suns they were searing past, the only thing keeping the thief up straight was her hand gripping onto the shuttle's walls.

"Just do it." Kasumi said with a pained gasp, turning her head away. "I just can't watch…"

Shepard nodded and without further ado deleted the memories and information with a flick of her forefinger; feeling another pillar of stone being added to her shoulders once Keiji's face faded away to be replaced with nothing but a blue screen.

When she turned back to face Kasumi she was surprised to see that the master thief was shockingly close to her, eyes full of something that Shepard couldn't quite note without feeling a rush of pain striking her head.

"I don't hate you Shep, you did what you had to do." Kasumi answered Shepard's unasked question, giving the blonde-haired woman a strained smile - so much strain that it broke Shepard's heart a little. "It's fine. I'm fine."

Shepard again, wasn't convinced.

"You know what you need Kasumi?" Shepard said as cheerily as she could without sounding like a complete douche, taking hold of both of Kasumi's arms and grinning down at the master thief. "You need a hug."

Shepard didn't hesitate then and enclosed the master thief in the biggest hug she could manage, grasping down hard when Kasumi rested her face in the crook of her neck to try and stop herself from getting teary-eyed herself.

"Hugs are good for the soul Kasumi, if you don't have one at least once a day you'll crack and fizzle and you'll end up getting wrinkles early!" Again Shepard tried to be cheery but every time she tried it felt as though she was just digging herself into a hole.

And fuck she just remember that Miranda was still on the line, maybe her XO would be kind enough not to mention any of this once they got back to the Normandy? Maybe?

Kasumi smiled against Shepard's neck, snuggling in deeper against Shepard's armour despite feeling the hard edges press into her hips and ribs. "Shep. I wouldn't want to hug anyone else right now."

'_Well apart from Keiji.'_ Shepard restrained from saying, instead smiling and holding onto the master thief tighter.

The sound of the com-link shutting off however made Shepard frown, an uneasy weight once more being pressed down onto her shoulders.

* * *

><p><em>Oh Miranda, make your move girl! ;D<br>__Though seriously, Kasumi and Shepard ARE so cute together…  
><em>_But I LOVE Miranda and Shepard too…  
><em>_Decisions decisions.  
><em>_I know how it's going to end though.  
><em>_But do you? =O  
><em>_No. XD_

_Thank you all for your gracious reviews. =)_


	7. Bruised

**Bruised**

Miranda stopped outside of the master thief's room with clear hesitance marring her features and limbs, turning her head to the side to address the locked door (most likely EDI's work) with arched brows.

It had been over two days since Kasumi has come out of her room and while Shepard had informed Miranda of the change, it still did nothing but make her feel uneasy at the prospect that maybe Kasumi was becoming instable and not able to function properly.

EDI popped up near Kasumi's door, startling Miranda slightly when the blue holographic light flashed at her.

"Ms Goto has requested that visitors are unwelcome to visit today Operative Lawson," EDI informed her, the AI's answer causing a frown to appear on Miranda's face. "Ms Goto also informed me that I however could take messages. Is there a message Operative Lawson?"

"No EDI, I was just passing by," Miranda answered with a wave of her hand, dismissing the AI until she was once more alone outside of Kasumi's door with thousands of thoughts rushing through her mind.

Thoughts like, _what the hell are you doing? _And _what the hell happened between you and Shepard? _And her personal favourite, _why the hell are you both making it so complicated for me?_

Miranda hadn't felt comfortable in her own skin since Kasumi and Shepard had come back from Bekenstein and while Miranda got the general gist of what happened, she was still inanely curious about the things that had occurred secretly between her Commander and the master thief _after_ she had cut herself off.

Whatever had happened, Shepard did not want to talk about it even when both Kelly and Miranda tried to pressure the Commander into telling them the details so Miranda could send it to the Illusive Man; such pressure putting Shepard even more on edge until Miranda gave up and sent the Illusive Man all she could.

He wasn't impressed at her that evening, Miranda could remember how disappointed he looked at not being able to 'control' Shepard like he had expected her to and of course that had done nothing but frustrate her, because what else could she actually do?

Maybe she should get Shepard a leash instead if it was such a big deal, it was just another thing that made Miranda uneasy about her leader these days; always wondering if she was here for the Illusive Man or if she was actually here for the moron known as Commander Shepard.

Most of the time it was hard to tell, the lines were too blurred for Miranda to understand where she stood; so she just hung there as though she was in the middle of two defying forces pushing at once another - as though she was the peace keeper.

She wasn't. Miranda didn't truly believe in peace because there was no such thing, the world was ever changing and that meant that it would never stay still and calm and calm meant peace and tranquillity.

The way the world worked was a vicious cycle and Miranda was not a fool to think differently, the only thing she wanted was to put humanity forwards by any means necessary that didn't really include screwing people over like Jack - which of course had been a mistake, she had told Shepard this when Shepard had found out about Jack's past, the argument had been brutal and when Shepard finally stormed out Miranda had felt as though she had been physically punched in the throat.

Shepard had the weird habit of clogging her throat up as though she was nothing but more a blocked sewer pipe, it was maddening enough for Miranda that she had actually got angry enough with herself that one of her tags (when she had first started in Cerberus they had been given to her as a reminder that while she was here under the Illusive Man's protection she was also expected to work) had been chucked into a disposal to rot away until Miranda found it back on her desk the next evening.

Shepard was one sneaky bitch even to Miranda's standards, that alone was enough to make Miranda even more cautious around her Commander; not because she was afraid of Shepard, but at the realization that she didn't know if she could _trust_ Shepard.

Sure Shepard hadn't made any moves against her so far but that didn't necessarily make Shepard one to trust, such things happened when Miranda was only a young teenager and the only thing her father had ever really taught her was how trust was easy to break yet hard to gain.

Miranda moved away from Kasumi's room with a sigh and made her way towards the elevator so she could go check on engineering to see how their newest member Tali was coping, it normally wasn't really her thing but Shepard had at least completed one dossier since she had looked at them four weeks ago so Miranda inwardly thought that speaking to the new alien was somewhat a reward.

Well that was what she had intended to do, however that was quickly pushed aside when EDI once more appeared in front of Miranda as the elevator slowed its pace until it halted altogether.

"Operative Lawson there is a commotion in the cargo hold containing both Subject Zero and the Commander." EDI informed Miranda with her usual helpful tone (not that AI's really had tones, Miranda always seemed to forget that with EDI however). "I believe they are to be sparring in the cargo hold however they have managed to cause 26.5% of damage to the hold; biotic abilities a likely possibility."

Miranda instantly felt her head throb at the tidbit of news EDI had just given her, storming out of the elevator with her hands pressed against the glass of the engineering windows, glaring down at what she looked like to be a battlefield.

Jack and Shepard looked like they were trying to kill each other from where Miranda stood but she knew better than anyone how Shepard's thorough training was set out and what it contained; and that was just from reading Shepard's dossier and not seeing the Commander with her own eyes.

Shepard was brutal when it came to training, using force and biotics alone was one of the thing Shepard was one of the things the Commander excelled in; with biotics she could charge down an opponent and with her ability to give the opponent a good right hook she was also deadly close-up as well as distant. Sometimes even Miranda was surprised at how Shepard could mange to biotically charge at an enemy and then blow their brains out a second later, mostly because she made it look so easy…

But now? Shepard was an exceptional biotic (her L5 implants was something to be awed at) yet the way Miranda saw it, it looked as if the blonde-haired woman was getting severely thrown around by the tattooed convict and of course they were both laughing because what else could be more fun than throwing each other around a disclosed part of the Normandy?

Miranda ground her teeth at the image of the two biotics wrestling one another and made her way towards the hold like EDI had instructed, knowing very well that one, she was going to get somehow severely slaughtered Jack (or Shepard) and two she was going to need medical attention for her headache if she somehow did manage to survive.

Shepard wasn't even in her proper Cerberus uniform either and that had extra padding in! If Shepard didn't manage to kill her by normal means then Miranda was pretty sure the blonde was going to worry her to death; and she shouldn't even be worried when it came to Shepard. Sure she was a bit of a moron, ate way too much to be considered healthy and liked walking around the ship at night (right next to Miranda's office, it was _so _annoying when she was trying to sleep) but she knew very well that everyone was in capable hands when it came to the Commander.

A loud crash up ahead, followed by Jack's cry of '_holy fucking shit Shepard!_' made Miranda wince, however it also prepared her for the chaos that she was probably going to encounter once she got down there.

That soon turned out to be irrelevant because no matter how hard Miranda tried, she realized that the picture in her mind was absolutely irrelevant now as another wrecked crate flew past her to crash into the wall next to her head.

Crates of armour and weapons had been smashed to oblivion and instead lay sprawled across the deck's floor, however that didn't explain the bullet holes that littered the Normandy's floor and walls panels unless…

Miranda threw herself against a steel panel at the sound of gunfire and Shepard's yelling, breathing in heavily in both frustration and complete disbelief that Shepard would actually be stupid enough to fire bullets around in a cargo hold!

"What's wrong Jack? Stop pissing around! I thought you wanted to train with me!" Shepard's voice echoed through the hold, the sound making Miranda growl in aggravation. "You're the only damn one of this ship who's actually chose to come train with me!"

"Fuck that Shepard!" Miranda heard Jack call back and then she was blessed with the sound of more gunfire and a biotic wave making the ground shake, this one motion being enough to make Miranda step out from her hiding place with her steely blue eyes sweeping over the cargo hold to look for the two occupants.

She caught sight of Jack rushing towards Shepard's turned back and instantly let her biotic implants do their work, allowing the threshold of element zero build up and intensify around Jack's form; trapping the biotic in a shield so great that even Miranda was surprised at the development.

Fuck, Jack was going to be able to get through that if she didn't hold strong. Her biotics were nowhere near as superior as Jack's - who's biotic abilities could destroy her in a heartbeat.

Shepard however seemed to have noticed her appearance and grinned, climbing over broken crates and storage boxes until Miranda was face-to-face with her Commander who at least had the decency to look a little bit sorry.

"Hey Lawson, what are you doing here?" Shepard greeted her cheerfully, wiping the sweat away from her brow and tugging at the white tank top until it riled up to show some skin. "Shouldn't you be doing something that requires excessive amounts of concentration?"

Miranda didn't have time for Shepard's games and used her free hand to shove the biotic in the shoulder, sending Shepard back a few steps. "What the _hell _do you think you're doing? This is a cargo hold! _Not_ a training ground!"

Shepard pouted out her lower lip at that, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand so she could ease some of the tension out of - Miranda guessed that the Commander had got hit a few times training with Jack, not that the Commander didn't deserve a little pain now and then.

"We were just training Lawson." Shepard said with a shrug of her shoulders, turning back to watch Jack struggle with the biotic shield encasing her. "Jack's the only one who decided that she wouldn't mind a bit of rough-and-tumble now and then."

"I'm sure she wouldn't," Miranda replied with a bitter smile, eyes focusing on Jack's murderous hazel orbs before glancing back over to where Shepard stood; looking very sweaty and dazed, like she wasn't sure if she was really there or not. Miranda personally liked her like that, and not just for viewing pleasure but also because it allowed her ears to have a damn rest. "It still doesn't change the fact that you used weapons inside the damn hold and damaged the exterior! _God damn it Shepard!_"

Shepard's eyes widened and softened until Miranda had to close her own to avoid them for a mere second - to work her frustration up, she wasn't just going to let Shepard get away with it because the Commander batted her lashes at her. "Sorry Lawson, I'll clean it up after once you manage to let Jack go."

Jack struggled from where she was trapped in the biotic shield, sending Miranda a death glare over her shoulder. "Just wait until I get outta here princess, you'll wish you hadn't been born once I'm done with you!"

"I'd like to see you try." Miranda snorted with a burst of confidence veiling her like a shroud, she always felt like this around Jack and while Shepard didn't approve of such abrasiveness around the convict Miranda just couldn't help herself.

Jack's eyes flashed and without warning the biotic shield broke, sending Miranda sprawling into the staircase that led up to engineering with such force that Miranda groaned in pain at the sharp metal edges digging into her back.

The force and shockwaves of Jack's footsteps caused Miranda to shake slightly, not truly used to such biotic power charging at her at such a close range and especially not by one of the most powerful biotic kid's in the world; she supposed that her father was right about another thing, you experienced something different almost everyday.

"Hey now! Come on Jack, calm it down yeah?" Miranda glared up at the shadow that had been cast over to see that both Shepard and Jack were face-to-face, looking so close that it looked like the two biotics were going to meld into each other's being by just staring at one another. "Lawson's just trying to keep the peace, no need to get worked up."

Miranda scowled at the back of Shepard's head, getting up from where she had been lying on the stair case to stand by Shepard with her chin held up high; if Jack thought she was getting one up on her just because Miranda had been vulnerable for a second then the convict was sorely mistaken on her part.

Jack scoffed at them both, glaring at Miranda first before bringing the glare from hell onto Shepard instead. "What the hell Shepard? Just because you two bump pussies doesn't make it fucking alright to screw around with me!"

Miranda cringed at the term the convict had used, _christ_ if there was something worse than 'bumping pussies' then she'd truly lose her faith in humanity (how ironic coming from a Cerberus Operative) because what else could such people create? Bumping pussies only made Miranda think of two cats in dodger cars (an old human entertainment) and whilst that may amuse some - like Shepard - it didn't amuse her.

Shepard seemed unfazed by the term, not that Miranda expected any different, and instead raised her hands up in the air as though she was surrendering to the convict and the judgement Jack had placed upon them. "I'm not screwing around with you Jack, I respect both you and Lawson equally. But come on, no punching her brains out yeah?"

Jack bared her teeth after what felt like a full minute of glaring at them both, shoving past Shepard and Miranda with a grumble. "I'm only doing this for you Shepard! Once this mission's over, you won't even be able to find her body."

Miranda watched the biotic go with a roll of her eyes, only allowing them to stay on Jack for half a moment before she allowed her cold hues focus around Shepard instead.

Shepard gave her a cheery grin and a nervous laugh, quickly walking forward to pick up most of the broken pits of wood and metal and kicking them to one side of the room.

"You know a little bit of gratitude could be nice?" Shepard said all of a sudden after picking up two heavy weapons and placing them neatly together on the shelf where most of the spare equipment was hung up. "Sorta saved your arse Lawson from getting compressed against Jack's biotic fists."

"I can handle myself Commander," Miranda answered back icily, slipping through a tight shaft of metal to join the blonde haired woman in picking up most of the rubbish that had been left behind from Shepard's and Jack's training. "Though I'd be lying if I didn't appreciate your interference."

Shepard shot her a smirk over her shoulder, making Miranda freeze as the lurch in her stomach returned ten-fold and for the pain in her head to squeeze even tighter than before; making her wince and scowl even harder to cover up her pain.

"No problem Lawson just watching out for my crew, but hey…" Shepard trailed off, slumping against a metal panel that hid most of the spare medi-gel kits in case their was a hull-breach. "Didn't you say I was slow and sluggish a month ago? Why don't we prove how wrong you were?"

Miranda's eyes flashed at the memory and then closed in frustration at what her superior was implying. "After we've just started cleaning this damn mess up? I don't think so."

Miranda looked away once, just _once_, and before she knew it Shepard was right in her face; blonde spikes and dark blue eyes alive and bright with amusement.

"Scared Miss Lawson?" Shepard teased with a hand on her hip and her breath (Miranda could detect a hint of caramel, what was it with the Commander and her treats?) caressing Miranda's face like a breeze; it only managed to piss Miranda off even more.

"No Commander," Miranda said with a frown, pushing Shepard away from with a firm hand on her superior's stomach. "Just very, _very _cautious."

"What is it with people being cautious around here?" Shepard chuckled in reply, backing away from Miranda with a shrug of her shoulders. Miranda thought that this was the signal to turn and leave until Shepard grabbed her arm, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Do you wear anything under that uniform?" Shepard asked with such unbelievable innocence that if that alone didn't warrant Miranda in punching Shepard straight in the nose then she was sure nothing would.

Strange, Miranda hadn't felt something so quick and ferocious like that in a long time and that was considering she'd been working for Shepard for over a good three months.

Shepard lay sprawled on the floor, nursing her bleeding nose with laughter spilling out of her lips like rainwater and again that made a spurt of anger rocket up Miranda's spine until it was planted in her head - revving her anger and emotions until Miranda was ready to burst.

"Lawson! If only you'd of let me finished!" Shepard continued to laugh even as she struggled to get up and Miranda didn't have the heart to help her; honestly she hoped that maybe the Commander wouldn't try and get up so she could lie in her own mess. "It's because I was curious, do you not want to train with me because you're not wearing suitable clothing?"

Miranda hesitated briefly when Shepard stumbled before sighing and digging her fingers into the bone of Shepard's shoulder, pulling her Commander up despite her better nature telling herself not to. "I'm not sparring you here because you've already made a mess of the hold, besides I'd have the advantage."

By the way Shepard's eyes crinkled in displeasure it didn't take much for Miranda to figure out that her Commander was disgruntled at her words. "How so Lawson?"

Miranda pushed away from her Commander, crossing her arms over her chest and once again lifting her chin up high - it seemed to be the only way to get back the advantage of being the dominant one in her's and Shepard's conversation.

"I've told you about my genetic tailoring Shepard," Miranda warned in a low voice, looking up at Shepard through under her lashes. "I'm designed to be perfect physically and mentally, a poor disadvantage for you don't you think?"

Shepard stared down at her keenly, eyes scanning her face as though one little blemish might make Shepard back down from her position - _she won't find one,_ Miranda thought to herself, _father designed me this way; the bastard._

Instead of getting angry like Miranda had expected Shepard to get, the Commander grinned down at her and ruffled her own spiky blonde locks. "So you promise that you'll beat me to a pulp next time I want to spar? Nice one Lawson, let's hope you're as good as you say you are."

"I didn't say that Shepard-" but of course Shepard ignored her because Miranda can't actually remember a time where Shepard takes her bloody seriously! How can anyone on this ship _not_ get even the slightest bit annoyed by her is beyond Miranda's range of thinking.

Miranda turned to leave at the sound of Jacob calling her name, giving Shepard one last glare over her shoulder before following the sound of Jacob's voice.

* * *

><p>It turned out that the Illusive Man wanted to speak to her in the briefing room on the CIC floor and that immediately set off warning bells, Miranda had learned that when it came to the Illusive Man wanting to speak to her directly then it was something of great importance.<p>

Or something that involved an issue that the Illusive Man didn't wish for her to talk to Shepard about. Miranda wasn't stupid, she knew that Shepard's alliance with Cerberus was only temporary and once the mission was complete that the Alliance soldier would return back to where she rightfully belonged.

Miranda didn't actually know yet if she'd miss her or not, probably the former because it was only Shepard; it wasn't as if she hadn't said goodbye to people before and it wasn't as if she didn't think about them sometimes. Most of them were good people. Apart from Ish, he still owed her 5000 credits. She was still slightly bitter about that.

She gave Mordin a nod of acknowledgement before stepping into the briefing room and into the holographic circle, cold eyes hardening as they were supposed to when the Illusive Man appeared on his usual chair with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

"Miranda," he said softly with a sip of his wine and a small smile. "I'm sure you're curious on what I have to tell you, well I won't torment you…It has nothing to do with the Reapers _or_ the Collectors for that matter."

Miranda couldn't help but burst with pride every time she talked to this man, the man who was putting his foot forward for humanity, for humanity's dominance and for humanity's pride; he was simply a legend of his own in Miranda's eyes and despite what Shepard thought she realized that maybe he'd always would be.

But still, restraint. "Is there something else that requires Shepard's attention?" She asked with genuine curiosity, feeling slightly startled at her own words. When had it become so easy to slip out Shepard's name instead of her own? Shepard wasn't even here and yet…How confusing.

The Illusive Man merely chuckled at her then, stubbing his cigarette out with a shake of his head. By everything that was holy, did he notice it too? Miranda wouldn't put it past him, he was far too sneaky _not_ to notice.

"I'd actually like to speak about Shepard and her _relations _with the rest of the crew," he said sombrely with another sip of his wine, rearranging himself in his chair. "You know as well as I do Miranda that fraternization isn't kept to a minimum but when it gets in the way of the mission…"

Something uncomfortable settled in the bottom of Miranda's stomach at her superior's words and dozens of images flashed in her mind, it almost made her fall out of the holographic circle it shocked her that much.

"To be frank Miranda I'm concerned about Shepard's emotional attachment to certain members of the crew," the Illusive Man said once more with that sombre tone, the sound suddenly feeling more and more grating than Miranda could take. "She's a soldier as you are well are of, while her fraternization with the crew is to be expected I can not have the Commander becoming _too_ emotionally attached."

Miranda nodded hesitantly to show that she was listening as intently as she could because good god what did the Illusive Man expect her to do? She couldn't stop Shepard being friends with the rest of the crew, it was the Commander's own business and not her own.

"What do you suggest then?" Miranda asked with actual curiosity, folding one arm behind her back to grab at the other arm to try and hold herself up so she wouldn't fall - she felt _so_ dizzy all of a sudden. "I'll make sure this relegation is followed as you suggested but how would you like me to go around setting it out?"

The Illusive Man's eyes narrowed at her, making Miranda strand that little bit straighter than before. "Miranda you know how much I trust you on this mission, you are by far one of the best of us in Cerberus."

Miranda hid her smirk and confidence behind her cold exterior, instead subtly shifting her movements to try and stop herself from smiling with satisfaction however the Illusive Man hadn't been subtle enough to hide the wording of his sentence - Miranda was still waiting for that undeniable 'but' to come into it.

"However I believe actions must be took," the Illusive Man laced his fingers together, giving her a calculating look before gesturing to the side for someone to place another glass of wine in his hand. "It's reached me that maybe you aren't being as hard on Shepard as you should be."

Miranda arched a curious brow at her superior, folding her arms and caressing her chin with one lone finger in an attempt to remain composed. However despite her calm exterior she was becoming more than annoyed because what else was she supposed to do? Lock Shepard up in her cabin and make her research? It was one of those times when Miranda sat back and wondered what was going on in the Illusive Man's brain.

"This is no fault of yours Miranda as I know you are aware of," the Illusive Man continued calmly, rearranging himself on his chair. "But it seems like Shepard just does not know how to act to get this mission done, what troubles me the most is that this _act_ of the Commander's only cropped up when she started working for us."

"She doesn't trust us," Miranda said quickly with a slight nod of her head. "It's understandable but I have to disagree, while Shepard may not act like it most of the time, she is a valuable asset to the battlefield. I've seen her myself, she's…_Very_ durable."

The Illusive Man merely smiled at her, looking more amused at her than impressed by Miranda's knowledge of Shepard's skill in battle. He waved a hand again and Miranda caught something flicker in the background, it looked like a man covered head to toe in dark Cerberus armour but Miranda could only remember so much.

"I will be sending one of my most loyal and trusted Cerberus operatives in to observe the ship and the aliens on it," The Illusive Man started to explain and again Miranda caught a flicker of movement behind her superior. "He will be there for a week or more so he can get the general gist of things and then will report back to me. These are the times where we will discover who is truly on our side against the Reapers and who isn't."

Miranda stiffened at the mention of another Cerberus operative being on the Normandy, it wasn't the best move considering Jack, Tali and Shepard were all on edge when it came to the organization but if this was what the Illusive Man wanted…

Miranda still didn't know if it was the best idea but she was just following orders, if it all blew back in the Cerberus operative's face then it was no fault of hers.

"Shepard won't be happy about another Cerberus operative being on the ship, especially one that observes her friends." Miranda told him with her lower lip jutted out, not truly understanding why her superior was putting so much on the line when it came to Shepard's stability.

"Shepard isn't running this operation Miranda," the Illusive Man replied coldly, far much more colder than Miranda had expected from him. "_I am _and the Cerberus operative I'm sending will determine the most loyal out of us and the ones that are to be left behind forever once the mission is over."

Miranda stared at the moving image behind the Illusive Man before turning her back, getting ready to inform Shepard what was happening.

"Oh and Miranda…"

She turned back, eyes focused and determined to try and bring such news to Shepard without the biotic throwing a fit of anger.

"Your sister's location is known by your father, I'm sending the details to your terminal; see if Shepard can help you if you can and if not I will make sure my operative does instead."

Miranda felt her whole world freeze. Oriana? Her sister, Oriana had been found by their father?

It suddenly felt as if Shepard was more needed than Miranda had first thought.

* * *

><p><em>Thanks one and all for all your lovely reviews, I've decided that I'll start answering them all seperately from now on. My laziness is an awful thing. <em>

_**Peewit and Kalen: Quit spoiling the story guys! ;D I told you not to spill the ending! Oh maaannn...**_


	8. Losing It

**Losing It**

Shepard was not happy. Not happy at all thanks to a certain fucking someone who she had bumped into on her way back to her room after clearing all the crap in the cargo hold.

'_What do you mean his sending in another Cerberus operative?'_ Shepard had asked through clenched teeth, her fingers had been curled into tight fists at the time too and she felt like destroying anything she could get her hands on. '_What the hell is his problem? Doesn't he think I'm doing the best I can without ANOTHER one of you Cerberus assholes at my back?'_

Miranda had glared at her then though the look in her eye had managed to settle Shepard slightly despite how waves of anger crashed into her, Miranda didn't seem to happy on the decision either. _'It's not my decision Shepard otherwise I wouldn't have done such a thing, but if the Illusive Man wants us to pick the operative up at Illium then we will do so even if you keep whinging.'_

"I don't whinge!" Shepard muttered angrily to herself as she got into the lift to head up to Miranda's office where her XO was waiting for her, something else seemingly had popped up that was so important that it couldn't be delayed.

'_Well fine! But don't even think about ganging up on me with this Cerberus operative because I'm telling you Lawson I will…' _Shepard had then frozen up as though someone had kicked her in the stomach, choking her. '_I don't know! But it's ridiculous! As if I'm not trying hard enough as it is…'_

She could just about remember Miranda's face, undeniably soft and full of something that made Shepard shiver and for her mind to spin. It looked a lot like regret, but it was hard for Shepard to make out.

"Fucking Lawson," she muttered moodily to herself, leaning back against the metal handrails that the elevator offered. "Get the hell out of my head, god damn it."

It wasn't enough that she was already stressed out by Kasumi's latest act of disappearing off the face of the ship's interface (even though Shepard knew the master thief was still locked in her room) now she had Miranda on her mind again, because there was never going to be a damn break was there?

Why did she have to like Miranda so much anyway? Sure she was a stone, cold fox in Shepard's eyes but whilst that was an added bonus it really wasn't the only reason; maybe it was because Miranda was undeniably like her at times, how they were both willing to make the hard choices no matter the cost and how they both didn't truly have any family apart from the groups they worked for. They were more alike than Shepard had thought.

The elevator stopped and with another sigh Shepard stepped out of the elevator, turning her head to the right to stare at Kasumi's door with a frown, it was still locked judging by the red circle; another day without Kasumi cheering her up. Another slow, inevitable day.

After whatever Lawson wanted she would go speak to Garrus and Tali, she hadn't spent much time with them since coming back from Bekenstein but she would soon remedy that - they had to go back to the Citadel to pick up some food supplies anyway, if only to keep that Cerberus operative at bay for a little more time.

Shepard turned the corner to head towards Miranda's office with her arms swinging uselessly at her sides, she was still anxious and pumped up from the fight with Jack and such a simple act like going to Miranda's office was not enough for her to blow-off steam; maybe later she'd have to retire to her own cabin to try and get rid of the adrenaline another way. It also gave her a little damn privacy too.

As soon as she got near to Miranda's office door she stopped for a moment, feeling her breath start to grow more and more heavier and her heart felt like it was going to be ripped from her chest; but why? It was no secret to herself that she found Miranda attractive and liked her very much but this was new even for her, something was going on with her mind and she didn't like it. Shepard liked being in control and without it she felt as if she was drowning in her own insecurities and thoughts.

But Miranda was Miranda, nothing more and nothing less and if her XO needed her help for something important…

She hung her head low, she was never, ever going to live this down. "EDI, inform Miranda I'm coming in just in case she's in the middle of dressing or having a shower or…- a scandalous image of Miranda naked flashed in her mind and without realizing it, Shepard flushed in embarrassment. "-_you know!_"

EDI of course didn't know but it made Shepard feel better about herself when the AI popped back up, telling her that she was allowed to enter Miranda's room with no complications.

The first thing she saw was Miranda's face, twisted in a look of complete anxiety and frustration, looking as fierce and dangerous as a puppy that been beaten to submission however also had the look of complete fire in her eyes that promised no matter how many times she was kicked down, she'd get back up again.

Shepard didn't know if she found that alluring or insane, most likely the former as she herself possessed something akin to those traits that Miranda held in her mind, body and soul.

"Shepard I…" Miranda started with a rugged murmur, cutting herself off with a hacking cough before starting again. "I'm in the dire position of asking for your help, something that I need. _Desperately_."

Shepard restrained herself from making a joke about their previous argument about the Cerberus operative coming to 'observe' the Normandy's crew, the look of complete disquiet on Miranda's face was enough to make her shut her mouth up for once.

Instead she took the seat in front of Miranda's desk, resting her chin in the palms of her hands and observing her XO carefully. "What is it Lawson? You look a little…Disturbed. Do you want something to drink or maybe something to eat?" Like that was what was bothering Miranda; Shepard herself couldn't even remember what made herself such a moron.

Miranda shook her head forcefully though surprisingly didn't make any scathing remarks, instead settling on cupping her forehead with one hand and letting out a deep breath. Shepard had a feeling that maybe her XO was going to either be sick or she was going to faint. She wondered if it could be humanely possible to be both.

"You know about my father don't you Shepard?" Miranda said with her fingers tapping nervously on her desk before she halted them so they hung in mid-air, curling into fists in an attempt to remain calm about whatever was racing through Miranda's mind. "And my genetic tailoring?"

Shepard fidgeted in her seat, crossing a leg over the other and leaning back in her chair to nod at Miranda. "Yeah I remember us talking about it, the girl who's probably never had a spot in her life."

That astonishingly managed to pull a smile out of Miranda who looked up to address her with said smile despite how much her eyes differed from the smile itself, it made Miranda look like a lifeless husk.

"You're wrong but that's not the point," Miranda said, suddenly turning serious and her smile fading. "I wasn't born naturally Shepard you know that, my genes were just picked out to become the 'perfect' woman my father intended me to be. But I wasn't the first candidate."

Shepard knew this when talking to Miranda before, the thought of Miranda's father always made something snap inside her and the large coil of rage that was forever growing inside her started to uncoil itself each time they had this conversation about her XO's estranged father.

Miranda got up from her seat to pace her office, stopping to look out the window into the deep realms of space. "After I joined Cerberus he withdrew all funding from us but the Illusive Man still had many informants in my father's business. But I didn't leave alone…I took my twin sister Oriana with me."

Shepard got up from her chair at that, stalking towards the Cerberus operative until their elbows touched and Miranda (_shakily_) looked at her. "You took her with you? Then why isn't she here?"

"Because I wanted her to live a normal life Shepard!" Miranda snapped all of a sudden with her brow creased in anger. "I didn't want her to live the life I do, the life I did live. Cerberus helped me secure her to a family in Illium and having been watching over her ever since."

"But?" Shepard asked despite knowing the answer, still wrapping her head around the fact that there was another woman out there who was Miranda's twin sister. It felt bloody incredible. "His found her hasn't he?"

Miranda nodded once before turning so that both hers and Shepard's eyes locked, locked together so completely that Miranda doubted they would move anywhere else because of such an intense hold.

"Cerberus is planning to move her somewhere else however," Miranda said sharply with a tilt of her head, eyes narrowing until Shepard felt as though she'd be lost in the metallic blue of Lawson's hues. "But I'm going to make sure she gets somewhere safe personally, I just can't do it alone Shepard."

Shepard looked at Miranda for a long time, or for what felt like a long time, with her eyes studying Miranda's face; looking for a blemish, a scar, a bruise, something that showed her that Miranda was just as worn as she was, maybe more so…Yet there was nothing, nothing that showed anything to Shepard; it was almost as if Miranda was a finely-wrapped parcel.

She was perfect, but she was also flawed. Shepard knew this with just a single blink of an eye and two to three months with her XO, she knew but never thought much on it. Better to let Miranda maintain her usual confidence.

She was going to help Miranda straight away, screw the Cerberus agent she was supposed to be meeting because at the moment he or she didn't matter to her at all; right now all she wanted to do was be there for Miranda no matter what happened.

"Alright." She said with a bright smile, taking both of Miranda's hands in her own (_heart jumping into her throat as she did so_) and bringing them up so that they were at both of their waists. "You want my help? You've got it Lawson. Is there anyone in Illium who can help us or are we going in completely alone?"

Miranda is left speechless for a moment, her mouth parted just the slightest bit so it looked as though she was gasping for air however that thought soon left Shepard's mind when Miranda squeezed down hard on her fingers - making Shepard wonder slightly if Miranda was trying to get Shepard to let go or if she was using her fingers as a source of comfort instead.

"I have a contact in Illuim called Lanteia," Miranda managed to choke out after a few seconds of complete madness, unravelling her lithe fingers from around Shepard's own with a little shrug. "She'll be there to help us to get to another contact of mine and from then on we can see Oriana off."

Shepard turned her back on her XO and cupped her own cheek to think with more focus, processing every little tidbit of information Miranda had given to her and analysing it again and again until her mind ached.

It seemed like a simple mission, get in, get out without many complications if any; but hell, when was it ever that easy? But it wasn't for nothing, this was Miranda's sister. The _sister_ of Miranda. _Oriana_, Miranda's sister!

She sighed and clutched at her forehead. Her head was officially blown. She'd have to go see Chakwas later to get some medicine for her headache, it was slowly getting worse ever since she had awoken from the Lazarus Project.

Shepard tossed a glance at the Cerberus operative over her shoulder, eyes softening when Miranda looked at with hard, focused eyes that didn't betray anything of what her XO was thinking.

"I'll set a course for Illium then." Shepard said slowly, testing Miranda's reaction with observant eyes.

Miranda's eyes brightened considerably and she took a step forward, hands resting firmly on her hips (a sign of nerves, or so Shepard thought) and a small, slight smile sketched onto her face. "Thank you Shepard, I normally don't ask such things from my Commander so I won't make this a casual thing."

"Good thing Lawson!" Shepard suddenly snapped with a serious look, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her blue eyes at the XO (laughing slightly at the surprise that registered on Miranda's face for a moment). "I'm not your personal councillor, this won't happen again. Right?"

Miranda's face broke into a surprised smile (though Shepard was sure it couldn't match the smile that crossed her face at the thought of Miranda actually _smiling_) as Shepard repeated Miranda's own words back to her.

Shepard grinned back before exiting, her leaving words directed at the Cerberus operative. "Get some rest, you'll need it when we get to Illium."

Shepard didn't bother to hear Miranda's reaction, instead making her way to the CIC so she could give her the coordinates to Joker before heading off to her cabin for a well deserved break.

* * *

><p>Miranda and Shepard had both been suiting up with their weapons when they heard the sound of footsteps come from the deck of engineering, signalling that someone was nearing their destination.<p>

Miranda shot Sheppard a look. "Who did you pick to come help us?" If it was someone like Jack then Miranda was going to kill her Commander, this situation was delicate and if someone like JACK was coming then…

Shepard shrugged in response, putting her assault rifle in its respected sheath built into her armour and turning to face the engineering door where the footsteps were coming from.

When the person they had both been anticipating rounded the corner Miranda smiled slightly at Shepard's back, knowing that even if Shepard had been totally cool about the arrival of the guest that it would be no surprise to anyone to find the Commander with a grin on her face.

"Kasumi!" Shepard cheered with a laugh, jogging over to the master thief to grab Kasumi by the shoulder. "Well, you're a sight for sore eyes! It's like we haven't talked for years!"

Miranda holstered her gun to her hip as the two of them talked, wondering if the feeling of anger was because Shepard was taking the piss in gearing up or if it was something else entirely.

Kasumi laughed softly in response, patting the blonde spikes on Shepard's head - _how come Kasumi always did that, was it something that had always been there but Miranda had never noticed? _- with gentle care. "Three days Shepard, three days."

"Felt like years." Shepard said again with a dismal look making her eyes crease and for her smile to strain. "You alright?"

"Coping." Kasumi replied roughly before turning away from the blonde-haired woman to stare probingly at Miranda.

Miranda honestly wished she wouldn't, all it made her feel was worse and she didn't understand why she felt bad in the first place.

"I owe you, you know that right?" Kasumi said to her in a small voice that didn't fit, it made Miranda's stomach wriggle at the thought that maybe she was the one who caused her. "You helped me with Hock, so I'm going to help you. You good with that?"

Miranda nodded coolly with a subtle raise of her eyebrow, turning her head away to holster her heavy pistol that she had been checking over the moment Kasumi had arrived.

"Thanks," she said to the heavy pistol rather than the master thief, knowing that if she looked up then that feeling of pure sympathy would overcome her and devour her whole.

"No problem." Kasumi responded just as awkwardly as Miranda had thanked her and when Miranda forced herself to look up she saw how Shepard was looking between them both with an even more discomfited look marring her features.

Shepard clicked her tongue loudly to break the silence. _"Awkward!"_ She announced before rounding a corner to get onto the shuttle that would take them to Illium.

Miranda snorted at Shepard's retreating back.

* * *

><p>"So this Niket bloke…" Shepard started with a little cough as they entered the elevator after Miranda's more thorough explanation of the situation including Oriana and Miranda's past. Her bastard of a father. "You sure you can trust him?"<p>

Miranda gave her a sideways glance and a confident smirk. "Trust him? With my life and Oriana's. Shepard you understand me when I say I'd give my whole world to him and expect him to hand it back untouched."

Shepard chewed at her lower lip at that, giving Kasumi a side glance to see if she got it (Kasumi shrugged) before nodding understandably at her XO. "So it's a good thing we've got him then, would be a bloody nightmare if we didn't."

Miranda nodded with her smile still on her face though it had thinned dramatically when the elevator doors had opened to reveal canisters and crates that were packed to the rim with explosive gas and contents that could light the Citadel on fire. "Watch where you shoot Commander or we might roast ourselves in the process."

"Yeah we wouldn't want…" Kasumi started with a teasing little whisper, upholstering her SMG Locust with a little chuckle. "_Shepard thinking you were any hotter._"

Shepard froze at Kasumi's words, turning her head to the side to give the master thief a strained, icy smile that made Kasumi burst out laughing until she collapsed against the elevator wall.

When Shepard managed to look back at Miranda (after much mind berating and whatnot) she wasn't the least bit surprised to see that Miranda herself had frozen and looking like she had just been punched in the gut about six or seven times.

Shepard felt as though she had somehow managed to walk into a brick wall that was shaped like Miranda and no matter how many times she pushed she just couldn't get through it, maybe next time she'd use a rocket launcher to save herself the embarrassment of master thieves sending not-so-subtle-hints towards the individual you felt particularly affectionate about.

She coughed and made her way past both Miranda and Kasumi, hands nervously poking at the gun in her holster. "We should go."

Miranda herself coughed and plucked her assault rifle from behind her back and following Shepard through the narrow corridors and the stacks of crates and canisters that were trapping them in an even more enclosed space than Miranda had thought possible.

Wherever Niket was, she was in a hurry to find him and fast before Eclipse got to him and Oriana.

Shepard allowed Miranda to go in front to catch up with Kasumi, nudging her friend in the ribs to spark another chuckle from her.

"What the hell Kasumi? What was that all about?" Shepard whispered anxiously, gesturing to Miranda up ahead with a nod of her head. "Are you trying to kill me out of complete embarrassment?"

Kasumi grinned and her eyes were alit with mischief under the shadow of her hood. "Shepard if you tried to woo Miranda your way, you'd be there forever snapping at each other before she smacked one on you to get you to shut the hell up."

"And what's wrong with that?" Shepard screeched with her arms flapping around beside her head, looking as though she was about to suffer with a shot to the head. "I _like_ that! Maybe I should try that!"

"Your sexual tension was killing me." Kasumi tried instead with a wink, turning the corner to follow Miranda into another corridor filled to the brim with security mechs. "God either make a move or I'll screw you myself to clear your head."

Shepard grunted at the thief, shielding herself behind the opposite wall to Kasumi to shoot the head off a mech that had been stalking next to the crate Miranda had ducked behind. "My head is perfectly clear Kasumi, though thanks for the offer I might take it one day."

"You can't even shoot without glancing at Miranda's ass." Kasumi chuckled to herself and threw her grenade at a group of security mechs, scattering them until they fell over the edge of the ledge into a compartment full of explosive canisters. "And don't act like you haven't done it, I've done it a few times myself."

Shepard shot her a glance once the ground had stopped shaking under her feet. "Are you serious? Stop looking at her as though she's a sex object!"

"That's one of the things I love about you Shep," Kasumi murmured teasingly, moving from behind the wall to pat Shepard's cheek playfully. "You're like a chivalrous little knight gone wrong."

"I don't get it." Shepard said with red cheeks, shifting slightly in discomfiture at how close Kasumi was to her again.

"Didn't think you would." Kasumi said with a sigh before moving away, glancing back to where Miranda was to see that the Cerberus operative was staring at them both with curious eyes.

Miranda snapped her head in the opposite direction once she realised that both Shepard and Kasumi was staring at her, getting up from her crouched position and taking hold of a spare com-link to try and patch her way through to Eclipse's communications.

Kasumi winced and gave Shepard a sympathetic look. "Sorry."

Shepard shook her head and squeezed Kasumi's arm, making her way over to where Miranda stood with the com-link pressed tightly to her ear.

Miranda's expression changed into one of complete fury before she threw the com link away from her, giving Shepard the most meanest glare the biotic had ever seen.

"It's Niket, his betrayed us." Miranda growled out with her hands clenching at the fabric of her latex armour.

"Fucking brilliant." Shepard groaned before making her way towards the elevator at the far side of the wall.

* * *

><p>Miranda stared down at the body sprawled out in front of her, hands shaking anxiously despite trying hard not to drop the gun that her fingers had latched themselves around.<p>

Niket lay dead at her feet, her bullet being the one thing to end his life just in the same way Niket had ended the memory Miranda would always keep of him; it was both her fault and his own - why hadn't he moved away? Why had she pulled the trigger? Why didn't Shepard stop her? Why….Why didn't she stop herself?

"Why didn't he move? He could have moved god damn it but he just stood there!" Miranda hissed from behind her teeth, restraining herself from kicking the limp body of Niket in case she couldn't damn well stop. "If only he'd of moved then I wouldn't of had to shoot him! Why…"

"Don't blame yourself," Shepard said with a slight frown, grabbing her arm to trail her fingers up and over the gun Miranda clutched at to pry it away from her XO. "It's not your fault this happened, you just put your trust in the wrong people."

Miranda couldn't look away from the hole in Niket's head, it just didn't look right to her, it felt as if instead of planting a hole in his head she had instead planted a bomb by how Niket's features were creased together in pain.

"I screwed up because I let things get personal!" Miranda suddenly burst out with the palm of her hand reaching up to cup her forehead. "I knew Father would do this, he'd use Niket against me and he'd do god knows what else to mess me around! And I let him do it because I wasn't well-concealed!"

Miranda could just about see Shepard gesture for Kasumi to move towards the elevator with a tilt of her head, and that was before Shepard took hold of her shoulder and let her fingers trace the hexagon patterned latex with care. "It doesn't matter how many upgrades you've got or how much of you is genetically altered or not, you're still Miranda Lawson. A human who makes mistakes just as well as anyone else."

Miranda didn't get any relief from Shepard's words and decided to voice that, shrugging Shepard's fingers off her and turning her face away and letting her eyes focus on a stack of canisters.

"And where does that leave me? Niket was the only friend I had left…" Miranda murmured as flickers of happier times flashed before her very eyes like a sadistic gallery of paintings - it was doing nothing but torturing her from every little bit of happiness she could grab. "The only thing my Father had let me keep and now his taken that away from me too! Playing me like an instrument! He picks the tune and I play to it, it's pathetic."

"You're wrong you know." Shepard replied with a click of her tongue, moving around so that she filled Miranda's eye-sight with herself, smiling briefly to try and boost Miranda's spirits. It wasn't working of course. "You've still got that one thing you came here for. Oriana."

"My father didn't give her to me Shepard! I rescue her from him!" Miranda snapped angrily, storming her forward until she could brace herself on the metal banister to hold herself up. "But I…I know what you mean. Thank you Shepard, without you I wouldn't have been able to get to her in time."

Miranda could feel Shepard's hesitance in touching her shoulder for a second time but she didn't make any movement to show the Commander that she could or couldn't; mainly cause it didn't bother her at all and all she wanted right now was to see if Oriana was safe.

"When we get back onto the Normandy we'll talk properly, until then we need to go see if Oriana is alright." Shepard said gruffly with a stamp of her boots, more than likely trying to get rid of the spare pits of asari stomped into her soles. "Don't worry, nobody else will know about this and I'm banning you from filing a report on this mission."

Miranda smiled for a split second before her duties hit her full-force in the face, a reminder that no matter how hard Shepard moaned at her to _'live a little' _she just couldn't, it wasn't in her blood.

Shepard patted her back then, sending a shooting spurt of warmth up Miranda's spine until it rested in the pit of her stomach; making Miranda breathe in a deep breath in an attempt to keep herself steady.

"Come on Lawson, we need to get going otherwise we might lose her." Shepard whispered warmly into her ear, pulling away to make her way to the elevator.

Miranda shot Shepard a glance over her shoulder, pushing away the warmth inside her stomach and chest so she could at least try to think thoughts that didn't consist of making it up to Shepard for being so kind to her, or thoughts that she considered highly inappropriate at such a time. For crying out loud, Shepard was a bloody moron most of the time and now Miranda was thinking about her as though she was some sort of, what? Beautiful woman? Maybe she was the moron instead of Shepard, she sure felt like one.

The Illusive Man was right, she should distance herself away from Shepard in case something happened, something that she couldn't take back. It would be for the best, they both needed time away from one another and this mission of hers was the perfect opportunity to do so.

* * *

><p>Or so she had thought, but that of course had been before Shepard had convinced her to meet Oriana in a small café where Oriana's parents sat on one side of the room whereas Shepard and Kasumi sat on the next, leaving them both together with conversations flowing easily through each of their lips.<p>

Miranda discovered that Oriana had taken up the art of painting as her hobby, that she liked classical music and her favourite meal was nothing but just a random hamburger - _made from real cow obviously, not that artificial rubbish _- and how much she loved reading stories to young children whenever she got her chance where she was taught at university.

Miranda kept information about herself classified, only sparing little details about herself that wasn't really interesting but interested Oriana all the same until they got onto the conversation of that one little niggle; Commander Shepard.

"I like her hair Miri, it's all static and spiky. Does she get mistaken for a boy a lot?" Oriana asked with genuine fascination and curiosity, glancing over casually at Shepard and Kasumi with a smile.

Miranda felt a groan coming to escape her lips, however shut that out with a faked 'hmm' to give her more time to think of a way to make a sentence about Shepard that didn't sound as though she herself was intrigued by Shepard's hairstyle.

"I don't remember her ever getting mistaken as a boy, although to be fair she does act a bit like one…" Miranda said with confidence, knowing that if she kept her head tilted up ever so slightly then Oriana would be none the wiser - a tilt of ones head could do wonders to a person's confidence and thoughts.

She herself glanced over at Shepard and Kasumi's table, rolling her eyes slightly when the two of them hid behind two of the long, extravagant white menus that had been brought to them the moment they sat down. As if they could hide that they hadn't been listening…

Oriana met her eyes with an amused smile, sipping at her water before arching a questioning brow at her sister. "I think she's very beautiful in a tomboyish sort of way, I certainly wouldn't mind bumping into her in a dark alley. What about you?"

Miranda had been surprised by her sister's suggestive tone at first, but she wasn't going to fall into this trap no matter how hard her sister tried. "I _think_ she's too old for you. You're only nineteen Oriana."

Oriana smirked at Miranda's reply, choosing a different tactic than her last one to catch her sister off guard. "Okay fair enough, but what about her other friend? She looks really cool, I mean she's got a hood and everything! Is she some master assassin or something?"

"Kasumi?" Miranda choked out with a laugh at the picture of Kasumi being anything but a thief. "No, she's too clumsy to be assassin. She's a friend. Of Shepard's that is."

"Are they together then?" Oriana asked with innocence coating her tone, making Miranda's face blanch and for her eyes to widen slightly.

"Uh no definitely not," Miranda said with a lick of her lips, crinkling her nose and focusing her eyes on the tip of it to give her something to distract herself with. "If they were together Shepard would have told me."

Miranda watched as Shepard got up from the table with Kasumi, motioning her to follow them with her hand before leaving the café as swiftly as possible.

She stood up, catching Oriana's gaze with her own once again. "I've gotta go but if I upload my details to your omni-tool then…"

Oriana took her hand in her own and squeezed it. "Go on then, don't worry about it Miri. If you don't find me again then I'll find you. But promise! Promise you'll come see me before my prom!"

Miranda didn't know if she could promise that, but she nodded regardless; brushing Oriana's cheek just once before following Shepard's trail out of the café until she was face-to-face with Shepard (who was grinning like a chesire cat) and Kasumi.

"What?" Miranda asked, irritated at the smug look on Shepard's face. "What are you grinning at?"

"You're sister said I was hot." Shepard mumbled with arrogant nod of her head, laughing when Kasumi and herself shared a glance.

"She's not interested in you." Miranda cut in with a growl, feeling bizarre at another wave of possessiveness washed over her. "Get over yourself."

Kasumi stalked past them both, a grin on her face. "I know someone who is interested in you though Shep. But for now, we celebrate!"

Shepard watched the master thief go with a shake of her head, sharing a look with her XO. "Drinks?"

"Apparently."

* * *

><p><em>This chapter is long.<br>__Meh.  
><em>_Haven't given it a serious look-over, will correct mess ups later._


	9. The Observer

**The Observer**

Shepard had completely forgotten about the Cerberus Agent they had supposed to be meeting, only remembering when she felt something touch her shoulder on the way to the bar where Miranda had told her to go have a good drink so they could both steady themselves.

Her immediate reaction was to spin round and jab the butt of her pistol into her attacker's face however that soon was wretched out of her plan as an elbow came crashing down onto the back of her neck, bringing her to her knees with a howl of pain.

Both Kasumi and Miranda cried out her name and then them two were silenced when her attacker placed his own pistol to the back of her head, making Shepard growl at how she had been caught so off-guard in such a matter of moments.

"Are you Commander Shepard?" His voice was rich and smooth and it brought another ball of anger to Shepard's stomach at how smug it was. "I am the Observer sent by the Illusive Man. And I have to say, I'm disappointed."

Shepard jumped up and sent a punch to the 'Observer's' face, gasping in shock when the agent grabbed it and squeezed. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Stand down!"

Miranda was stuck in the middle of what to do, on one aspect this Cerberus agent was threatening her commanding officer and that meant she should honestly put a hole in his head but on the other hand this man was sent from Cerberus, the group she trusted and was loyal to.

Kasumi on the other hand knew exactly what she was doing and lifted her pistol to the man's head, breathing heavily and with narrowed eyes.

The agent turned to gaze at Miranda behind his Cerberus armoured mask, he was certainly an observer and not the one to be 'observed' as his whole body was covered in armour; not leaving an inch of skin to be looked at - it was almost unnerving but Miranda didn't dare show it and instead clenched her jaw.

"Miranda Lawson, the scientist who can't control the experiment right?" The Observer said with a hollow chuckle, releasing Shepard's fist to push the Commander back. "A pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." Miranda retorted back with bitterness changing her tone, taking the decision to holster her gun back into its place on her hip. "Although if you knew anything about me, you'd know I'm no scientist."

Kasumi also lowered her gun and with a quirk of her lips she added, "and you think Miranda can't control Shepard? Look at the poor girl, she's completely whipped."

Miranda glared at the master thief sharply at that comment. "What?"

"What is it with you today?" Shepard squeaked out, gasping for breathing.

Kasumi pretended not to hear and instead shrugged her shoulders at Shepard's wide-eyed stare.

The Observer stared at all three of them for a long time before turning his back on them all to stroll towards Illium's port. "You'll find me on the Normandy when you return Commander, try not to get killed by your own bullets."

Shepard growled at his retreating back. "And what will you be doing if you don't mind me asking?"

"Observing." He responded back mockingly, waving a hand at them all as he merged into the crowd.

"Asshole." Shepard groaned out whilst rubbing her neck with bleary eyes. "Come on Miranda, you said you needed a drink and we're damn well going to get one."

Kasumi opened her mouth to speak, obviously going to slip in another tease before the day was out.

Shepard reached out to pinch Kasumi's lips together.

"Not another word."

Kasumi pouted miserably, moving away from Shepard's grip to stare bleakly at the commander.

* * *

><p>Miranda stared at the empty chair in front of her at the dinner table where the Cerberus agent was supposed to be sitting at so that they could talk on the Illusive Man's intentions for this agent.<p>

Rupert was preparing some ready-made meals for the human counterparts of the crew, this was another reason why Miranda liked this vessel more than her last one she had been upon; not only was it furnished to her style but the catering had different time schedules so something like turian food wouldn't manage to sneak its way into their time schedule and kill them all.

She didn't quite understand why she had to meet with this Observer anyway, if he was 'observing' then maybe he should butt the hell out of her business when she was trying to work with Shepard, trying being the important word of course.

Although lately it had become easier to talk with her Commander, at least this time it wasn't just Shepard teasing her mercilessly every time they talked; it had started to develop into a somewhat uneasy friendship between them both though they both would have denied anything of the sort quicker than a flash.

Miranda's eyes looked up from the surface of the table she was sitting at to latch onto Garrus and Shepard talking just near her office, she could hear most of it from where she was sitting but what surprised her was that the turian had a slab of medi-gel plastered onto his left mandible.

"Hell Garrus if you keep getting hit like that nobody will find you attractive anymore," Miranda heard Shepard tease, watching as the blonde-haired commander reached up to gently prod at the mandible. "But you said you don't remember how it happened?"

"No I just woke up with it broken," Garrus groused with a shake of his head, claws scraping at his fringe. "How the hell I didn't realize it was broken before I went to sleep I don't know, maybe I rolled over on it funny."

Miranda observed the turian coolly and the damage that had been caused to his mandible, from what she could see it looked as though his mandible had been bent so that it poked outwards; it probably made talking unbearable but Garrus was such a hard-ass Miranda doubted he even felt it or even cared if he did feel it.

"Garrus it looks as though someone has broken it, c'mon how else can you bend it like that without you feeling it?" Shepard voiced Miranda's thoughts as clearly as Miranda would have liked to voice her own words, surprising Miranda once more at how their minds seemed to work (surprisingly) in sync. "Go rest up, I'm sure your precious calibrations will be fine for today."

Miranda smirked at the on-going joke between the turian and the rest of the group, he was never going to live it down or so it seemed because Shepard always mentioned it every time she came back from the main battery with a teasing smile on her features.

"Hah, screw you Shepard." Garrus said in reply, punching Shepard forcefully in the arm and sending the commander back a few steps; although it didn't do really anything but make Shepard laugh harder.

Miranda forced her eyes to remain cold and calm when Garrus looked over at her with his right mandible twitching in amusement, his claws coming up to scratch at the scales below his mouth.

"Oh I get it Shepard…" Miranda watched as the turian pinched at the skin of Shepard's neck, making the blonde jolt and whimper to try and stop Garrus from practically piercing her. "You just want me to leave you alone."

It took Miranda two seconds to realise what Garrus is implying, it took five seconds for her to blush at what the turian is implying, it took twelve seconds for her to wish that newspapers hadn't died out in the late 21st century so she could at least try and cover her face and it took her about 25 seconds to realise she has _hair _so she covered her expression with that instead.

"HAH! Screw you Garrus you hilarious scaly-ass thing you!" Miranda heard Shepard shout out with that tone of embarrassment Miranda could relate to ten fold. "Get back to where you belong you! God I'm going to kill you…"

It isn't a second later that she hears a voice that sends a shiver down her spine. "Shepard, nice to see you not doing any of your duties today. Does Miranda let you get away with these things?"

Miranda's face sprang up to see that the masked Observer was staring at both Shepard and Garrus, his arms locked together tightly across his chest as he observed them both.

Miranda glared at the man being the mask, he called Shepard a disappointment but this was coming from a man who hid behind a mask; at least Shepard had the balls enough to show her face and not behind a black, vast mask.

Shepard's eyes hardened and she moved so that she blocked the Observer away from Garrus, mouth creased into a frown. "I don't have any duties today, maybe that's why Miranda leaves me to get on with it or didn't you think of that?"

Great if Miranda didn't intervene then it was going to be another fist fight again, she made a move to get up when Garrus stopped her with a look that clearly told her to sit back down again; let it play out first, see what happened.

"You have no duties? You're the Captain of this ship and you have _no_ duties?" The agent sounded exasperated at such a thing, it made Miranda wince at how angry he sounded. "Maybe you should find yourself some duties instead of fraternizing with this turian, he is here to work with you but that doesn't mean you need to rub tongues with him."

Shepard's eyes flared in anger and she took a step forward, finger pointing directly at the masked Observer. "How about you piss off? This is my ship, I run it my way and not yours! And that turian is called Garrus, one of the people who were there with me when my team stopped Saren and the geth! It may not be much of a title as yours _Observer_ but I'm afraid not many people remember terrorists in such a good light!"

Miranda flinched at the unintended insult towards her, ignoring Garrus's warning eyes and making a move towards the group of both alien and human and only stopping when Shepard snapped her head towards her; eyes ablaze with furious fire.

The Observer chuckled in amusement and patted Shepard's shoulder with deliberate force, pushing Shepard down an inch each time and making the blonde scowl angrily up at the masked Cerberus agent. "Humanity has you to present them Commander Shepard, if only they knew what you were really doing to prepare for the Reapers then they might not be so awe-struck by you don't you think?"

Shepard shoved away the Observer's hands with a growl, teeth bared with animalistic rage that made Miranda's face grow hot at the unbearable look in Shepard's eyes.

"I'd like to see you do any better," Shepard breathed dangerously, moving away from the Observer with her eyes catching Miranda's for a second (looking ashamed, but at what Miranda wasn't sure) and then moving to Garrus's, gesturing for the turian to get back to main battery. "C'mon Garrus, doesn't look like we'll be allowed a rest today. I'll help you."

Garrus shrugged and followed Shepard to the main battery, giving Miranda another look that makes guilt course through her stomach and chest as though it's a natural thing to feel when she manages to fuck everything up without actually knowing she's done so.

Miranda refused to watch Shepard go with such guilt on her conscious just because Garrus looked at her funny, besides what had he expected her to do? Go rushing in to defend her Commander? This was a bloody test, she just couldn't do these things and expect not to get the tidbits sent back to the Illusive Man, if he even found out that she had done such a thing than defend Shepard it'd be disastrous.

"Ms Lawson," she'd forgotten about the agent in her wandering thoughts and had to throw a stiff smile at his direction as he walked towards her, his masked face hiding every expression that he could possibly be throwing at her. "A word about your leash."

Miranda had to restrain herself from punching this guy in the face, not that it'd be a very good idea considering how he had managed to almost break Shepard in two the first time the two of them had met but still the urge was strong.

"Pardon?" She asked anyway despite knowing what he had said the first time, it was just one of those little mannerisms where you asked someone to repeat what they had said the first time to make sure they really were asking such a stupid/fucked up question. It was only to be polite.

"Your leash, the non-existent one you're supposed to have on the Alliance lapdog and the various number of aliens you have on the Normandy." The Observer says with disgust in his tone, his just another reason why Miranda hates some of the reasons why some people join Cerberus - out of xenophobia. "I was with the Alliance once, got sent to prison for defending myself from the alien filth on Omega."

"Interesting." Miranda replied in a voice she made sure didn't actually sound like she was interested, it'd give him too much power, power that Miranda did not want to give to him. "Why do you feel that I have such a loose hold on my _leash?_"

His gloved fingers curled up into fists and without warning he slammed his right his into the nearest panel next to him, filling the almost-empty mess hall with a sickening crunching sound. "This is not something to be amused at Ms Lawson."

Had she sounded amused? Damn it, she hadn't meant to sound it because she knew something like this would happen.

She arched a brow, hoping it'd be enough to coax the agent to at least try and calm down. "I apologize, I didn't intend to sound amused. Maybe we should sit down and talk?"

The Observer didn't move towards the seat Miranda had held out for him, instead he merely nodded before nursing his injured hand with the other; if Miranda had to guess his facial expression she supposed he'd look like any other injured man with his features scrunched up in shock and pain.

"The Illusive Man gave me a job to observe Shepard." He said solemnly, folding his injured hand behind his back. "This meeting is nothing but wasting valuable time; I don't speak to the monkey Ms Lawson but the person in charge."

The agent bowed his head at her then, turning his back and making his way towards the main battery with such a smug air around him that Miranda rolled her eyes in anger, what an arse. Who the hell did he think he was, talking to her like that?

A monkey? Really? Like she resembled a monkey! Someone would need to think up better retorts if they were going to get somewhere in life, but it didn't matter anyway. Who cared what he thought of her? It wasn't as if he'd be on the ship for more than a week, and even if it was for more than a week then…

Miranda sighed and cupped her forehead, making her way over to her office door (which promptly opened) and slipping inside with a grunt. "If he stays here for more than a week then I'm going to consider counselling."

"No kidding." A voice came from further into her office and Miranda held in a groan at the sound. "Shepard looks like she's about to consider murdering someone at the rate his pushing her at."

"Kasumi!" Miranda snapped, storming forwards to grab at the master thief's wrist, pulling Kasumi off her king-sized bed. "How many times do I have to tell you? Stop coming into my office without my permission!"

Kasumi's laugh is magical and full of energy that Miranda doesn't posses, she'd almost say she's jealous but she doesn't know what she's jealous of when it comes to Kasumi; it's probably how Kasumi can make Shepard grin without actually doing anything and how Miranda has to actually work at it to make Shepard feel all cheerful and good inside.

It's at this moment Miranda realised that she was doing something she had sworn not to ever do, ever, ever, _ever_. Pining. For all the spirits, she was actually pining like a pathetic teenaged girl.

She slammed her hand to her forehead in hope that'd help. It didn't, it made her head hurt more. Brilliant plan. Why was she so hopeless at real life situations, yet she could tactically plan an assault in a matter of minutes? Where was the fairness in that?

"You don't complain when Shepard comes in without your permission!" Kasumi reminded her with that little mischievous tone that Miranda doesn't trust or like very much and she has no idea why, Kasumi's never done anything to offend her so why does she feel so wound up whenever the master thief is near her?

"That's because it's Shepard!" Miranda protested despite knowing exactly how that sounded and not caring anyway, it was nothing but the truth. "She's my superior, I can't exactly say no to her!"

Kasumi eyed her with even more amusement before, slinking into Miranda's office chair (Miranda glared at her and resisted the urge to pout mournfully because that's her office chair damn it!) with a lone finger resting on her chin. "So Miranda, if she told you to strip naked and swim the seven seas does that mean you would?"

Miranda has a tactic for things like this however, it something doesn't go her way the immediate thing is to retreat; or at least give an order one cannot refuse in case they were punished.

She outstretched her arm, pointing at the exit. "Out! Right now! And go find Shepard! Tell her I want that report done by tonight!"

"Which one?" Kasumi asked innocently as she got up from Miranda's chair, tip-toeing her way towards the exit of Miranda's office. "There's so many you know…"

"The one where she blew up an elcor's house on the Citadel! Yes I haven't forgotten about that, go tell her I expect it!" Miranda ordered with rising frustration, because yes while it had been an accident it still had cost Cerberus quite a bit to get the press to shut the hell up about it. "And if she even leaves that detail out then I'll make her rewrite it!"

Kasumi of course has to have the last line, Christ she's worst than Shepard and that's _saying_ something. "You know something Miranda, this whole pretending not to want to sex Shepard up is not working out for you darlin'."

Miranda chucked the last two dossiers at Kasumi's face, pleased when she heard a whimper and the sound of Kasumi's feet moving away. At least she'd get some progress done before Shepard made her way in here, swearing at everything holy that it wasn't her fault that Kasumi had dared her to hit the red button and it made that elcor's house blow up in the process.

Miranda wasn't interested in excuses. She trusted Shepard now (she couldn't remember why she hadn't before) but maybe the Cerberus Observer was right at how much Shepard got away with things, maybe she did have to push harder to achieve success when it came to Shepard.

Or maybe she was thinking too much on it, god damn it she couldn't keep her head on the straight and narrow when it came to Shepard because no matter how hard she tried all she could think of was thoughts that weren't strictly appropriate at the time or place Miranda was at.

It was ridiculous, this whole thing was absolutely ridiculous and it wasn't as if Kasumi was actually here to help her anyway because it seemed pretty obvious Kasumi was eager to prove herself to Shepard as much as Miranda was.

But why should she be so eager? Hadn't she already proved herself to Shepard a thousand times over? Couldn't she get a bloody rest around here? It was all these little niggles that made her bite at her lip in anxiety, opening up her terminal and messages before logging into Shepard's personal account.

It's just one of her dirty little secrets including Shepard (she doesn't have many in spite of what her mind taunts her with) at how she reads every message the commander receives, it's not because she doesn't trust Shepard it's just because she's simply nosey and besides she's doing Shepard a favour most of the time by dumping all the junk in the trash.

Miranda reached for her mug of coffee and sipped at it. Before spitting it everywhere and retching with a cough, thumping herself in the chest at the unexpected assault of alcohol in her system.

She slammed her mug down and scowled at it angrily. "_Lambrini_, I should have known Kasumi was in here for a reason."

Well if that wasn't karma then she didn't know what was, not that such a thing would stop her from looking through Shepard's inbox; she could handle a little karma now and then, it wasn't as if it was a crime or anything.

Miranda coughed again to try and get rid of the left-over tang of the lambrini before clicking on the newest message for Shepard, disregarding the name for a flicker of a moment before her eyes widened at the realisation that it was from none other than Oriana.

The subject was named 'guardian angels' too. God damn it, why did Oriana have to butt into her business? Was it one of those annoying little sister things? Miranda didn't really know, she'd never been a little sister before. Or had enough time to develop the knowledge of being an elder one.

The message read:

_From: Oriana (Lawson)_

_I hope this is the right Commander Shepard. I'm Oriana. My sister only told me a little, but I don't think it occurred to her that I'm as smart as she is. I poked around a little and found an information broker who got me this address._

_I got to thank her, but I never got to thank you for helping me. My parents don't really understand it, but I know how much Miranda did, how many little things over the years were her looking out for me. I'm not going to tell them. I still want to go to school and get some degrees. But I wanted to say thanks for saving me, I know it can't have been easy._

_I had a guardian angel all these years but I don't think Miranda has anyone. I'd like to think you could be hers for a while or maybe more than a while, I know you're her superior and all but I think you could both benefit in being friends. _

_Just. Make sure she comes back okay? Or I'll do some serious ass-kicking, I'm quite the fighter if you didn't know. _

_- Oriana_

_PS: Don't tell her I sent you this. It would just make her angry._

_PPS: Miranda, quit looking at Shepard's messages. Oh, don't act like you don't. It's what I'd do._

Miranda pushed away from her desk with a defeated look, allowing herself to sink further and further into her own mind before she snapped her head up to attention, allowing her biotics to flare and for her room to shake.

She heard the murmur of Shepard's curse and then the sound of someone falling with another yell. Miranda didn't know if she was smug or if she was slowly losing her mind.

* * *

><p>Shepard licked at her dry lips, shuffling in her slippers down the mess hall and towards the fridge; rubbing at the kink in her neck that had reappeared when she had woke up from another nightmare of husks, Collectors and Reapers. A brilliant thing to wake up from.<p>

She needed something to wet her appetite so she could try and not focus on the undeniable fact that her dreams were starting to slowly become reality, she just couldn't let herself think of such things and so to shut her own thoughts up Shepard went to the fridge and got out a yoghurt, ripping the little plastic spoon from the lid and sitting herself down on the counter where Rupert normally prepared the food.

Shepard spooned the yoghurt into her mouth with dark, narrowed eyes; looking out for the damned Cerberus agent who seemed to follow her everywhere like a bad itch that she had no idea how to get rid of - she had tried so many times to lose him, even going as far as trying to shake him off by going near Jack's hidey-hole but even then he followed her.

Man she doubted she could have a shower without that damn agent following her, unless that was against the rules of being a super-stalker although Shepard didn't really have any idea how to stalk people; maybe she'd ask Kasumi later, her friend had been rather sneaky of late. Sneakily sneaky…

A sound behind her made Shepard jump and drop her plastic spoon, spinning herself round to see that Miranda Lawson had joined her in the mess hall and was making herself a mug of hot cocoa with nothing on but a very large shirt.

Miranda eyed her with amusement for a second before she flicked the kettle on, waiting for the water to boil with feigned disinterest.

Shepard said the first thing that came to her. "That's a very large shirt."

Miranda shrugged her shoulders at her, crossing her arms against her chest and crossing legs to hide the underwear that she was wearing underneath from her Commander - it was obvious to Shepard that Miranda was not comfortable in wearing such attire in front of her, well…How very _amusing_.

"It keeps me warm. It used to belong to Jacob." Miranda said casually with an arch of her eyebrows, silently challenging Shepard to ask the question that immediately popped into her head.

Fuck she hadn't expected that little twinge of jealousy to sting so much, seriously what the hell had she expected? She had the hair whilst Jacob had the pecs! It was like comparing his penis size to her shoe size, two very different things.

Shepard averted her eyes from her XO, taking a lick around the rim of her yoghurt once before answering Miranda's unspoken challenge. "So…You and Jacob hm? Gotta say, really didn't expect you to go for him."

"Shepard." Miranda cut in before Shepard could make an even bigger fool of herself. "It didn't work out alright? Doesn't mean I can't keep a shirt off his when I'm cold."

Shepard held up her hands in mock surrender, folding her lips together as tight as she could to keep the plastic spoon from falling out of her mouth.

Miranda took the act as acceptance and turned away to fill her mug of cocoa powder with hot water and sugar, reaching for a spoon and starting to stir as she poured the water into the mug.

Shepard finished her yoghurt with a pop of her lips, dumping her carton in the bin and using her now free time to stare at the side of Miranda's face; forcing herself not to look away when Miranda's eyes locked with hers again.

"What?" Miranda snapped with a look of exasperation crossing her face, turning her face away from Shepard to stir her cocoa more slowly.

"You're not normally up this late," Shepard observed coolly, folding her arms and taking a step towards her XO so that she could just about see Miranda tense up slightly at the sound of Shepard's boot scuffing the floor. "What's up Lawson? Don't tell me you only came out here to stalk me."

Miranda's eyes flashed dangerously and Shepard took a step back, not really feeling up to being used as Miranda's punching bag. "Maybe I should go, you look like you're about to kick a puppy again."

Miranda sniffed sulkily and placed her spoon into the sink with a careless flick of her wrist, bringing the mug to her lips and looking at Shepard through half-lidded eyes.

It made Shepard's stomach squirm at such an unintentional ardour stare and instead of retreating like she had planned to, she took a step forward until she was just a breath away from her XO - practically invading Miranda's personal space.

"What do you want from me?" Shepard hissed through her teeth, suddenly feeling as though she was as high as a kite and that the adrenaline from her training session with Garrus today start to pump through her veins again at the memory. "I don't understand it, you're the only person on this vessel that I can't get my head around."

Miranda stared up at her with piercing blue eyes, the cold look never leaving yet still making Shepard feel weak in the knees; it was truly the most pathetic thing Shepard had ever allowed herself to feel. "The feelings mutual Shepard."

Shepard felt herself grow more irritated, feeling as though Miranda was nothing but a rash that had managed to wrap itself all around her and the only way to get any satisfaction was to scratch it, damn the consequences.

She slammed her hand on the counter, making Miranda flinch and for her eyes to harden. "I've got a name Lawson, use it!"

Miranda didn't miss a beat. "You seem to forget my name almost all the time Shepard even though I told you I wanted us to start again on better terms than last time. Damn it Shepard, I trust you but you don't seem to feel the same way."

"You're Cerberus!" Shepard roared with her hands gripping at her blonde locks, tugging at them in different directions to make them stick up even more. "What do you want me to say to you? Oh hey Miranda you're great and all but you work for the damned Illusive Man!"

"And what difference does that make?" Miranda snapped back with annoyance, taking a step forward until she had to tilt her head up to glare into Shepard's eyes, her own eyes flaring in rage.

"It makes a hell of a difference!" Shepard spat with such ferocity that her scars seemed to brighten with the red eerie glint Shepard still hadn't figured out. It had something to do with her mood, or so Chakwas had informed her. "You want to know why? Because as soon as this mission is over, I'm dropping Cerberus because despite what you want to believe Lawson I'm not working with Cerberus because I want to."

Miranda took a step backwards away from Shepard, tracing her forefinger around the angle of her chin and grimacing when Shepard merely growled at her silence. "So that's it then? You don't want to give Cerberus a second chance? After everything we've done for you?"

Shepard snarled and curled her fingers into fists, glaring directly at her XO. "How do I know you're not just messing around with me? Eh?" She took another step forward towards where Miranda had decided to rest herself against the kitchen's counter, looking arrogantly relaxed about the whole thing. "How the hell do I know?"

"You don't know." Miranda answered in such a simple tone, eyes shining in defiance and something else Shepard couldn't quite work out.

It made Shepard lose it completely and with a laugh she planted both palms of her hands on the counter at each side of Miranda's hips, resting her forehead on Miranda's own and shutting her eyes tightly to block out the shock that crossed the brunette's face.

Shepard breathed heavily against Miranda's face, feeling her body start to sag until she felt every single part of her torso mesh against Miranda's own; her forehead still clinging to Miranda's own like a lifeline.

"I helped you with Oriana." She mumbled ruggedly, lips caressing the skin of Miranda's nose. "And now you trust me? Why? I'm Alliance and you're Cerberus."

Miranda moved away from her slightly, tilting her head back so that Shepard's nose grazed her XO's neck instead; surprising Miranda when Shepard moved in closer to bury her nose into the crook of Miranda's neck.

"Shepard you've been at the alcohol again I think," Miranda murmured in a low but commanding tone, allowing her fingers to tighten around Shepard's wrists to squeeze at the skin roughly. "Come on, let go and we'll forget this happened."

"No!" Shepard barked angrily, ignoring Miranda's hot puffs of breath against her ear and shuddering to keep herself under control and not let her emotions get the better of her. "I'm not a fucking idiot. I know how Cerberus works, once we're finished here then we'll be back to being enemies again. Alliance and Cerberus."

Miranda snorted and attempted once more to pry Shepard off her, while the closeness was somewhat tempting (more than tempting) Miranda would not speak to Shepard when she was this way.

"I don't want to go against you," Shepard rumbled against Miranda's throat, making her XO shiver and for Shepard's sleep-addled mind to growl in want. "I don't want to fight you or Jacob. I don't want to fight anyone on this vessel. But I really don't want to fight _you_."

Miranda tilted her head down and pushed up Shepard's chin, running a hand against the bright red scars and allowing her eyes to latch onto them; examining them to stop herself from letting her mind wander onto the subject Shepard was mumbling sleepily about.

"Shepard I…" Miranda started but was cut off by a cough from the other end of the mess hall, making her quickly shove Shepard away from her with a cough and a flash of guilt when Shepard grunted and glared at her.

Shepard followed the sound of the cough with her eyes, her skin bristling and spurts of anger pushing through the fog of sleep, making her more awake and leaving room for the emotions that she had kept muted when with Miranda to spurt out in every direction.

"I can't even go to get myself a snack without you following me?" She snapped at the masked Cerberus agent, pushing away from the counter Miranda had shoved her against and walking bristly past him, expecting the agent to follow her.

When he didn't she turned right to head towards Kasumi's room, she needed someone to hold her for a while so she could have an easier time going to sleep.

This left Miranda alone with the Cerberus agent and the snakes in her stomach just seemed to wriggle harder when he bowed his head and walked away from her, heading back from wherever he had just come from.

She rubbed at her forehead with a sigh. It looked as though tonight would be longer than she had expected.


	10. Colours

**Colours**

Shepard wiped at her brow as she sat down on Chakwas's patients chair, a white towel flung over her shoulder and a bottle of water in her hand which she sipped at, eyes narrowing slightly when Chakwas started to leaf through her files.

"Doc I already told you," she placed the bottle of water in her lap with a sigh, eyeing Chakwas with tired blue hues. "I'm fine! My stress levels only went up because I was exercising in the cargo hold."

Chakwas arched a disapproving brow at her but the amusement was also clear enough that it made Shepard smirk. "Again Commander? Operative Lawson won't be happy, she's been trying to talk to you for two days now."

Shepard felt a ball of cold fire wriggle around in her stomach and with a grunt she took a swig of her water bottle again, eyes flickering over to the med-bay's windows to see that Miranda's office was locked and it didn't look like Miranda was coming out anytime soon.

"I don't need anymore Cerberus hounding me," she spat out with anger, still gazing at Miranda's office as though it held all the answers in the world when in truth it held nothing but uncertainty. "I've had enough of them all. I just need to get this mission done and we'll be back on our Alliance ship Doc."

Chakwas didn't look convinced and to be fair Shepard herself wasn't convinced but saying such things reassured her more than she could of hoped, besides what else could she say and do? She was stuck in a whirlpool of emotions, not a great place to be in.

"Shepard maybe you should go lie down, you look extremely tired. We'll be arriving at the Citadel soon." Chakwas pressed a hand against Shepard's shoulder, the touch making Shepard look up to regard the doctor with a wane smile. "It wouldn't do you any harm. Garrus wants you in perfect condition."

Shepard resisted the comforting touch with a jerk of her shoulder, laughing anxiously to try and cover up her restlessness and so that the good Doc wouldn't become offended at her jolting action.

She gave Chakwas her best winning smile, "Doc, you know I'm always in perfect condition! Now I'll be off back to the cargo hold, got things to do."

Shepard finished her sentence with another grin, grabbing her water bottle and walking out of the med-bay with her fingers tapping at her thigh nervously.

Kasumi stepped out from one of the Normandy's many corners, handing Shepard a small cloth and taking the water bottle away from Shepard's hands with a tutting sound escaping her mouth.

Shepard had to bite down on her tongue to stop herself from bursting out into fierce laughter when Kasumi took one look at her and sprayed the water in her face, drowning her hair so much that the blonde spikes flopped lifelessly and stuck to her forehead and ears.

"Shepard I think me and you both know," Kasumi chuckled softly, pushing away the blonde strands from Shepard's face and knocking the blonde on softly on the forehead with her knuckles. "That you need to cool that anger of yours right down."

Shepard blushed in embarrassment at that, rubbing her cheek with a nervous chuckle. "Right. So basically you're telling me not to -"

"I'm telling you…" Kasumi started with her two fists gently pressed against Shepard's stomach, pushing Shepard further and further into the corridor. "You need to get rid of that adrenaline rush building up inside you! Didn't know you'd get so worked up at just ignoring Miranda for a while."

Shepard took Kasumi's fists away from her stomach and brought them up to her face, opening her friend's fists up wide and allowing her fingers to entwine with Kasumi's own.

This simple act took her mind off Miranda for a split second before her mind was plummeted again with images of her XO, enough to make Shepard sigh angrily and release Kasumi's hands.

"I feel paranoid with that Agent on here 'Sumi…" Shepard said with a groan, banging her head against the elevator panel - making the button light up. "It's making me all weird and on edge, no wonder I snapped at Miranda."

"First of all stop calling me that," Kasumi said with another chuckle, patting Shepard's head and narrowing her eyes at how the unusual fluffiness was gone - damn water! "And lastly, well maybe that's why you need to work this adrenaline off Shep. Am I coming with you and Garrus by the way? Cause if so then you definitely need to work some of that adrenaline or you'll slug behind."

"I won't!" Shepard snapped with a roll of her eyes, tightening the tape that she had wound around her knuckles when it started to loosen around the edges. "I'm fine alright? Garrus advised me to blow off some steam anyway so no big deal."

Kasumi arched a brow at the soaked blonde, leaning back against the railing of the elevator and examining the tensed muscles under Shepard's sweaty tank top with unease fogging her mind. It didn't take a genius to understand something was bothering Shepard, and it didn't take a genius (in Kasumi's case anyhow) to figure out what that thing was.

She raised a fist and slammed it into Shepard's shoulder, knocking the blonde off balance so that she fell out into engineering when the elevator doors swung open.

Shepard shot a glare at her over her shoulder. "The hell Kasumi? What do you think you're doing?"

Kasumi sighed and rubbed at her forehead in a desperate bid to look a little bit patient than she actually was. "What did I tell you? Stop worrying about the Reapers and the Collectors, embrace the life you have at the moment and not the life you might lose in the future. Keep thinking about it isn't going to help."

"And how would you know?" Shepard spat out with such venom that Kasumi was shocked at how quick Shepard's eyes narrowed in rage and how the blonde commander's arms tensed. "I haven't got time to be wasting away doing nothing! If you've got nothing progressive to say to me, then leave me alone!"

Kasumi didn't even flinch at the rage that was spilling through the cracks in Shepard's skin, the cybernetic scars shining an even brighter red than before and Shepard's reddish blue eyes starting to lose the cerulean colour in them. Instead she held out a hand.

Shepard looked at it with clear hesitation spread across her face, her right hand clinging to the fabric of her pants to stop herself from making any movement towards Kasumi's outstretched hand.

Kasumi gave Shepard a sly smirk, wriggling her fingers and arching her brows questioningly at the blonde woman. "Come on Shep, you've helped me before, why don't you let me repay the favour?"

Shepard didn't say anything for a long while after those words left Kasumi's mouth, as an alternative Shepard just examined Kasumi's features with scrutinizing eyes and with her mouth turned downwards into a scowl; it was something that Kasumi had never seen directed at herself before. It was more than a little surprising.

What had gone on between Shepard and Miranda to make the commander like this anyhow? It was something unusual considering the amount of times Shepard took Miranda out on missions that weren't tactically fit for Miranda to go on - Jack had voiced this many times which Shepard could only answer with by allowing her hand to brush against her holster of her gun - but for the past two missions Shepard refused to have Miranda with her for anything or Jacob for that matter…

Kasumi couldn't see why, both of them were very attractive and if not for their battle experience it was great to have two great sex gods on the field for Kasumi to admire to herself. Not that she'd tell anyone but Shepard like that, the teasing that would go on…Even she had a limit.

Shepard pushed her hand away and placed her own hands in her trouser pockets with the scowl deepening into a glare.

"I don't need your help or anyone else's help on this ship," Shepard snarled viciously, turning her back on Kasumi to make her way down to the engineering cargo hold with her parting words cutting through Kasumi like a knife through butter. "I can't be letting things get personal between me and my crew, so do the right thing and keep your personal shit and worries about me and yourself _to_ yourself."

Kasumi blinked in surprise and watched Shepard go with her stomach wriggling as though eels were inside it, because what the heck had just happened between her and Shepard? She couldn't remember ever getting on Shepard's nerves this badly, hell she couldn't remember annoying Shepard at all but apparently she had managed to do so.

So she said the first thing that came into her head. "You're one of the biggest arses in the world sometimes Shep!"

Shepard ignored her completely and continued making her way down the steps towards engineering, it brought a bad taste in Kasumi's mouth at how mechanical Shepard sounded with her feet clicking against the metal steps.

The only reason Shepard could be acting like this was because of the Cerberus Agent's appearance. It had to be. Kasumi couldn't think up of any other logical explanation, though to be honest she didn't know why Shepard was putting up with half the crap that agent was putting her through anyway - if it had been her Kasumi would have at least tried to kick him off the Normandy; mainly through the usage of an airlock.

Or maybe it had something to do with Miranda, fuck Kasumi didn't know! She just knew that Shepard was being bothered by something, maybe the agent had said something or maybe Miranda herself had said something. It was just all confusing and the situation was twisted into so many different shapes and angles it made Kasumi's head lurch in disagreement.

She couldn't figure Shepard out when she was acting like this, in fact it was hard getting to know Shepard anyways because of this big massive wall she encased herself in; showing what the exterior of herself was like and hiding the interior away with all her might. Kasumi rubbed at her chin thoughtfully. It was clear that no matter how Shepard acted around her, Miranda or anyone else…Something was clearly not right inside of Shepard's head.

Kasumi sighed. This could only mean one thing.

She'd have to talk to Miranda.

* * *

><p>Miranda had been filing away another report for the Illusive Man when Kasumi burst into her office, arms swinging uselessly by her sides and her breathing shallow like the master thief had been running.<p>

She answered Kasumi's appearance with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, tapping impatiently at her terminal to try and keep the nerves from escaping her at the thoughts that rushed through her head - such thoughts that contained Shepard, the blonde commander who had been using every little excuse to try and get away from her.

"Shepard has gone insane." Kasumi informed her with such a quiet tone to her voice that Miranda almost didn't hear her. "She's acting really strangely, it's like she's turned into_ Zaeed_ overnight."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Miranda shot back coldly with her eyes gazing behind Kasumi's hood for a flicker of a moment before Miranda returned to pressing away at her terminal. "I'm busy."

"Doing what? Pressing random keys on your terminal?" Kasumi accused with clear exasperation.

Damn it. Miranda restrained herself from hitting herself on the head at how idiotic she was being and how obvious she made herself look, the Illusive Man would be ashamed of her.

Best form of defence once you were panicking rapidly on the inside with nothing else to think of or say? The glare.

"I don't want to talk to Shepard then, especially if she's acting like an arse." Miranda responded with a bitter tone to her words, resting back on her chair and folding one leg over the other as she continued to look at the master thief. "I'm not her baby-sitter, go find the agent if it's bothering you so much."

Kasumi threw her hands up in the air and let out a yell of frustration, shocking Miranda into widening her eyes and kicking away from her desk so she could stand up.

"What is it with you two?" Kasumi started with another little yell, sounding squeaky and disorientated. "If it's not you, it's Shepard and if it isn't Shepard then its you! For everything that is sweet and virginal! Whatever is happening between you two can you sort it out? I want to be able to have lambrini and ramen with Shepard again without feeling like we're attending a funeral."

Miranda went to answer - with the intent of setting Kasumi straight because anyone who thought she could be talked to like that was going straight to hell - however stopped when EDI's harmonized voice filled her office.

"Operative Lawson there is multiple damage signals coming from inside the cargo hold where Shepard is training, it would be wise for you to investigate."

Kasumi shot Miranda a 'I-told-you-so' look before Miranda cupped her face and let out a groan of complete aggravation. When would Shepard learn to stop fucking training in the cargo hold?

She rubbed at her eyes before letting her hands drop to her side, allowing Kasumi to fill her eyesight once more. Miranda didn't know how to feel about that at the moment when all she could think about was Shepard making a damn mess again. And how much she wanted to know what was going through Shepard's head, it contained too many secrets that made Miranda feel like crap.

Bringing Shepad back to life had been her job, one of the many experiments she had been in charge of to win the Illusive Man's favour once more (as many times as she could) but right now Miranda was ashamed to say that despite her position of the project; she hardly knew Shepard at all.

Miranda picked up her pistol that she had set on the desk, giving Kasumi a hard look before brushing past the thief - ignoring the look of fear that crossed Kasumi's face when her pistol brushed Kasumi's skin - to make her way towards the elevator with her usual callous look on her face.

"Hey Miranda not one to really question you, but a gun?" Kasumi seemed to live to appear in situations that either had nothing to do with her or situations which made Miranda look like a complete, utter bitch. "Bit much?"

"Not really," Miranda replied back with a sharp turn of her head towards the master thief, arching her brows in a way that signalled to Kasumi that the Cerberus Operative was silently challenging her. "If anything it's completely necessary."

"I know she's a bit annoying and all but there's really no need…" Kasumi started once more to try and get Miranda to actually listen to her for once however soon shut up when Miranda once more glared another challenge at her. "Eh…I'll just be in my room then, good luck!"

Miranda rolled her eyes at the thief before entering the elevator, giving Jacob a thin smile when he entered the elevator with his eyes directed firmly towards her gun as if it was a magnet.

"It's for Shepard." She answered with a dull tone, eyes filling with controlled mirth when Jacob's eyes widened.

"Don't think you're allowed to kill the Commander Miranda." Jacob said with a wary smile, his latex-covered fingers twitching anxiously near his thigh. "You spent two years on that damn Lazarus Project, doubt you want to be shooting at it right now. Especially when you and Shepard get on so well."

Miranda averted her eyes away from her old lover, staring blankly at the elevator's closed doors and allowing herself to listen to the hum of the elevator's mechanics as it travelled down to engineering. "We don't get on at all."

"That's not what I heard." Jacob countered with an amused laugh. "Or see. We're not blind on this ship Miranda."

Miranda didn't answer at first, instead cocking her gun up and down on her thigh until Jacob laughed again; making her snap her head in his general direction.

He gave her another amused look, the expression just making Miranda feel even more angry than before.

The elevator slowed to halt yet before Miranda could make a move to step out of it, Jacob halted her with his fingers wrapped around her wrist. "Hey take my advice, stop listening to your head all the time."

Miranda shrugged him off with a quick flick of her wrist, moving out of the elevator before answering the older Cerberus Operative with finely-laced words. "If I don't listen to my head then who will Jacob?"

Jacob gave her a small smile. "Shepard's not the only person who this ship would follow into hell and beyond." His words were a lot more comforting than Miranda realized, for now all she did to answer him was nod before the elevator doors closed and started their ascent up to the CIC.

Miranda breathed in deeply to try and clear her thoughts before taking a step towards engineering's windows, looking down to see that Shepard was once more shooting at ten (miraculously empty) crates with such vigour that the wood and steel of the crates exploded everywhere - more than likely the cause of damage to the hull.

She hammered her fist on the engineering window in vain, knowing very well that no matter how hard she tried Shepard either wouldn't hear her or if she did would ignore her completely; either way it felt good to release some of her pent up frustration that had been gnawing inside her for a good couple of days now.

Deciding that this really wasn't going to do her any good, Miranda took the steps down towards the cargo hold with her fingers rubbing against the plastic casing of her pistol; giving her a huge amount of comfort that she hadn't understood that she had needed.

Miranda slowly started to walk up to where Shepard was firing at her targets, eyes examining the taut muscle and skin that shuddered each time the blonde fired, it was almost - if not completely - seamless and erotic in a way Miranda couldn't really describe.

"Shepard," Miranda started with what she was convinced to be a regularly calm tone, raising her gun as steady as she could so that it merely brushed against the back of Shepard's head. "What have I told you about shooting in the cargo hold?"

Shepard lowered her arm and sighed, turning round so that the pistol Miranda was holding to her head rested flatly on her forehead instead of the back of her head. She didn't seem surprised to see Miranda holding a gun to her head, in fact to Miranda's extreme annoyance she just looked completely amused by it.

"Normally shoot your experiments Lawson?" Shepard chuckled bitterly with a little tilt of her head, causing Miranda's pistol to dig deeper into the Commander's forehead. "Or is there something else you want from me?"

Miranda scoffed and used her free hand to grab at Shepard's shoulder, squeezing so tightly she was sure that the blonde wouldn't be able to escape her gaze. "I don't understand how your brain works Shepard. How many times do I have to prove myself to you until you can trust me?"

Shepard growled and rubbed at her cheek, giving Miranda the coldest glare she had ever given to anyone in her life before. It made the hair on the Cerberus Operative's neck stand up.

"We've already had this conversation Lawson," Shepard muttered with clear bitterness lacing her voice, another thing that made Miranda feel more wary than possible. "If we come out alive of this mission you'll be the first I'll be set up against, it's better that we keep our relationship completely formal."

Miranda arched a fine eyebrow, not sure if she should be flattered or feel as though she had missed something completely; however it was not the time to feel like this no matter how much she wanted to.

"Kasumi isn't Cerberus." Was the only thing she said after Shepard's response, tightening her grip on her pistol to show that she was completely serious in her actions even if the pistol itself was…altered. "You don't need to keep this formal larky up around her, so what's the real thing that's bothering you?"

Shepard smirked with that arrogant look on her face, this of course could only mean that one, Shepard was not going to be serious or two, Shepard was going to ignore her completely.

"The real thing that's bothering me?" Shepard whispered with a subtle tilt of her head, making Miranda's pistol tilt along with her. "This gun in my face. If you're going to shoot me Lawson then maybe you should grow some balls and -"

Miranda growled angrily and pulled the trigger, eyes creasing in amusement when Shepard flinched and shut her eyes; obviously waiting for the bullet to go straight into her head.

A moment passed before Shepard hesitantly opened her eyes, truly surprised to see Miranda subtly smiling down at her with the pistol hanging loosely around her hips as though it was something that could tempt Shepard from grabbing it and showing Miranda what fear really was.

Before Shepard could even open her mouth to speak Miranda unlatched the pistol from Shepard's belt and pressed it into the Commander's hands, trying her best not to shake at the anxiety that was managing to creep through her blood. "If you're that worried about hunting me down later Shepard…"

Miranda cupped Shepard's elbow and lifted it up until Shepard's own gun was pointed directly at her, straight in-between the eyes as though it was planned to be there in the first place. Maybe Shepard had seen her intentions all along? It wouldn't have surprised Miranda one bit, whereas Shepard acted slow Miranda could easily say that Shepard had the most sharpest minds to ever exist.

"Then don't put yourself through such strain and get the job done with now," Miranda said, her words gradually growing more and more bitter and enraged than before. "The Illusive Man doesn't care how many people die as long as you get this mission done, so do it if it helps you focus so much."

Shepard met Miranda's eyes with a frown, her eyes narrowed in suspicion as well as something that Miranda knew to be reluctance from the many years of helping train recruits that the Illusive Man had sent her way - but Shepard was no recruit and the Commander could easily pull the trigger without Miranda even seeing her coming.

"Lawson…" The blonde started with a little cough, fingers tightly twisting around the butt of her pistol. "You are by far one of the most stubborn people to ever served on a ship of mine. But you're also…One of the best."

Shepard threw her pistol away with a grunt, tugging roughly on her blonde locks in a vain attempt in trying to keep herself as calm and casual as she could. "I can't think straight anymore, it's fucking annoying me!"

Miranda felt herself straighten at the familiar look that filled Shepard's eyes, reaching out again to grab the arm that had flopped uselessly at Shepard's side once the blonde woman had chucked the pistol away from her.

"Shepard listen to me," Miranda said as evenly as she could, pushing away a long strand of hair that gotten into her eyes with her free hand. "This is stress that's making you feel like this. This stress is making you so bitter and hateful that it's not just affecting you but the crew as well; you need to get rid of all this tension inside your body."

Shepard sighed and rolled her shoulders with a little shake of her head, the movement noticeable enough that Miranda caught a single drop of sweat cascade down Shepard's neck to settle in between the valley of the blonde's breasts.

She turned away with a noticeable blush staining her cheeks, not sure if it was because of irritation or embarrassment. Perhaps both.

"You know something Lawson, you're absolutely right." Shepard said with a tone that immediately made Miranda let go of her Commander's arm, staring warily at the blonde for a moment before blinking and staring at another part of Shepard's face for a different movement or reaction.

It was the right choice.

Miranda ducked at the movement of Shepard's eyes meeting with hers for a flicker of a moment before the Commander's leg swerved to kick at her head, missing completely and making Shepard stumble slightly.

"Shepard-!" Miranda huffed with another sharp turn of her body, making Shepard once more miss at hitting her straight in the jaw and sending the blonde rolling over some metal containers. "What are you doing?"

Shepard smirked from where she hid behind the containers, letting the eezo rush through her like her primal urges told her to. "We're taking a leaf out of the turians book Ms Lawson, do you know they actually spar before missions? It's quite incredible."

Miranda opened her mouth to speak yet was cut off when biotic force slammed her into a stack of broken crates, making her hiss loudly at the pain that travelled up her spine.

However this wasn't the time to lie around and let Shepard throw her around like a rag doll, if this is what Shepard wanted then she'd certainly give Shepard a piece of her mind, fist and biotics.

"They do it to relieve stress and everything," Miranda tuned herself more clearly to follow the sound of Shepard's voice, knowing very well that Shepard had now moved from where she had been hiding before and was now somewhere else; more than likely planning her next move. "Sometimes when it's a tie-breaker they even retire to their own cabins to…"

Miranda caught a flash of blonde to her right and instantly allowed the eezo inside her blood system tap into her mind and body, allowing her biotics to shape around a broken crate and flinging it to the side so that it collided with Shepard's body - sending the commander sprawling.

Miranda watched as Shepard let out a groan before scrambling up and racing towards her, eyes wild and blonde hair flailing everywhere as though it would create such a dramatic effect it would make Miranda step back or at least feel a little intimidated.

Instead Miranda found herself thinking it was just a little bit endearing. Which was complete nonsense of course, she would have to move and not look at Shepard's face if she didn't want to end up with a black eye.

Miranda pulled her face down and made a wild grab for Shepard's arm, cursing when she missed completely and in its place she managed to punch Shepard straight in her stomach, winding the blonde affectively enough that Miranda even allowed herself to pause and think her next move.

Where had Shepard even got this stupid idea from? And why do it now? Was it just to catch her off guard? If so, it had bloody well worked because sparring with Shepard was the last thing Miranda wanted when she hadn't had a good nights sleep for what felt like weeks instead of days.

Despite what she had thought before about winding her Commander, Miranda soon realized that thinking upon her next move was a big mistake because as soon as the plans and details started to soar through her head she was immediately cut off by Shepard's elbow being dup into her ribs and for the blonde woman's foot to slam against her leg, tripping them both up in the procedure.

Miranda grunted at the weight that fell on top of her, feeling paralyzed when Shepard merely chuckled at their position and shook her head again to let the blonde locks on top of her head flail around once more.

Miranda was not one to feel stupid or naïve at a situation, she had been brought up to be strong, steady and confident; to never stumble over her words, to never be brought down by another (physically or socially) and to never ever be caught off guard.

She felt a wave of shame wash over her as every single thing her father had worked up to be vanished completely under Shepard's cheerful gaze and sticky body, leaving her completely speechless apart from a few sharp pants escaping her.

"Thanks." Miranda heard Shepard mutter suspiciously close to her ear, causing for her heard to turn and for her nose to graze against her Commander's cheek. "For helping me, you have no idea how much I needed that."

"Don't mention it." Miranda answered with a completely-awkward husky tone, making her silently cringe at how she ridiculously aroused she sounded. "Literally, don't."

Shepard shook above her with obvious laughter, the sight making Miranda shift around uncomfortably in earnest to get away from Shepard's body heat and the dark, alluring look in her Commander's reddish hues.

"I need to apologize to Kasumi for being an arse," Shepard grumbled with a hot puff of breath escaping her and shrouding Miranda's face with its warmth. "She didn't deserve my anger…I just can't…function properly sometimes."

"That's not entirely comforting Commander." Miranda responded with an arch of her brow, reaching up to push at Shepard's chest. "Have you asked Dr Chakwas for advice?"

Shepard scoffed and resisted the push of Miranda's hand against her chest, craning her neck lower and lower until Miranda could feel their noses touching as they had the night Shepard had gone bat-shit crazy. "I don't need any damn advice. It's just stress, nothing more."

"And this stress is making you want our relationship to be more formal?" Miranda teased with a tone that didn't sound noticeably teasing but her own words still made her blush anyway. Damn her body and its give-aways. "Maybe I should put you under pressure more often."

Shit, she really hadn't meant it to sound like that. Fuck Shepard was grinning as well! Miranda had to resist the urge to slap a hand across her forehead. The power that Shepard held was nowhere near as subtle as Miranda had hoped and believed, Miranda knew that if Shepard tried hard enough she could wield a hanar into dancing and make even the most patient elcors burst into tears yet despite how much Miranda had seen such charm flow from Shepard's tongue and body language she is not immune to it. On the contrary, she's the one who falls victim to it just as easily as strangers do, maybe even more so because of Shepard's intoxicating presence and scent that lingers in the air around them.

"God what the hell are you doing to me?" Shepard said in a throaty whisper, her hips rolling unconsciously as though the blonde was unsure on what she was going to do. "You're supposed to be…Fuck I don't even know."

Miranda feels her heart beat rapidly as though it's a freight train and she feels as though she's about to collapse all at once just because she can't actually feel herself thinking properly and all she wants is just to push Shepard away from her (it's a lie, but she figured that if she kept lying then maybe it'd end up being the truth) and rush back to her office despite her own taunting that will fill her head for days on end.

Luckily for her, Shepard made the decision to jump away from her with such an ardour stare that it sent a shiver up Miranda's spine and it took everything inside of her not to grumble loudly at the different emotions and thoughts that plundered deep within her soul.

"We're hitting the Citadel soon," Shepard explained with a briskness that made Miranda narrow her eyes suspiciously. "I need to go and get Garrus and Kasumi ready."

Ah, so she was trying to get out of every little thing they did together? Miranda honestly didn't think the Commander was type, but it looked as though she was once again proven wrong.

Shepard turned her back on her the moment Miranda allowed her eyes to focus more clearly around her Commander's reddish orbs, stalking off with a parting goodbye. "I-I'm glad we had this talk Lawson but I need to go. I'll see you later."

Miranda watched the blonde go with a scowl, bringing a hand up thumb at her bruised cheek. She hadn't realized talking could be so damn brutal.

It was strange seeing Shepard like this, more serious and more unruly; it was if she was seeing Shepard in different colours for the first time. Reds, blues, yellows, purples, greens, greys and whites.

She just didn't know which one she preferred.

* * *

><p><strong>I approve.<strong>

**http:/ browse. deviantart .com/?q =kasumi%20goto&order =9&offset= 72#/d35dj2y**

**Do you?**


	11. R is for Romantic Ramen

**R is for Romantic Ramen**

Shepard stood at Kasumi's door with her chin resting comfortably on her curled fingers that resembled a fist, reddish orbs examining the mechanical door with a look of complete confusion.

It wasn't that the door itself was confusing her, it was just the fact that she had no idea what to bloody do once she got said door to open up for her because hell she didn't even know if Kasumi was talking to her or if the master thief was still worked up over the fact that Shepard had left her on the ship and had taken Tali with her for Garrus's mission.

Maybe she should just storm in and fall to the ground on her knees begging for forgiveness? How does one even say sorry to someone? It sounded so shite just to storm in and say sorry without some sort of present or something like that, it was one of the many things Shepard found herself lacking. Proper logical sense when it came to people.

"Hm." She hummed with genuine curiosity on how to apologize, turning her back on Kasumi's room for a moment to start to pace up and down the hall - apologizing whenever she managed to bump into any of the Normandy's crew - with her eyes glued to the floor.

The fifth time she paced up down the hall she managed to bump into the Cerberus Agent that had been observing herself and the crew which of course meant that he was going to patronize her leadership and skills and the lack of work she was doing, unluckily for him Shepard just was not in the mood for his bullshit.

Before he could say anything Shepard waved him away with her free palm pushing at his shoulder, scoffing in irritation when he tried to resist and ended up being squeezed up against the elevator doors. "Do not talk to me today, do not patronize or criticize me at this moment because I am not in the mood. Now go clean your mask or something."

Shepard shoved him hard then, however ignored the sound of slick metal skidding against even more metal, choosing to instead walk up and down the hall once more to see if one more set of walking up the hall would clear her mind and allow her to think with more accuracy.

She got to the door of the women's restroom and paused, her head throbbing to match the rhythm of the shower water being sprayed against the restrooms tiled floor (white though, Shepard had been a tiny bit disappointed considering the last Normandy had navy blue tile instead) and the sound of movement coming from inside.

With a sigh she turned away from the restroom again, gasping in shock when she came face-to-face with none other than Miranda Lawson who looked somewhat out of place; what with no shoes and all.

And then the realization hit Shepard like a freight train, causing her to narrow her eyes and stare at a blemish that she could just about see on Miranda's bare shoulder so that she didn't tempt herself in looking in any other direction apart from Miranda's face.

"Lawson," she whispered in a higher pitch than her normal voice, tugging her eyes up against their will to look at her operative's face. "You're in a towel."

Miranda cocked a fine eyebrow at her with an odd look crossing her face, it looked like irritation with just a hint of amusement - a fine cocktail that would be. Or lambrini. _Hmm_.

"An excellent observation Commander Shepard," Miranda responded with a tilt of her head and Shepard wasn't completely sure if her XO was going for sarcasm or seduction, personally Shepard wouldn't mind a bit of both. "I can see why the Illusive Man picked you for this suicidal mission."

Shepard felt as though someone had tightly squeezed her throat, robbing her of speech and every other little thing that one needed to at least look like she was sane.

However she quickly recovered and chuckled dryly at the Cerberus operative, rubbing the back of her neck in anxiety. "Ah, sarcasm. Nice. Why _aren't_ you using your own shower?"

Shepard noticed the subtle movement of Miranda wrapping the towel around her lithe body even tighter from the corner of her eye before her XO even opened her mouth, she pondered curiously on what such a thing could mean but kept it to herself. She didn't have time for Miranda's insecurities (if that was what they were) at the moment.

"To cut a long story short?" Miranda started with a shrug of her shoulders, her long chocolate tresses resting comfortably on her shoulders and making Shepard's eyes linger enough on them that Miranda had to cough to gain her attention once more. "Someone's been messing with the hot water that connects to my shower, so frankly I almost managed to burn half my skin off when I turned it on."

Shepard winced in sympathy, patting Miranda's bare shoulder (cursing silently to herself at the flush that was starting to creep its way onto her face) with a smirk. "Don't worry Lawson, I'll get it fixed."

"Thank you Shepard but I doubt it, I'll get Rupert to fix it or something." A pause then, somewhat awkward that only made Shepard blush harder with irritation at herself and at how Miranda had the knack to make her knees wobble. "So can I get past now or are you waiting for something?"

"What? No! Not waiting for anything!" Shepard side-stepped the brunette and rushed once more towards Kasumi's door, shooting a glance at Miranda over her shoulder. "Just off to talk to my favourite master thief, enjoy your shower."

'_Because I sure will need one after…'_ Was the thought Shepard was far too kind to say after that, tugging at her collar and gloves before stepping into Kasumi's room with her eyes searching every crook and nanny for the master thief.

Shepard blinked hard in case she had missed anything because she couldn't see Kasumi _anywhere_, which was strange because EDI had confirmed that the master thief had been here over five minutes ago and Shepard certainly hadn't seen her leave either…

A rustling sound from behind her made Shepard's head snap backwards to look over her shoulder, stunning herself momentarily when she caught sight of Kasumi merely laughing at her with a glass of cherry lambrini in one hand and a book threaded with gold embroidery around the edges in the other.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Shepard growled with a her lips twitching upwards into an unmistakable smile, reaching over to grab the glass from Kasumi's dainty fingers. "Hell Kasumi I only came here to say sorry, not crack a funny."

Kasumi snapped her book shut with another chuckle accompanying it, taking the glass away from Shepard's hands and placing both book and glass onto her work desk with a grin overcoming her face.

"Oh _Miranda_…" Kasumi cooed teasingly with such a child-like tone that it made Shepard pout at how ridiculous her voice sounded when Kasumi melded it into her own. "Enjoy your shower and think dirty thoughts of me if you please, oh don't worry about me I'm just off to see my favourite master thief…"

"Oh shut up," Shepard responded with a roll of her eyes, taking Kasumi's hands in her own and trapping them under her strong digits. "I did not mean it like that and you know it."

"I don't understand why you didn't just say '_do you mind if I joined you?_' because to me that's what you sounded like you were going for!" Kasumi chuckled ruefully, allowing her palm to brush and tickle Shepard's own with her hands subtle movements. "Go change your pants Shepard, just _go_."

"What?" Shepard pushed the thief away from her in outrage, knocking Kasumi back onto her couch with wide eyes. "I'm perfectly fine you idiot! I don't need to go change my pants! I'm fine! _Just fine!_"

Kasumi didn't answer and instead flopped back more comfortably on her couch, calling Shepard over with a little curl of her index finger; making it look more like an invitation than a gesture between very good friends. Shepard hoped that by stepping forward she made the right decision.

Kasumi didn't say anything and just opened her arms wide from where she lay on her couch which Shepard practically jumped into, nestling herself against the master thief's body and burrowing her nose into Kasumi's neck with a little sigh.

"Are you feeling any better Shep?" Kasumi murmured with a little cough, rubbing soothing circles into Shepard's back as though she had done so ever since they had first met, as if she was supposed to do so. It reminded Shepard of the years with the Reds and how she had been close to an older boy called Jake and he had been everything Shepard had wanted to be, strong, brave, eyes full of fire that made people want to follow him by just a mere glance at him however Shepard had known him well enough that she herself soon realized that Jake was not the hero he made himself out to be.

She had only been fourteen and him eighteen but Shepard remembered clearly the many times he held her and rubbed her back when it became too stressful or if it was too cold, she remembered his face when he always brought food home to them all (his smile, it was contagious) and she also remembered the expression on his face as he slowly wasted away into a mindless husk after catching a severe form of cholera.

Shepard felt her own thoughts come to a close and she breathed heavily against Kasumi's neck, closing her eyes and lying her head back until she had to squint her eyelids so that the light of Kasumi's lamps wouldn't hurt her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Shepard mumbled with her fingertips curling around Kasumi's wrist and bringing the thief's hand up to press her mouth against it in a chaste kiss. "I didn't mean to snap at you, I was just stressed out." It's the same excuse over and over and the sad thing is Shepard doesn't actually know if that's true, but it sure feels as though she's stressed.

Kasumi patted Shepard's head again and threaded her fingers through her hair with a small chuckle. "You're telling me, maybe next time you should just sit down with me and Garrus and have a coffee."

Shepard looked up at the thief with a crooked smile. "Garrus can't drink coffee. If he does, his dead."

"Don't turians drink coffee? Christ that's awful!" Kasumi grinned with her body wracking against Shepard's due to the laughter escaping past her lips. "How else are you supposed to wake up on a ship like this?"

Shepard looked thoughtful for a moment before smiling and gesturing with her free hand towards the bar at the far end of Kasumi's room. "Lambrini with just a dashing of ramen for breakfast?"

Kasumi pushed at her shoulder gently, making Shepard roll from out of the master thief's arms and land face-first on the floor with giggles escaping her because Shepard hadn't felt this free in so long.

"Shepard you read my mind!" Shepard heard Kasumi say above her and that's before she sees Kasumi jumping off her couch to head towards her own little bar, reaching up towards the cupboard to bring down two glasses and a wine bottle. "Now get your ass here, I have a great idea."

Shepard reluctantly got up from the fairly comfortable spot on Kasumi's floor, dragging herself over to flop down on a bar stool with her chin resting casually in the palm of her hand. "What? I thought we were going to get drunk enough that we started shagging on the floor?"

"Maybe later Shep, maybe later." Kasumi responded back with a teasing wink, reaching over to pat at the very tip of Shepard's nose; drawing a smile from the blonde. "Right now we're going to prepare ourselves some ramen."

Shepard watched curiously as Kasumi bent down to retrieve three plastic pots, a large packet of uncooked noodles, a kettle along with a packet of butter, eggs and a clove of garlic.

"Three?" Shepard pointed at the spare plastic pot with a shake of her head, lifting it up and bopping Kasumi on the head with it. "There's only two of us in here you dolt and I'm not eating two!"

Kasumi reappeared from rummaging through another of her cupboards to plonk Shepard on the head with her chopsticks, laughing at the irritated look that crossed the Commander's face. "Well Shep, let me put this into perspective for you. Name five words that start with R."

Shepard rolled her tongue towards the top of her mouth before answering with a sigh of impatience. "Ramen, rats, red, romance - uhh…"

Kasumi held up her hands quickly after Shepard's speech, shocking the blonde into silence. "Wait Shepard! Get rid of rats and red and then it will slowly fall into perspective for ya."

Shepard rolled her eyes and flicked at Kasumi's nose. "Ramen and romance. Yeah nothing's falling into my perspective here 'Sumi, just making me think that you're just trying to get into my pants."

Kasumi snorted and filled the kettle with water before making her way over to the desk where she had placed both her book and lambrini to pick up a hand knife that Keiji had gifted her just before he had been murdered, making her way back over to Shepard to cut at the plastic that encased the noodles and dumping them into each pot with careful precision.

"I'm not the one trying to get into your pants Shep," Kasumi whispered with another joking tone laced through her words and into her voice, passing the knife to Shepard who in return started to slice at the garlic and place equal slices inside each pot. "That one starts with an M. Or an L. Whichever one you prefer."

Shepard grunted and flicked a slice of garlic at the master thief. "What is it with you today? Miranda seems to be only thing you can talk about."

Kasumi shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the seat next to the blonde Commander, reaching over to unwrap the butter with her eyes fixed onto the subtle movements of Shepard's fingers. "No reason, just trying to start a friendly conversation."

Shepard wasn't fooled however and took the butter from Kasumi's hands, stroking at the master thief's long fingers and bringing them up to her face so she could place each of Kasumi's hands on her cheeks; pressing down hard so her face practically _smudged _together.

"Right," she started with a little cough, holding on tighter to Kasumi's hands when the thief tried to pull away. "What is wrong with my favourite master thief? Is it because I haven't been spending much time with you lately? Because I'm sure I can persuade Joker to let us go to the Citadel and get some of that nice ramen we had last time with Miranda."

Kasumi pushed away from Shepard's grip with a sigh and perched herself up on the bar with her hands tangled clumsily into one another, reaching out to grab at the bottle she had took from her cupboard and pouring it into one of wine glasses next to her thighs.

"That's not what's bothering me." Kasumi finally said once she had managed to sip at her lambrini with her palm coming up to cup her forehead. "I don't mind that you spend so much time with Miranda, hell that's not a bad thing at all…I just…"

Shepard didn't make a move to get up to comfort the thief (despite her gut telling her to explicitly do so) and instead averted her eyes downwards to the three pots of uncooked noodles, hands shaking when they pressed over the kettle to flick the switch again.

"This suicide mission Shepard," Kasumi started with a cough, clearing her throat and meeting Shepard's side-eyed glance with a frown. "It's making me think of the people I've lost already."

Shepard sighed and got up from her seat with her one hand rubbing at her neck and the other reaching out for the bottle that Kasumi had placed down next to her, ignoring the glass and bringing the bottle up to her lips.

Truthfully she was tired, tired of wondering how the hell to get through this suicide mission, tired of having Cerberus hounding her like a rabid wolf, tired of these cursed feelings that made her chest feel tight whenever her eyes settled on Miranda and tired of not knowing where she stood when it came to this god damn universe.

Shepard pried the bottle away from her lips and just like that, Kasumi knew that she was listening to the best of her ability.

"You know what I mean don't you Shep?" Kasumi whispered with her thumb rubbing at a stain on her wrist that looked suspiciously like soy sauce, using such a distraction to stop herself from letting her emotions spill out long enough that Shepard would react badly towards it. "We've both lost people that we cared about haven't we? Not you just and me either, everyone. Miranda and her friend Niket, me and Keiji, Garrus and his team, Tali and her squad, me and Keiji and you and Kaidan…"

Shepard slammed the bottle down with a growl which surprisingly didn't make Kasumi flinch and instead made the thief reach over and stroke the back of Shepard's neck, soothing Shepard down from the anger that had washed through her at the reminder of how she had lost not only a prized lieutenant but a friend too.

Kaidan Alenko, the one who had been there at the very beginning and the one she had left behind; his voice and face haunted her dreams and almost every living moment whenever Joker mentioned the 'good old days' as she had rightly put it. What got to her even more however was how that one decision, leaving Kaidan on Virmire had soured her thoughts of such 'good old days' and left her with a bitter taste on her tongue.

The nails on the back of her neck was soothing enough and soon Shepard could feel her eyelids start to droop, the only thing keeping her awake was the sound of kettle slowly rising to boil behind her.

Shepard turned to lift the kettle up off its latch when Kasumi stopped her, pulling her aside from where she had been resting on the edge of the bar until Shepard stood in front of the thief with her eyes locked fully on Kasumi's own; such intimacy making Shepard shiver and grow cold. Kasumi was her friend, her _best _friend since Ashley had dumped her into the cold but this was getting awkward and while Shepard did love Kasumi a lot she just couldn't…

Kasumi threaded her long fingers through Shepard's hair (making the spikes on Shepard's head droop slightly) and pulled the blonde's head towards her, resting her chin on the top of Shepard's head with her fingers tightening as wave after wave of sorrow crashed into her like water beating against stone.

"It's weird but I've never felt this nervous about a mission before," Kasumi mumbled against the spiked blonde locks, clinging onto Shepard tighter when the Commander moved forward so she could rest in between Kasumi's thighs. "And I've been on plenty of suicidal missions before."

"The one where you and Keiji snuck into a batarian mausoleum to steal a glass eyeball that cost about 50,000 credits?" Shepard asked with a smile forming on her face at the memory, the memory where both herself and Kasumi had been almost close to asleep on the master thief's floor with pots of food and bottles of drink lying around them like a halo. "I still think that was terrible, a mausoleum Kasumi. _A mausoleum!_"

Kasumi let out a breath that she hadn't known she'd been holding in and stroked her fingers through Shepard's blonde hair, nails scraping against the Commander's scalp with such viciousness Kasumi was shocked Shepard didn't throw her off. "_50,000 creds_ Shep, 50,000 credits."

"Fair point." Shepard rumbled against Kasumi's throat with a little shake of her head, nose brushing against the thief's pulse point. "Go on with what you were saying, I'm listening."

"People are going to die Shep," Kasumi said simply and as bluntly as she ever could, stunning Shepard into not breathing for a moment. "And it could be any of us: me, Miranda, Jacob, Garrus, Tali, Thane, Grunt, Jack, Zaeed, Mordin…"

Shepard jerked upwards with a snarl, shattering Kasumi's grip around her head by complete surprise alone however the surprise on Kasumi's face quickly melded into worry, something that Shepard hated to see in her friend's eyes.

"Nobody gets left behind."

Kasumi gave Shepard a smile under her hood, tickling the skin under Shepard's chin with a tender look in her eyes. "That's cheesy even for you Shepard."

"It's not if it's the truth."

Shepard's eyes are hard and unnaturally gentle at the same time, it's not something Kasumi has ever experienced before and she finds herself patting at Shepard's blonde locks again. "You're sweet."

Shepard immediately flushed at Kasumi's words and the thief herself is taken aback at the fluid wave of emotions that make the blood inside her body also rush up to the cheeks of her face.

And then Shepard is looking at her feet and Kasumi can't help but grin and pull Shepard into another hug, relaxing into her Commander's warmth with a sigh.

Shepard wrapped her arms around Kasumi's waist in return and buried her nose into the master thief's shoulder, rubbing soothing circles at Kasumi's elbows where her thumbs could just about reach.

"We'll be fine." Shepard eventually said with a sniff of discomfort at feeling so weak all of a sudden and how this particular moment she's sharing with Kasumi made her think back to the time with Jake and the Reds - she'd thought she'd gotten over the need for comfort. "I wouldn't let you die without a fight anyway, you still need to teach me how to flirt properly."

Kasumi shuddered at the thought that ran through her mind and quickly suppressed into the back of her thoughts, imagining a relationship between her and Shepard is ridiculous because god damn it Shepard is her best friend - something that Kasumi's learned not to have before considering how well the quote 'keep your friends close but your enemies closer' seemed to be a load of bullshit in her experience - and she just wouldn't allow herself to think of Shepard that way.

"You're doing fine to me!" Kasumi encouraged with a friendly kiss to Shepard's forehead, pulling away from the hug and pushing Shep away so she could jump off the bar counter and continue with preparing the ramen that had probably gone cold since their talk.

Shepard's silence behind her isn't encouraging yet Kasumi can't bring herself to look over her shoulder to see if she's somehow managed to screw up her whole friendship with the Commander - it'd be just too painful if that _did_ happen.

The relief that rushed through her when Shepard actually laughed is so strong that even a Hallex user can't even begin to feel the euphoria Kasumi felt - it was just that good knowing that your friend isn't after your guts after your stumbling babbling that would make even the most kind-hearted person get annoyed.

"You really are the most unpredictable person I've had the pleasure of being friends with Kasumi Goto," Shepard said with another laugh, placing a hand on Kasumi's shoulder and shaking it roughly. "You change moods so quickly! I'm literally in awe of you here!"

Kasumi laughed quietly and casually shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it's a talent? I've got many talents you know Shep."

Shepard raised an amused eyebrow, poking Kasumi in the cheek with a shy smile adorning her face. "I think we have something in common when it comes to our talents Ms Goto."

"And what would that be Commander Shepard?" Kasumi replied with a sly wink, placing lids on the three pots of ramen as she watched Shepard watch her with an impish glint in her blue eyes.

Shepard took Kasumi's hand and led her towards the panelled door that opened up once their footsteps were registered by EDI, gesturing towards Miranda's office with a smirk.

Kasumi met Shepard's eyes with a smile. "Shepard I think we're perfect for one another."

Shepard sent Kasumi a seductive wink, nudging her master thief in the ribs with a chuckle. "In another life my lady, another life!"

Kasumi ignored the sharp pain in her gut and mind, instead straining a smile and jabbing her thumb in the direction of one of the ramen pots that she had left on her personal bar's counter. "Fetch the pot Shep! I have an idea!"

* * *

><p>The moment Miranda walked into her office she knew that <em>something<em> was not right. It was a weird feeling that tugged at her heart and mind because why the hell did everything look so out of place all of a sudden?

She took a cautious step towards her desk with her eyes scanning every inch of the long, metal table - lifting up the last dossier that Shepard hadn't looked at yet, pushing away her documents that she had laid down and even checking behind her terminal - until she let out a frustrated grunt.

Miranda sat down carefully in her chair with a wave of relief washing over her when the chair remained in it's original position because she still couldn't shake off the feeling that someone had been in her office, it was as if it was an itch she could just not reach over and scratch - completely irritating.

She waited a few moments before flicking open her terminal, waiting another moment before checking up on her unread messages with a furrowed brow at how one particular message was titled 'Shepard's and Kasumi's Surprise' with what looked like a vid from the extranet attached onto the message.

Miranda was very much tempted to ignore it and place the message in her trash but of course she found herself caving at the thought that maybe Shepard had actually done something _friendly_ for her, besides that, if she was with Kasumi then that meant Shepard would at least be under _some_ control.

Miranda placed both of her hands up to cup her forehead, shaking her head with a dejected sigh. Who was she kidding? Miranda still had to find someone who could manage to control Shepard without said Commander blowing up in their face.

Mustering up her strength and willpower Miranda clicked on the message with her eyes fixed upon the vid that was loading up onto her terminal, fingers tapping against the edge of her desk in anticipation for what felt like the inevitable anger or embarrassment she would more than likely be feeling at this vid that Kasumi and Shepard had the nerve to make for her.

"_Does this thing even work?"_ Shepard's voice suddenly filled the room and immediately Miranda's eyes were on her terminal, mind working in overtime when she saw that both Shepard and Kasumi was sitting on her bed. _Her bed!_

The blonde commander tapped what Miranda guessed to be the vid-cam that she was using to record both herself and Kasumi and what shocked Miranda the most was how such a little gesture seemed to work her up so much, it was as if she'd somehow woken up paranoid.

"_Shep I'm a tech genius!" _Kasumi's voice dragged Miranda back to her terminal, rolling her eyes when Kasumi moved further back on her bed to prop her feet up on Shepard's lap. _"Have a little faith in me!"_

_Right, because they so weren't fucking. Why didn't they just shag on her bed and get it over and done with? _

Miranda growled at her own venomous jealousy and laid a hand on her cheek, watching intently.

"_You know it's a good thing you told me what day it was otherwise I'd of never have known!" _Shepard was saying with such excitement that Miranda's interest on what the two were talking about was instantly piqued. _"Do you think Miranda knows what day it is?"_

She leant back in her chair and scoffed, resisting the temptation of shoving her old-fashioned calendar that she kept near her bed right in Shepard's face, not only would it be more than humorous it would make Shepard shut the hell up.

"_Probably but she doesn't celebrate it, she didn't mention anything to me today although she doesn't really talk to me a lot anymore…" _Kasumi had the decency to look a little put out but Miranda couldn't find it in herself to care what Kasumi wanted; because for some wild reason Miranda found herself growing a firm dislike for the thief for some inane reason that didn't really comprehend with her own thoughts or mind.

"_Oh come on Sumi, I think Miranda would celebrate her own damn birthday." _Shepard replied with a laugh and that was when Miranda froze at the realization that somehow Kasumi had managed to look into her hidden (even to the Illusive Man) files and had found out the day when she had been (for lack of better words) _birthed_. Shit. Fucking holy shit. How had Kasumi found those damn files! She'd kept them under padlock and chains! She had tried to eradicate almost everything that still tied her to her father and for Kasumi to find that was…

Shepard turned to face the vid-cam again with an odd-looking demure smile on her face, startling Miranda enough that she ran a hand through her hair to check if she wasn't actually in some sort of weird hallucination where Shepard actually was starting to act like an actual homo-sapient life form.

"_Kasumi do I really have to sing happy birthday?"_ Shepard whined and flicked at the master thief's nose with a genuinely happy smile. _"I told you I can't sing! Besides I've already got Miranda a gift." _

"_I got you a gift to give to Miranda." _Kasumi corrected with her own flick at Shepard's nose, bringing from behind her a large polystyrene pot with a lid on it and placing it in Shepard's lap.

Miranda shut off the terminal by the power switch, getting up from her seat to start to pace up and down her office with her head in her hands and her heart throbbing as if she'd been shot through it.

She recognized quickly after that she was panicking over something so trivial she forced herself to a standstill, crossing her arms over her latex cat suit and trying to think more clearly.

Kasumi and Shepard had obviously done this with good intentions but that still didn't stop it from hurting, mostly because of the fact that Miranda hadn't even known what a birthday was until she had been nine years old and even then her father had never celebrated it.

Niket had been the very first to celebrate it with her and now he was dead, it'd been such a long time ago that Miranda had even forgotten her own birthday and now that Shepard and Kasumi knew…

Miranda let loose a biotic push that caught most of the things in her office, pushing them back a few inches as they continued to shake at the impact - obviously the Illusive Man hadn't thought of the idea that Miranda may one day lose her mind and start trashing the ship.

What Miranda didn't expect was the polystyrene pot that Kasumi had placed in Shepard's lip in the vid to roll out of one of her hidden pockets near her desk and into a little dip inside her desk that Miranda usually placed most of her small pieces of technology equipment inside in case they came in handy on missions.

Miranda paused to take the sight of it in fully, slightly amused at how the pot itself had been wrapped up with a red bow that looked so ridiculously childish that before she knew what she was doing Miranda actually found herself laughing despite herself.

She took a hold of the pot, unwrapped the bow around it (clutched it at her heart without even realizing) and opened the lid with another chuckle.

Ramen.

Warmth surged up from her abdomen to her heart and for a moment Miranda was sure she was losing the ability to breathe.

Shepard's face flashed in her mind like a lightning bolt fast, effective and dangerously hot.

Miranda shook her head and sunk back into her office seat, clutching tightly at the pot of ramen.

"_Damn you Shepard…"_

* * *

><p><em>Kasumi Goto and Commander Shepard have entered a It's Complicated relationship<br>__The Kasumi/Shepard fandom likes this.  
><em>_Miranda Lawson does not like this.  
><em>_Commander Shepard sent Miranda Lawson a gift!  
><em>_The Miranda/Shepard fandom likes this.  
><em>_Kasumi Goto does not like this._


	12. Blow My Heart Up I Dare You

**Blow My Heart Up (I Dare You)**

"**M**iss Lawson breakfast will be served in ten minutes. However I have been also told to inform you that the Commander also wishes to see you and Mr Vakarian in the comm room straight after breakfast." EDI's synthetic voice was the first thing Miranda heard that morning, rolling over with a sigh inside her bed and ruffling her bedraggled hair.

What did Shepard want with her now? Knowing the Commander it was probably something to do with a surprise birthday party considering how she had managed to hide herself in her room for the rest of the day yesterday filing out reports for the Illusive Man. If it DID turn out to be a surprise party she would strangle Shepard in front of everyone there, damn the consequences.

"Do you know what she wanted me for EDI?" Miranda muttered with a yawn escaping her, rolling over onto her stomach and stretching with a groan.

Another day of either sitting in the Normandy filing out dozens and dozens of reports or a day where Shepard would put her through her paces on another uncharted world, space ship, etc. Not that she was complaining about the last part, it felt as if she hadn't gone anywhere in weeks and now her legs desperately needed stretching.

"No Miss Lawson." EDI's voice answered her and with a sigh Miranda got up from her bed, scratching at her head and staring into her vanity mirror that rested at the side of her bed.

"Thank you again EDI." Miranda murmured groggily, rubbing at her eyes before stripping off Jacob's old shirt (her own pyjamas were far too small and left her arms out in the open to fight the cold) and her underwear to get changed for the day.

Once changed she headed out into the mess hall for breakfast where she began her daily procedure of trying to find a seat that was nowhere near Kasumi, Jack or Tali as at least two of them hated her guts whilst the other generally wanted to gossip about everything with her as though she was an old friend; Miranda did not like that one bit.

It seemed luck was only partly on her side today however as the only seat available was in between Thane and Kasumi, not entirely aggravating enough that she considered taking her breakfast into her office but not exactly pleasant enough that she was happy about it either.

Miranda rubbed at the nape of her neck and started to make her way towards both the drell and the master thief (glaring back at the convict when Jack snorted as she brushed past her) until she could squeeze in between both of them with her eyes directed straight ahead of her.

It wasn't that Miranda didn't like the two of them she just didn't value conversation in the circumstances they were in, before Shepard her previous commanders (which were very few considering she ran most of the operations) had only talked to her to organize the attacks, the drills and the operative itself. Here, with Shepard, on the Normandy…

"_Good morning _Miranda." Came a coo from her right that could only belong to Kasumi, the rich Japanese accent making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. "How did you sleep? No wrestling around with the sheets was there?"

Miranda furrowed her brow, trying to remember what she had been thinking before Kasumi had interrupted with her mindless bantering…Ah yes that was the word she had been looking to describe the daily social activities she had been subdued to with every other crewmember on this level. _Bantering_.

It wasn't that she despised it so much that it became intolerable, the only thing that made her become more irritated easier by it was the fact that she had no idea how to exactly do it.

She'd had friends yes (_you still have friends_, her mind kept whispering, _you just don't realize it_) and then maybe she could have said that she knew how to banter efficiently enough she wouldn't call herself a social disaster, but right now it seemed so…Bland, _useless_ to her. It was as if she didn't have the time to socialize like Shepard or Kasumi seemed to and well, maybe that's why she felt so envious of the two?

_Ugh,_ her thoughts were getting to her like a bad itch and with a cough Miranda cleared her head long enough to answer Kasumi with an arched brow in disbelief. "I don't wrestle my covers anyway Kasumi, that'd just be a signal I was having a bad dream."

Kasumi smirked at her with such similarities of a chesire cat that Miranda felt herself falling back into her regular routine of staring angrily at the thief, crisscrossing her fingers to try to feel at least a little bit calm.

"Or…" The thief started and by that tone alone she knew whatever Kasumi had to say she wouldn't like. "A very good dream. But hey, what am I talking about right?"

Miranda knew what the thief was implying and answered with a disgusted sound, motioning to Rupert with her eyes to come serve her right now before she actually got riled up enough to slap Kasumi straight around the face; and while that would have made her feel terribly satisfied it wasn't becoming of her.

"Perhaps you should leave other's sleeping patterns alone hm?" The drone of the drell voice to Miranda's left made her head snap in Thane's direction immediately, surprised to see the drell looking over at the thief with an amused quirk of his lips. "Not all of us wish to giggle our way through the night with our Commander, _despite _how pleasant that would be."

While Thane's words were supposed to be comforting, they instead put Miranda on the edge with a lot more force than necessary - the side effect causing her to once more curl her fingers more tighter together than they were before until she was sure they would bruise.

"It's not my fault Shepard doesn't want to sleep in her cabin." Kasumi quipped back with a snort, although it surprised Miranda slightly at how the thief seemed to have gotten a serious look on her face - more than likely offended at Thane's interruption of her playfulness. "She said she just doesn't feel the same without someone sleeping next to her."

Miranda held back in every possible sentence she was going to say at that point, foolishly clinging onto some sort of hope when Rupert started dishing up and delivering the morning breakfast two dishes at a time - it brought hope that maybe Rupert would get here in time so she could eat up fast enough Kasumi or Thane wouldn't notice her hastiness to depart.

Thane looked intrigued at Kasumi's answer which was the complete opposite of how Miranda felt because she honestly did _not_ want to know what happened in Kasumi's room with her and Shepard; god damn it why was this ship so prone to gossip anyhow?

When Rupert finally made his way over to give her whatever he had cooked up for breakfast, she stood up with her hands already taking the plate away from the cook slash janitor slash whatever the hell else Rupert did and made her way to the elevator, ignoring whatever grumbling the rest of the crew shot at her when she rounded the corner and into the machinery.

Miranda couldn't stand another second with Kasumi's chirpy voice nattering in her ear, telling her things about Shepard and the thief she didn't want to know and making her feel such emotions that Miranda knew but was not truly used to feeling; hell she had almost felt she had become immune to the feeling of envy but now it felt like it was biting her in the ass all over again.

She scoffed. Oh really, what was wrong with her? Miranda actually felt like she was back in high school, how embarrassing to get so flustered and upset just because Kasumi couldn't keep that large mouth of hers shut. Ridiculous and petty and she couldn't believe she'd fallen for it.

The toast in her mouth was the only thing stopping Miranda from blabbering to herself in a rather silly fashion, and that was to only berate herself at how idiotic she must have looked in front of the rest of the crew like Jack and Tali - ugh, she really couldn't wait for _their _next meeting.

Once arriving at the CIC Miranda laid the plate near Shepard's terminal before heading towards the briefing room (picking ineffectively at the crumbs that had somehow managed to get stuck to her suit) with her head held up high, it was the only thing alone that would keep her composed when all Miranda wanted to do was rest.

Miranda briefly nodded to Kelly before stepping inside the briefing room, eyes scanning the room to see that both Garrus and Shepard were speaking in hushed tones with none other than the Cerberus agent the Illusive Man had sent; looking as suspicious as Miranda felt at witnessing the scene.

Shepard nodded at her once before breaking out into conversation, startling Miranda as the Commander swept past with her hands on her hips.

"What I don't understand Mr Batman…" Shepard trailed off with a pointed glance towards the Observer, crossing her arms over her chest to set off the even more glaring image that she was overly suspicious of what the Cerberus agent was doing. "Is why he wants you with me on this mission? Care to explain or…"

Frustrated and tired Miranda couldn't help but butt in at this point, not truly interested in an argument breaking out once more between the Commander and the agent when all she wanted to know was why Shepard had called her up here in the first place.

"Shepard whatever the Illusive Man wants is fine, what I want to know is why both me and Garrus were called up here for. To witness you both bicker?" Her cold eyes laced their way into the vast darkness the Observer's mask held. "Surely you are more than capable of withholding a retort? Or are you as childish as the Commander you claim to observe?"

Silence fell then and that pleased Miranda greatly, silence was the most blissful thing in this universe when it came to such things as being stuck in a Normandy vessel with so many crazy inhabitants (two, _three_ if she included Shepard) that Miranda had to plug in her ears so she could block out Shepard's feet moving near her office.

The Observer merely nodded and took a step back so that he was backed into a corner of the briefing room, looking so out of place that it amused Miranda silently at how he looked like a little schoolboy that had just been scolded; it certainly took her back. Huh, now she sounded old.

A sigh made her face turn slightly to see the blonde commander resting her chin in the palms of her hands, staring disdainfully up at the ceiling of the vessel with her brow narrowed in irritation.

"I'm not childish." Shepard whinged in the only way Miranda could think to describe it as - _childishly_. "Besides that's not the point. You three will be accompanying me to check out a Collector ship that was brought down by a turian patrol."

"A turian patrol?" Garrus finally contributed with his clawed hands starting to scratch and massage his good mandible in thought. "Do you know how big it is Shepard? I find it hard to believe one lousy turian patrol can take out such a giant vessel like the one you encountered on Horizon."

Shepard shook her head, looking frustrated at that little tidbit she didn't possess the knowledge over and showing it in her frown. "No idea Garrus, no idea at all…"

"We'll find out when we get there," Miranda offered to try and ease Shepard down enough that the blonde commander would be able to think more clearly without doubt chipping her away. "Whatever happens I'm sure the Illusive Man knows what he's sending us into."

Shepard sent the Cerberus agent a hard look at her words before allowing her icy blue eyes to fall on Miranda's, the anger still embedded in her bright hues. "You would say that. But I trust your judgement on this, fine we'll get ready then for when Joker gets us to the derelict ship." Shepard's eyes hardened dramatically and she swept her arm forward to gesture at them all.

"Dismissed." It would of course be a lie to say that Shepard was happy with the decision but Miranda decided not to voice it, meeting Shepard's eyes for a mere moment before turning her back her Commander and following the agent and Garrus out of the briefing room.

"Oh and Lawson!" Miranda turned to address Shepard with a genuine look of curiosity, head tilted to the side in what she figured to be coy. Or something Shepard would read into in entirely the wrong way. "Could you go fetch Kasumi? Tell her I need her up here as quickly as possible."

Miranda decided to ignore the fact that Shepard could easily get EDI to fetch Kasumi and nodded politely - almost coldly - moving away from Shepard and heading back into the elevator.

* * *

><p><strong>"T<strong>hat thing is massive!" Garrus murmured in awe as they pulled up closer to the Collector vessel, awaiting Joker's signal to tell them that it was safe enough to pull into what resembled a hanger on the Collector ship.

Shepard nodded besides the turian with a glum frown on her expression. "Yeah and it looks ready to fire shit at us even if it's apparently out cold."

"Don't be a fool," the agent's soft-spoken voice filled the Hammerhead and for a moment Shepard thought she was actually going to lose control enough to punch the idiot in the face; but that was before Miranda gave her a warning look and she instantly calmed under her XO's gaze. "If you're truly crapping yourself then wait on the ship. We all have a mission to get to."

Shepard breathed in deeply and exhaled noisily, gripping onto her helmet with tight fingers and practically slamming it on her head in an effort not to smash it against the agent's face; and Kasumi wondered why she was getting more violent lately. Maybe the thief should hang around with THIS guy for a while, even the gentle Tali would throw a heated fit at him and his soft-spoken voice and those delicate mannerisms that weren't actually delicate at all but some cover up for the dark shit the bastard was actually trying to say.

"I left Kasumi in charge of the ship." Shepard said bluntly in an attempt to change the subject, looking at Miranda with earnest eyes.

Miranda couldn't help but scoff, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and rolling her eyes in annoyance. "Kasumi? In charge of the rest of the squad? Oh I'm sure that'll go down well."

Shepard was truly shocked at that answer, giving Miranda her best wide-eyed stare that she usually saved whenever Mordin started talking to her. "Why? What's wrong with Kasumi being in charge?"

"Apart from the fact that Kasumi doesn't know how to lead at all?" Miranda replied with that ridiculous innocent voice Shepard detested immensely. "Then there's nothing wrong."

Shepard sighed and pressed a finger to her radio, radioing into Joker's comm link with an exasperated growl. "Tell me you have something Joker before I blow up this damn vessel that I'm sitting in!"

"Systems are go Commander," Joker responded in an annoyingly cheerful voice - someone had obviously given him the real coffee and not decaf - that made Shepard's head throb in aggravation. "Have fun exploring a dead Collector ship, take pictures and bring back something that I could add to my hat! I've always wanted something new on my hat…"

"I'll bring back a finger." Shepard remarked with a sadistic chuckle, her blood pumping violently through her veins in excitement because despite being wary and frustrated there was always that essence of danger that made her ridiculously eager for missions like this.

"I'll bring back a toe. From Shepard." Garrus offered with a throaty laugh that made Shepard nudge her friend in the stomach with her elbow. "What? You could manage to get your toe lobbed off."

The Hammerhead moved into position just above the hanger of the Collector ship and without another word between them, all four of them jumped off the vessel and into the Collector's ship with the eerie silence drowning out all logical thought.

Shepard stopped them just before they could go any further, addressing the group with a look that clearly said she didn't want any chitchat over her orders and if there was then she couldn't make any promises they wouldn't find varren in their bed in the morning.

"We'll split up into twos. Me and Miranda will-" Shepard had to remind herself not to hit Garrus in the face, reasoning with herself that it wasn't his fault he was the closest person to her, when the agent opened his big mouth to talk.

"Me and you." He corrected with a slight nod of his head, looking as big as a fool Shepard hoped he felt because this was just getting damn ridiculous. "Ms Lawson will cause you to be distracted whereas I'll be able to keep an eye on you."

"And I'll be able to save your ass if you need help, brilliant compromise! It's a damn deal!" Shepard snapped with sarcastic twang in her voice, shoving the Observer away from her to gesture at both Miranda and Garrus. "You two will be following close behind me and Mr Batman over here, make sure you're at a distance that we can communicate otherwise I'll lose you both in the shuffle. Understood?"

At the nod of Miranda's head Shepard took off to explore the depths of the Collector ship, glaring at the Cerberus agent when the masked fool made the mistake of getting too close to her when she herself was trying to observe the ship's layout.

"This is worse than that vid of '_300 Minutes on Palaven_'. Garrus groused from behind her and with a chuckle Shepard gave the turian a look of approval over her shoulder.

"I love that vid Garrus, me and Jack watched it a few days ago. I almost lost my bloody _rag_ at the end because of that salarian going on a killing spree." She shuddered at the image that popped in her head. "I haven't been able to talk to Mordin for _days_. Days!"

"Commander." Miranda intervened with a cough, signalling for Shepard to shut the hell up and focus once more on the mission. "300 Minutes on Palaven is not relevant to the mission."

"Unless we're swooped down upon by angry terrorist salarians." Garrus muttered bitterly with his assault rifle swinging uselessly at his side.

Shepard snorted and readied her Eviscerator shotgun in her hands, nudging the agent with her hip and giving him her best '_problem?_' look. "You know what they say about swooping don't you Mr B?"

At first the agent didn't react (which was an obvious disappointment to the blonde commander) yet when Shepard opened her mouth to answer for him, the agent sighed and thumbed at his armoured chin.

"Is it bad?" The agent said softly with an odd sound that Shepard guessed to be smugness at how her face had dropped at the answer - mostly because that had been the answer she hadn't been hoping for.

"Screw you. You're not fun at all."

* * *

><p><strong>"I<strong>s it too late to say I bloody told you so?" Shepard asked her XO with bright, innocent eyes that either would make Miranda want to punch her or kiss her - okay so maybe not kiss her but a hug would be nice - in a way that was endearing enough Shepard's brain would melt. "Cause it really doesn't feel like it."

"Shut up Shepard." Miranda responded bitterly in reply, shoving Shepard into cover as the Collectors themselves rained fire down upon them all the moment the four of them had rushed away from the haven of Collector pods and into enemy fire. "There's got to be an explanation for why he'd do this Shepard! He wouldn't just do this to mess around with us!"

"Sure he would." Garrus grunted before the blonde could reply, sniping a canister next to five Collectors and setting them all ablaze. "This is Cerberus after all, both me and Shepard should have known better than to think you'd actually play fair and not try and get us killed."

"Amen to that." Shepard grumbled with another rub at her already bruised cheek before she shot off to collide with a defenceless Collector, pushing him away and up into the air until she gunned him down with a grin.

Once the Commander was back at Miranda's side she gave her XO a subtle wink, holstering her shotgun to replace it with her heavy pistol and firing off left, right and center at the attacking Collectors, husks and abominations that littered the area.

The Cerberus agent at Shepard's left hadn't even fired off a single shot yet, that fact alone making Shepard smirk and for her eyes to light up in amusement. "What? Can't you fire a gun?"

The Observer nodded once and as if to prove it to Shepard that he could fire a gun he fired off a single shot at the furthest Collector possible, making it drop like a stone.

"I choose to wait until my target is fully distracted before incapacitating it." The agent answered in explanation, ignoring Shepard's look of shock as he got up to throw himself into the shadows - veiling himself completely.

Shepard rolled her eyes and continued her onslaught on the Collectors, throwing off a powerful biotic shockwave that sent both husks and abominations sprawling towards the ledge where a well-aimed concussive shot off Garrus made them tumble down into the dark depths below.

Only three Collectors remained yet before any of them could fire off a shot they were met with the sight of the Cerberus agent creeping up behind the three insect-like aliens with his hands reaching out to twist one round to slam his elbow into the Collector's jaw, his leg moving outward to curve into a kneeling position to trip the other two up so he could slide away from the hissing Collector had he hit in the jaw to raise his pistol to shoot a heat-sink into the back of its head.

He finished the two off with precision that made Shepard feel envious and for her brow to crease in frustration, because damn not even she had that much precision at shooting Collectors there were near to slipping off and away from the ledge.

"He's rather good actually," Miranda praised the agent with an arch of her eyebrows, nodding in admiration that Shepard wasn't so sure if it was feigned or not although she suspected the former knowing how Miranda's mind worked. "Handy with a pistol too. What a surprise."

"More like a show-off." Shepard grunted with a flick of her head to get rid of a stray blonde spike that had managed to droop into her eyes. "Me and Garrus could have done that blind-folded."

Garrus's mandibles flickered in amusement at the sound of his Commander's tone. "Could we really Shepard?"

"Fine. Me and Kasumi." Shepard corrected with a soft jab at Garrus's good mandible, making the turian laugh as the three of them met up with the agent to once more round a corner to find themselves in a room filled with husks and abominations.

"Ready to be serious?" Shepard heard the agent grunt beside her, holstering his heavy pistol and sliding towards a curve in the ship's layout that would lead them all unnoticed so they could attack the husks and abominations from behind.

Shepard followed him with a gesture of her hand to the others, climbing as quickly and quietly as possible. "When am I ever not serious Mr B?"

The agent snorted with a shake of his head, pushing aside a canister and falling into place behind a large section of pods that covered all four of them from both husks and abominations. "I think we'll be able to get through without being noticed but we need to be…"

He turned around behind him to see both the turian and Ms Lawson with their guns at the ready, picking off the husks and abominations that Shepard had purposely startled with her biotic charging and the feel of raw power that the commander's shotgun slugs contained when fired.

Shepard however was having the time of her life because this (the adrenaline pulsing through her veins, lighting her on fire with such a sore ache everywhere that it's so irresistibly pleasurable) was how it was supposed to be; not hiding away and sneaking even when it was probably the best thing to do, but she wasn't Commander Shepard for nothing.

Alliance had been her leader, leading her into doing what was damn well necessary and for the 'greater good' because that was what was expected of the Alliance anyhow - it was a leader and of course Shepard had always fallen in step no matter how many times she didn't want to. Why? Because it had been her only chance to get somewhere.

With a loud roar Shepard sent her biotic-charged fist straight into an oncoming husk that had managed to sneak up behind her, making it fly backwards to crash into other husks and sending them sprawling.

The sound of gunfire made her look up to see that Miranda had stepped away from cover and was slowly making her way towards her, using both her biotics and pistol to fight away the husks that were foolish enough to get too close to her.

"Shepard come on!" Shepard heard her XO yell over the loud din of the husks and abominations 'murmuring' and 'groaning', making her send out a hand to push back the oncoming husks and abominations with a biotic shockwave.

"Assuming direct control!" Came a sound from behind her, yet when Shepard turned her face to the side for a quick look at the field she was snatched up by Collector claws wrapping around her throat, lifting her high up in the air with such force she felt as if her heart had somehow managed to jump into her mouth.

Harbinger was only a few feet away from her with his magma-like cracked skin pulsing eerily in the dim light the Collector vessel held, the clicking of his claws making her skin crawl and for her shotgun to feel almost ridiculously heavier than before.

"You will regret your resistance, Shepard." The Collector general droned with his biotic powers smacking her straight across the face, bringing down her shields and cutting her skin underneath her helmet. "You could have proven yourself quite useful."

The collector holding her up was being surrounded by other collectors in what looked like a tight-knit shield, protecting the collector away from Miranda's biotics and Garrus's gunfire; she had to admit, they were a very organized and not to mention tactical group.

But Shepard had no plan on dying, not like this anyway with Collector claws everywhere on her; no instead she scanned her escape routes on how to get out of here quickly and efficiently without too much scarring - Kasumi already said she was starting to look like something out of the Terminator.

Her eyes caught on the massive tubes running along the Collector vessel's ceiling, they were wide enough to collapse onto the group of husks and abominations that Miranda was still wading through; effectively killing anything underneath so that option was an obvious no-go.

Harbinger's murmuring brought him back to her attention and with a grin Shepard allowed herself to study the Collector General's every movement, her mind whirling and scanning through every possible situation until her mind thrummed with excitement as an idea wormed its way inside her head - making the shotgun in her hand that had felt so heavy before suddenly feel weightless.

"I am the vanguard of your destruction Shepard." Harbinger murmured once more and yet it felt as though his voice was like a megaphone, making her ears ring as his voice bounced everywhere inside her mind. "Give in."

Shepard tightened her grip on her shotgun, pushing out slightly with her biotics to get the Collector that was still holding onto her like a lifeline to loosen his hold on her enough that she could effectively raise her shotgun up towards Harbinger's head - close enough to decapitate him with just one bullet.

"Go to hell." She growled before firing as quickly as she could at the Collector general, tightening every muscle in her body for another biotic push that would send the numerous Collector's circling her flying into the air.

But Miranda is already on the case before Shepard could even do anything even considered helpful, her XO's biotics slam a detached husk's arm into her (by complete accident, of course) that sends her one arm flying upwards with such force Shepard felt the biotic energy that had been slowly rising inside her release so quickly that it rises up to hit the massive tubes that run across the ceiling, severing one of the links to allow the tubes to fall.

A familiar yell snapped Shepard out from her reverie soon after gunning the last few of the Collector's down, forcing herself to look over to where the tubes had collapsed to see that where Miranda had been was now covered by the huge, metal tubes that Shepard had told herself not to cut in fear for what she was witnessing now.

"Miranda!" She didn't know if she screamed or not but all of a sudden her throat felt raw and her tongue burned as if she had somehow placed it on the oven whenever Rupert left it on in case the food cooking that evening went missing. This, she decided, was far worse.

Shepard skidded down the ramp to race towards the tubes that had collapsed on Miranda and the remaining husks and abominations, a thin sheen of sweat starting to fog up her helmet as if it didn't actually want her to see what was in front of her. As if it was also trying to help her deny it.

Garrus was beside her in an instant, shaking her shoulder to try and get her attention away from the giant tubes in front of her. "Shepard! Damn it Shepard snap out of it!"

Shepard blinked rapidly at the turian, wiping at the visor of her helmet with a grunt of frustration. "Garrus! Help me lift these tubes up! We need to get Lawson from out of there!"

Garrus didn't ask twice although from his movements Shepard could tell he was hesitating, that was Garrus for her however; always fearing the worse - it was something Shepard had always pushed aside. Pessimism. She was too optimistic about these sort of things, it would do no good to fear for the worse like Garrus did. One day it would be enough to kill her.

Shepard didn't waste any time with such things as hesitation and used another burst of her biotics to push away two of what looked like hundreds of tubes, frantically trying to push everything away as fast as she could in an attempt to push away the warning signs that soon she'd collapse in exhaustion from using her biotics too much.

"Screw em." She growled more to herself than the turian next to her, only stopping her frenzied search at the sound of Joker and the Observer's voice echoing through her head and through the Collector vessel.

"Commander! Not trying to rush you but you've got less than five minutes to get your ass back on the Normandy before their guns power up!" Joker's voice was full of panic and if she strained her ears hard enough Shepard could hear his anxious fingers dancing away at the console where he sat.

"Joker you're rushing me!" She snapped back with another hefty push of the tube in front of her, gasping for breath when something sharp hit her in the shoulder; making her turn back to see that the Observer was pulling her to her feet, his hands entwined tightly around her shoulder.

"You heard him Shepard!" The agent practically yelled in her ear, taking Garrus's arm in his other hand to force the turian up onto his feet as well. "We haven't got any time left to get Ms Lawson out of here! We need to get going!"

Shepard heard ringing in her ears at that, she wondered if it was because she had gone partly-deaf at that time or she couldn't believe the bullshit she was hearing. Most probably the latter.

"Are you seriously telling me we leave her here?" She protested with a roll of her eyes, shrugging the agent's hand off her shoulder. "Miranda is under there! Dying! We can't just leave her behind while…"

The Observer grabbed both of her arms this time, forcing her forward until her helmet connected with his own, opaque mask. "This isn't the time Shepard! I've read your files and I know you sacrificed Kaidan Alenko on Virmire, you did it for the good of humanity. Do it now! We can't risk saving one person's life whilst endangering the others on the Normandy!"

She fell silent, memories of Kaidan's last expression on his face swallowing her whole in a lapse of misery - he had been so happy to be with her on the mission, his words had been so full of bright light and happiness that Shepard couldn't help but feel charmed by him - that soon made her stumble back into the Cerberus agent's waiting arms; surprisingly comforting despite how much Shepard wanted to sock him in the face.

Shepard spared a glance at the turian next to her, eagerly begging for answers that Garrus himself only answered with a bowed head - refusing to meet her gaze through his own helmet.

Another glance was spared towards where the tubes still lay scattered everywhere covering Miranda completely from sight, and this time Shepard felt as though she had been shot through the heart - so slow and so agonizingly painful that she had to grip onto Garrus's free arm to hold herself up.

She'd lost Jake to cholera, Kaidan to her already bloodied hands…And now because of her own temper and cockiness she was going to have to lose Miranda too.

_It wasn't fucking fair. _

"Under two minutes Commander!" Joker reminded her with another beeping sound accompanying his speech, obviously something that EDI was doing to try and warn Joker about a brief lapse in the system. "C'mon Shepard I'm not losing another Normandy!"

Shepard growled and threw herself forward, away from the agent, away from Garrus and away from the image of Miranda slowly choking to death under the weight of the metallic tubes that Shepard honestly didn't have the strength to move.

"Let's move!" She called back to her remaining squad, rushing upwards to duck underneath one of the Collector's pillars and round a corner until she could just about see the Hammerhead awaiting departure in the distance.

Garrus and the agent was right beside her in no time, both sounding out of breath and looking completely exhausted by how languid they were moving; not that Shepard could blame them, she felt as if she was about to collapse any second due to both physical exertion and the strain her emotions were being put through at the particular moment.

The agent and Garrus rushed ahead of her then with such hastiness that Shepard was completely surprised at how they didn't trip over their own feet, not that it mattered because it couldn't be as fast as how hard her heart was pumping with every painful thought that throttled her brain - so excruciatingly raw it brought Shepard to her knees and for her hands to wrestle at her helmet.

It was a headache of course but to Shepard it felt like whatever higher entity out there was laughing morbidly at her, laughing at her for being so damn stupid, laughing at her for allowing emotions to overcome her again and again until it consumed her entire being.

_You couldn't save Jake,_ it jeered at her with its sickening laughter that made Shepard clench her eyes shut to try and block it out. _You sacrificed the only man you've ever loved for your old best friend. _

"Shut up." She growled with another burst of anger, burying her head in between her thighs to try and make her own self conscious to go the hell away. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

_And now you're leaving the woman you love behind just because some damn Cerberus agent said so. How's that for pathetic Commander Song Shepard?_

With a snarl she turned her face back to where she had just came from with the agent and Garrus, her head throbbing as six different voices screamed at her.

"60 seconds Shepard!" Joker.

"Shepard! Come on!" Garrus

"Stop pissing around you idiot!" Mr Batman. Cerberus agent. The Observer.

"It'll be alright kid! You be strong now!" Jake.

"Save Ash!" Kaidan.

The last was an incoherent scream that sounded so close to choking it made Shepard's mind up in that very instance.

All through her life Shepard had made sacrifices, hell some of them weren't even worthy of noting, like giving up the last piece of chocolate, but they had all been sacrifices.

She'd lost good people too. Not just Kaidan and Jake. Some of them weren't even her people in the first place. Keiji, for example. All Shepard had to do was look Kasumi in the eyes and see that it was still hurting her (despite how much Kasumi was getting better along the way) and that of course meant Shepard had been hurting too.

But one thing mattered right now. Only one thing ran through her mind.

_Not one more. _

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah…I…<br>****._. I'm not upset. I'm fine. -stuffs tissues into bin-  
><strong>**Why would I cry at my own work?  
><strong>**Sheesh.  
><strong>**Btw. Ily guys.  
><strong>**:'D**


	13. Silence Is Unbecoming

**Silence is Unbecoming**

**"S**hepard where the hell do you think you're going?" Mr Batman screamed at her the moment she had started sprinting back in the direction where the three of them (Garrus, Mr B and herself) had just come from in search for her one and only XO known as Miranda Lawson.

"Shepard their firing up the fucking guns!" Joker roared down the comm link with such anxiousness it almost stopped Shepard dead in her tracks, but then Miranda's choked face appeared in her head again and she ignored Joker's yells to continue down the hallway to where she had left Miranda.

She felt the ship shake underneath her feet - twisting her off balance more than once - but continued to push herself to the very limits she tried to overcome everyday, grunting when a sharp pain travelled up her legs to connect with her neck; another sign of the after affects of too much biotic usage. At this rate she'd flat out kill herself if she wasn't more careful.

This - going back to save Miranda - was going against everything she - Commander Shepard - had stood for as an Alliance soldier and when she had led that siege against the Batarians at Torfan; her one line to her troops before sending them to their deaths had been simple: _get the damn job done_.

What she had done at Torfan was one of the things she held with her every waking moment of her entire life after she had been rewarded for the very thing she had said to her troops: _'congratulations Shepard, at least someone around here can get the damn job done.' _And at the time Shepard couldn't have been happier to be patted on the shoulder by someone like Admiral Hackett and Udina, however time seemed to have sobered her somewhat.

Getting the damn job done had cost her Kaidan and whilst her mind and heart argued over that incident (raging a war inside her body that affected her dreams more than once every night) with her mind believing that such a sacrifice was wrong - her heart, the Council and Anderson disagreed.

And now she was running back towards what felt like her doom in a suicidal attempt to rescue Miranda Lawson, seriously was this day actually going to get any bloody worse?

She jumped over a decapitated husk's body with extra strain being put onto her legs that weren't exactly short - but not excessively long like Tali and Miranda - yet made her slow enough that if she didn't hurry then Joker might possibly lose his nerve and leave her here because if she knew Joker she knew that even he had his limit on how much he'd sacrifice for her.

"Shepard come on! I can't keep the Normandy here forever!" Joker's panicked voice once more filled her ears, the sound making that unmistakable adrenaline flood her whole body with its wild toxin of energy despite the weariness she felt due to her reckless use of biotics.

"Joker shut the hell up," she replied back in a whisper and a hard blink of both of her eyes; pleasantly surprised to see that she was now back in the room where she had left Miranda in - not so pleasantly surprised to see that Collectors had filled the room and was already shooting at her. "And get me a damn medic! I'm coming back whether the ships half gone or not!"

Shepard rolled into a defensive position behind a fallen tank with a biotic push towards the Collector nearest to her, growling angrily at herself as another wave of weariness crashed into her like an oceans wave beating against the jewelled grains of white sand.

This was fucking hopeless, she realized after another hail of bullets rained down upon her the moment she poked her head out of cover, absolutely hopeless and what bothered her the most was that she had let her emotions overtake her sense and now she was going to bloody die if she didn't think of something fast.

"Shep! What the hell is taking you so long?" Another voice had taken over Joker's and with a flood of euphoric relief Shepard recognized it to be Kasumi. "We're trying our best to get as close to the Collector Ship as possible so it doesn't manage to blow our ass up!"

_Oh Kasumi_, Shepard felt herself truly breathe for the first time since she had woken up today to go answer the Illusive Man's call, _you have no idea how reassuring your voice is. My god._

"I'm not leaving her behind," she said in reply with a loud exhale, unfastening her pistol from the clip on her waist and blindly firing at the Collector's from over her cover. "Don't ask me do that."

A slow breath made her ears buzz at the crackle it made against her cartridge, a little jolt in reminding herself that she couldn't die, she couldn't just take the bullet and grin about it while the world carried on, whilst the Reapers descended upon them. What sort of hero did that make her?

Because Shepard had always believed in heroes despite how many of them seemed like nothing more than jackasses and how none actually turned up when she wished underneath Earth's stars that they'd come and help her, she'd always believed that one day if she could try hard enough then she'd be one too.

She felt around the waist of her armour again with what she supposed was a clear head though she wasn't entirely sure about that; rummaging for one of the pockets she had managed to install in the armoured shell that was above her right calf - sighing in relief when she pressed down on the familiar edge of the armour that opened up to spill out one grenade into the palm of her hand.

It wasn't anything worthy enough to blow up a building or anything but it was sure to at least knock the Collector's here on the ass long enough that Shepard would be able to pick them off one-by-one, and if that didn't work there was always the Cain - which she tried not to waste to save up for the chance for when she hit the Collectors home world.

Shepard pressed the pad of her thumb over the red light that sat on top of the grenade's interface, chucking it into a large group of Collectors and laughing out loud in triumphant when the startled cry soon changed into horrified Collector screams in a quick flash of white.

With a grin she picked off the rest of the Collector's with a feral smirk as another burst of adrenaline shot through her; god it was like a drug she couldn't get enough of although it still meant that once this rush had worn off her she'd feel even more sodding tired than before.

Time was wasting however and she hauled herself over the tank she had used for cover to rush towards the test tubes that had fallen, surprised to see that two of them were what she could only describe as _glowing_ with the blue biotic energy Shepard herself recognized.

"Miranda!" Shepard forgot if she cheered or screamed but whatever she did made her head spin for a moment until she fell onto her knees to once more start to push at the large test tubes until they rolled off one another. "Stay put I'm getting you out!"

_Oh you clever minx!_ Shepard thought with an appraising nod of her head and an arched brow, clawing at the test tubes with such ferocity she was sure that she had somehow managed to fracture one of her thumbs but at the moment she was too busy not trying to faint to care about that. _Using biotics to get yourself out! When I get out of this helmet I'm kissing you! I don't care if you like it or not!_

The mix of warmth and desperation suddenly transformed into pure anxiousness when the sound of choking reached Shepard's ears, the sound causing her to put all of her strength behind each of her pushes and pulls in a fraught bid to save this damn woman who Shepard had disliked so intensely at first and now she couldn't actually imagine a day without her. Frankly, it was a bit pathetic.

Shepard's eyes widened in relief once she caught sight of black-covered latex arm that was poking out from under one of the test tubes, using the last bit of her biotic power to push out a biotic shockwave that knocked the last of the test tubes out of the way; revealing a choking Miranda who clutched at the floor of the Collector vessel with a bone-gripping desperation.

Shepard rushed forward to grip at her XO's chin to see that the breather mask Miranda had been wearing had cracked open (most likely when Miranda had hit the ground with such a tremendous force) and that left Miranda gasping for air with deep, long, shallow breaths.

Shepard growled and threw one of Miranda's arms around her shoulders, lifting the sentinel up with a grunt by wrapping her arm around Miranda's waist and lugging her forward as fast as she could - trying to ignore the wracking choking noise that Miranda was making so she wouldn't overly panic.

It was failing of course, inside she was panicking like mad because if she didn't hurry the hell up then Miranda was going to choke to death and she would never forgive herself for letting her XO die on her like that.

An idea flashed in her mind and she grasped at it with clumsy hands, realizing the danger of said idea and not at all caring for the reason that if she's going to die, she's going out in god damn style.

Ripping the remains of Miranda's breather mask away from her XO's face, Shepard inhaled with a large giant sound of air rushing into her lungs before she too ripped off her helmet and slammed it down on Miranda's shoulders - who gasped in the air with a sharp cough that made the XO stumble slightly in Shepard's arms.

Shepard tried hard not to breathe in as she forced both herself and Miranda down the long intricate corridor of the Collector vessel, almost falling to her knees at the pain that had started worming its way up her chest to make her throat burn in desperation for sweet, sweet oxygen.

Miranda dragged behind her although Shepard couldn't really blame her XO, she was more than likely delirious at the lack of oxygen and now she was getting it full-force - the only thing that surprised her was that Miranda hadn't been knocked out as an after affect.

Shepard didn't have much time otherwise she was going to burst with the need for oxygen which made the relief feel that much more satisfying when she turned a corner to see that both Garrus and the Observer was still there, arguing between each other about whether they should leave her behind or not she guessed.

She didn't have time for it and with a last attempt at a sprint Shepard stumbled forward until she fell onto her knees, grounding her teeth together angrily when Miranda came down with her; looking thoroughly exhausted to the point that this time Shepard was sure Miranda would actually collapse this time.

Garrus finally noticed her when she used what felt like the last of her energy to push at him gently with her biotics, letting out a choked growl at the last moment when it finally got too much for her to handle and she opened her mouth in a fierce despair that sent shivers down her spine.

It felt as if her lungs were being ripped in two the moment she opened her mouth, the worst part was that she couldn't even scream out in pain because she was physically choking and the agony literally knocked out anything sensible in her thoughts - how Miranda had coped without oxygen for so long Shepard wouldn't be able to understand. Probably something to do with her genetics.

"Shepard!" Garrus called out her name breathlessly, dragging her away from Miranda and literally chucking her into the cockpit of the Hammerhead before turning back to do the same to the Cerberus XO and agent with such force and accuracy that Shepard didn't even feel the sickening crunch of her bones breaking with how awkward she landed.

Not that it mattered, when the Hammerhead's doors glided closed and both Garrus and the agent swarmed around her and Miranda she couldn't help but breathe in deeply whilst her eyes rolled in the back of her head - she was absolutely, thoroughly exhausted.

"Miranda…" She muttered with a cough, struggling to grasp onto reality when dark corners started to blur her eyesight - biotics coming to bite her back in the ass so it seemed.

Garrus turned to look over his shoulder, reaching out for something (probably to check Miranda's pulse) before he turned back and nodded with what resembled a grin - could never tell on a turian. "She's alive Shepard."

Shepard choked on her laughter of release and calmness, closing her eyes and ignoring the sound of Kasumi and Joker arguing over her earpiece.

_Miranda had been saved._

* * *

><p><strong>S<strong>hepard awoke to something that suspiciously felt like a finger being prodded against her cheek, dazed, confused and blearily blinking to try and adjust her eyes to the bright white light that had swarmed her vision.

"Stop bloody poking me you idiot," she growled whilst trying to move her face away from the probing finger with her teeth bared in warning. "I'm up already! Christ…"

A throaty laughed answered her with another knock at her cheek, harder and rougher than the last one; hell it made her cheek burn at the harsh touch against her tender skin.

"Well fuck me Shepard!" That voice. Jack. Hm. She smiled at the sound of the convict, unsure on why she was doing so but having the feeling that it had something to do with how Jack's voice told her that she was safe. Oh the irony of that. Safe? With Jack? "DOC! She's waking up! And she don't look too pretty."

Shepard gripped onto the steel rail just under the med-bays beds and pulled herself up (despite how much her body protested with loud shouts of 'go back to sleep, daft cow!') to cup her face into the palms of her hands, groaning weakly when Jack slapped her on the shoulder with such strength it almost sent her flying.

She sent a fairly soft frown over her shoulder at the convict, narrowing her eyes and wrinkling her nose as another lighting bolt of discomfort travelled up her spine to rest in the middle of her shoulder blades - and all because of Jack's biotic strength that made Shepard feel completely envious at times at how powerful the convict was.

Jack sucked her teeth at Shepard's disgruntled look, still smirking like Shepard's discomfort was the best thing of today. "Don't be such a pussy! I'm not even here cause I wanna be; it's my daily ritual and shit."

Shepard was somewhat comforted when Chakwas appeared, giving Jack a disapproving look before attempting to do a shooing hand gesture that made the biotic scoff and roll her shoulders forward in an intimidating posture.

"Jack, get the hell out." Shepard grunted after another shot of pain hit her straight in her temple, causing her to lean over and once more moan at the considerable amount of agony her mind was going through.

Jack of course found that laughing at this time would be absolutely hilarious and patted Shepard's back once more as she left. "You pansies are no fucking fun! See you when you're actually ready to hand my ass to me Shepard!"

Chakwas turned on her the moment Jack left the room, unwrapping what looked to be like bandages from around her torso and slipping Shepard's usual baggy blue tank-top over her head with a small smile accompanying her actions. It seemed obvious that something had made Chakwas go all happy and radiant today; Shepard personally hoped it was something that she could eat because she was now absolutely starving.

"Song you do know that you need to stop overexerting yourself don't you?" Chakwas finally said with an edge of disapproving in her tone; making Shepard grin sheepishly in response to the Doc's hard stare. "While I'm sure you would have done a lot more than necessary to save Ms Lawson sometimes you don't think about the risks of doing such strain to your body."

Shepard refused to pout in front of Chakwas, it was like saying a big 'fuck you' to the Queen and while she most certainly lacked respect sometimes; she did not lack simple manners when in front of someone who acted like your damn mother - so instead she blew an agitated breath from her lips.

She opened her mouth to speak when something quick, red-hooded and agile flew at her with such speed and fierceness that Shepard actually squeaked in surprise - and that was before she wrapped her arms fiercely around whatever was coiling itself around her - heart beating a mile a minute.

"Sheeeeepparrrrddddd!" Kasumi Goto screeched happily in her ears, pulling her into the tight, warm embrace with such force that Shepard found herself not caring if she couldn't breathe or not because this was not what she had been expecting when she got back the Normandy.

She'd expected the crew wanting to have words with her for her latest stunt of dropping everything, their lives, the mission, the whole damn galaxy, just to save Miranda Lawson - the woman who Shepard had found herself caring about despite how different they honestly were.

Instead she was welcomed back with warm arms and that was all she had ever wanted, warmth, comfort and solace in someone's embrace and Shepard couldn't have been happier to find her in the arms of her master thief of a friend.

"Kasumi…" She breathed into the shoulder pads of Kasumi's outfit, clutching down as tight as she could and pulling the thief into her until she felt as if she was melting against Kasumi's very body.

Kasumi stilled and pulled away from Shepard for a moment, staring deeply into her cerulean eyes before letting go of her to flick playfully at her nose, bringing a smile to Shepard's face.

"Do me a favour okay?" Kasumi started with another devilish smirk, shoving Shepard's shoulder so that she almost bounced back down onto the medical table she was sitting on. "Stop being the hero for cryin' out loud - we almost lost you because of it."

Shepard shrugged and gave Kasumi her best smile. "Someone's gotta be one." Her expression darkened and from the way Kasumi arched a brow at her it seemed like she wasn't the only one who had noticed the change. "Besides…I wasn't going to leave her behind no matter…"

"Shepard!" The door of the med-bay opened again and before she knew it she was surrounded by both Garrus, Grunt and (once again) Jack. It was surprising enough that Shepard actually felt weary from just seeing them in the small med bay, in nothing but her baggy casual-wear she usually saved for her cabin.

"Good fight Shepard," Grunt nodded with a low, throaty chuckle that made Shepard grin unsurely back with a raise of her brow. "Teach those damn bugs a lesson or two!"

Shepard nodded before turning her gaze onto Garrus with an appraising stare, rubbing out a kink in her neck as she continued to smirk at the look on the turian's face. "Hey Garrus, didn't you break my bones?"

Garrus looked nervous and even showed it by scratching anxiously at his partly-healed mandible with a tense chuckle. "Yeah Shepard about that…"

Shepard looked down at her body with a small smile, nodding at Chakwas's obvious use of medi-gel which hadn't been the only component capable of fixing her bones, but was of course one of the main ones at least. "I feel the same as I did just before the mission, our Doc does good work eh Garrus?"

"Excellent work," Thane butted in with an appraising nod to Chakwas, most likely because he'd finally noticed that the good Doc was getting even more disgruntled at how many people were in the med-bay at once, especially considering the condition she was in right now. "Hanar would be very jealous of the skilled medical staff the Normandy has."

Shepard smiled at the subtle bait that had been laid in front of her old friend, shaking her head and mouthed the word 'butt-kisser' to herself.

It almost looked like Chakwas was going to fall for it when the med-bay door once more slid open, revealing none other than Miranda Lawson carrying what looked like a stack of medical equipment in her arms with her eyes peeking over the top of it all - the sight making Shepard smirk and relax herself in the arm Kasumi had wrapped around her shoulder.

The Cerberus operative paused however once she caught sight of everyone looking at her, her eyes narrowed and her brow crinkled in confusion and dislike at being stared so intently at; what made it even funnier was how Miranda hadn't even noticed her being up and awake with everyone surrounding her like a circle, so it was interesting to watch her XO's emotions without Miranda willing them to change.

Chakwas had had enough, clapping her hands together until they all jumped at the loud noise.

"There is MORE than enough of you in here right now! Get out! Get out now!" Chakwas demanded with a finger pointed to the med-bay door behind Miranda, her face contorted in anger. "Shepard still needs another check-up with me before she can come out. Now out!"

Shepard squeezed Kasumi's arm before the master thief, the drell, the turian and her own massive, hulking organic of muscle stomped out the med-bay; leaving her bare and open to the sight of Miranda who in return just placed the medical equipment stiffly on a side cabinet - eyes ablaze with something that looked like anger.

Shepard growled at the look, reaching upwards to rub at the sore spot on her forehead to try and ease the pain that resided there - aftermath of overloading her biotic 'store' she supposed.

"Miranda I have some diagnostics here I'd like you to have a look at…" Chakwas interrupted their silence by opening up her own Omni-tool and linking it to Miranda's own to feed the information through - giving Shepard enough time to swing her legs over the med-bay table until she could hesitantly place her bare soles on the cold tile. "I think you'll recognize what's happened more than I do this rate." Chakwas shot her a hurried look at that.

"I haven't got the slightest clue what is wrong with her," Chakwas continued with a sharp hint to her tone, ignoring Shepard's prying eyes with ease. "It's her L5n implants I'm sure that's affecting her, giving her headaches but her eyesight is hazy. More than I've ever seen with a biotic like herself."

Shepard cocked her head and blinked steadily, surprised to see that the blurred edges that had rimmed around her eyes still had not dispersed or anything of the like; it frightened her a little when she blinked once again and nothing more happened.

Miranda turned her head to look at her as though she was examining an intricate map, eyes full of curiosity and scepticism both at the same time and while that was exhilarating (it made Shepard's heart beat so fast) Shepard found herself blushing and biting her lip - it was bizarrely like being caught with your hand in the damn cookie jar.

"I'll take a look at her in my office Doctor." Miranda said with a small nod towards her in signal to get her ass out of the med-bay and into Miranda's office, something that Shepard almost decided not to do due to how mistreated she felt at the moment before realizing that was the most immature thought she had had in her life. "Take a break, I give it five minutes before Jack injures herself again."

Shepard didn't ask about that and instead got up like Miranda had instructed (more like ordered but Shepard was NOT in the mood to be complaining) to waltz out the med-bay with her usually blonde locks drooped down near her eyes and nose, making her laugh sheepishly when Cerberus staff such as Rupert and Hawthorne waved uncertainly at her - almost as if they'd forgotten who she was.

"How long was I out?" She asked with her brow creased in confusion, knowing it must have at least been a few days considering how all her bones were now fixed and ready to go due to Chakwas's awesome medical skills.

Miranda caught up with her quick enough that Shepard started enough that her XO pushed ahead of her, only pausing slightly to throw an answer over her shoulder at her. "You've been unconscious for a week. Kasumi's been a nervous wreck all over the place; after I figure out what's wrong with you, you might just have to go give her some support or something."

Shepard nodded once before turning her attention back onto Miranda, arching a brow whilst her lips curled into a cunning smile. "What about you then Lawson? You're feeling better I hope?"

Miranda didn't bother to look back which alone made Shepard smirk smugly to herself, because that was everything she had expected from her XO. "I've been fine, no thanks to you."

That smirk quickly left Shepard's face. "Excuse me? No thanks to me? Did I hear that _correctly?_"

Shepard felt herself grow even more angry when her XO completely ignored her once again, stopping straight outside her office and gesturing with her head for Shepard to walk in - eyes fierce and calculating - with such stiffness to her movements that Shepard found herself growing uncomfortable to be in Miranda's mere presence.

She cocked a lone eyebrow up at Miranda's rigid form, feeling even less amused when Miranda's expression changed into a scowl instead of tight line Shepard had been expecting from her biotic XO.

"Get inside the office, _now_." Miranda ordered after a few moments of them glaring at each other with such ferocity that both of them were surprised the other hadn't melted at the intensity of their eyes scalding each other's faces. "Before I actually get more pissed off with you than I already am and _drag you _in there."

Shepard bit back the lightning bolt of anger that coursed through her body with a roll of her eyes and by arching her heels forward so that she rested on her tip-toes, giving her enough balance that she could lean in and whisper into Miranda's ear with a bitter chuckle.

"Kink-eeyyy." Shepard drawled with a flirtatious tone and a subtle wink that brushed against the lobe of Miranda's left ear, pulling away from the biotic to waltz her way into the office before Miranda could decide to pummel her face in with her fists or her biotics.

Despite her antics and joking tone Shepard felt like her whole world was crashing down all at once; what the hell had she managed to do now to upset Miranda? And why did it always seem to happen when she was unconscious? Surely Kasumi would know considering Kasumi knew almost everything going on when it came to the crew of the Normandy; not only was Kasumi Shepard's best friend but she was also the best gossiper to ever live. And if Kasumi didn't know something then Shepard was truly lost.

At the sound of Miranda's door closing with a hissing noise Shepard spun around with the intention of questioning her XO with such ferocity and force that it'd stun Miranda almost immediately - instead she was greeted with Miranda's long, lithe fingers wrapping around her cheeks and pressing down hard, temporarily immobilizing her.

"I'm not interested in your bullshit today Shepard," Miranda whispered dangerously with a little arch of her eyebrow, as if taunting Shepard to say anything else that was considered irrelevant at that moment in time. "Sit down and shut up while I look at your eyes."

Shepard growled in protest yet was effectively silenced when Miranda pushed her down into her seat with such force that it winded her momentarily, giving the XO enough time to reach behind Shepard's shoulder and pick up something that looked suspiciously like a flashlight.

"What happened Lawson?" Shepard snarled out as quickly as possible, nudging her foot against Miranda's ankle when the biotic turned to lean forward with her dainty fingers pinching together to lift up the eyelid of Shepard's left eye. "What the hell did I do to make you this bitchy with me again?"

Miranda's nails seemed to tighten and Shepard held back a wince at the pain that seemed to go through her at that one twinge, it was enough to make Shepard once more lose her temper and grip hard at the armrests of Miranda's seat.

"Lawson…" She growled again in warning, ready to unleash another biotic wave which of course could deteriorate her eyesight even more but at least it'd give her the satisfaction of seeing Miranda squirm a little, even if it was through blurred edges. "What. The. _Fuck_. Is. Wrong?"

And then she couldn't actually think properly because she was blinded by a white light, making her eyes water and for the blurred edges around her eyes start to become even more hazy then before; almost as if they were on Miranda's side and taunting her because of it. Bloody flashlights!

Then it was gone and Shepard blinked blearily at the sight of Miranda's face swimming into her vision once more, not truly surprised or intrigued to once more see the look of anger on her XO's face along with a hint of disappointment; it was almost like she was being placed in front of Jake for stealing recklessly when she was a child.

"This is unbelievable…" Miranda muttered to herself with a roll of her eyes, sounding and looking annoyed enough Shepard thought her XO was going to throw a fit (if a somewhat calm fit) and chuck the flashlight at her head. "Call herself a doctor? I can't believe she didn't recognize the damn symptoms…"

Shepard bit her tongue from saying anything and instead took it upon herself to watch Miranda move wordlessly around her to rummage in a cabinet that was just under her XO's desk - only wondering if she should speak freely or actually put her hand up to see if Miranda would, she didn't know, pick her?

She decided on the former. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing just shut up for a second." Miranda ordered in that 'no-nonsense' sort of voice that Shepard personally couldn't stand. "I've got just the thing to get rid of the haziness but it won't work if you don't actually shut your trap."

"I don't want to shut my god damn trap!" Shepard snapped back at the brunette with fire in her eyes, her string of patience starting to wear down little by little. "What is going on with you? Why are you acting like a spoilt shit all of a sudden? Well, more so than usual?"

Miranda's eyes flashed in abhorrence and if Shepard had been standing up she was a 100% sure she'd of fell flat on her ass by now. "Because Shepard you're a idiot! A god-sent idiot maybe but still, an idiot!"

Shepard fought down the urge to slap Miranda silly which was incredible restraint, especially for her, and in its place she merely glowered at her XO as if Miranda was a flower and she'd slowly wilt under her dazed eyes.

No such luck because if anything it looked like Miranda was just waiting for an excuse to hit her anyway, not entirely the most comforting thing Shepard had ever experienced or thought of.

Shepard had an idea what was wrong though because despite how she acted, she knew Miranda Lawson like the back of her hand most of the days. Today was one of those days. "You're pissed off with me because of what happened on that Collector ship aren't you?"

Miranda was like a diamond, Shepard thought to herself the moment after she had let those words escape her, she was sharp and somewhat twisted in a beautiful demanding sort of way that could drive humans, drell, turians, quarians and even elcor insane and yet she was also an icicle - too cold to touch. Hard to understand. Ironic that icicles were transparent (easy to read) where Miranda was the complete opposite.

"I don't care." Miranda said stiffly whilst returning from her little rummage around her in her cabinet and holding out what looked like to be a piece of chocolate and a carton of tupari. "Eat and drink this, it'll make you feel better. Don't question me Shepard, just do it." She added once Shepard gave her a look of confusion.

Shepard did what she was asked and slipped the piece of chocolate into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully on it before taking a sip of tupari with a roll of her eyes and a sarky murmur of, "tupari's apparently better than medi-gel."

"I don't care." Miranda repeated with another rigid nod of her head, gesturing for Shepard to get the hell out of her office with her thumb pointed directly over her shoulder. "Now get out and report to the Illusive Man and for your information, he didn't betray us."

Shepard got up alright, but she certainly wasn't going anywhere. "No Lawson, you see I don't care either because he is the last person on my mind at the moment." She flicked at a stray lock of spiky blonde hair, removing it from her eyes. "I know what's wrong with you and I have to say this. Grow the bloody hell up."

For the first time since Miranda had started talking to her Shepard detected something in her XO's tone that hinted she was embarrassed, by Shepard's bluntness or by Shepard's anger the Commander wasn't completely sure.

"Excuse me?" Miranda seethed with vicious fire in her eyes, taking a step forward until Shepard could feel the breath of Miranda on her face. "Grow up? Coming from you? That's absurd! You don't know the meaning of growing up! I have every right to be angry at your actions if only you'd actually think before you do something!"

Shepard crossed her arms across her chest in prevention of actually knocking Miranda out with her tupari carton - if that was even possible she wasn't actually sure, although she'd be very willing to find out if Miranda didn't start making any common sense.

"What? You're pissed because I saved your ass?" Shepard actually found herself laughing at the absurdity of her XO despite knowing doing such a thing could end up with two black eyes. "Is that it? Well, now all I know about growing up don't I Lawson? You and your god-awful pride! You can't STAND that I did something to save you! What's wrong Lawson? Not used to _not_ being a hero?"

"This isn't about being a hero Shepard! I don't need a hero anyhow!" Miranda growled out with a fierceness Shepard secretly loved bringing out of her biotic XO. "It's about risking the crews LIVES to save me! That's why I'm angry with you! That's why at the moment I can't even bare to look you in the eyes because of that little 'what-if' situation!"

Shepard blinked once. Well that made some sort of sense even if it was mostly bullshit in her eyes, at least right now she could see why Miranda was so angry with her although she felt it was the most stupidest reason ever.

"I wasn't going to let you just die there Miranda," Shepard responded calmly with a shrug of her shoulders in answer at Miranda's raged, wide-eyed look that she was shooting at her. "I had the chance of saving you and I wasn't going to let that chance slip away because it might endanger everyone, it sounds stupid I know but the crew knew what they signed up for."

Miranda scoffed and actually slapped her forehead in exasperation. "Oh I'm sure that'd sound well when only you, me, Garrus and that agent escaped to report back to the Illusive Man on an isolated Cerberus safe house to tell him the Normandy didn't make it because you were too busy trying to be a hero and save me like I was some sort of princess."

"Would be a rather funny FU for the Illusive Man though wouldn't it?" Shepard grinned slightly before changing her demeanour back to the situation at hand otherwise Miranda would more than likely flip her shit. "But that's not the point, as I said the crew knew…"

"The crew didn't count on their Commander letting her personal interest and feelings for her XO get in the way!" Miranda intervened in such a blunt fashion along with her razor-sharp words that it cut Shepard more deeply than she feared. "They didn't count on their XO losing her cool secretly to herself because she's ridiculously worried about the Commander of the ship when she knows that the Commander is perfectly capable of looking after herself!"

Shepard felt her mouth go dry and for her insides to shrivel up in excitement and what felt like desire; did Miranda really worry about her? Did Miranda Lawson actually worry about Commander Song Shepard? All under that cold façade?

She felt her mouth move but Miranda had already realized she had said too much and pointed at her office door, eyes cool and sceptical like they almost always were, as if Miranda had been trained for such a thing…

"The Illusive Man is waiting." Miranda said as if that was the only explanation she was willing to give - knowing Miranda, it probably was. "Besides I've got work to do. Now if you don't mind…" She reached out to grab Shepard's shoulder in an attempt to push Shepard out the way, yet found herself pulling back the moment Shepard's cerulean eyes (the crimson hue gone along with the scars) fell onto her and froze her solid.

"Don't touch me." Shepard growled huskily with her hooded-eyes, revelling in the fact that Miranda's face had contorted into an expression of bewilderment at her tone of voice. "If you touch me I don't think I could stop myself."

Miranda watched Shepard silently before reaching out and taking a grab at her shoulder, berating herself for being such a masochist and being so curious on what Shepard would actually do.

Shepard snarled and pushed at Miranda hard enough that she fell into a corner of her office with such force that she groaned in agony, her neck and back arching with flexibility that made Shepard feel herself darken in pure, naked desire.

Miranda groaned again at the feel of Shepard pressing her back against the wall before she was swiftly silenced by Shepard's lips, swallowing her groan whole.

"Look what you did." Shepard breathed into her ear before falling to her knees.

* * *

><p><strong>CLIFF HANGER YOU SAY?<br>****Don't be so silly ;3  
><strong>**Bwauahaha. ^^  
>Won't be updating for a while, fangasming over GameFest and everything Batman.<br>(Just kidding, see ya'll in two weeks maybe)**

**x **


	14. Wake Up, I'm Lonely

**Wake Up, I'm Lonely**

"So you're saying she just collapsed?" Kasumi Goto asked the Cerberus operative with a raised brow, looking entirely unconvinced at what had apparently 'happened' considering Miranda had the blushing cheeks look spread all over her face; it was as if she faintly resembled a tomato. "No warning or anything? Just collapsed?"

"Of course she just collapsed!" Miranda snapped back at the thief with a scoff, gesturing to the snoring Shepard on her own bed that kept mumbling the most embarrassing things _("not tongue just yet Lawson! Christ!") _whilst having the face of what people would consider to be an 'angel'.

Miranda sneered at the thought, an angel? How wrong could the world actually be? A demon more like. A demon who had pretty much given her a taste of what kissing Commander Shepard felt and tasted like, and that was pretty damn good even in her wide range of experiences.

Kasumi didn't look convinced and once more Miranda cursed her blushing cheeks because they must really hate her today as they just would not stop blushing no matter what she did, it was absolutely infuriating and she knew if they didn't stop soon she'd have to wash the arousal and sweat from her body by herself - not that was going to invite Shepard in with her; that'd be…_Ridiculous_.

"Well I guess we need to bring her up to her cabin and inform Chakwas about her," Kasumi said with a little shrug and a click of her tongue, walking over to where Shepard lay and sitting by the side of the blonde Commander with her hands resting fully on Shepard's own hands - the intimate sight alone making Miranda ground her teeth together and turn her face away.

"Grow up." Miranda growled under her breath with a roll of her eyes, glad that she was facing away from the master thief in case Kasumi decided it was a great time to read her lips. Who knew with that girl? That _woman? _A dark emotion that Miranda could only describe as envy filled her stomach, drowning out every logical thought and replacing only jealousy that tainted her mind until even she herself got tired of feeling such a sickness of emotions.

"Fine. You inform Chakwas and I'll take Shepard to her cabin," Miranda ordered the master thief with a curt nod of her head, moving towards the collapsed Shepard and slinging the blonde's arm over her shoulder. "Tell her that Shepard needs…"

"No." Kasumi interrupted with a shake of her head, grasping Shepard's other arm and slipping it over her own shoulder. "I'm not leaving Shep, we either do this together or I do it by myself."

Miranda inwardly bristled with her biotics climbing further and further up her body, infusing with her blood and bone until the only option she had was to explode in fury or swallow it and not let it bother her.

"I'm the one in charge Kasumi, you follow my orders! Not question them!" Miranda growled out with her eyes flashing dangerously at the master thief in warning; a warning that made Kasumi's fingers tighten around Shepard even more fiercer than before - it made Miranda feel uneasy to even look at what was happening.

Fury raged inside her stomach to travel up her throat when Miranda caught sight of the master thief smiling at her, looking so deliciously smug and superior that Miranda half-wondered if the Japanese woman had practiced or something.

"Actually you're wrong," Kasumi drawled with smugness practically oozing from every pore on the thief's face (not that Miranda could even see Kasumi's face) and once more Miranda felt her body tense in anger. "Shepard's in charge and when she's not here she put me in charge of the crew."

Miranda's face twisted in what she hoped (that Kasumi would notice anyhow) looked like rage, her eyes narrowing and her lips pursing in disbelief. That couldn't be true, it just couldn't be! Shepard wasn't allowed to make such fucking ridiculous decisions because really? Who would put KASUMI in charge of the Normandy if Shepard wasn't around? Who in their right mind?

Miranda pulled a face at remembering who she was actually talking about, quickly covered it up by forcing her expression into a stoic look that she hoped had enough edge to get Kasumi to back off, or if that didn't work, then make her shut the hell up at least.

Kasumi instead grinned even wider than before and shrugged her shoulders. "Actually I'm kidding, but c'mon I doubt either of us can carry Shep on our own so why don't we just get along for now right?"

Miranda gave Kasumi her best hard-hearted glare before she too gave in and helped Shepard from her bed, wrapping an arm around the woman's waist and tugging her limp body in closer until Shepard was practically hanging off her hip.

Kasumi didn't make any snide comments but the way the thief was chuckling under her breath didn't do Miranda's paranoia any favours, especially when Kasumi only seemed to be glancing at her whenever the master thief thought she wasn't staring. Fool.

Miranda moved her gaze away from Kasumi for a moment to stare heatedly at the oncoming turian who was more than likely making his way to the main battery; her glare silently challenging him to make any snide comments.

Garrus took one look at her, smirked in his own little way and moved past both herself, Shepard and Kasumi to make his way towards the main battery, humming a snide little tune that caused Miranda to bristle in annoyance.

"He is such a nerd," Kasumi remarked all of a sudden, making Miranda jolt in surprise at actually being acknowledged in a friendly conversation with the master thief. "But his such a lovely nerd that I don't actually care! He is just so cuddly…"

Miranda snorted and narrowed her eyes, giving Kasumi her best 'are you serious?' look with piercing blue eyes. "And you're telling me this why?"

Kasumi smiled at her with a shrug, using her free hand to pat at Shepard's spiked locks - Miranda wished she wouldn't, it kept sending horrible jolts up her spine whenever the master thief did - with a tilt of her head. "Just trying to start a conversation."

"Well don't." Miranda growled out with a shake of her head, angry at herself for being so frustrated whenever it came to Kasumi despite knowing that the master thief was actually a rather decent person inside; she just couldn't stand her for reasons that Miranda would forever remain tight-lipped about.

"You know you don't have to look at me like I'm going to kick your ass and steal Shepard's." Kasumi interrupted Miranda's thoughts once more with her trivial dribble that caused Miranda to huff and roll her eyes, mostly because as usual she was allowing things that Kasumi did or said get to her. "She's WAY too hung up on you to see anyone else."

Miranda once more ignored the thief and turned the corner as swiftly as she could to try and drag Shepard more forcefully towards the elevator that was a few feet away, grumbling when Kasumi stumbled a little which ended up with them falling back a few paces before Kasumi could finally regain her balance.

When Kasumi almost dropped Shepard the moment Miranda swerved to try and holster Shepard correctly on her so her Commander wouldn't fall, she finally snapped and jabbed her thumb so hard on the button of the elevator that the air around it crackled blue as her biotics once more took hold of her actions.

"Either hold her right or don't hold her at all!" Miranda snapped once more with her infuriation reaching new heights now that Kasumi was doing nothing but staring at her as though whatever Miranda had just said didn't process and she was left with a big fat nothing.

Miranda tensed and counted to twenty twice before the elevator came, refusing to let her anger get the better of her once again and lugging Shepard and Kasumi along with her as she stumbled into the elevator with a grunt of pain when her ankle connected with Shepard's limp one.

"I have officially decided I know what the hell is wrong with you and your mood swings lately," Kasumi immediately announced the moment Miranda had pressed the button to send them upwards to Shepard's cabin.

Miranda gave the thief a look that ranged between 'what the hell are you talking about?' to 'shut up, idiot.'

Instead she said, "pardon?"

Because she knew very well that whenever Kasumi said something like that, the next thing she'd say would cause her to hit something or at least imagine smashing Rupert's coffee machine and how it loved to taunt her with its slowness just so she could be in Shepard's presence a little while longer.

Kasumi's lips stretched into a grin that could be only be described as filthy, like the thief was enjoying a little inside joke that she was going to share soon enough once she allowed her mind to work properly.

"You're sexually frustrated Miss Lawson." Kasumi whispered so quietly that Miranda almost didn't catch what the master thief had uttered so indecently that when Miranda finally processed what Kasumi had said she snorted loudly at the complete ridiculousness of what was sprouting out of Kasumi's mouth.

Kasumi answered her snort with a wide-eyed look, telling Miranda that no matter how hard she didn't want to believe it…Kasumi was being absolutely serious with her.

"You have no idea what…" Miranda started just to be interrupted by Kasumi's laughter that sounded like the thief was actually _mocking _her; the damn cheek of that wretched woman!

"Oh believe me Miranda," Kasumi whispered and her voice has taken on some sort of seductive tone that Miranda actually doesn't trust, especially when she's almost pressed up against the woman even with Shepard in between the both of them. "I know exactly what you're going through. It's _shit_ isn't it? No sex for so long can do horrible things to my morale."

Miranda felt her stomach lurch in disgust at the very image of Kasumi fornicating before a mission to try and keep her goddamn morale up; as if she had enough time for that anyway with Shepard dragging her up and over every other planet or city they visited.

Oh god, _the images_. Why did they torture her so? Ugh, she was going to be sick if she didn't stop herself soon and with that thought Miranda quickly closed her mouth into a very thin line; not trusting herself to open it just in case she found herself vomiting over Shepard's shoes.

When Kasumi caught sight of her however the thief just burst out into fierce laughter, grabbing a hold of Shepard's shoulders as tightly as she could whilst taking another step forward once the elevator doors opened.

"Oh come on Miranda! You aren't fooling me!" Kasumi giggled weakly with a shake of her head, giving Miranda another look that sent a shudder down Miranda's spine. "Everyone gets it y'know? So nothing to be ashamed of or anything. Unless…You're not a prude are you?"

Miranda felt her mouth tighten into an even thinner line before, more so in anger than the embarrassment Kasumi probably thought she was experiencing because _pft! _A prude? A prude she was bloody well not thank you very much, her latest endeavours could certainly back up her statement!

She just wouldn't allow herself to think such thoughts in her superior's cabin, it was _rude_ and really something that wasn't allowed and whilst she wasn't a lap-dog like many of the crew believed, she knew a boundary not to cross when she saw one.

And for everything holy did Kasumi not have any decency in her to realize that she's talking about this sort of rubbish in Shepard's cabin? While Miranda was not a fool enough to think Shepard wouldn't join in, it still felt bizarrely wrong.

Kasumi kept looking at her too with those beady eyes, even when Miranda averted her eyes to fixate on the very tip of Shepard's nose in hope that it would be enough to distract her from Kasumi's presence; because while she couldn't stand the thief at the best of times, Miranda didn't doubt that she didn't need her right now.

They shuffle towards Shepard's bed (Miranda's lips still pressed tightly together) until both Kasumi and Miranda feel their knees hit the side of the bed, leaving them with the awkwardness of trying to lug Shepard's unconscious ass onto the bed without it getting too complicated.

"Well," Kasumi announced again and Miranda was completely ready to knock that silly smile off the thief's face until she saw that Kasumi actually looked like she was going to be serious - _again._ "We could just throw her on the bed?"

Miranda scowled before she could stop herself, immediately causing Kasumi to look at her wide (yet amused) eyes.

"Well alright Mrs Possessive," Kasumi jeered with another snort, unlatching Shepard's arm from her shoulder and carefully tilting Shepard to her right so that her Commander leant on her shoulder. "Just help me lower her on the bed…"

Miranda rolled her eyes at the thief's taunting and placed Shepard gently on her bed, sighing in relief and a tid bit of exhaustion after carrying a collapsed Shepard through halls and over bits of furniture that the Commander had sprawled everywhere over the floor.

"I'll go fetch Chakwas now," Kasumi said with a shrug of her shoulders, only pausing to kiss Shepard on the forehead (Miranda's stomach writhed in anger) and then making her way back towards the elevator. "Make sure Shepard's comfortable by the time I get back!"

Miranda felt her throat constrict at the thought of being left alone with the woman who had kissed her what felt like half an hour ago, the sudden nerves that had sprung up inside her making her take a step forward with her eyes locked onto Kasumi's back. "I have things to do as well Kasumi! You can't just expect me to-"

"Bye Mirandaaaa!" Kasumi interrupted her with a wink and a giggle, the elevator doors hiding the thief from Miranda's sight.

Without a second thought Miranda picked up the smallest object she could get her hand on (which turned out to be the lighter that Shepard carried around with her in reminder of her days with the Reds) and let her biotics throw it up and down in the air to try and vent her stress.

Stress. Great, she was feeling stressed… As if facing the Collectors wasn't enough, as if knowing she might not be coming back from this suicidal mission wasn't enough; now she had Shepard on top of those '_problems_' too.

She rested the lighter in the very palm of her hand and examined it, her sharp blue eyes looking back at her despite the red strip that ran across the metallic silver of the case - it reminded Miranda of the day she had first seen her father smoke and how terribly ill she had felt all week due to the consistent smoking that seemed to follow her father everywhere.

Miranda curled her fingers around the silver lighter and made her way towards Shepard's side to grab at the boots that her Commander wore, tugging them off and throwing them behind her before starting to unlace the lace cuffs of Shepard's medical shirt and gently tug at the arms - leaving Shepard topless with just her bra on.

She pressed a hand to the taped on medigel that Chakwas had placed just above Shepard's rib cage, relieved to feel that the medigel was quickly doing its job of repairing the damaged tissue the rupture in Shepard's armour had suffered when they had been escaping from the Collector's Ship; how Shepard hadn't noticed was beyond her.

Miranda then took Shepard's left hand and turned it upwards to place the Reds lighter right where it belonged, trapping it with her own hand until the lighter was the only thing that separated her skin from Shepard's…It was the closest thing Miranda would ever get to holding Shepard's hand she supposed, because Shepard would never allow her to live that down while she was conscious.

"This is…Preposterous." She announced with a shake of her head, moving further up Shepard's bed until she was supporting Shepard's head on her shoulder and her free arm was wrapped around the biotic's neck so that it didn't fall forward. "I'm even talking to you like you can hear me. If Kasumi could hear me now…"

Shepard shifted then and nuzzled her nose into the crook of her neck, moaning softly and her hand that held the lighter curling upwards until Miranda found herself unable to move it away from the blonde's tight grip; completely powerless.

Miranda tensed when Shepard smacked her lips together and rolled onto her side, folding an arm around her waist and digging her nose into Miranda's neck even deeper than before - it left her momentarily paralyzed at the strangeness of someone being so close, that someone being the someone Miranda found herself caring for quite a bit despite how much she had despised her the first time they had met.

She felt childish for doing so, but Miranda huffed and crossed a leg over the other to stare around at Shepard's cabin to see what else her Commander's lair hid about Shepard from the rest of the world; what else did Shepard not want the world to see? How many secrets was she hiding?

Something started to itch at the very back of her neck but with a sigh Miranda realised that it was not just her skin that itched, but her very bones as well until she couldn't stand the itch of irritation any longer and scratched at her slim fingers.

Shepard moved beside her with another sleepy smack of her lips along with a guttural growl that sounded very much like Shepard was attempting to be an animal of some sort; yet when Miranda turned her head to see what the hell her Commander was doing, she was greeted with Shepard's cerulean hues gazing at with a look of confusion.

"You're in my bed." Shepard mumbled with a squinty look that Miranda found slightly (if somewhat horrifyingly) endearing in a way that made her want to slam the nearest person's head into a brick wall at how embarrassing her own feelings were. "How strange."

Miranda forced herself not to smile or scowl; her perfect Ice Queen look that she had mastered at a very young age. "You collapsed. Me and Kasumi had to carry you up because I wasn't letting you sleep in _my_ bed."

Shepard is probably too exhausted to snap at her, however not too tired not to give Miranda the most fiercest glares she's ever experienced off the Commander; she didn't quite know if it was alluring or annoying so she decided on both and gave Sheppard a glare back - not willing to be out-glared by anyone.

That glare softened before Miranda can react to it and suddenly Shepard is balancing herself on her hunched knuckles with her eyes looking deeply into Miranda's own, wide in disbelief and shock whilst Miranda felt as if she had somehow fallen into a dark pit with no hope of actually getting out again due to how Shepard was staring at her.

"Oh…" Shepard muttered all of a sudden, dragging a small hand across her face with a little 'brrp' of her lips that caused Miranda to lift one of her eyebrows in suspicion. "Oh _shit_ - I snogged your face off!"

Miranda stiffened and felt her face warp into something that is probably in the middle of a scowl and a look of surprise, because of all the things she had expected to come from out of Shepard's mouth she really hadn't thought of that.

_Quick think up something witty and not at all embarrassing_, Miranda's mind urged and that was why she almost cursed herself to hell and back the moment she opened her mouth and said: "_How typically British of you_."

Shepard didn't find it amusing if the roll of her eyes said anything and that is actually a good thing because neither did Miranda, in fact she'd like to say that she wished the ground could swallow her whole but that would be lying because at the moment she's fine lying awkwardly on Shepard's bed like she belonged there.

Maybe she did if Shepard's keen eyes were anything to go by, maybe she should stay here more often or _maybe_ she should shut up and let her head do the thinking like it was supposed to do.

"You didn't say if you liked it or not," Shepard started again with a smug look that Miranda ignored by uncrossing her legs and focusing her eyes on Shepard's cheeks to see if they had gone back to their normal colour in replacement of the paleness that had accompanied them back in Miranda's office. "So did…"

"Shut up Commander." Miranda ordered as she pinched at Shepard's right eyelid again to look into the blonde woman's eye with a look of concentration on her face; from what she could tell it looked like Shepard's eyesight had returned back to normal but she still wasn't a 100% sure. "How are you feeling?"

"Peachy. Just peachy." Shepard groaned once she had managed to pull away from Miranda's grasp, lying down on her back to stare up at the ceiling with a pout. "I don't know what made me collapse though, must have been stress."

Miranda got up from the Commander's bed with a disappointed shake of her head; it would do her no good to stay where she didn't belong (no matter how much she wanted to believe herself) despite what Shepard's eyes and body language told her, besides that it wasn't exactly the greatest of times to feel a wild source of emotion such as…She paused. No, she was even going to think of the word lest it bring her down even further.

"Hey wait! Where are you even going?" Miranda paused in the middle of Shepard's room at the sound of Shepard spluttering and just about turned in time to see Shepard tumble off her bed with a thud and a low groan - it was truly one of the most pathetic things Miranda had ever seen but found herself smiling anyway.

That is until Shepard had managed to pull herself up from the floor and stumble her way over to her, grabbing Miranda by the shoulders to help balance herself upright which of course made Miranda sink a few inches due to Shepard practically resting all her weight onto Miranda's shoulders.

"You need to see Chakwas Shepard," Miranda spoke before Shepard could even get a word in, letting her hands rest at the Commander's elbows to pull Shepard's hands from her shoulders. "You're still dizzy and somewhat delirious, you might need to…"

Shepard pecked her on the lips then, silencing Miranda effectively for a moment before she remembered who she was and scowled at the interruption.

"Shepard would you let me-" Miranda tried again and scowled again into the kiss Shepard planted on her before Miranda could even think about doing anything else.

"You didn't answer my question or even let me finish it really, that was rather rude actually!" Shepard said in way of explanation, cocking her head to the side and giving Miranda that smile Shepard had never actually directed to her - always Kasumi.

Miranda didn't want to get involved no matter how much she yearned to feel Shepard's skin under her fingertips, to feel the heart of the woman in front of her beating in sync to her own; she wanted it but she knew her priorities far more than her desires and quickly quelled them down.

"I'm not up for you or your games Shepard." Miranda said in a hard voice, narrowing her eyes and tensing her back until it stood up ramrod straight like it usually did whenever she was in the same room as Jack.

Shepard gave her a startled look and scratched at the scar on her cheek, shaking her head a few moments later when Miranda made no indication to speak.

"I'm not playing games with you," Shepard whispered with a solemn look in her hues that made a lump appear in Miranda's throat that she found ridiculously hard to swallow. "Not this time. I would never mess you around with stuff like this."

Miranda finally swallowed said lump in time to let speech accompany her movement of taking a step backwards away from the taller presence of Song Shepard. "What? You think this is the greatest time to allow your hormones get in the way of the bloody mission?"

Song laughed humourlessly at her, looking as irritated at Miranda's words than Miranda herself felt. "You really think that's it? Bloody hell Miranda are you blind as well as deaf?"

Miranda didn't appreciate that one bit and let this be known by pushing at Shepard's shoulder, sending the vanguard back a few paces so that the back of Shepard's knees hit the end of the bed. "Speak sense Shepard! I don't know what you're talking about!"

Shepard rolled her eyes and grabbed Miranda's wrist the moment she guessed Miranda was going to point her finger of doom at her, bringing Miranda's hand down so she could stare into her XO's eyes more clearly.

"Despite what Jack says behind you're back Miss Lawson," Shepard said with a polite tilt of her head that Miranda found disgustingly charming. "You're too clever not to notice what's been going around about us."

"Which is a load of bullshit." Miranda snipped at her Commander with a delicately raised eyebrow, folding her arms over her chest in a silent challenge. "_Kasumi_ has been spreading rumours that started the whole thing off."

Instead of looking annoyed at the mention of Kasumi's meddling, Shepard instead looked frustrated at Miranda; as if SHE was the one who had made up (not-so-ridiculous) such rumours!

"Really Miranda?" Shepard laughed once again with her arms spread wide, the same humourless tone as before coating her words with a thickness that made Shepard's words slur slightly. "Haven't you noticed anything I've been throwing at you? The teasing? The looks? For cryin' out loud Lawson! I snogged your face off what feels like moments ago!"

Miranda wasn't stupid and she wasn't blind, what she was however was terrified. Of Shepard. Of the feelings that had had clenched down upon for so long that were starting to drift free from her tight grasp that Miranda almost felt like collapsing under the strain of her heart and the weight of her shoulders.

Miranda turned her head to the side, meeting Shepard's eyes side-long with a desire in them that she tried hard to force back so that said lust would not trickle into her words. "This isn't the time to become emotionally attached to one another when we might not even come back from the mission itself!"

"I know!" Shepard whispered back hoarsely with a sombre nod of her head, taking a step forward with trembling hands fisting into one another to try and steady themselves. "Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I realize that each day that passes is just another day before I throw myself into the fray to defend this world from the Reapers?"

"Then why are you bringing these emotions up right now?" Miranda growled out with a defiant shake of her head, not willing to let herself give into the sinful thoughts and desires that corrupted her body and mind. "I can't let you or myself become a distraction for one another when we have so much to lose!"

Shepard groaned again and pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance, looking at Miranda through narrowed eyes when the XO finally let her gaze wander upwards to stare at Shepard's own cerulean blue.

"This really isn't getting through to you is it?" Shepard muttered with a roll of her eyes, grasping Miranda's hands before the woman could do anything and bringing their hands up to rest just below her heart. "Do you _get it_ now? Can you understand what I'm _trying_ to say to you?"

Miranda felt her heart leap up to get lodged into her throat and silently scowled at how she seemed to be feeling the exact way she told herself she hadn't want to felt; like she was drowning in the euphoria of everything Shepard and _good god _even thinking such thoughts was just pure, utter _cheese_.

"I understand what you're saying _Shepard_," Miranda seethed quietly enough that Shepard had to learn forwards to hear properly - not that Miranda minded apart from the fact it just made her feel even more dizzy than before - which led her to being trapped in her Commander's gaze again. "But it isn't _right!_ It feels horribly wrong to become so emotionally attached to one another when there is a GALAXY at stake."

Shepard actually laughed and for a split second Miranda was sure she wouldn't be able to hold back her fist going straight for Shepard's jaw right up to the moment Shepard sat down on the very edge of her bed, head in hands and her breathing heavy.

Miranda froze and uncurled her fingers, watching Shepard with steady, focused eyes that flickered towards to the spiked, blonde tips when the Commander ran a hand through the locks with an irritated growl.

"So what you're saying…" Shepard grumbled into the palm of her right hand, stubbornly (childishly) refusing to look up at Miranda even when Miranda tapped her heel impatiently on Shepard's cabin's floor. "Is that you don't feel it's the right time for us to start feeling emotionally attached to one another? Is _that _what you're saying Miss Lawson?"

Miranda tensed as another feeling of discomfort seeped into her bones, not used to feeling so nervous around an individual such as Shepard before despite how different she felt for Shepard in comparison to her other superiors - apart from that one little dream that she had about…

_No_, that was just embarrassing.

"Because there might never be a right time," Shepard had broken the silence before Miranda's head could even begin to process an acceptable answer to keep Shepard mute. "There might never be a time where I can proudly stand next to you as your partner because…You could be dead. Or I could. Or we both could. We wouldn't even know how we could have been because we never actually happened."

Miranda narrowed her eyes and assessed her options in a few moments, pleased that her brain was now actually working and that it gave her plenty of time to think up something that could throw Shepard off or even make her Commander forget the incident altogether.

The only problem was that Miranda found herself not wanting to do so. Wanting to fall in the embrace that Shepard held and stay there; wrestling with her own nature to try and keep herself afloat and upright so that it was still clear she was the one in charge. It would be good of Shepard to remember that sometimes.

"Miranda do me a favour please?" Shepard piped up with her hands fastening around Miranda's own before the Cerberus Operative could recover from being looked in the eye and being called her first name for the very first time; hell Shepard MUST be serious then. "Tell me the truth on what's running through your head, alright? I don't care how stupid it sounds or how sappy or how horrible or mean it may sound. I just want the _truth_."

Miranda felt appalled at herself and the sincerity in Shepard's cerulean orbs were not helping the matter whatsoever because what was she supposed to say? This was Commander Shepard, the woman who had saved the Citadel from Sovereign and Saren, the one who had sacrificed the man she loved to save a comrade on Virmire and the one who had almost gotten herself killed saving _her_ from choking to death on the endless vacuum of space.

What could she say to her that didn't sound so pathetically like those old maidens in story books?

And then something else popped into her mind and without even thinking about it Miranda clenched down on Shepard's hands until her Commander's knuckles turned white.

"I don't want you to die Shepard because you mean too much," Miranda managed to growl out with her eyes glinting with suppressed desire and anxiety. "To me, to Kasumi, to the rest of the crew and to the whole galaxy. You are just too precious to let me - your romantic entanglement or whatever else you'd like to call me - get in the way of what's important."

From the look of loss in Shepard's eyes it finally looked like Shepard was going to give in and let her go (_sacrifice her to do what's right_, Miranda's mind chanted every time doubt got in the way) when the Commander pulled back with her hands intertwined together, fingers looping over one another.

Miranda watched (enraptured) as Shepard pulled the gloves off her hands and threw them over her shoulder, catching her gaze in what Miranda could only describe as an inferno and then…

Miranda found herself whimpering into Shepard's mouth again, yet this time she wouldn't allow herself to let go, she wouldn't allow herself to lose such a precious moment when she cherished Shepard so much it was unreasonable and wonderful at the same time so when Shepard gripped onto her waist with tight, possessive fingers that Miranda was sure would bruise, she found herself not caring at all and fell deeper into the warmth and sigh of Shepard's mouth.

"I don't want anything more in this galaxy than I want you," Shepard whispered huskily between kisses that Miranda found herself controlling rather than Shepard and yes, yes this was _brilliant_. "You have no idea how long I've been pining for you and how many times me and Kasumi…"

Miranda broke away at there mention of the thief, silencing Shepard with a glare that she was sure could freeze volcanoes. "Shepard I don't _want_ to speak about Kasumi when I'm busy with your mouth."

The blonde Commander's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open like a fish out of water.

"Oh, oh, oh…Oh." Shepard gulped with a nervous chuckle that Miranda swallowed with another kiss, pushing Shepard by her stomach until she sat down on the edge of her bed again.

Miranda hesitated then, not sure whether it'd be appropriate to sit on Shepard's lap considering five minutes ago she had planned on leaving Shepard's cabin as quick as possible to rush to her office and have a cold shower.

Shepard's smirk quickly got rid of that hesitation.

* * *

><p><strong>This story will be over soon. :'( D'aww. I'm going to miss writing it.<br>And I suck at keeping chapters in time schedules. This was supposed to be up ages ago.  
>Ah well, better late than never eh? <strong>


	15. Silver Lines

**Silver Lines**

**"S**omeone's happy." Shepard heard the moment she sat down in between Garrus and Kasumi for her breakfast, almost spilling her orange juice at the feel of Garrus's hand thumping her proudly on the shoulder.

She settled down in between the turian and the master thief, giving both of them a neutral smile that would hopefully throw them both off so they wouldn't notice that Miranda Lawson was trying her damn hardest to pass through the mess hall without being noticed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Garrus." Shepard said in the most innocent tone she could muster up, digging into her cereal whilst avoiding Kasumi's dark eyes and Garrus's twitching mandibles that clearly told her he was amused at her answer.

"Of course you don't Shepard," Garrus remarked with another chuckle that made his mandibles flare. "I'm just wondering why Miranda wasn't there to talk to me last night about some problems with the calibrating grid. It's strange but when I asked EDI she said she was indisposed on deck 1."

Shepard swallowed her bran flakes down hard, almost choking at the sentence that Garrus had intentionally left there on purpose to push her buttons. And if how red she was going was any consideration, then she could honestly say he was pushing real damn hard.

Kasumi stifled her laughter behind a cough, refusing to look up at Shepard even when Shepard narrowed her gaze angrily at the thief and at the chuckling turian right next to her.

"I'm going to take this into my cabin," Shepard declared with an undignified snort, getting up from her seat with her bowl of bran flakes in her hand. "There I will not get bullied or pestered. There I will have peace and _tranquillity_."

Kasumi's lips twitched into something that strikes a feeling of ice straight into Shepard's heart because she'd never actually seen the thief look _that_ unsure before; how bloody nerve-wracking to see Kasumi lose her cool at a time like this. She'd have to talk with the thief later.

Shepard turned her back then to make her way towards Miranda's office (_she's going to see if Miranda has a spoon obviously_) with bowl in hand whilst her other hand tugged at her blonde spikes with irritation because why did everyone seem to know something was amiss all of a sudden? _The bloody timing!_

She didn't wait by Miranda's door long because soon enough she was waltzing into her XO's office with a bounce in her step and her head flying everywhere to try and look for the brunette, the woman who Shepard had found herself waking up (fully clothed thank you) next to when she had opened her eyes.

"Miranda!" Shepard whispered with a tiny giggle escaping her at how utter silly she felt trying to look for Miranda in the dim light of her office. "Miranda where are you? Because you know I noticed you didn't get any breakfast and…"

Miranda Lawson reappeared all of a sudden from the small area that led to her bathroom with her usual casual Cerberus uniform on (that _wasn't_ latex) and a towel pinching and rubbing at the wet hair that clung to the hollow and nape of Miranda's neck.

Shepard forgot to breathe. "Uh. Guh. Isn't your shower broken? Cause I swear I hadn't even looked at the thing…"

Miranda indulged her with a small smile before she shook her head and took her place in her office chair, her hands rummaging through her storage cupboards for quite a while until Shepard caught sight of her XO bringing out a comb to stroke at her delicate locks.

Shepard felt light on her feet and so flamboyantly enthusiastic of being in her XO's company that she placed her bowl of cereal down at the edge of Miranda's desk, walked around until she was close enough to pull Miranda's chair around to face her and kissed her as slowly and as passionately as she could until the light tug of Miranda's hand in her blonde spikes told her that enough was enough.

"You're really…" Miranda tilted her head at her as though she was analyzing every little detail of Shepard's facial expression and the glint of happiness in her eyes. "Happy today aren't you?"

"Aren't you?" Shepard countered with a small chuckle, kneeling down so that she could rest her chin on Miranda's desk.

Miranda arched a dark playful eyebrow at her and continued brushing her hair with long, firm strokes that left pearls of transparent water droplets linger on the very tips of her XO's hair; she didn't know if it was completely mesmerizing or completely annoying.

She guessed it was probably the former.

"I guess you could say that I'm feeling a bit more happier yes," Miranda agreed with a nod of her head, placing the comb down a second later to stroke at the wet tips of her hair. "But Shepard this doesn't distract the mission alright? We need to put the mission first so no sneaking around late at night anymore. Don't even try to tell me you don't, I've heard you."

Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her own blonde spikes before getting up and settling herself on the very edge of Miranda's desk, looking at the XO with wide, amused eyes. "I can't help the fact I can't get to sleep most nights without sleeping next to someone."

Miranda rolled her eyes in what Shepard believed to be an affectionate manner (although with Miranda it was sometimes hard to tell) before a serious look overcame her face, which immediately led to Shepard's back eventually being ram-rod straight.

"That was another thing I wanted to talk to you about actually," Miranda said with a quirk of one of her delicate raven-haired eyebrows. "From now on you share my bed or I share yours, no more disturbing Kasumi when she needs sleep too."

Shepard bit back her sardonic reply and instead nudged at the heel of Miranda's bare foot with a smirk overtaking her voice, because who could have known teasing Miranda Lawson would be so much _fun?_

In reply Miranda gave her a look that was split between scowling and trying not to smile - all in all it wasn't a convincing enough look to make Shepard stop teasing Miranda's heel with her boots and it most certainly wasn't enough Shepard to force her mouth to run away from her.

"Miss Lawson don't tell me you're jealous of…" Shepard didn't get the time to finish before Miranda had gotten up from her chair in a flash with her hands wrapped fiercely around the white tight-knit fabric of her towel, the look of an angel apart from the very obvious annoyance in her eyes.

"Don't be absurd Shepard," Miranda cut over her with a scoff, turning away from the Commander with a shake of her head. "I'm not in control over you so you can do whatever the hell you want but what I don't appreciate is being strung along by someone who thinks they can get away with such _idiocy_."

_Oh that's cute_, Shepard mused to herself with a small smile as she took a step forward to cup her XO's elbows in the very palms of her hands.

"Miranda," she leant forward to whisper into the brunette's ear, eyes fluttering shut in an attempt to fall into the moment. "Don't worry so much, you're the one I want to stand next to me when we face the depths of hell - and in everything else too. So no worries hm?"

Miranda's back tensed at her words from what little Shepard could tell underneath the tight fabric of the towel, but still at least Shepard knew what she had said had finally managed to get through to her XO without her sounding like a complete and utter dimwit.

The door to Miranda's office swooped open just before Miranda could answer and sooner than she would have liked Shepard removed her hands from Miranda's elbows to face the intruder with a strained smile; said smile disappearing immediately soon after once she realized who it was.

Miranda to her own credit didn't flinch at being seen in such attire. On the contrary she instead just snorted and re-adjusted her towel to cover her body up some more, it was this little action that made Shepard's heart swell in affection.

Still she had a reputation to keep up, which meant that soon enough Shepard tilted her hip so it rested on the curve of Miranda's desk with her arms crossed across her chest and eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Something I can help you with Mr B? Isn't it too early for you to be skulking around?"

Mr B didn't say anything at first but Shepard isn't _that _much of an idiot, she can tell that the Observer is more than likely looking her and Miranda up with ever-so-speculating gaze; making assumptions and creating notes on every situation with so much detail that just the thought of it made Shepard's blood boil.

"Am I interrupting anything?" The Observer asked in a slow tone that Shepard recognized almost as if it was by instinct; because no way should someone act so nonchalant about seeing the director of this Cerberus cell half-naked with her Commander - especially when that Commander was ex-Alliance.

Miranda was of course ever cool about the situation and answered the Cerberus agent with a prompt shake of her head. "Nothing is wrong no apart from the fact that I seem to have no privacy from anyone…" Shepard resisted to poke her tongue out at Miranda's glare "…today. So if both you and the Commander wouldn't mind?"

Shepard did mind actually but chose not to voice it, only giving Miranda a firm nod and a pat on her shoulder before attempting to brush past the Observer who in return held out an arm to hold her back.

"The Illusive Man requires your attention in the Comms room," the Observer informed Shepard the moment her brow creased in displeasure at being stopped. "You haven't spoken since the events of the Collector Ship, I thought it would best to contact him to remind him you still want answers."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at him with the suspicion she had been born with since she had been born on Earth, it came easily and fluidly like it was a lover's touch but she knew better to let it overtake her and with a tilt of her head she lessened the tightness around her eyes.

"That's awfully caring of you…_Almost_ sweet." Shepard pushed with a smile that was neither genuine nor fake - merely curious.

The Observed played his role well she had to admit, for he didn't give anything away in his body movements nor his tone when he answered her. "I want to know what's going on just as much as you do, his actions almost cost us our lives."

"_Miranda's_ life actually," Shepard corrected with a growl, feeling the animosity that had been there since the moment she had met the Cerberus agent start to run through her veins like acidic blood. "Which _you_ wanted to throw away may I add, don't think I haven't forgotten about that."

"He did the right thing Commander, maybe you should learn a few things off him." Miranda answered before the Agent could and with a scowl Shepard realized that no matter how hard she tried Miranda would always disagree on her choice on that particular incident. "The Illusive Man wants to see you Shepard, I wouldn't keep him waiting."

Shepard threw Miranda a look over her shoulder that clearly said they would be talking about this later before she departed with a grumble, keeping her eyes solely focused on the ground underneath her feet as she made her way towards the elevator.

Her ears were starting to ring again and with another grumble she cupped and rubbed at the lobe with irritation; it had been like this for what felt like weeks and she hadn't had the heart to mention it to Miranda last night when they were talking in her bed - it hadn't been the right time to tell her XO that maybe she might be going down with some sort of sickness.

She stumbled into the elevator with a cough, glad that she was alone now so she could slump tiredly against the slick, cold walls that the elevator presented her with. It was a sick sense of relief, a sense of relief she couldn't help but grasp onto.

"Wow Shep you look like crap." A voice that could only belong to Kasumi murmured in her ear and with a sleepy half-smile Shepard angled her face slightly to the right - not shocked in any shape or form to see that master thief now grinning back at her.

"Why does everything seem to happen in the elevators?" Shepard asked the thief with an affectionate swipe of her thumb under Kasumi's cheek. "It's like some sort of plot-device."

Kasumi chuckled in reply and rested her head on her blonde Commander's shoulder, careful to keep the weight of her head light now that she had just witnessed something Shepard most likely didn't want her to bring up; so she didn't. It was just that simple.

"You know what else bugs me Shep?" Kasumi instead said with every intention of making Shepard feel better with words that flew freely from her mouth like a poet reciting a tale; with eagerness and fire that Kasumi had always knew she had possessed ever since she was young. "How long these elevator rides are, must be the bugs in the system."

Shepard smiled briefly before her eyes went serious and she looked at Kasumi long enough to send a cold shudder down the master thief's spine.

"I'm in love." Shepard said simply with such a delicate tone that at first Kasumi thought the blonde was going to break down in tears; yet was quite pleasantly surprised to see that instead of doing just that Shepard broke down into giggles of excitement and joy.

Kasumi's heart skipped a beat as warmth invaded her stomach, by _gods_ to watch Shepard's eyes dance with such happiness and delight shouldn't make her feel so giddy too - was this what Shepard felt every time she was with Miranda? Was it this addicting and warm and completely euphoric?

"Well steady on Romeo before you knock yourself over," Kasumi teased with a laugh as she made a grab for the shaking Shepard's shoulders. "You can tell me about your legendary conquest in a bit - I've heard Mr Illusive wants a word with you."

Shepard's eyes that had been so full with life and excitement a few moments ago seemed to darken angrily, an angry shake of breath escaping her lips as she pushed off the elevator wall. "It's a good thing he wants a word with me because I've got plenty of words for him, not at all pleasant mind you. Maybe I need you in the background to shout out random words from a thesaurus just in case?"

Kasumi grinned and pushed at Shepard's shoulder, sending the commander tumbling out of the elevator with a euphoric giggle escaping her.

"Well while I'm sure that would be the most biggest fun I've ever had Shep," Kasumi drawled in a way that forfeited her words completely; if the tone of sarcasm didn't give it away anyhow. "I'm off to get Jacob to look at my SMG - it's a bit dodgy around the holster."

Shepard's eyes lit up and Kasumi's brain immediately did the biggest _'uh-oh' _that the master thief had ever experienced.

"Jacob _hm? _Jacob Taylor? You know, the one with the bazillion ab muscles?" Shepard teased with bright, wicked eyes that made Kasumi flush at the sight and at the words that spilled from Shepard's mouth. "You sure you're just not there just to check him work out?"

Kasumi flushed underneath her hood with a cautious laugh, because why yes she may have not minded the view at all when it came to Jacob Taylor she still didn't really think sharing this likeness with Shepard was a grand idea.

"Shep! Unlike you I keep my relationships strictly professional," Kasumi answered with a mischievous grin and a jab at the blonde's gut. "Well most of the time. Anyway, you need to get going! Mr Illusive won't wait for long!" And before Shepard could respond in kind, Kasumi had gone with a little skip into the armoury - leaving her well and truly alone in the CIC.

Figures the Illusive Man would want everyone down in the mess hall the moment he wanted to talk to her, well that was fine with her, she could shout as loud as she wanted to now anyway.

With a growl she made her way into the briefing room by accessing Mordin's lab, her fingers curled into fists the moment she banged down on the machinery that operated the two-way link to the Illusive Man's hidden base in the god-knows-where system.

When she arrived Shepard noticed with a wary glance that the Illusive Man was already waiting for her, stoic and still and menacing and yes she was nervous but she was also ridiculously angry at him. Send her into a trap? Well fuck him and his messed up eyes and his stripper girls too if he had any.

Shepard bristled angrily to herself when the Illusive Man regarded her with a smile that was split between smug and genuine happiness; strange considering the idiot must have some idea how she was feeling at the moment.

"Shepard I trust you're well?" The Illusive Man finally spoke as he dug his cigarette into his ash tray. "And that you've obtained any data possible from the Collector ship?"

"Oh you know a few things, hardly anything important but what can I say? Being sent into a goddamn trap can really juggle someone's memory a little." Shepard retorted back with a roll of her eyes, putting most of her weight onto one foot and crossing her arms over her chest. "Care to explain that?"

The Illusive Man shifted in his seat with a frown spreading across his face; looking like a cross between angry and cautious - Shepard was glad of that. Because she was sure she'd make him regret his actions and what it nearly cost her, she would make sure of it.

"It was a trap yes," The Illusive Man started, getting out of his chair with a newly-lit cigarette in hand. "But a necessary action considering the results it gave us. I have enough information to tell us our next…"

"You can RAM your data up your bloody arse!" Shepard interrupted with a growl, shaking hands curling into fists. "You can send me that from my terminal, right now I want answers on to what you think you were achieving by sending me into a damn trap without any warning!"

The Illusive Man stood so still that for a moment Shepard actually thought he had stopped actually functioning altogether and was merely doing this to annoy her (and if so he was doing a grand job of it) or if he was merely contemplating his next move - looking at her as though she was his opponent at his chess. Waiting.

Shepard was not one to wait but this time she reeled her anger in this time - and for good reason too because soon enough the Illusive Man had settled back into his seat; cybernetic eyes piercing her in the most rawest form.

"Shepard I think I've already established that I don't answer to anything including you, in fact I regard you as a mere advocate in the greater things Cerberus is establishing through these Collector attacks," he paused then to wipe at his lower lip with an elegance that caught Shepard's eyesight for a second before she met his eyes again as his mouth started to move. "Knowing that, I'm going to tell you once more - Do not speak to me as if you are the one investigating these attacks. Cerberus is."

Shepard growled and curled her fingers into the tight fabric of her Cerberus uniform, feeling it itch and irritate her skin even more now that the Illusive Man's words had sunk into her mind like a tumour that gnawed and gnawed at her until she felt weaker than a kitten.

She resisted the urge to fall to her knees, this was most certainly not the time for hysterics.

Instead she lifted her head up high and allowed her mouth to form words that did nothing but make her throat burn with rage. "I may not be the face known to be investigating these attacks but I damn well am the person who leads this investigation! YOU give ME intel! If I can't trust that intel then you're nothing to me!"

The Illusive Man's fingers noticeably tightened against the arms of his chair, brow narrowed in anger. "You have no idea what you're dealing with Commander! Or whom you're dealing with!"

"I am dealing with the man whose so-called 'plan' almost sent one of my crew to their death!" Shepard argued back with her voice becoming distinctly louder and more aggressive; she was letting her emotions get the better of her yet she just couldn't seem to stop herself from doing so. "Because of YOU my crewmate almost died!"

The Illusive Man cocked his head to the side for a moment; Shepard knew what that look was, what it meant, what it told her - _my move_.

"Miranda's sacrifice would not have been in vain Shepard," The Illusive Man said in a slow drawl that sent shivers up and down Shepard's spine, violating her with his voice and his cybernetic eyes. "She knew the risks the moment she signed up to Cerberus, she stands for what Cerberus believes in and she would have sacrificed herself entirely for the mission and for you."

While that would normally have made Shepard flush at the indication that Miranda would actually sacrifice something as important as her life for her, right now it didn't feel like such an alright thing when it came from the Illusive Man's mouth; in fact it felt almost like some sort of messed up betrayal.

She closed her eyes and dragged her hand across her face with a sigh. This was _disastrous_. She didn't ask Miranda to sacrifice anything for her, she had already lost so much and if Miranda thought that it was suitable to get her ass killed for then…She had another damn thing coming!

Shepard tapped her foot to a beat that was both soft and frenzied to thoughts, driving her to a limit and forcing herself to think so loudly and so quickly that in a matter of moments instead of minutes she had looked up to speak again; harsher, louder, stronger.

"When I joined this mission I knew there would be risks," she clenched her teeth together at that, refusing to look anywhere but into the holographic eyes of the Illusive Man. "Hell I knew that there would be sacrifices and I accepted that because there never has been a mission like these ones that leave people unscathed! But what I didn't join up for was unnecessary traps and deaths that could affect the mission and the team as a whole! And you sir have just violated that thin line of trust I held about you because of how inconsiderate you are about the well-being of my crew!"

The Illusive Man's features tightened into a look of composed fury that threatened to breach towards the surface; it was something that Shepard would have been awed at if it wasn't for the fact that she herself was struggling to fight the urge of cutting this bastard off - it sure would hurt him more than her words no doubt.

"Do not assume…" The Illusive Man spoke in what could only be described as a deadly tone, bringing his cigarette up to his lips to inhale the fumes. "You know my motivations Shepard, do not assume you know Cerberus or Miranda as well as you think you may do. Everyone aboard that vessel that wears Cerberus colours is under my command and don't you forget it."

"I know Miranda better than you think I do." Shepard argued with her teeth gritted together and her body stiffer than cardboard, finally letting her anger wash over her more thoroughly until she was sure she was going to actually punch the monitor that connected her to the Illusive Man's base. "I know that she's an excellent woman who doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeves but they're there anyway under the surface and I know she fights for what she believes in and sometimes what is right and what is wrong doesn't even come into the equation and I know her favourite colour is metallic blue and…Wow I know quite a bit. Well actually that's not a lot but…I'm digressing! Anyway…"

"Shepard, stand down." A voice belonging only to Miranda Lawson interrupted her and in a flash Shepard watched in wonder as Miranda stood next to her on the communications disk; blue eyes defiant in the scope of the holographic light that shined around them.

Shepard steadied her voice enough to address her XO with a worried crease in her brow, her own cerulean eyes darting around Miranda's face like a probe looking for something, anything to latch onto. "Mir-Lawson! I didn't know you were invited to this slumber party of ours!"

Miranda met her eyes and it was the look of pleading that made Shepard's breath catch and for her hands to uncurl from the fists that she had tightened them into with such ferocity and anger that now she looked back she realized she had done nothing but make a fool out of herself.

"Shepard," Miranda repeated and this time it was not a plea but an order that made Shepard's spine straighten on instinct. "Please understand that the Illusive Man knows what his talking about, his plan was necessary and…"

"His _plan_ almost got you killed!" Shepard roared in protest with the anger that had slowly dispersed at Miranda's arrival started to once more spike up red-hot in her chest. "I know you didn't approve of me going back for you but if you thought I was going to stand back and let you die then…"

She stopped then, surprised at the wave of emotions that washed over her, filling her eyes with unexpected tears that had seemed to sprout up from no where. Shepard slammed her eyelids shut and moved her face to the side, refusing to look anywhere that was towards Miranda or the holographic image of the Illusive Man. "I'm finished speaking with him. For the time being you can talk to him because I'm sick of looking him in the eye. Me? I'm off to find that Observer - he's getting off my ship on the next port."

"I haven't requested his leave Commander," The Illusive Man cut in with a cough that did nothing but make Shepard bristle at how such a little thing sounded more condescending than she had expected. "He will return when…"

"When I grant him bloody leave! Which is now!" Shepard snarled with a finger jabbed towards the Cerberus tycoon, eyes alight with rage. "You want to talk to me? Use my terminal because the next time I see you I'll have the whole of the damn Alliance behind me!"

She turned to leave with her head and arms thrumming in tension and frustration when she heard the Illusive Man call out 'don't run away from me Shepard', unfortunately for him she didn't stop and sent a backwards glare as she turned the corner - not willing to stay there a moment longer with Miranda's eyes stabbing her straight through the heart.

It would obviously be a conversation they would have to have later, for now she was going to have to confront this Observer and kick him off this ship; she had put up with him for so long but it was clear that unlike Miranda and Jacob he was nothing but the lap-dog and she wouldn't have filth like that on her ship.

"Joker is there any space stations nearby Omega that we could safely dock at?" Shepard asked with a nonchalant glance towards the cockpit Joker sat at, knowing very well that despite the distance he would hear her perfectly. "We've got an unwanted passenger that I want off this ship straight away."

"Well Omega's the biggest one but yeah there's a few scattered around here and there, why? You finally got sick of that masked douche?" Joker's voice laughed through the monitor; shocking her at how the familiarity of it seemed to bring enough calm about her that she actually stopped what she was doing and let out a breath she had no idea she had been holding.

"It doesn't matter Joker, just tell me where he is."

* * *

><p><strong>"I<strong>nstead of your familiarity with Shepard causing the Commander to trust us more it instead brings more hate to Shepard's mind than I thought possible," The Illusive Man had just finished telling Miranda with such stiffness in his tone that Miranda had almost danced on her feet to try and keep herself entertained for a brief amount of time. "How did this happen Miranda?"

"With all due respect sir," Miranda stated in what she fashioned to be her most calmest, politest manner ever. "I think that stationing the Cerberus agent on her ship hasn't made her that happy."

The Illusive Man sighed and shook his head, the hard look that he had sent at her a moment ago softening into something more soft and understanding - Miranda's eyes caught the mix and difference between each look and made a decision; he was playing her around like his very own little chess piece. He needed her for something and Miranda had no other choice to oblige, she still believed in Cerberus after all and he was Cerberus's leader even if…Even if…

Even if he sometimes didn't act like much of a leader - sometimes he felt more like an executioner.

"Miranda as my most trusted soldier and scientist…" The Illusive Man trailed off, more than likely allowing his words to sink in so her demeanour would soften as it had used to when she had been nothing but a young adult. It didn't. "I turn to you in this, what else can we do to make sure Shepard will bring humanity's best interests in the fight against the Reapers?"

Miranda refused to look surprised even when her body's first reaction was to be just that; years of training had honed her skills to a maximum when it came to reactions and wills and it didn't fail her now either.

She cleared her throat, forcing herself to look her superior in the eye. "Honestly? I don't think it's possible for Shepard to ever see past your methods anymore when it comes to Cerberus. No disrespect intended."

Something sparked deep within her lower body at that moment, it was a sharp sensation that coiled inside her like a spring ready to pop at the pressure and for a moment Miranda didn't realize what it was until the Illusive Man pointed it out for her.

"Commander Shepard is a tool to be used Miranda, a useful tool certainly, but a tool all the same." The Illusive Man readjusted himself on his chair then, giving her a sharp look of disappointment. "Don't let your feelings get in the way of the mission Miranda - you know of the rocky relationship between Alliance and Cerberus, do NOT let this sink into this mission."

Miranda held back a smart reply and instead nodded her head with a grimace. "Yes sir." It would do no good to lose her temper or question him right now when he seemed so off edge. "You know me well enough that you know that I'll put a 110% into this mission."

That's not a lie but Miranda didn't actually know if she had any fight left in her to deal with the Illusive Man, Shepard and the mission at the moment; all three were bearing down upon her and it felt like she was suffocating as she had on the Collector ship when Shepard had saved her.

"Good. I don't want you to be distracted again by Shepard's presence as much as you have been," the Illusive Man's words interrupted her thoughts once more with his gentle, yet dominating, tone of voice. "I wouldn't want to lose my best agent to Shepard's influence. I'll pass Shepard the information gathered to her terminal. Make sure she gets it Miranda."

And then…He was gone.

Miranda stumbled back with a noisy breath escaping her lips, eyes cast downwards to stare down at her clumsy feet that had betrayed her in only a matter of moments.

This was not the time to become so hysterically stupid and gutless - Miranda had doubted there would ever be a time when she was like that but it seemed that today she liked proving herself wrong.

She growled and cupped her forehead between tight, thin fingers; this was not how she should be feeling today of all days when they were so close to finishing up all the crew's dilemma's and now the Illusive Man had decided to plonk this down upon her?

"Wow, looks like Shep's dating Catwoman now." And lo and behold could this day get any worse? Miranda tried to keep herself from yelling at herself as her mind continued to tease and taunt her and her insecurities that she had thought so thoroughly washed away.

Miranda narrowed her brows in anger, lip curling until it formed into a frustrated glower. "Of course you would be the one to come and spy on my conversations with the Illusive Man, pleased with yourself?"

Kasumi Goto didn't move from where she was leant against the side of the opening into the Comms room - from what little Miranda could tell from under that hood it didn't look like the other woman was impressed with her or even slightly amused. Not that Miranda minded. She wasn't going for that anyhow.

"I don't think you quite got what I was talking about," Kasumi replied in a tone that Miranda didn't recognize but assumed it was the thief trying to intimidate her; if so then fine, she wasn't scared of anything Kasumi could threaten her with. "Dating Catwoman is an old 21st century quote used when…"

"I don't need your propaganda at the moment Goto," Miranda responded with a snap, her irritation of the thief in general starting to coat her words and tone before she could act in a more reasonable tone. "What happens between me and Shepard stays between me and Shepard, butt out."

Kasumi, for the first time in Miranda's life, actually looked absolutely enraged. "It's my business if I think you're screwing her around! What's wrong with you? You're catering to him like a lap dog!"

Miranda felt her throat rumble as a growl that she couldn't contain stumbled out of her lips. Her? A lap dog? She didn't think so.

She decided to voice that. "I follow orders Goto but I know the difference between a bad one and a good one! I trust in what the Illusive Man believes in and I'll keep that trust close to myself until I find evidence that tells me otherwise."

Kasumi took a step forward then, her steps betraying her on how calm she really wasn't (shaking, hesitating) and how her lips seemed to be moving with such sharpness that Miranda actually struggled to keep up. "And what if he tells you to go after Shepard mhm? What then?"

Miranda met Kasumi's gaze then with hard, blue eyes that contrasted incredibly with Kasumi's warm, soft hazelnut ones - was this how Shepard viewed them as well? Hot and cold? Soft and hard?

"It won't come to that."

"And how do you know? What if it does?"

Miranda bit her lip so hard then that she actually drew blood that managed to inch its way inside her mouth; the taste of iron and salt drove her on to speak words she did not think would ever escape her. "Then I do what I think is necessary at the time."

Kasumi's mouth dropped open in a rather exceptional display that would have made Miranda feel smug inside if it wasn't for the fact that at this moment she wanted to feel anything but satisfied.

"How can you say that?" Kasumi said, this time to Miranda's back as the Cerberus woman pushed back the thief to make her way towards the CIC. "Shepard wouldn't hurt you if it came to it, she'd disobey direct orders if it meant not harming you in any way! How can _you_ be any different?"

Miranda stopped with a sigh, turning her head ever so slightly to watch Kasumi from over her shoulder. "Who said I am?" And then she left the thief to stew in what she had said.

Times were hard and people had to learn that sometimes there _weren't_ any silver linings.


	16. I Am Done With My Graceless Heart

**I Am Done With My Graceless Heart**

Shepard's passions raged inside with every breath she took, tainting her heart and mind with restless anger that stirred deep within her blood that pulsed vehemently inside her veins like a poison ready to consume her.

She was going to end this once and for all, show this damn Cerberus agent that he was no longer welcome on her ship whether he liked it or not; she had had quite enough of such ridiculousness and was going to get rid of the source as soon as possible.

Brushing past Jack without any word of acknowledgement Shepard propelled herself into the main battery where the Observer normally was with Garrus, eyes narrowed angrily and fingers curled in a tight motion of skin, bone and muscle that allowed the tension to flow up and around her arm until it stopped near her vertebrae - it was clear to anyone with a brain that this was not the day to piss her off.

Garrus, who looked as frustrated as she felt, took one glance at her and brushed past the Observer to make his way down the walkway to the mess hall, throwing a worried glance behind him that Shepard caught briefly before sheathing her full attention on the man in front of her.

The Observer turned to face her with his hands curled together behind his back, his expression as usual hidden away from her behind the vast darkness of the mask; it was just another pillar added to the ever-growing fury that had wormed its way up Shepard's heart.

"No duties Commander?" The Observer asked in what Shepard assumed was a mocking cheery voice; an attempt to fool her perhaps? But was he that foolish? "Or has the Illusive Man given you an order that you wish to speak to me about?"

Shepard's first idea is to be polite but as soon as that thought comes to the front of her mind it is then thoroughly pushed back with such force her lip curled upwards into a grimace - no, she had been polite enough. Some would argue _too_ polite.

"Get off my ship," she said simply with a smile that was full of glass shards that were pointed and delicate and completely transparent in showing her expression. "Simple enough for you? I thought so myself, now if you would follow me…"

"I was not ordered by the Illusive Man to get off the Normandy," the Observer said plainly as if what he said was the most simplest thing in the world. "I cannot leave without the Illusive Man's permission otherwise I would have failed the assignment."

Shepard shuddered as another wave of rage washed over her and with barely restrained anger she gripped at the collar of the Observer's uniform and tugged it until her breasts were pushed up against his chest, her breath fogging up the visor that hid his face away from her.

"I am Commander fucking Shepard," she panted with her eyes gleaming and the cybernetic scarring of the Reaper tech inside of her that had been slowly healing once more starting to reappear in her sudden burst of adrenaline-high rage. "And I order you to get off my ship before I throw you out of the air-lock because I have had _enough_."

The Observer remained silent for a few moments before he reached down and grasped at her wrist with his free hand and despite his hidden expression it felt as though his presence alone was enough to suck the energy out of Shepard, so it didn't come to much of a surprise when the agent wrestled her grip off himself and slammed it against the main battery's walls.

"I was put here under the Illusive Man's command." He repeated again, this time with more force and the way he spoke could not even begin to describe the venom that was obvious in his tone. "I will not be removed without his clear indication that I am ready to leave…"

Shepard didn't allow him to finish.

"I said MOVE!" She growled and with a tug of her biotics (despite the pain that it brought to her head at using it so early after injury) she sent him flying through the air until he landed in a rumpled heap near the stairs that led to the mess hall.

Jack looked up from where she had been playing ping pong with a plastic ball up against one of Gardener's charts and gave her a grin that surprisingly made Shepard feel better than before; surprising when taking into consideration that this praise was coming from _Jack_, of all people!

With a heavy pant Shepard lugged herself forward towards the end of the runway until she stood just above the Observer's body, looking down at the heap with wide eyes and the dreadful thought that maybe, just maybe she had done some serious damage.

That thought left her head immediately the exact moment the Agent seemed to jump up with his hands tightly curled into his sides, looking as though holding himself back was possibly the hardest thing he had ever done - not that Shepard minded because if he pulled a funny move once then she was going to smash his face in.

Jack also seemed to have read her mind and with a smirk on her face she also got up from where she sat, hands carelessly slithering up and over the holster of her pistol as she watched the Cerberus agent with fierce, hazelnut eyes.

"There is no need for violence Commander Shepard," the agent reminded her with his voice low, obviously not the one to try and draw attention which was a shame really because Shepard had already pressed the emergency button hidden in the holster of her own pistol that sent warning alarms to each member of crew available. "But I must tell you that if you really wish me off your ship then I must insist you do so with the Illusive Man's direct orders telling me to follow your command."

Shepard regarded him with a cold smile at that, drawing her pistol out and steadying it cautiously onto the area just below his left shoulder; a necessary precaution because despite the annoyance she held for the agent she most certainly didn't want to kill him.

"You see the thing is that this isn't a Cerberus operation anymore, though it wasn't in the first place…" Shepard muttered with her sickly smile still pasted on her face that she hoped was another component in intimidating the agent. "So basically I have the right to command anyone who takes one step on this ship, see where I'm going with this Mr B?"

Before the Observer could reply the mess hall flooded with Shepard's teammates that had immediately been signalled the moment her thumb had brushed the hidden pad in the holster, the sight of seeing Kasumi, Garrus, Thane, Samara, Jack and Grunt causing her chest to swell in pride at how fiercely loyal they all were; soon enough Tali, Zaeed, Jacob and Miranda would be here and then this Cerberus bastard really would have nowhere to go.

"Shep! You okay?" Kasumi called over to her, moving forward slightly so that she could manage to inch a little but further in Shepard's direction with her pistol directed at the Cerberus agent at all times.

Shepard shot the thief a confident smile, pleased that the anger that had surfaced a few minutes ago had finally died down; it wouldn't be a good idea to let her crew see her in such a state - it could affect their morale and that was something she didn't want to risk.

The Observer took in his surroundings with a clear shake of his head, placing his hands up in the air after realising that it would do no good to attempt to force his way out.

"You'll regret this Commander," he warned her with his foot tapping out a beat that Shepard immediately took notice of; she had learned after all that it was best to expect the unexpected. "This breaches the rights that Cerberus has formed around you, it won't go down well with the Illusive Man and you know it."

Shepard snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah because the level of fuck I give about the Illusive Man is slowly rising isn't it? Now I'm going to ask you one more time before I get Jack and Garrus here to escort you out to wait in the airlock…Get. Off. My. Ship."

When the Cerberus agent didn't move Jack took a step forward with a feral grin on her face (most likely at the thought of getting her hands around the agent's neck) however was stopped by the form of Miranda Lawson breaking the circle that formed around the agent in the mess hall, looking as furious and as beautiful as she ever did.

"What the hell is going on here?" Miranda growled with her sharp blue eyes immediately addressing Shepard's own with a viciousness that heightened Shepard's senses as if by instinct.

"Mr B here refuses to get off my ship," Shepard answered her XO with a shrug of her shoulders, as if that one simple movement told Miranda everything she needed to know. "So either he gets off here by himself or he gets hauled off; hopefully he'll know that the cleverest thing to do is follow my orders."

Miranda gave a weary check over of the Cerberus agent for a long time before she scoffed and took a step back, allowing the eezo in her blood to spring up and lace a binding around the Observer's wrists.

"This is ridiculous Shepard," Miranda muttered with her bright eyes focusing on Shepard's with a look that clearly said that the XO did not appreciate this decision being made without her opinion being heard. "Everyone else lower you weapons, he's bound and he won't harm anyone."

"Not yet," Grunt rumbled in suspicion before looking up to gaze at his battle-master with an enquiring look as did the rest of the crew. "Battle-Master?"

Shepard nodded in confirmation as she lowered her weapon, a smile appearing on her face once the others did as she had. "Good work crew, good work. Now that we've got…"

She trailed off as she caught sight of what looked like the Observer casually rubbing the back of one his ankles with a foot but the movement was too slow, too precise to be casual and with a gasp Shepard figured that the suit wasn't just there to create a mystic look about him but it was also a suit that would allow him to escape from a situation if need be.

The perfect armour for a human and how fitting that it was probably tailored by none other than Cerberus - unluckily for the Illusive Man Shepard had seen armours like it before, which made it easy to figure out the Observer's next move.

"Miranda!" Shepard yelled in warning and with a grunt she flung herself at the Observer the moment he had broken through his binding to catch the XO by surprise, upper-cutting her in the jaw the moment he broke free.

The Cerberus agent growled in aggravation the second Shepard knocked him sideways to stumble onto middle table of the mess hall, bringing the furious vanguard with him with both of her fists already glowing an unearthly blue.

Shepard finally saw the colour of grey behind the dark mask and she doesn't know why, but seeing this agent's eyes widen in what she hoped to be fear caused something animalistic inside of her to surge up and before she can do anything she is thoroughly letting her fists do the talking.

And she's more than pleased that nobody moves to stop her otherwise she would have no idea what she would have done, this rage that boils inside her forces her punches to go deeper and deeper into the metallic mask until it shattered against her knuckles; sending a sharp sting of pain up her spine that surprised her only for a moment until her feral anger reminded her of what she was doing.

"Shep! Shep!" Kasumi's yelling at her and Shepard can hear her doing so but it is faded and blocky and all she can see now is the metallic, grey eyes widening in fear and how the jawline that is so very _Slavonic_ locked in frustration, anger and pain. "Shepard!"

_No_, Shepard growled inwardly in reply as she hoisted her fist up once more to slam back down again, bone connecting with bone with such force that another slice of pain cut deep into her_. He dared to harm my crew, the people I care for, and he isn't getting away so damn easily!_

Miranda, who had recovered a few moments ago, cradled her jaw as she made her way over to the enraged Commander with every intent of ending it once and for all until her eyes caught sight of the face beneath the mask and a piercing sense of fear shot up her spine to rest firmly in the middle of her chest; causing her to move quicker towards the Commander with her mouth moving as fast as it possibly could.

"Shepard!" Miranda practically yelled in her Commander's ear the second she could reach out and drag the blonde fiercely up from the sinisterly still body of the Observer, wrapping her other arm around Shepard's waist to spin her around and hold her in an embrace that Shepard fought all the way.

Miranda ignored the scratching and snarls of Shepard trying to get away from her to resume pounding the agent's face into nothing but flesh and bone, instead focusing her attention on the silvery grey eyes that looked up at her through a watery glaze that caused Miranda's stomach to wriggle unpleasantly.

"O-operative Lawson," the Observer wheezed from where he lay, broken and bruised with blood dribbling down his chin. "S-so nice to see you again, though from what I've – ach – heard you aren't his favorite anymore. I'm not sure what he'll think about this minor…"

Before he could continue to berate Miranda any longer, Jack's fist collided with his jaw with a sickening crack that made the agent whimper and for his eyes to close sharply in pain.

"Fucking doing my head in," Jack grumbled in explanation, rubbing the back of her head with wide eyes when Miranda turned to glance at her with something Miranda herself hoped wasn't respect. "Get that shit look off your face cheerleader, didn't do that for you or anything."

Miranda arched a brow and willed herself not to comment, instead pushing Shepard off her to wrap the Commander's wrists in another biotic chain that Shepard growled at with a predatory glint in her eye; well good, because Miranda had quite a bit to do when she managed to get Shepard alone.

"At least tell me who the fuck he is," Shepard snarled at her over her shoulder with blue fire shining in her hues that sends a shooting desire inside Miranda that she loved and loathed at the same time. "If he turns out to be some ex-boyfriend then you could have at least warned me or something…"

Miranda cupped her forehead and groaned, waving the rest of the squadmates off (apart from Kasumi and Jack, she had a pretty special job for them) before answering. "He isn't my bloody ex-boyfriend Shepard, if anything he's a colleague I did some work with before I got involved in Project Lazarus."

Shepard, if possible, looked more angrier than before and when Miranda tried to touch her on the shoulder she could actually feel the muscle underneath her fingers tense in fury – another burst of desire washed over the XO either way and either way she damn well hated feeling so filthy.

"Well this is bloody great," Shepard grumbled with a gesture of her head towards the slumped body of the Observer. "So where are we going to put him then? He's not staying on this ship any longer."

Miranda looked at her superior with her mouth open, aghast at Shepard's suggestion. "Shepard! He's injured! If anything his going in the med-bay, what happens after is up to you but we can't just DUMP him on a station! Especially an agent like him!"

"Who the hell is he anyway?" Kasumi filled the tense air with her bubbly self, cutting Shepard's and Miranda's shared gazes by placing herself straight in the middle of the two of them. Miranda actually felt slightly grateful. "Never ever seen him before in my life, and I've seen a lot of people."

"Doesn't look like any sorry bastard I've read about either in those files," Jack joined in with another kick to the agent's side, a sign that maybe Miranda had actually lost her mind in actually keeping Jack behind for the job of helping the agent into the med-bay. "Unless he's got some sort of code name, wacko's like Cerberus always do."  
>Miranda silently disagreed, she didn't have any code name at all and Mega-Bitch or Ice Queen honestly did not count.<p>

Still the question hung in the air and still Miranda found herself in a position that meant she would have to answer as truthfully as she could, either that or she could explain another time because right now all she wanted to do was get this idiot into the med-bay and have a serious alone time with Shepard that would most likely include Shepard being hit a few times around the head for being such a prat.

"Just take him to the med-bay," she ordered Kasumi and Jack with a shake of her head before grabbing Shepard by the shoulder (fingers digging in under the curved bone of Shepard's shoulder blades) and leading her towards her office. "Shepard, we need a word in private."

"I have a few words for you too Lawson!" Shepard retorted back with another growl, lowering her head just in time to miss Miranda's sloppy slap that was probably supposed to be for the back of her head. "You damn well tell me who that – _ouch_! What the hell was that for?"

Miranda hid her smile; that time she had most definitely not missed if the stinging of her hand told her anything. "For being a god-awful prat out there, do you have any idea whose face you almost smashed into smithereens?"

For a second Shepard actually looked serious when Miranda pushed her down into the hard-leathered chair in front of her desk, a split-second of seriousness that Miranda was actually shocked at until her Commander's eyes widened and her mouth moved so quickly that it would probably be considered hysterical if Miranda felt like laughing.  
>She did not feel like laughing.<br>"You don't have a brother do you?" Shepard chuckled before her face grew dark and she slumped down in her chair in frustration. "Either way that damn agent had it coming, I swear if he touched you again…"

Miranda did not like being talked about as though she was a helpless maiden and showed that by spinning around to shove the blonde in the shoulder, hissing angrily. "For the last time Shepard, stop acting as though I can't win my own battles."  
>Shepard laughed in disbelief at her then, fingers curling into fists to restrain herself from doing something like hitting her forehead in anger as it would do nothing but give her another thing to be angry about.<p>

"Oh for the love of everything…" Shepard murmured before she jumped up from where Miranda had pushed her, taking a step forward so that she could just about manage to crane her neck forward enough that both their noses brushed against the other's. "When are you going to get it in that thick skull of yours Lawson?"

Miranda swallowed dryly at the heated gaze Shepard unconsciously glared at her, refusing to submit herself to a lust and desire that was greater than anything Miranda had ever felt for such a long time, so it's only natural that the only reason she had fisted her hands in one another was because if she didn't do so then she would actually fall apart in pieces.

"I LOVE you." Shepard stated slowly, gesturing to herself for a moment before using her still-captured hands to gesture towards Miranda. "It's bizarre and crazy and honestly sometimes I can't stand you but dear fucking _god_woman! I love you! So hell, maybe it's a weakness to you but it isn't to me! Maybe you don't like being seen as vulnerable sometimes and that you always need to remain this cold façade and that's fine Miranda, that's fine."

And then Shepard's eyes grow desperate and Miranda knew then that if she looked into them any longer her heart might actually stop beating. "But don't you ever, ever try and tell me I can't risk anything for you. Ever. Because I'd risk every single damn thing if I had to! I'd throw lives awa-"

Miranda cut Shepard off by grasping hard at the tight Cerberus shirt she had given to Shepard on her first time on the Normandy, pulling the blonde forward until there is nowhere else to go but to each other and it's completely strange if Miranda thought about it, despite being so close to one another it's this moment she feels at her must vulnerable.

"Shepard," she breathed against the older woman's lips, icy cold eyes moving upwards to capture Shepard's blue fire gaze. "Shut the hell up."  
>The challenge in her tone is unmistakable and immediately Shepard's mouth opened and with an animalistic snarl that Miranda would more than likely blush about later the XO surged upwards to thrust her tongue into her Commander's mouth, releasing the hold she had over Shepard's wrists and allowing herself to run her fingers through the spiked locks of Song's hair.<p>

"Seriously Shepard," Miranda said as she nipped at Shepard's bottom lip before diving back into the blonde's mouth with gusto. "Shut up before I actually kill you."

Shepard visibly deflated against her XO with a sigh. "Of all the times for you get frisky…" But the smile that appeared on her face instantly made Miranda shudder and so she clung onto the blonde once more, trailing kisses up her neck.

Maybe it was the adrenaline of the fight that Miranda had witnessed or maybe it was the desire she had suppressed for so long that suddenly made the brunette ravenous for Shepard's skin underneath her tongue, but either way Miranda ended up snaking a hand around the blonde's neck and pulling Shepard further into her until they both almost lost balance.

And well she wouldn't exactly be lying if she said she didn't like Shepard constantly trying to protect her, but she supposed that was what someone did when they loved someone – protect them even when they knew their beloved was someone who could honestly protect themselves without needing any help off the other.

Miranda only truly realized that she was thinking too hard (which she really shouldn't be if Shepard's hands on the zip of her suit says anything) when the blonde bit hard at the pulse point of her neck before lapping at the bite with small, quick swipes of her tongue that (_embarrassingly_) made Miranda melt.

The brunette pinched tightly at the back of Shepard's neck, causing the blonde to grunt and stutter back from her with a look of irritation which of course gave Miranda the advantage of pushing the blonde commander onto her bed and straddling her waist; hands planted either side of Shepard's face as she leaned in to lick her way into Shepard's mouth.

A tongue of hot fire slithered across the crevices of her limbs to settle in Miranda's loins at the sensation of Shepard's coarse fingers trailing up her bared stomach to pinch at a nipple behind the silky fabric of her bra, not quite rough enough to give Miranda the full explosion of pleasure but enough that she rocked forward on Shepard's hips; causing a friction that shot a lightning bolt up Miranda's spine at the pleasurable spark that shocked her body.

And then Shepard stopped and Miranda was left wondering what the bloody hell she was doing.

"Miranda," Shepard said, leaning up so that she could whisper her XO's name into Miranda's ear.

Miranda pulled back with her eyes narrowed in a way that hinted that she honestly could not believe what Shepard had just said.

Gripping Shepard's hands in her own she pushed the blonde woman down onto her back, pinning her arms to the burgundy sheets of Miranda's bed as well as trapping the blonde commander in between her thighs.

"I can't believe you just said that in my ear Shepard…" Miranda said with an exasperated groan, pulling down the shoulders of her black Cerberus gear until it hung loosely around her hips. "Of all the things to mention…"

"Everyone needs a safe word Miranda," Shepard grinned up at her with matted strands of blonde sticking to the fabric of her shirt and her collarbone.

Miranda cocked her head to the side to regard her Commander with a smile, leaning down to lick the hollow of Shepard's neck until her lips ghosted across the lobe of the other woman's ear.

"Not right now," Miranda murmured sultrily, drawing an almost muted moan from Shepard's lips as the blonde turned her head to the side to capture Miranda's mouth once more in a heated kiss.

Sharp nails cascaded up the smooth skin above Shepard's ribs, making the blonde commander mewl in delight in Miranda's mouth and for her to arch her back enough that her XO could tug the shirt up and over Shepard's head.

Breaking away from Shepard's lips with a groan, Miranda snapped open the blonde's worn white bra (a skill Shepard felt envious about) and tossed it over her shoulder to lick at the red indentions left behind on Shepard's skin.

Shepard's blunt nails tugged at the brunette curls hidden beneath the endless layers of Miranda's hair, forcing Miranda's head away and up from the indentions over Shepard's breast so that the commander could force Miranda's mouth back on her own again with such urgency that it's a mixture of teeth clicking and tongues clashing.

It's then that Miranda realizes that she can't get enough of Shepard's mouth and the thought is both horrifying and arousing that right now she could care less about the familiar man Shepard had almost beaten to death lying in the med-bay, she could care less about the consequences of giving a large part of herself to Shepard (though she supposed the correct term would be sharing) and she could even care less about what would happen when the Illusive Man heard of this incident.

Everything was a blur and euphoric and Miranda couldn't care less.

"_Fuck_," Miranda grounded out between drawn out panting, unable to keep herself up right when Shepard pushed at her arms with a force that made the Cerberus operative roll off the blonde just to let Shepard pin her down to her own linens with a feral look in her eyes and in her smile.

Shepard didn't bother with trying to tug the rest of Miranda's suit off her instead she buried her nose into the crook of Miranda's neck to bite hard at the tendons there with the intentions of leaving a mark that would no doubt leave a satisfied feeling in Shepard's stomach at seeing it, especially if _somehow_ the Illusive Man saw it as well.  
>Not that she would <em>let<em>him get that close to Miranda.

The pain is as sharp as a razor and as pleasurable as Shepard's hands rubbing circles up and over her belly button but it isn't enough and Miranda can't stand that it isn't enough, she feels as though she's been ready and waiting for ages and what made matters worse is that she had probably been ready to take Shepard (and to be taken by her) the exact moment Shepard had practically named a fish _after_her.

And that's just too long to want somebody so much. Too long and Miranda had been too stubborn to even think about being taken like this…

"Shepard for the love of…" Miranda whispered with an indignant shake of her head, raking her nails down creamy skin that formed red under the pressure of Miranda's fingers, said pressure causing Shepard to groan heatedly and stop her ministrations of licking at the space just beneath Miranda's breasts. "Don't you dare make me…"

Shepard grinned up at her, licking her lips with a look of mischief in her cerulean hues. "Make you what, Lawson?"

Miranda bucked upwards in response, making Shepard laugh and move up to kiss her chastely on the lips with a winner's smile on her face.

"Alright then…" Shepard whispered with another kiss to Miranda's mouth, tugging at her lip as slowly as she could whilst sliding her hand over the smooth expanse of skin to settle in between her XO's legs.

Shepard does something obscene and wonderful under the tight leather of Miranda's suit, rocking their bodies together to such a slow, steady rhythm that it makes the Cerberus operative's thighs tremble in anticipation and for her already overheated body to stretch and curl into different forms to try and allow her body to become a shape when in reality Miranda feels _shapeless_underneath Shepard's fingers that slide, tease and curl deep inside.

Then Shepard dragged her body down, up and over the contours of Miranda's rising hips, until the moment her mouth joined the movement of her fingers with biting, kissing and licking whilst Miranda's insides interweaved and knitted together to form crisscrosses of warming sensations up and over the limbs of her body.

The feelings of pleasure and relief and pure satisfaction are enough to make Miranda turn her face to the side and moan out Shepard's name – her full name – for all the rest of the crew to hear because at this point she doesn't truly care if they can hear her and Shepard right now; as long as Shepard doesn't stop then she's perfectly fine with people sniggering at them later on because right now feeling Shepard's thighs tighten against her own at just hearing her name is more than a decent reward.

Miranda felt smug for a flicker of a moment, pleased with herself at knowing that Shepard reacted so strongly at her name being called out with an accent that is both familiar yet strange to the other woman's ears, pleased that Shepard can't help but mumble and groan in want once Miranda clenched around the sweating commander's fingers with her hips rocking upwards to a beat that is so very untouchable.

The Cerberus operative came with a breathless shout, fingers moving upwards to tighten into the droopy blonde spikes that sit on top of Shepard's head; pushing her commander further down whilst her rocking hips try to fight and soothe the waves of pleasure that her orgasm had brought her.

Soon enough Miranda's legs remember that they can move and so they fall limply to hang off the edge of her bed, numb with a tingling sensation that only worsened when Shepard moved away from her in between Miranda's legs to hover over Miranda's body with their noses touching.

Miranda surged upwards to lick her way into Shepard's mouth once more, mewling softly (a description she would never have really fitted with herself) at the taste of Shepard's mouth – _the taste of herself_– and the way it swallowed each and every groan that shuddered through Miranda's lips.

Her hands had been working on unbuckling the metal of Shepard's belt however soon enough the commander stopped her, drawing away to give Miranda another smile that is hesitant in a way that made Miranda's heart skip a beat in frustration rather than pleasantness.

"I…" Shepard started with her eyes determined to stay looking into Miranda's own, refusing to gaze anywhere else. "You sure you want to do this with me? If you want to walk away then it's…"

_Oh really_, Miranda thought with a snort, _could she be any more ridiculous and dramatic?  
><em>  
>Miranda's answer is to kiss Shepard senseless and unbuckle the N7 belt faster than lightning, rubbing at the blonde's clit through the fabric of her pants until Shepard's head thudded against her shoulder and the groan that broke through the commander's lips is almost animalistic.<p>

"Love you, love you…" Shepard muttered through grounded teeth, hands curling fiercely on the very bone of Miranda's shoulders to keep her upright enough that her rocking hips don't overbalance them completely. "God _damn_it I love you…"

Miranda risked a glance up into her superior's eyes for a moment, a flicker, a second of her life…She hesitated. And then answered.  
>"You are going to be the very death of me you fool." Miranda watched quietly as Shepard's hips increase in tempo the very same time Miranda's heart increases in speed. It is the silence is golden game. And Miranda usually wins.<p>

Today she'll let herself lose, just once.

"I love you too. Now really, shut up."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Preview for next chapter;<strong>_

_Miranda watched the shaking body on the operating table of the med-bay, lips curled in disgust as the grey eyes moved towards her; regarding her with a look that is predatory and smug all at the same time._

_"I wouldn't be smiling if I were you Kai," she told him with a cynical click of her tongue that didn't do anything but make the assassin smile bitterly. "The Illusive Man won't be pleased at hearing you almost sabotaging this mission in a matter of minutes."  
><em>


	17. Finishing Touches

**Chapter 17: Finishing Touches**

* * *

><p><strong>M<strong>iranda watched the shaking body on the operating table of the med-bay, lips curled in disgust as the grey eyes moved towards her; regarding her with a look that is predatory and smug all at the same time.

"I wouldn't be smiling if I were you Kai," she told him with a cynical click of her tongue that didn't do anything but make the assassin smile bitterly. "The Illusive Man won't be pleased at hearing you almost sabotaging this mission in a matter of minutes."

Kai Leng didn't answer for a while, content with tapping out a beat against the table of his hospital bed. Miranda assumed it was more than likely a way to try and give himself comfort now that he was hospitalized in the med-bay.

"What hurts the most Kai?" Miranda continued with a sharp, if somewhat ruthless tone to her voice that filtered through the air to accompany the sound of her feet stepping towards the bed. "That you got defeated by Shepard at close combat? Or that you were almost beaten to death in front of the very beings you hate?"

It takes a long time for him to reply, but when he does it's everything Miranda expected and despised all at the same time.

"You've changed since the last time we spoke Miranda," he whispered with a voice that is still strong and fierce, as though despite the quietness Kai still wished his voice to be recognizable and drive fear through everyone's hearts. "Still not willing to accept my deal? The Illusive Man had been hopeful you would say yes you know."

_Frankly_, and whilst her own thoughts surprised Miranda she found out rather quickly they did not repulse her, _the Illusive Man can go to hell if he thinks I'm taking orders from this racist bastard.  
><em>_  
><em>"I'm actually shocked he sent you – of all people – to come observe Shepard and her ship full of aliens," Miranda replied and this time she's amused, she can't actually believe the Illusive Man to be so ridiculous but she supposed there had to be times when she truly _wa__s_ shocked. "Honestly, did he expect you to behave yourself? You're a real disappointment Leng."

Kai Leng smiled weakly up at her then and raised his fist up to knock weakly at her arm, making it sway uselessly, like he was praising her for outsmarting him or pointing out the obvious; a ridiculous usage of sarcasm and another thing that Miranda found herself not being able to stand whilst in his presence.

She slammed his fist down the moment the assassin tried to touch her again, fingers curling tightly against his fist with a fierceness that she had gained through years and years of being trained, taught and even being the teacher at Cerberus bases and camps.

"So tell me what the plan was Kai," Miranda demanded with a growl, tightening her grip on his fist when it looked like he was about to refuse her. "Turn the crew against Shepard? Wait until the Suicide Mission was over and then dispose of the crew that would hold Shepard back?"

Kai couldn't hold back this time and laughed out loud, shaking his head at the complete ridiculousness of it all. "Still so stupid after all this time, I thought you would have maybe understood after a few years but it seems that you're still the little teenage girl who ran away from her daddy because you couldn't stand being on a leash."

Miranda withheld a retort that would have showed how much the comment that Leng had uttered had hurt her and instead took a step closer to the hospital bed, leaning over with her hands pressed against either side of Kai's head; refusing to stare anywhere else but in the deep grey eyes of a man who's life held tipped in the balance of her hands.

"And here you are," Leng continued with another malicious streak in his tone and eyes, silencing Miranda's efforts with just a mere sweep of his tongue. "Still on the leash, but who's wielding it this time Miranda? Shepard? The Illusive Man?"

It took everything within herself but she restrained herself from strangling the man's scrawny neck and instead bowed her head lower (palms supporting herself) until her breath caused the assassin to move his face away from her, giving her an opening to whisper into his ear in the same way he had whispered in hers many years ago when they had took _that_ assignment together.

"I'll give you a warning Kai, just one." Miranda started with her cold, blue eyes analysing every possible movement and motion that Kai's face and body could make in a matter of seconds. "You interfere with this mission again then I'll personally break every bone in your body and if I have to die just to have that satisfaction, _then so be it_."

Kai's head jerked back then, surprising her enough that Miranda took a step backwards to get away from the wild look in his grey eyes and causing a biotic pulse to flit away from her fist to connect with his hospital bed; making it shake and jitter with a speed that made the assassin's laugh come out high-pitched.

Miranda used this to her advantage and turned to pick up the serum that Chakwas had collected from Leng's blood system and mixed with a few other sardonic ingredients before she inserted into the vial next to her on the medical table, making sure to shake said vial before slotting it into the solid container that would connect to the needle that would pierce Leng's skin.

She's been up a few hours since she and Shepard had both fallen asleep and in that free time she made sure that she would make sure Leng would stay down long enough that she could be able to form something that would keep the assassin down, because despite his face being utterly smashed in it doesn't mean he isn't strong (or willing) enough to get his revenge soon after.

And soon after Leng was gone then she would contact the Illusive Man as this had gone on long enough, and yes it hurt her to say it but Kasumi had been right about one thing; she had been blindly catering this man for most of her life without herself even knowing she had been doing so, using the excuse of 'knowing where she fit in the world' to fight back against the argument that she was nothing merely but a tool for Cerberus and her father to use.

Finding out that she had been everything but her own person suddenly made everything seem a lot more personal as a whole.

Miranda Lawson did not do personal that well, sometimes it was hard to look at Commander Song Shepard without feeling like she wanted to put a brick wall in between them and that most certainly wasn't healthy at all.

"You know one thing about you that I've always liked Miranda?" Kai's voice called out to her once more, but more louder and clearer as though the assassin had somehow managed to claw his way off the medical table; which was no matter because either way Miranda was prepared for anything the so-called Observer had to throw at her.

"What's that?" Miranda can't help but be curious, it's part of her nature when it comes to Kai Leng and whilst it is a damned if you do and damned if you don't sort of situation she still can't even begin to sate such nosiness.

A breath near her right ear and the needle in Miranda's hand can't feel any more needed than it does now, so when something brushed against up her elbow Miranda can't help but spin round and lunge her arm forwards to plunge into Leng's suit.

That was what _would_ have been the plan anyhow if Leng hadn't seen through her movements entirely and hadn't stopped her oncoming wrist with a grip as tight as steel, holding her into place with a strength that Miranda couldn't budge even using biotics.

Not that would stop her and with a grunt she brought her knee up to connect with his most prized possessions, causing him to groan and for his grip on her wrist to lessen enough that she took the advantage of sweeping his feet from under him to land flat on his face.

"You know the one thing about you that I've always liked Kai?" Miranda repeated Leng's own words back to him with a sadistic streak in both her tone and movements, bending down to press her knee into the very hollow of his back and giving her enough room to brush her lips against the very tip of his ear. "How your ego gets you into the most difficult of situations."

He chuckled sourly underneath her, words muffled due to his face being pressed against cold steel. "You truly are the perfect woman aren't you?"

Miranda chuckled coldly in reply, digging her knee deeper into his back before plunging the tip of the needle into his exposed arm to allow the liquid to seep into his blood system; tainting him with enough of the serum that soon enough Kai wouldn't be able to keep his eyes open never mind his too-big-for-his-own-good mouth.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Kai," she reminded him with another fierce dig into his back before Miranda slowly got up with her ice blue eyes trained on him. "Now that you've finally been given the sedative I can get you off this ship as soon as possible."

Miranda tried not to take much notice of Leng whilst she told EDI to fetch Chakwas back up from engineering but it was becoming harder not to become worried considering the resistance the Cerberus assassin had when it came to things such as sedatives; and she should know, she and the Illusive Man had placed him through various of tests using said sedatives and not all of them seemed to work.

"What will the Illusive Man say? Does he even know you're sharing a bed with her?" Kai called out to her once again although this time his voice had become drowsy and slurred which was good, it told Miranda that shockingly enough the sedatives did seem to be working. "From what I've heard he isn't pleased that you're even becoming this close to her, so fucking her isn't going to make him the least bit happy I'm sure. Unless you're just using her."

Miranda couldn't help but snort at the nonsense of that statement, stepping over Leng's slumped body to sit in a chair at the far end of the med-bay so she could make sure Leng wouldn't attempt to escape again.

"Why I would almost say you're jealous Kai," Miranda teased with her tongue dripping acid that is both sulphuric and sardonic, burning and hissing with an undertone of anger the Cerberus operative is quite sure confuses Kai greatly. "It has been quite a while for you hasn't it? All that _running_ around Cerberus has you doing…"

It didn't take a genius to figure out that what Miranda was doing was as a matter of fact a method she used to try and buy herself some time for Chakwas to arrive and hopefully someone like Garrus that would be able to 'escort' Leng off the ship. Leng knew that and because of this knowledge it was slowly costing her.

It was then that the door to the med-bay flew open, unknowingly causing Miranda's eyes to flicker upwards in some sense of conjoined union to see that it was Kasumi Goto and Tali (who were as thick as thieves, just like Miranda had analysed the moment the two had met) with medical gear in their hands.

"Hey Miranda," Kasumi started with a cheerful smile that had a strange edge to it that made Miranda shudder at the somewhat hostile feel that had managed to seep into the air despite the happiness of the master thief's smile. "Do you know where Chakwas is cause…_Oh?_"

Tali noticed the juddering lump on the floor too with a gasp, moving backwards and bringing her pistol up to aim at Kai Leng's body; a reaction Miranda had expected and flicked away with a swish of her biotic power – discarding Tali's pistol to the ground.

"Don't shoot him Tali'Zorah," Miranda commanded coldly despite the use of the quarian's 'real' name, a little shed of kindness that she needn't have given out but did so anyhow. "He may be the most painful specimen I've ever had to encounter but for the sake of Cerberus stand down, he truly isn't worth the trouble we would both get in."

The quarian hesitated for a brief second but soon enough lowered her weapon. "Fine I won't shoot the bosh'tet, I'll go find Garrus and Jack so we can go escort him off the ship like Shepard wanted us to."

Miranda nodded at Tali's turned back, crossing a leg over the other whilst keeping her eyes fixed onto the now still body of Kai Leng; not willing to take the chance that maybe he would take the chance and pounce on them all when they least expected it because this was Kai Leng for crying out loud and that sort of thing was what he did.

It isn't lost in her that Kasumi Goto is still here and for some strange reason Miranda didn't really know what to say apart from a few things that could be taken out of context and would cause the rift between them (not that Miranda wished the rift to close) would be ripped wider than it already was.

So it surprised Miranda slightly to find out that she actually spoke first; words that aren't necessarily bitter or hurtful, but calm and serene and shockingly (though she would never, ever admit it) concerned.

"I think you should speak to someone Kasumi, you look miserable," Miranda can hear herself saying with a tongue that doesn't and does sound like her in ways she can't even begin to comprehend or shape into thoughts so it felt as though her whole body was having a tug-of-war match with her vocal-cords. "I'm sure Shepard will be up sooner or later, and then you can stop bothering me."

Miranda watched silently at the response of the master thief with carefully narrowed eyes, resting her chin on her knuckles to give the anonymous thief a look that is torn between a glare and indifference to the whole situation.

Instead of looking even the tiniest bit angry – Miranda had expected her to be, what was happening to her? When did her gaze become so…human? – Kasumi actually looked pleased, gracing Miranda with a smile as the thief moved towards Chakwas's desk and sat at the very edge of it.

The thief is still giggling even when Miranda continued to stare at her with the intensity of the predator eyeing up its prey (_although Kasumi knew very well that Miranda had other people to sink her teeth into_) and had not yet decided whether Kasumi – or her problems – were worth pursuing or not.

Kasumi smiled wickedly at her with her fingers coming up to tap at the hollow of her cheeks, "so Miranda Lawson, it looks like you've finally got that hump off your back and finally sticking up for what's right!"

Miranda resisted the urge to pout out her lower lip in resentment. "That's not exactly how I would put it."

"Yeah we all know where _you've_ been putting it," Kasumi whispered with a sultry tone that made Miranda shudder in what she hoped was rage instead of the fear at the thought of being slightly intimidated by Kasumi's wild knowledge around the Normandy. "But in all seriousness, congratulations! Now maybe I can stop saying you're the Catwoman to Shepard's Batman – you know, the dating Catwoman thing…"

Miranda scoffed with a roll of her eyes, what a surprise at finding out that when you thought someone like Kasumi was actually going to be serious with you it turned out they were there to question your sex life or even worse, make fun of it.

Batman? _Huh.  
><em>_  
><em>"Let me set things straight," Miranda muttered more to herself than the now silent thief that stared down at her from the her perch on Chakwas's desk. "One, what I do in my bedroom is no business of yours…"

"Right…" Kasumi interrupted with a hesitant nod of her head, a subtle signal that told the Cerberus XO she most likely wouldn't be listening to whatever she had to say.

Miranda held up a second finger with her eyes still trained on the slumped body of the Cerberus assassin, because while she was making a point she still needed to keep an eye on Kai and look damn classy while doing so.

"Two, whilst I wear latex – protective latex may I add – that is indeed black and is very similar to Catwoman's – not that I would know – this does not mean I am Catwoman or will ever be Catwoman."

"But…" Kasumi tried to put her point across and failed rather remarkably when Miranda held up third (almost resilient) finger to silence the thief.

"And three you and I both know that Shepard is hardly Batman," Miranda can't really believe herself either but yes; she was joking and with Kasumi Goto (of all people) and it felt…Exhilarating. "If anything she's the Robin to Garrus's Batman or if you want to be kind then…"

Kasumi finally managed to interrupt Miranda with a high-pitched laugh, drawing Miranda's gaze towards her and making her tilt her head slightly in curiosity.

Generally Kasumi seemed fine with just pointing and laughing at her. "Wow! You told a joke! You told an actual joke with no disdain towards me whatsoever…"

Miranda gave the master thief a glimmer of an amused smile before settling her features into a scowl, rearranging herself on her seat and waving Kasumi away from the med-bay with her hand. "You win every once in a while, now go on and find someone else to bother; or go wake Shepard up, or do anything that doesn't concern me."

It brought little relief to see Kasumi get up from the desk but it still settled something within Miranda and with a tug at her lower lip the Cerberus XO fiddled with the skin on her fingers, pulling at it earnestly in an attempt to keep her eyes focused purely on the Cerberus assassin.

"You know something Miss Lawson," Kasumi started with a whisper that Miranda assumed was supposed to sound poignant and if so then well, maybe Miranda's heart was too cold to understand such things. "I'm glad Shepard picked you, you make her so happy and for that I think I _may_ love you a little."

Miranda didn't know how to answer that but from the laugh that spilled from Kasumi's lips straight after it seemed fair to say that she was allowed to be a little peeved (and a little touched) at the thief's words.

"Get out of here Goto!" Miranda growled with a roll of her eyes, throwing the datapad next to her with her biotics and grumbling to herself when it clashed against the closing doors of the med-bay. "Stupid pest of a thief…"

* * *

><p><strong>S<strong>hepard stared out of the observation deck with her chin resting firmly on the reliable balance of her knuckles, watching the Normandy pull away from the station they had dropped the infamous Kai Leng off.

She had woken up hours ago but had been too busy trying to form thoughts around the confusion of why Kai Leng, a well-known Cerberus assassin from what reports told her, had been posted here on the Normandy (a ship full to the brim of aliens) and had expected to behave himself?

Because now parts were being brought together; parts that she as the Commander of this ship had not considered until now.

Garrus's broken mandible? Kai Leng's work. Miranda's broken shower? Kai Leng's work. Mordin catching what he had called 'equivalent of a human cold' and making any alien medical check-ups near impossible for a week? Kai Leng's work.

But why had the Illusive Man knowingly sent an xenophobic douche of a guy without thinking that 'hey, maybe he'll try and kill everyone' or 'hey maybe we should send this guy later because I'm sure Shepard won't really appreciate another Cerberus lackey at her side'. Though perhaps it wasn't that simple.

But why? Why didn't it make any sense? It made her teeth ground together at the thought that she was being played like a well-tuned violin and she had to dance to the Illusive Man's steps even when the bastard wasn't directly in front of her.

So it was fair to say that when the door opened on the observation deck she couldn't help but grumble to herself at the interruption to her thoughts at a time like this.

"What is it?" Shepard shot over her shoulder with her eyes widening (almost comically) at seeing that none other than Kasumi Goto was walking towards her with an endearing – if somewhat annoying – spring in her step.

However the thief stopped at seeing Shepard's expression and held up her hands in a mockingly defensive posture, cracking a nervous grin that caused Shepard to chuckle softly before returning her gaze back onto the stars.

A brief touch on her shoulder made her shudder along with the voice that followed. "Well if you wanted me to be serious Shep then all you had to do was leave a sign up on the door."

A smile touched Shepard's lips briefly. "And what would have you wanted it to say?"

Kasumi Goto nudged her hip with her own, dark eyes looking up and down Shepard's now scar-ridden face with her hands playing briefly on the ties of red velvet strands that tied her suit together.

"Well maybe a 'please-don't-disturb-me-whilst-I-think-thoughts-that-are-either-sex-related-or-really-serious-stuff would have been handy," Kasumi teased with a little bob of her tongue, drawing another chuckle from the blonde-haired commander. "But hey come on, what's bothering you?"

Shepard didn't know how to answer that; what wasn't bothering her lately? The only thing that had been a distraction these past through days was Miranda and now her absence seemed to leave Shepard with nothing else to do or process without worrying – hell she was even worrying about Zaeed.

And then that discussion she had had with Tali about Kai Leng and Miranda, maybe it was stupid to think so but Tali had unintentionally placed thoughts in Shepard's head that maybe Miranda had also been on the whole Kai Leng thing and hadn't yet come clean to knowing it was Kai Leng all along.

At that thought Shepard growled and brought a hand up to tug at her blonde spikes, Christ what had happened to _trust_ all of a sudden?

"You don't think that…" Shepard started with a yell that surprised both herself and Kasumi into jumping a little, however soon she finished her sentence off with a quiet little whisper that made her inwardly roll her eyes at how weak she sounded. "Miranda knew about Leng do you? Knew that it was him coming to observe me?"

Kasumi looked at her with disbelief in her wild, brown eyes, looking as though Shepard's sentence had mortally offended her so much that the blonde had actually managed to cause the master thief to be speechless.

"Shepard are you seriously telling me you think Miranda knew Kai Leng was coming to observe us?" Kasumi said with another high chortle of incredulity that made Shepard wince at how silly her accusation sounded when Kasumi voiced it. "I'm not sure you've realised but Miranda wouldn't do that to you, hell she's pretty pissed with Mr Illusive at why he even felt bringing Kai Leng on the Normandy was a good idea!"

Shepard had to remind herself to breathe as the image of Miranda actually yelling at the Illusive Man filled her mind and god damn, _it was fucking perfect_. She would need to have these sort of images more often.

"So yeah get those stupid thoughts out of your head alright?" Kasumi told her with an arm coming up to sling around Shepard's shoulder, pulling her down into a one-armed hug that ended up with Kasumi's knuckles being embedded deep into her scalp. "Now cheer up before I make my cousin Rani's ramen and force-feed you it!"

Shepard cringed at the memory of Kasumi force-feeding said ramen last time, it was a memory that not even brain-bleach could remove easily and so it went without saying that she would really appreciate not trying that certain ramen ever, _ever_ again.

"Alright I've cheered up already!" Shepard sniggered with a gentle push at the master thief's arms, turning round to place the palm of her hands on the curve of Kasumi's shoulders. "Now go on, ask me all the dirty questions you're dying to ask and don't pretend you didn't come for that, it's _you_ Kasumi."

"Now that's cold, I don't hang around with you just to hear about the dirty gossip!" Kasumi laughed with her hand coming up to rub at the back of Shepard's neck. "But if you really wouldn't mind sharing all the dirty little secrets…"

Shepard arched an amused brow at the thief with her hand coming up to rub at her chin as she turned her attention back onto the star-lit galaxy, and what a beautiful sight it was, a sight Shepard wouldn't mind seeing each and every day.

This galaxy was one of the biggest things that tied Shepard to breathing and living every single day of her life, so to imagine a life with this galaxy being threatened by monstrous things such as Reapers didn't quite fit into the equation Shepard had built up.

"Life's too short Kasumi," Shepard interrupted Kasumi in mid-speech, cerulean hues flickering up and over the thief's concealed face. "You've got to take risks and see where it gets you sometimes. I took one when I opened up to Miranda considering her alliance with Cerberus but y'know I don't regret it? Even if she had known that operative to be Kai Leng I wouldn't have cared either way."

"You sure about that?" Kasumi couldn't help but ask with another click of her tongue. "It seemed like you were a bit suspicious before."

Shepard granted her a breathless chuckle, wiping a palm over her face in exasperation. "Okay so maybe I would have cared a little, but my point is that I don't regret anything that's happened between me and Miranda, that's all I'm saying."

Kasumi didn't answer for a while and for a moment Shepard thought she had said something wrong until the master thief laughed quietly and nudged her in the ribs.  
>Shepard smiled in confusion before nudging the thief back, not quite sure what had caused her friend to become so quiet and not truly understand why all of a sudden it felt as though her heart was becoming and more constricted even when she wasn't surrounded.<p>

"Song." Shepard's head snapped to attention at the usage of her name, a name that was only used by Miranda and the old Normandy crew; it felt strange hearing it from Kasumi. It also meant that whatever the thief was going to say would either pleasantly surprise her or shock her.

"I love you," Kasumi whispered so quickly that her proclamation became a jumbled mess which was really pathetic if she was being honest because it didn't mean anything and it was not as though loving Shepard was something to be ashamed of and yet she couldn't bring herself to look up and see her Commander's reaction.

Even when she felt Shepard pull her into a hug she didn't look up, it didn't take a genius that whatever Shepard was going to say would leave Kasumi feeling terrible without the intention of doing so.

"I love you too my favourite master thief," Shepard murmured quietly into the thief's ear, pecking the lobe gently and pulling away from Kasumi by the shoulders with a grin on her face. "It's always been you, me and Miranda hasn't it? I mean I started this mission with you two and I'm going to end it with you two at my side too. So I suppose it's easy to say that I love you and Miranda, very much."

And of course Kasumi had expected that, but it still didn't make rejection sting any less despite it not even truly being a rejection in the first place when Shepard thought it was just her being, well, _her_.

Shepard shocked her from out of her thoughts by poking her timidly on the nose with a smile that was so care free and happy that in moments Kasumi found herself smiling back.

"Now don't tell the rest of the crew that or they might get jealous, though they really shouldn't because I love them all too but…" Shepard cut herself off suddenly, giving Kasumi a serious look that didn't seem to fit the happy glint in the blonde's eyes. "If I had to fight against the whole galaxy with just two people by my side; I'd definitely pick you and Miranda."

Kasumi let out a sigh, pushing her feelings away once again to stare at the blonde commander with a smile. "You're such a romantic Shep, a little Romeo gone wrong."

"By wrong do you mean I don't have a penis?"

"Uh, yeah we'll go with that for now."

The master thief found it almost ridiculous how she didn't care that much if she was in the friend-zone anymore, as long as Shepard there right beside her.

* * *

><p><strong>"Now<strong> that you've answered my call Miranda, maybe you could explain to me why I need to use cybernetics to help my operative's skin grow back?"

Miranda Lawson withheld a sarcastic reply that had been creeping up on her lips and instead coughed once, looking up to stare defiantly into the eyes of whom she once saw as the leader that Cerberus needed.

Now she didn't know what to feel apart from disappointment.

"Shepard attacked him," Miranda explained simply with a curt nod of her head, refusing to stare anywhere else but in the holographic eyes of the Illusive Man. "He engaged me in a quick scuffle that Shepard took particular offense to and so she…"

The Illusive Man cut through her sentence with a flick of his hand. "And you let this happen? You let this rabble engage my top operative and then you yourself injected him with a substance that knocked him out cold without tending to his injuries? Miranda what do you think you're doing?"

Miranda found herself in the most unpleasant position of not knowing herself what she was doing despite how her body and mind seemed to protest at that logic, it seemed obvious that what she was doing was helping Shepard no matter the cost and because of that it seemed to just make her graces with the Illusive Man go further and further down the shit hole.

"I'm doing what I feel is right for this mission," she started off as gracefully as she could and restrained herself from showing any other emotion on her face apart from her serious look in case the Illusive Man could use one flicker of emotion as a weakness and tear her apart bit-by-bit. "However I feel that you placing Kai Leng on the SR2 Normandy was one of the decisions that could have easily been avoided if you were to look at his record when it comes to his xenophobic tendencies. Frankly I'm shocked you sent him on vessel where half the crew are aliens."

And then it was Miranda's turn to see the flicker of anger and indignity that spread across the tycoon's face at her pointing out the flaw in his most likely well-thought plan, to see his expression change so rapidly brought a strange warmth in the bottom of Miranda's stomach that she found hard to clench down.

"I didn't think I'd have to remind you Miranda at how close you are for tilting off your pedestal," the Illusive Man whispered in a tone that Miranda could only take as threatening which honestly she found quite ridiculous when she took into consideration how far he had been the one to push her off said pedestal. "It seems to me that allowing you to work with Shepard was one of the worst mistakes I ever allowed happen."

With that Miranda found her tight-coiled control slowly to unravel. "Allow to happen? With all due respect if it wasn't for me and Jacob then Wilson would have put a bullet in Shepard's head before she even woke up!"

"You and Jacob have abandoned Cerberus's way of thinking and have instead fell into line with Shepard's!" The Illusive Man shot back at her, eyes flaring with a ferocity that would have made Miranda's knees shudder if it wasn't for the fact that he was just a mere holographic image. "Leng was there to observe Shepard and I gave you explicit orders to make sure he did his job!"

"You also gave me explicit orders to not put a control ship in Shepard's brain!" Miranda retorted with a snap of her lips that caused the Illusive Man's lips to pull back into a sneer. "And maybe if you had listened to me then you wouldn't be stuck with the problem you have on your hands now! You say Shepard's too rebellious but I feel as though without that inside of her we wouldn't be where we are now!"

It looked as though the Illusive Man had been close to saying something but rethought it when someone (someone Miranda couldn't recognize from the stance of this new individual) leaned in to whisper something in his ears, and when he withdrew it shook Miranda to the core to see a repressed (if somewhat arrogant) smile on the tycoon's face.

The Illusive Man got up from his seat with that smirk still on his face, reaching downwards to pick up a cigarette from his ash tray to inhale and then exhale the smoke; a sight that caused Miranda to freeze as she watched him with her lungs feeling as though they had been stomped on.

He continued to pace for what felt like hours and hours until he finally stopped, gave Miranda another smile and sat back down in his seat with his left leg curved over the top of his right; the pose of a predator eyeing up its prey – something that Miranda had promised herself to never become.

The tycoon smacked his lips together dryly, breaking the silence. "How long has it been since you and Shepard last talked Miranda?"

At that question alone Miranda found herself becoming cautious on the Cerberus leader's motives behind such questions, almost as if with that question alone he would take her answer and manipulate it into something that was horrific and would make Miranda's thoughts and feelings a living hell.

Still, she decided to answer him. "A few hours ago when I was finishing off reports before I received your call, _why?_"

"What did you talk about?" He continued to press with the tips of his fingers pointed together; looking at her through a hard, steely gaze that made Miranda's back stiffen and for her mind to race at the obvious possibilities was no doubt going through his head.

_Lie to him_, was Miranda's first thought and surprisingly it was the answer she went with which could either be considered disastrous considering she had been trained to _train_ her instincts and not fall into traps of words like the Illusive Man was no doubt setting up for her right this moment.

"We talked about what happened between herself and Leng," Miranda answered with her arms coming over to fold across her chest, and to be honest it wasn't actually a lie either; they had talked about Leng but it had mostly been ridiculous assumptions on Shepard's part that Leng was either her ex-boyfriend (a term she detested) or her brother. "And then on whom Leng was, that was pretty much it."

And still that smile was on his face, taunting Miranda and twisting her with his silence in an attempt to make Miranda break, to make her spill every single thing she kept hidden away from him; all in the name of knowledge, power and reputation.

The elusive tycoon lifted his cigarette to his lips, exhaling slowly before once more speaking. "I assume you feel that lying to me about Shepard sharing your bed is a clever thing to do Miranda? Fortunately I don't care why you share her bed, if it was for information, to get her on our side…"

Miranda snorted in indignation, twisting her head to the side with her features curled up into an expression of disgust.

"But it would be foolish of me to think that your fraternization with the Commander hasn't changed your views somewhat," The Illusive Man continued, putting out his cigarette butt with a quick dig into his ash-tray. "Let me remind you once: we have protected both you and your sister for many years – do _not_ let the Commander compromise your position."

Oh the blackmail game; Miranda was fond of this one even if her heart did skip a beat at the threat and warning that was used against Oriana. It was a game Miranda had been used to being played against and with.

Today she wasn't in the mood and so with a growl she cut him off, slamming her free hand into the table next to her to leave a dent into the metal.

"This is bullshit." Was the only thing that could leave her mouth without feeling as though someone had just made her eat liver. "How fucking dare he try and blackmail me with Oriana? How dare he?"

A loud slurp behind her made Miranda jolt in shock, causing her to spin around on the very heels of her feet to see that none other than Shepard was staring at her with a pot of ramen in one hand and chopsticks in the other.

And Miranda knew it was bizarre and wrong but just looking at Shepard like this, all tranquil and wide-eyed with concern is both lovely and horrible at the same time; a cure and a curse.

The silence between them both isn't uncomfortable despite the anger that still flitters wildly in Miranda's stomach, yet now that she can see Shepard staring at her it felt as though something had calmed deep within the XO's body and Miranda herself didn't know what it was.

"I won't let him touch you or Oriana," Shepard said with her face set into a serious look of determination, a look that somehow made Miranda's heart flutter in this strange emotion known as love. "I know you don't like promises that you maybe can't keep or heroes but I mean it; I won't let him do that to you."

Miranda sighed – though she isn't sure if she's sighing at the affection for Shepard or the situation itself – and made her way over towards the blonde-haired commander, hands moving upwards for one to fasten around the pot of ramen and the other around the chopsticks.

"I'm fine," Miranda lied as best as she could or perhaps it was a half lie? Shepard made her feel more than fine, but the threat that is on the horizon also did well in dampening her spirits. "I'm sick of talking to him myself so I cut him off, I'll worry about him after the Collectors are destroyed. For now I'm remaining focused as best as I can."

Shepard nodded briefly, taking Miranda's answer (and lie) with as much acceptance as Miranda had expected from the blonde commander however it still didn't stop Song from attempting to cheer her up and with a smile the fool (_an affectionate name for the Commander from Miranda_) wrapped her arms as best as she could around her XO's waist – making sure not to spill any ramen on her latex uniform – and pulled Miranda into a kiss.

The kiss is everything Miranda hadn't expected, soft, gentle and almost ridiculously slow in comparison to before where everything had been so fast that Miranda could hardly think straight; and what scared Miranda most was how this little touch of warmth could make everything seem alright for at least a matter of seconds.

"You taste of cherries," Miranda muttered briefly against Shepard's mouth, pulling away from the blonde with a devilish smile inking its way onto her face. "And a slight tang of apples."

"I may be a little drunk." Shepard informed her with a giggle that was closely accompanied by a hiccup.

Miranda attempted to act surprised, failed and pulled the woman in for another kiss once again.

* * *

><p><em>Because I'm getting to the point where revision will soon take over I'm going to try and complete this story before ME3 which I think is a fair point to end it.<em>

_So the last chapter will be after this: Hope you've enjoyed the ride! ;D_


	18. Goodbye and Go

**Chapter 18: Goodbye and Go**

* * *

><p><strong>M<strong>iranda watched the galaxy fly past her from her bed, eyes catching on the silver sparkles of stars and the red fire of burning suns that the Normandy quickly swooped and dived under like a sprinter evading the obstacles in their path.

The sight is something that Miranda didn't really take much notice of until now; now that the Normandy ran silently with no crew aboard apart from Shepard's team of undesirables and unmentionables – a fine time to examine and wonder about the curiosity that the galaxy was.

Apart from that it wasn't a fine time, it never had been a fine time and it never would be, for now Miranda could feel herself become edgy and soon enough the silence of the Normandy caused her to sight in frustration and swing her legs over her bed; getting up from where she had sat before to make her way out of her office.

What shocked her the most was how despite the need to go find Shepard (to say something, do something, confess something) Miranda instead found herself heading for Kasumi's room with her head held high and her heels clicking against the steel floor of the Normandy with an aura that practically yelled 'woman on a mission' to anyone who passed her.

It was strange but Miranda felt as though right now all she needed was to talk to the master thief who had become increasingly on edge around herself and Shepard, even going as far as ignoring them both until Kasumi managed to catch one of them alone; which in itself was strange because Kasumi had never used to care if Miranda was with Shepard or vice versa.

That didn't mean Miranda was an idiot of course, she pretty much knew why Kasumi was avoiding them both at the same time and whilst she tried not to let her emotions overcome her it didn't feel right to be heading to the Omega 4 Relay without letting the master thief get rid of some of the stuff on her chest that she no doubt wanted to air out into the open.

"Kasumi I'm coming in whether you like it or not," Miranda informed the thief briskly, nodding once in thanks for EDI granting her entry and stepping inside to see that the thief was reading a book whilst sipping at a cup of lemonade. "We need to talk about something."

Kasumi spared a glance up at her for a split second before she returned to her book, only answering when Miranda took another step forward. "Well this is a first, the last time I spoke to you was a week ago when you had Shepard's tongue down your throat. Nice trick of the tongue by the way."

Miranda refused to flush in embarrassment so she cleared her throat instead, smiling tightly at the slight chuckle that escaped from Kasumi's lips.

"I know we don't talk much or very well with one another but…" Miranda started with what she hoped was the most non-antagonist tone to ever exist however was cut off with Kasumi's own speech overlapping her own.

"You never talk or talk well," Kasumi corrected with a bitterness to her tone that surprised Miranda immensely considering it was from Kasumi who was forever polite even when Miranda knew she didn't deserve anything less than a slap in the face. "The only thing that you've done that's made me happy is tell the Illusive Man to up his and hook up with Shep."

Miranda withheld her tongue that was threatening to spit venom at the unrespecting thief yet chose the other option of folding her arms across her chest, using it as leverage to stop herself from lashing out in such a way that it would make an even bigger rift between herself and Kasumi Goto.

Was this jealousy? It seemed like it but Miranda wasn't quite sure now that she could just about see Kasumi's eyes narrow in concern at seeing the tense look that no doubt had been able to work its way onto the Cerberus's Operative's expression, though if it was not jealousy then what on Earth had made Kasumi go into such a sour mood?

Oh _for heaven's_ sake. Miranda was not cut out to be a therapist and this whole situation reeked of 'feelings' which whilst Miranda did possess these feelings, it didn't mean that it made it that much easier to speak about so for her to be in this room with Kasumi at this level of moodiness actually did nothing but make Miranda wish the ground would swallow her whole.

"We'll be at the Omega 4 Relay in a number of hours Kasumi," Miranda once again informed the thief, her own eyes narrowing in frustration as well as her teeth scraping viciously against the skin in the inside of her mouth. "So I'll ask you one more time, is there anything you want to talk about with me or Shepard?"

An almost unearthly silence passed them both for what felt like hours and even if it wasn't Miranda had made her mind up that the thief didn't want to talk and turned away to make her way up to Shepard's cabin on the first deck.

"Wait. I do want to say something to you!" Kasumi called out the Cerberus operative at the very last second, the yell causing Miranda to pause in mid-step and turn back around to see that the master thief was now up off her couch with her chin resting on the curve of her index finger and thumb. "Though it's not really something you can help with or anything it's just that…"

Kasumi paused for a moment, smiled secretly to herself before she practically skipped over to her desk and picked up the red rose that had always been there (_Shepard always seemed to find it amusing to taunt Miranda about it whenever they came upon the subject_) and presented it to the startled XO with a laugh that would have most likely been highly contagious if she wasn't named Miranda Lawson.

"Here give this to Shep," Kasumi instructed with a pat of Miranda's shoulder, smiling broadly in a fashion that told Miranda enough to know what whatever this rose meant was something Shepard too would be able to understand as well; which was why Kasumi was giving it to her in the first place. "I think she'll finally get it through her skull what it means, though if not then…"

The master thief looked indecisive for a moment with her fingers half-curled into the palms of her hands and for just a second Miranda had the slightest inkling that the thief was going to do something like…Hug her.

"You weren't going to…" Miranda whispered with her brow creased in confusion whilst her palm weighed the rose up and down in her hand. "Were you?"

Kasumi immediately caught onto what the Cerberus operative was saying and shook her head with a disgusted look on her face. "What? No! No, no of course not! Why would I even do that?"

"Never mind, is that all you wanted?" Miranda asked as she breathed a sigh of relief, tucking the rose into her casual clothes pockets that she had taken to wearing on the Normandy when others weren't around. "I've got things to do now so I don't want to be wasting up _all_ your time."

"No, no that's all I wanted to give you," Kasumi replied with a shrug, turning away to nestle back into the comfortable corner of her sofa. "That and I hope you're okay too, you don't seem that happy either."

Miranda inwardly stilled at the thief's words, her mind working in overtime in an attempt to figure out what Kasumi actually meant by that because by all means she wasn't exactly the happiest woman alive at the moment when taking into consideration that the crew had just been stolen by the Collectors but she wasn't a complete mess either.

Which was why she had to choose her next words quite carefully otherwise she'd risk falling into the black hole that was Kasumi's conversations. "I'm happy enough thank you, now I'll be leaving before you get it into your head that I'm depressed."

"Hah, don't think you'd ever be depressed with Shepard by your side, she's too cheery for anyone to be depressed," Kasumi murmured quietly whilst she dug her nose into her book once more. "I was just trying to be friendly that's all even though I know you don't really do '_friends'_, but that's okay because you're my…Second favourite person on the Normandy anyway."

For once in Kasumi's presence Miranda actually found herself speechless, unable to comprehend why she felt this way and only acknowledging the fact that maybe it was because of the thief's strange ability to shock her with things Miranda didn't even think possible; like the way she acted and the way she talked and in general how Kasumi viewed things that put Miranda on edge.

Refusing to acknowledge the master thief or her trivial nonsense any longer, Miranda once again turned back around to waltz out of the room with her feet taking her towards the elevator; the sound of her soles slapping the Normandy's floor at the same steady flow of her thoughts rushing through her head, a simple but serene image.

Sadly her thoughts were anything but serene, maybe it was because she couldn't see Kasumi's expression and that sometimes it was hard to detect what the thief was saying wasn't garbled nonsense but Kasumi made her uneasy in a way that made Miranda feel as though she was walking through a never-ending corridor with no escape.

The Illusive Man's threat ran through her head once more as she stepped into the elevator, leaning back on the rail as her finger pressed idly at the button that would take her to Shepard's cabin; it all seemed so strange that at the moment all she could feel was this righteous anger for a man who she had respected and trusted – _who she had loved_ – and see him become the very thing she despised.

Was that the curse of being in a friendship or relationship? Was that why Miranda had hidden herself away in this wall of frost from the rest of the Normandy? To grant herself peace on seeing people she loved the most becoming the very thing she despised? Was that why?

Feeling the whirring of the elevator machinery thrum through her head made Miranda feel as though she was suddenly skating on air, surprisingly clearing her thoughts enough that she found herself coming to the conclusion that this very thinking was outrageous.

Miranda still had Oriana, someone she loved and trusted and someone who she knew would never grow to be someone Miranda would have to turn against because it was just that simple – Oriana was her sister, the sister she had been protecting from the very beginning and she wasn't just going to let one incident with the Illusive Man taint her thoughts.

And of course she had Shepard, even if it wasn't forever then she had Shepard with her right now and that was all Miranda could ask from her blonde commander for she was neither insecure nor clingy; in fact she was the quite opposite and preferred Shepard to do her own thing whilst making sure the blonde knew whom she exactly belonged to.

Weirdly enough it also felt as though she somewhat had Kasumi too, which was ridiculous and preposterous considering Kasumi and her only talked when it was absolutely necessary, besides that one time when Kasumi had asked if she was alright after coming back from Illium and in return Miranda had closed up like a clam to try and escape.

Still this closeness was undeniable, so with that Miranda let out a reluctant sigh of admission and noted to herself that when this was all over she would have to make sure to stay in contact with the master thief; if not for communication then for using the little thief to track up on technical devices that could benefit Miranda greatly.

The ping of the elevator arriving at Shepard's cabin broke Miranda away from her thoughts, robbing her of thinking time and plunging her into the real time of the dire situation that was at hand; an arrival Miranda didn't quite know if she was ready for.

Miranda forced such feelings aside and allowed herself to breathe in deeply once before exhaling just as slowly, taking a step forward and another until Shepard's cabin's door opened up for her and she was greeted with the sight of the blonde Commander lighting a candle next to what looked like three different pictures.

She recognized all three of them, for that was what made Miranda stop in the first place to take in a deep breath and take another step forward until her knee bumped into the ridge of bone that was Shepard's shoulder, jolting the blonde woman from her ministrations and causing her to look up with a look of surprise on her face.

The surprise quickly changed into delight at seeing her and soon enough Miranda found herself face-to-face with Shepard, unable to tear herself away from the Commander's blue eyes even for a second despite the need for urgency that had suddenly managed to grasp Miranda by the throat.

"Hey," the soft greeting knocked Miranda back a little, startling her once again at how quickly Shepard's moods had changed; shock to delight and then delight to some sort of sadness – it was _bizarre_ and difficult to follow. "I didn't really expect you to be up here Lawson, what with everything to do and all."

Miranda didn't answer at first and instead knelt down on the cushions that Shepard had been resting on, leaning over to stare at the three pictures that sat on the desk table with an interest that was neither feigned nor imitated; Miranda was genuinely curious on why Shepard had chosen them.

"Are you holding a vigil?" Miranda asked quietly, reaching forwards to tilt the picture to an angle that she deemed decent before risking a glance over her shoulder to see that Shepard too had knelt down beside her with cerulean eyes that seemed to shimmer in the lights of Shepard's cabin.

Shepard allowed her fingertip to slither down Miranda's spine, sending a soothing sensation for half a second before the Cerberus XO was embraced with the warmth and security that was the blonde woman's arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder.

A gush of breath against Miranda's ear shouldn't made her feel limp in Shepard's arms, but it did so it felt almost impossible to stop her from slumping and for her lips to seek Shepard's own out until her lungs screamed in protest.

Shepard's arms tightened around her when Miranda pulled away. "Maybe I'm a sadist but I like to contemplate the people I've lost before going into battle, especially a battle like this one."

Miranda couldn't help it, she smiled and fastened her own arms over Shepard's own; returning the embrace with everything she could muster because if she was honest she would not allow herself to become this exposed and open with Shepard again – not until the Reapers were gone.

"I think you mean the word masochist Shepard," Miranda corrected with another brief laugh, leaning back on the blonde Commander for a moment to straighten out her legs from their kneeling position. "Sadist is the opposite…"

"I never was good with words," Shepard interrupted with a grunt, leaning back herself to press her own legs against Miranda's with steely eyes focused on the three images that sat in front of the two of them. "I guess that's why I feel closer to Kasumi and Ash, they've always been able to say things that I never could."

"It's hard to imagine you not being able to say what you mean," Miranda found herself teasing, glancing over her shoulder with a smirk that for some reason she couldn't keep off her face now that she was comfortable in Shepard's arms. "You seem pretty damned good at letting your mouth rip in the presence of the Illusive Man."

It took a while but finally Shepard's usual cocky grin wormed its way up onto the Commander's face, brightening it until Miranda had to look away in fear of catching that stupid sapless grin herself.

Miranda attempted to distract herself by brushing her fingers against the healing skin of Shepard's knuckles, making sure not to press down hard so that she wouldn't irritate the Commander's wounds and failing quite dramatically when Shepard let out a yelp that Miranda couldn't quite make out if it was sarcastic or not.

"You baby," she commented anyway, grasping at Shepard's hands fiercely as though if she let go for one moment then Shepard would be swept away by the oncoming force that was the Reaper invasion. "Chakwas said you'll heal up soon enough as long as you don't keep touching it."

"It would have been a lot worse if Leng had decided to do some serious damage against you," Shepard mumbled into Miranda's shoulder, nose trailing up the invisible path that was the Cerberus operative's neck. "I'm still worried about the Illusive Man sending him after you once this is all over…"

Miranda reluctantly let go of the Commander's hands then to trace the tips of her fingers over the thorns of the rose still in her casual clothes pockets, the question of _'should she?'_ causing her head to thrum with an unpleasant sound that felt as though metal was clanging right next to her ear.

She had promised. And Miranda did respect Kasumi enough she wouldn't just back away from such promises.

"Shepard I…" Miranda started with her hand coming away from the rose in her pocket.

However before anything else could happen the door to Shepard's cabin opened and revealed the very person Miranda had promised to give the rose to Shepard in the first place, a surprising turn of events even for Miranda and what made it even worse was that Kasumi was carrying a tray of what the Cerberus officer assumed to be…

She bit back a groan. Not _bloody_ ramen again.

"Kas!" Shepard yelled with such enthusiasm and the way she scrambled up to the master thief's attention just begged for Miranda to focus on the two of them again and taking into account that maybe, just maybe, Shepard would have been happier with Kasumi if she had known.

Kasumi met Miranda's eyes for a brief moment and that brief moment was one of the strongest gazes Miranda had ever witnessed; speaking to her without the usage of words and telling her clearly: _it__'__s okay._

"Hey Kasumi what's that? Eh, eh is it ramen? And lambrini? Kasumi you know how Lawson gets about alcohol!"

Miranda got up from where she sat, eyes refusing to stare at anything else but at the mesmerizing gaze of Kasumi Goto.

'_I'm not asking for your permission Goto.' _Miranda thought with her brow creased and her lip curled in disapproval. _'Get off your high horse.'_

Kasumi Goto didn't answer Shepard's exclamations of excitement and instead placed the tray down on the side of Shepard's desk, walking over to where the couch was in Shepard's cabin to sit down and fiddle with the cuffs of her sleeves in a way that most definitely was not Kasumi-like.

'_You don't need to ask for it,'_ Kasumi's dark eyes told the Cerberus operative once they flickered back into view again. '_Though if you hurt her, I'm going have to break every bone in your body.'_

Miranda didn't need to know every single thing the thief said to know what her eyes meant. It was almost insulting to think differently, it was Kasumi Goto for god's sake not some political figure.

"Hey Shep, why don't you break out a bottle and pour your famous two a glass?" Kasumi finally suggested, startling Miranda abruptly from her thoughts. "Cause if we're going to die then I want to go out in style."

Shepard took one glance at the master thief, shared a smile with her and then promptly burst out laughing with a shake of her head. "It's always going to be us three isn't it?"

Miranda didn't know what to say to that, all that she knew was that she had to say something: "You need someone to make sure you don't fall on your ass every time you screw up."

"And someone to sex you up frequently," Kasumi teased with a wink in Miranda's direction – another thing Miranda wasn't certain of.

"Funny." Shepard commented dryly, pouring only a small amount in three glasses and passing them around until each of them had one. "Now only a little sip, we don't want to defeat the Collectors by belching the ABC; that'd just be embarrassing."

Miranda rolled her eyes as she sipped her glass, "charming Song, completely charming."

"But completely worth it." Kasumi said with a feral grin, leaning back to take her own little sip of lambrini.

Song Shepard looked down at the two of her companions then, not just looked but _really looked_ as though she could stare into the very soul of Kasumi and Miranda if she tried hard enough.

Kasumi had been the fire to caress through her loins whenever Shepard had felt she couldn't go on, had cramped up or shied away from a danger that to be honest was probably nothing in comparison to the Reaper threat and well, Kasumi had always been there to help her; to help her understand or take another step forward.

It had always been Kasumi. And it most likely always would be.

Miranda was everything Shepard had ever wanted; she was strong, brave, fiercely devoted in what she believed in and was of course the most imperfect woman to ever walk into Song Shepard's life without a care in the world.

Shepard would have found it completely annoying if it wasn't for the fact that Miranda had saved her life more than once, had made her fall completely and stupidly in love with her and was the woman who had given Shepard a black eye for being stupid.

Seriously, how many women did you find like Miranda Lawson? Not many, if any at all!

'_If I had one wish in the world,'_ Shepard thought to herself, finishing off her drink with a loud smack of her lips to peer around at the now giggling Kasumi who seemed to be whispering something to the increasingly annoyed Miranda.

'_I would wish that I could live with these two at my side for the rest of my life.'_

* * *

><p><em>So yes, that is the end of Ramen and Cherry Lambrini. I had planned this story to end like this for a long while. First off I'd like to say THANK YOU to all the reviewers who have stuck by me and given me support and criticism. Cheers!<br>Second off I'd like to say that to any Kasumi/Shepard fans who are going 'HEY, WHAT ABOUT US?' then don't fret. Kasumi/Shepard will be on the way soon enough.  
>However there will be a sequel to this called 'Raw', though it most likely won't be KasumiShepard or Miranda/Shepard. You get a virtual high five from me if you can guess what the pairing will be.  
>This chapter is short yes, but this was the way I wanted it to end and if it became too long then I feel it would have lost impact. Either way, thanks again for sticking by me and supporting Ramen and Cherry Lambrini!<em>


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